Part Two - 03 (1)

The cushion was softer than I'd expected, and the seat in front, the one Josie was now in, was very close so I could hardly see at all in front of me, but I created no delay. I had no time to make detailed observations of the car's interior because I became aware that the uncomfortable atmosphere had returned. In the front, Josie was silent, looking away from the Mother beside her, gazing towards the house and Melania Housekeeper coming across the loose stones carrying the shapeless bag that contained, among other things, Josie's emergency medicines. The Mother had both hands on the steering wheel as though eager to set off, and her head was turned in the same direction as Josie's, but I could tell the Mother wasn't looking at Melania Housekeeper's approach, or at the house, but straight at Josie herself. The Mother's eyes had grown large, and because the Mother's face was especially thin and bony, the eyes appeared even larger than they were. Melania Housekeeper put the shapeless bag in the trunk and thumped down the lid. Then she opened the rear door on her side and slid into the seat next to mine. She said to me:

‘AF. Strap on belt. Or you get damaged.'

I was trying to understand the belt system, which I'd seen so many car passengers operating, when the Mother said:

‘You think you have me fooled, don't you, girl?'

There was a silence, then Josie asked: ‘What are you saying, Mom?'

‘You can't hide it. You're sick again.'

‘I'm not sick, Mom. I'm fine.'

‘Why do you do this to me, Josie? Always. Why does it have to be this way?'

‘I don't know what you're saying, Mom.'

‘You think I don't look forward to a trip like this? My one free day with my daughter. A daughter I happen to love very dearly, who tells me she's fine when she's really feeling sick?'

‘That's not true, Mom. I really am fine.'

But I could hear the change in Josie's voice. It was as if the effort she'd been making until this point had been abandoned, and she was suddenly exhausted.

‘Why do you pretend, Josie? You think it doesn't hurt me?'

‘Mom, I swear I'm fine. Please drive us. Klara's never been to a waterfall and she's so looking forward to it.'

‘Klara's looking forward to it?'

‘Mom, please.'

‘Melania,' the Mother said, ‘Josie needs assistance. Get out the car. Go round her side, please, and help her. She may fall if she tries to get out herself.'

There was silence again.

‘Melania? What's up back there? Are you sick too?'

‘Maybe Miss Josie make it.'

‘What's that?'

‘I help her. AF too. Miss Josie all right. Maybe.'

‘Let me get this right. Is this your assessment? That my daughter is well enough to spend the day out? At the falls? This gives me concern about you, Melania.'

Melania Housekeeper was silent, but still she didn't move.

‘Melania? Am I to understand you're refusing to get out to help Josie disembark?'

Melania Housekeeper was looking out between the front seats at the road ahead. Her face looked puzzled, like something further up the hill was hard to identify. Then suddenly she opened her door and got out.

‘Mom,' Josie said. ‘Please can we go? Please don't do this.'

‘Do you think I like this? Any of this? Okay, you're sick. That's not your fault. But not telling anyone. Keeping it to yourself this way, so we all get in the car, the whole day before us. That's not nice, Josie.'

‘It's not nice you telling me I'm sick when I'm easily strong enough…'

Melania Housekeeper opened the door beside Josie from the outside. Josie fell silent, then her face, full of sadness, looked round the edge of the car seat at me.

‘I'm sorry, Klara. We'll go another time. I promise. I'm really so sorry.'

‘It's all right,' I said. ‘We must do what's best for Josie.'

I was about to get out also, but then the Mother said:

‘Just a second, Klara. Like Josie says. You were looking forward to this. Well, why don't you stay right where you are?'

‘I'm sorry. I don't understand.'

‘Well, it's simple. Josie's too sick to go. She might have told us that earlier, but she chose not to. Okay, so she stays behind. Melania too. But no reason, Klara, why you and I can't still go.'

I couldn't see the Mother's face because the seat backs were high. But Josie's face was still peering round the edge of her seat at me. Her eyes had become dull, as if they no longer cared what they saw.

‘Okay, Melania,' the Mother said in a louder voice. ‘Help Josie out. Careful with her. She's sick, remember.'

‘Klara?' Josie said. ‘Are you really going with her to the falls?'

‘The Mother's suggestion is very kind,' I said. ‘But perhaps it would be best if this time…'

‘Hold on, Klara,' the Mother cut in. Then she said: ‘What is this, Josie? One moment you're concerned about Klara, how she's never seen a waterfall. Now you're trying to make her stay home?'

Josie went on looking at me, and Melania Housekeeper continued to stand outside the car, a hand held out for Josie to take. Finally Josie said:

‘Okay. Maybe you should go, Klara. You and Mom. What's the sense in the whole day getting spoiled just because…I'm sorry. Sorry I'm sick all the time. I don't know why…' I thought tears would come then, but she held them back and went on quietly: ‘Sorry, Mom. I really am. I must be such a downer. Klara, you go on. You'll love the waterfall.' Then her face disappeared from the edge of the seat.

For a second I was uncertain what to do. Both the Mother and Josie had now expressed the view that I should remain in the car and go on the outing. And I could see how likely it was, if I were to do so, that I would gain new, perhaps crucial insights concerning Josie's situation, and how I might best help her. And yet her sadness, as she walked back over the loose stones, was very clear. Her walk, now she had nothing to hide, was fragile, and she made no fuss about receiving Melania Housekeeper's support.

We watched Melania Housekeeper unlock the front door and the two of them go inside. Then the Mother started the car and we began to move.

—

Because it was my first time inside a car, I couldn't make a good estimate of our speed. It seemed to me the Mother drove unusually fast, and for a moment fear came into my mind, but I remembered she drove up the same hill every day, and so wasn't likely to cause dangers. I concentrated on the trees rushing by, and the large openings that would suddenly appear on one side then the other, through which I could see treetops from above. Then the road was no longer climbing, and the car crossed a large field, empty except for a barn in the far distance quite like the one visible from Josie's window.

Then the Mother spoke for the first time. Because she was driving, she didn't turn to me in the back, and if I hadn't been the only one present inside the vehicle, I might not have guessed she was addressing me.

‘They always do this. Toy with your feelings.' Then a moment later she said: ‘Maybe it looks like I'm being hard. But how else will they learn? They have to learn we have feelings too.' Then a while later: ‘Does she think I like being away from her, day after fucking day?'

There were now other cars, and unlike outside the store, they were traveling in both directions. One would appear in the far distance and come speeding towards us, but the drivers never made errors and always managed to miss us. Soon the scenes were changing so rapidly around me I had difficulty ordering them. At one stage a box became filled with the other cars, while the boxes immediately beside it filled with segments of road and surrounding field. I did my best to preserve the smooth line of the road as it moved from one box into the next, but with the view constantly changing, I decided this wasn't possible, and allowed the road to break and start afresh each time it crossed a border. Despite all these problems, the scope of the view and the hugeness of the sky were very exciting. The Sun was often behind clouds, but I sometimes saw his patterns falling right the way across a valley or sweep of land.

When the Mother next spoke, it was more obvious she was speaking to me.

‘It must be nice sometimes to have no feelings. I envy you.'

I considered this, then said: ‘I believe I have many feelings. The more I observe, the more feelings become available to me.'

She laughed unexpectedly, making me start. ‘In that case,' she said, ‘maybe you shouldn't be so keen to observe.' Then she added: ‘I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm sure you have all sorts of feelings.'

‘When Josie was unable to come with us just now, I felt sadness.'

‘You felt sadness. Okay.' She became silent, perhaps to concentrate on her driving and the cars coming in the opposite direction. Then she said: ‘There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought I was getting to feel less and less. A little less each day. I didn't know if I was happy about that or not. But now, lately, I seem to be getting overly sensitive to everything. Klara, look over to your left. You okay back there? Look way over to your left and tell me what you can see.'

We were crossing land that neither rose nor fell, and the sky was still very large. I saw flat fields, empty of barns or farm vehicles, stretching into the distance. But near the horizon was what appeared to be a town created entirely out of metal boxes.

‘You see it?' the Mother asked, not taking her own gaze from the road.

‘It's far away,' I said. ‘But I can see a kind of village. Perhaps the sort where cars or other such items are made.'

‘Not a bad guess. Actually that's a chemical plant, and a pretty cutting-edge one. Kimball Refrigeration. Though they haven't had anything to do with a refrigerator for decades. It was the reason why we first came out here. Josie's father was employed there.'

Although the metal boxes village remained distant, I could now make out tubes connecting one building to the next, and other tubes pointing up at the sky. Something about it reminded me of the awful Cootings Machine, and a concern came into my mind about Pollution. But just then the Mother said:

‘It's a good place. Clean energy in, clean energy out. Josie's father was once a rising star there.'

Then the metal boxes village was no longer visible, and I straightened in my seat again.

‘We get along fine now,' the Mother said. ‘You could almost say we're friends. That's a good thing for Josie, of course.'

‘I wonder, does the Father still work at the refrigeration village?'

‘What? Oh no. He was…substituted. Like all the rest of them. He was a brilliant talent. Still is, of course. We get along better now. That's the important thing for Josie.'

We traveled after that for some time without talking, the road now climbing steeply. Then the Mother slowed the car and we turned down a narrow road. When I next looked between the front seats, the new road appeared only slightly wider than the car itself. Before us, marked into the road's surface, were muddy parallel lines made by earlier wheels, and there were trees pressing in on us from both sides, like buildings in a city street. The Mother made the car continue down this narrow road, and though she drove more slowly, I wondered what would happen if another car came the other way. Then we turned another corner and came to a stop.