MA MEUF EST ACCRO À INSTA - Le Parfait Inconnu (avec Nino Arial) - YouTube MY|GIRLFRIEND|SHE IS|ADDICT|TO|INSTAGRAM|The|Perfect|Unknown|(with|Nino|Arial)|YouTube MEIN MEUF IST IN INSTA VERFALLEN - Der perfekte Unbekannte (mit Nino Arial) - YouTube MA MEUF EST ACCRO À INSTA - El perfecto desconocido (con Nino Arial) - YouTube MA MEUF EST ACCRO À INSTA - De perfecte onbekende (met Nino Arial) - YouTube 我的女孩对 INSTA 上瘾了 - 完美的陌生人（与 Nino Arial） - YouTube MY GIRLFRIEND IS ADDICTED TO INSTAGRAM - The Perfect Stranger (with Nino Arial) - YouTube

(Voix-off : Le plus gros défaut de ma meuf, ouais c'est elle... ) ||The|most|big|flaw|of|my|girlfriend|yeah|it's|her) (Voice-over: The biggest flaw of my girlfriend, yeah it's her... )

(... c'est qu'elle est accro à Instagram). it's|that she|she is|addicted|to|Instagram) (... is that she is addicted to Instagram).

Mais tu fais quoi là ! Je t'ai dit "portrait", pas "paysage". But|you|you do|what|there|I|I told you|said|portrait|not|landscape But what are you doing there! I told you "portrait", not "landscape".

- Retourne le téléphone. - Ah, oui. Turn it|the|phone|Ah|yes - Turn the phone around. - Oh, yes.

Pourquoi tu veux prendre une photo devant une haie, là ? Why|you|you want|to take|a|photo|in front of|a|hedge|there Why do you want to take a picture in front of a hedge, there?

Mais je te l'ai déjà dit. C'est ici que Kim Kardashian a fait sa dernière photo Insta. But|I|you|I have|already|said|It's|here|that|Kim|Kardashian|she has|taken|her|last|photo|Instagram But I already told you. This is where Kim Kardashian took her last Insta photo.

Du coup, on fait la même. So|we|we|we take|the|same So, we're doing the same.

(Mais ce qui me rassure, c'est qu'apparemment...) But|this|that|to me|it reassures|it's|that apparently (But what reassures me is that apparently...)

(... je suis loin d'être le seul mec qui doit affronter ça). I|I am|far|from being|the|only|guy|who|has to|to face|that (... I'm far from being the only guy who has to face this).

- Je suis bien ou pas ? - Quoi ? I|I am|well|or|not| - Am I good or not? - What?

- Flo, je suis bien ou pas ? - T'es bien. Flo|I|I am|well|or|not|You're|good - Flo, am I good or not? - You're good.

Bon moi, je suis déjà prêt, donc tu me rejoins ? Well|me|I|I am|already|ready|so|you|me|you join Well, I'm already ready, so are you joining me?

Ouais, ouais, t'inquiète. Je me change vite fait et j'arrive. Yeah|yeah|don't worry|I|myself|I change|quickly|done|and|I arrive Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'll change quickly and I'll be there.

Ok. Okay Okay.

P'tain, on voit pas assez mon cul. Damn|we|we see|not|enough|my|ass Damn, you can't see my ass enough.

Nickel. Great Great.

Hashtag Sport, hashtag fitness. Hashtag|Sport|hashtag|fitness Hashtag sport, hashtag fitness.

Hashtag motivation. Hashtag|motivation Hashtag motivation.

Allez chéri, on y va ? Let's go|darling|we|there|we go Come on darling, shall we go?

Ah non, non, moi je suis mort ! Oh|no|no|me|I|I am|dead Oh no, no, I'm dead!

Allez-allez, motivation ! ||motivation Come on, come on, motivation!

Ah non, non, pis même, il est déjà 18h là. Oh|no|no|and|even|it|it is|already|6 PM|there Oh no, no, and it's already 6 PM.

Quoi, déjà ? Ah merde, on va être en retard. What|already|Oh|shit|we|we are going|to be|in|late What, already? Oh crap, we're going to be late.

Hé ouais. Hey|yeah Oh yeah.

Attends, avant de partir, on fait juste une photo de moi qui fais des squats. Wait|before|to|to leave|we|we take|just|a|photo|of|me|who|I do|some|squats Wait, before we leave, let's just take a picture of me doing squats.

(Partout où on va, pour elle, si on ne prend pas de photo...) Everywhere|where|we|we go|for|her|if|we|not|we take||of|photo (Wherever we go, for her, if we don't take a picture...)

(... c'est comme si on n'y était jamais allés). it's|like|if|we|there|we had been|ever|gone (... it's like we were never there).

Anh, chéri, j'adore ici ! Anh, c'est trop beau ! Anh|darling|I love|here|Anh|it's|so|beautiful Oh, darling, I love it here! Oh, it's so beautiful!

- Viens on fait une photo. - Non mais on n'a pas le temps. Come|we|we take|a|photo|No|but|we|we have|not|the|time - Come on, let's take a picture. - No, but we don't have time.

Allez, ça prend 2 secondes, on fait juste une photo. Come on|it|it takes|seconds|we|we take|just|a|photo Come on, it takes 2 seconds, we'll just take a picture.

- P'tain tu fais chier, quoi ! - Vas-y, je me mets là. Damn|you|you make|annoying|what|||I|myself|I put|there - Damn, you're annoying! - Go ahead, I'll stand here.

- Voilà, nickel. - Montre. There|perfect|Show - There you go, perfect. - Show me.

- T'es bien dessus. - Montre. You're|good|on it|Show - You're looking good on it. - Show me.

Hé mais tu te fous de ma gueule ! Je suis horrible là-dessus ! Hey|but|you|yourself|you are messing|of|my|face|I|I am|horrible|| Hey, are you kidding me! I look terrible on that!

Mais non, t'es bien, t'es naturelle là. Allez on y va. But|no|you're|good|you're|natural|there|Come on|we|there|we go No, you look good, you're natural there. Come on, let's go.

Non, non, on la refait. On la refait, hein ! No|no|we|it|we redo|We|it|we redo|right No, no, let's do it again. Let's do it again, okay!

P'tain, t'es chiante hein ! Damn|you're|annoying|right Damn, you're annoying, huh!

- Vas-y, prends-moi d'en bas. - En bas, c'est-à-dire ? |||||below||||| - Go ahead, take me from below. - Below, as in?

Bah mets-toi assis. Non, tu sais quoi, couche-toi carrément. Well|||seated|No|you|you know|what|||completely Well, sit down. No, you know what, just lie down completely.

Pourquoi tu veux que je me couche ? Why|you|you want|that|I|myself|I lie down Why do you want me to lie down?

Comme ça on arrive à prendre la valise avec moi. Like|that|we|we manage|to|to take|the|suitcase|with|me So we can take the suitcase with me.

Tu fais quoi là ? You|you do|what|there What are you doing there?

Bah je fais la meuf pressée, comme si on allait rater le train. Well|I|I am|the|girl|in a hurry|as|if|we|we were going|to miss|the|train Well, I'm acting like I'm in a hurry, as if we're going to miss the train.

- Bah oui on va rater le train. - Hé non, non, tu fais quoi ? Well|yes|we|we are going|to miss|the|train|Hey|no||you|you are doing|what - Well yes, we're going to miss the train. - Hey no, no, what are you doing?

Recouche-toi, je disais ça pour la photo. ||I|I was saying|that|for|the|photo Go back to bed, I was saying that for the photo.

Nickel. Allez on y va ! Go, go, go ! Great|Let's go|we|there|we go|Go|go| Perfect. Come on, let's go! Go, go, go!

- Dépêche-toi, on va rater le train ! - Bah oui... ||we|we are going|to miss|the|train|Well|yes - Hurry up, we're going to miss the train! - Well yes...

Allez, qu'est-ce tu fais ? Motivation ! Come on|||you|you do|Motivation Come on, what are you doing? Motivation!

Allez, arrêtez-vous ! Come on|| Come on, stop!

Et voilà avec tes conneries ! And|here|with|your|nonsense And there you go with your nonsense!

On l'a raté le p'tain de train, là ! We|we have|missed|the|damn|of|train|there We missed the damn train, there!

Ah bah là, ta photo elle est réussie ! Oh|well|there|your|photo|it|it is|successful Oh well, your photo is successful!

C'est toi qui prends les valises ! It's|you|who|you take|the|suitcases You're the one carrying the bags!

- Tiens ça. - Qu'est-ce tu fais ? Here|that|||you|you do - Here you go. - What are you doing?

Bah j'ai pas fait de photo aujourd'hui, faut qu'on fasse une photo. Well|I have|not|taken|any|photo|today|we need|that we|we take|a|photo Well, I didn't take a photo today, we need to take a photo.

Ah oui d'accord. Oh|yes|okay Oh yes, okay.

- Donc tu fais des photos tous les jours ? - Bah oui ! So|you|you take|some|photos|all|the|days|Well| - So you take photos every day? - Well, yes!

Non mais j'hallucine, t'as pas liké ma dernière photo. No|but|I'm hallucinating|you have|not|liked|my|last|photo No, but I'm hallucinating, you didn't like my last photo.

Bah non, je vais pas liker toutes tes photos. Well|no|I|I will|not|to like|all|your|photos Well no, I'm not going to like all your photos.

Euh si. Tu likes toutes mes photos. C'est ça l'amour. Uh|yes|you|you like|all|my|photos|It's|that|love Uh, yes. You like all my photos. That's love.

Vas-y, tu sais quoi, on fait la photo. ||you|you know|what|we|we take|the|photo Go ahead, you know what, let's take the photo.

- Bah vas-y, fais-la ta photo. - Non, tu la fais avec moi. Well|||you take||||||||with|me - Well go on, take your photo. - No, you take it with me.

- Et souris ! - Bah je souris là. And|smile|Well|I|I smile|there - And smile! - Well, I'm smiling right now.

- Arrête avec ta gueule de con et souris ! - Oh, tu vas te calmer là. Stop|with|your|face|of|idiot|and|smile|Oh|you|you are going|yourself|to calm|there - Stop with your stupid face and smile! - Oh, you need to calm down.

Non tu fais la photo correctement ! Souris ! No|you|you take|the|photo|correctly|Smile No, take the photo properly! Smile!

Ah bah là, au moins, on a l'air amoureux. Ah|well|there|at|least|we|we have|the look|in love Well, at least we look in love.

Hashtag Love. Hashtag|Love Hashtag Love.

Hashtag mon mec parfait. Hashtag|my|guy|perfect Hashtag my perfect guy.

Hashtag pour la vie. Hashtag|for|the|life Hashtag for life.

- T'as un mec parfait ? Ah ah. - Ouais, ouais, c'est ça, ta gueule ! You have|a|guy|perfect|Ah|ah|Yeah|yeah|it's|that|your|mouth - Do you have a perfect guy? Haha. - Yeah, yeah, that's right, shut up!

C'est pour la photo. Et d'ailleurs, ce soir, tu dors sur le canap'. It's|for|the|photo|And|by the way|this|evening|you|you sleep|on|the|couch It's for the photo. And by the way, tonight, you're sleeping on the couch.

(Bon ok, je suis amoureux d'elle). Well|okay|I|I am|in love|with her (Okay, I'm in love with her).

(Mais sincérement, depuis qu'elle s'est inscrite sur Insta... ) But|honestly|since|that she|she has|signed up|on|Instagram (But honestly, since she signed up on Insta... )

(... elle est de plus en plus reloue). she|she is|of|more|in|more|annoying (... she's becoming more and more annoying).

J'ai faim. I have|hunger I'm hungry.

Oui bah attends. 2 secondes. Je fais une photo Yes|well|wait|seconds|I|I take|a|photo Yeah, wait a second. I'm taking a photo.

P'tain, ça va pas du tout la lumière ici. Damn|it|it goes|not|of the|all|the|light|here Damn, the lighting here is terrible.

Bon, tu sais quoi, je la prends. Je mettrai un filtre, tant pis. Well|you|you know|what|I|it|I take|I|I will put|a|filter|so|be it Well, you know what, I'm taking it. I'll put a filter on it, never mind. Tu as écrit quoi là ? You|you have|written|what|there What did you write there?

- Bah je mets une citation. - Pourquoi t'as fait ça ? Well|I|I put|a|quote|Why|you have|done|that - Well, I'm putting a quote. - Why did you do that?

Bah, tout le monde met des citations sur les photos Instagram. Well|all|the|world|we put|some|quotes|on|the|photos|Instagram Well, everyone puts quotes on Instagram photos.

Ça rend les photos bcp plus stylées. Alors du coup, je fais pareil. It|it makes|the|photos|much|more|stylish|So|of the|result|I|I do|the same It makes the photos a lot cooler. So I do the same.

Ok. Donc tu viens de citer Marcel Proust pour une salade ? Ok|So|you|you come|to|to quote|Marcel|Proust|for|a|salad Okay. So you just quoted Marcel Proust for a salad?

- Oui. - À mon avis, il aurait été super fier de ça. Yes|In|my|opinion|he|he would have|been|really|proud|of|that - Yes. - In my opinion, he would have been really proud of that.

- Tu te fous de ma gueule là ? - Un peu. You|yourself|you are messing|of|my|face|there|A|little - Are you kidding me? - A little.

- C'est bon ? - Oui. It's|good| - Is it good? - Yes.

Hé, tu fais quoi ? Hé mais non, c'est mon Chardonnay ça ! Hey|you|you do|what|Hey|but|no|it's|my|Chardonnay|that Hey, what are you doing? Hey, no, that's my Chardonnay!

Oh, ça va ! Oh|it|it's going Oh, that's fine!

T'as ta pinte de Picon je-sais-pas-quoi là. You have|your|pint|of|Picon|||||there You've got your pint of Picon I-don't-know-what there.

Hmmm. Trop bon ! Hmmm|So|good Hmmm. So good!

Ouais, la photo sur la salade, elle marche super bien. Yeah|the|photo|on|the|salad|it|it works|super|well Yeah, the photo on the salad works really well.

Oui, je te confirme, elle est délicieuse. Yes|I|to you|I confirm|it|it is|delicious Yes, I confirm, it is delicious.

Chérie ? Darling Honey?

Chérie ! Darling Honey!

Quoi ? What What?

Non je sais pas, je te voyais un peu... No|I|I know|not|I|you|I was seeing|a|little No, I don't know, I saw you a bit...

Je sais pas ce qu'ils mettent dans leur salade là-dedans mais... I|I know|not|that|that they|they put|in|their|salad|||but I don't know what they put in their salad in there but...

- Je suis pas loin des 10 000 abonnés ! - Ah et 10 000 c'est bien, ou... ? I|I am|not|far|from the|subscribers|Ah|and|it's|good|or - I'm not far from 10,000 subscribers! - Oh and 10,000 is good, or...?

Mais tu te fous de ma gueule ! But|you|yourself|you are making|of|my|face But you're kidding me!

Ça fait des mois que 10 000 c'est mon objectif au quotidien ! It|it has been|some|months|that|it's|my|goal|on|daily It's been months that 10,000 is my daily goal!

Et tu me demandes si c'est bien 10 000 ! And|you|me|you ask|if|it's|good And you ask me if 10,000 is good!

Oui, non, mais je sais que c'est bien. Non mais... Félicitations ! Yes|no|but|I|I know|that|it's|good|No|but|Congratulations Yes, no, but I know it's good. No but... Congratulations!

9 997... 9 998... 9,997... 9,998...

9 999... 9,999...

10 000 ! 10,000!

Aaaaah ! Aaaaah Aaaaah!

Vous avez vu ? You|you have|seen Did you see?

Chérie ?! Darling Honey?!

Qu'est-ce qui se passe ? What's going on?

Ah, vous êtes le mec de la salade... Vous avez trouvé le cafard ? Ah|you|you are|the|guy|of|the|salad|You|you have|found|the|cockroach Oh, you're the salad guy... Did you find the cockroach?

Mais non, je... De quoi ? But|no|I|Of|what No, I... What?

Je vous jure, je l'ai vu rentrer ce petit salopard. I|you|I swear|I|I have it|seen|to come back|this|little|bastard I swear, I saw that little bastard come in.

J'ai tout fouillé et j'ai rien trouvé. I have|everything|searched|and|I have|nothing|found I searched everywhere and found nothing.

Ne le dites pas, je vais me faire virer. Not|it|say|not|I|I am going to|myself|to get|fired Don't say anything, I'm going to get fired.

Mais non, ça n'a rien à voir. Ma copine a disparu, tu vois. But|no|it|it has|nothing|to|to do|My|girlfriend|she has|disappeared|you|you see But no, it has nothing to do with that. My girlfriend has disappeared, you see.

Ah ok, je comprends. Tu t'es fait larguer comme une grosse merde. Ah|okay|I|I understand|You|you are|made|dumped|like|a|big|shit Ah ok, I understand. You got dumped like a piece of trash.

On est dans la même Team frérot. We|we are|in|the|same|Team|bro We're on the same team, bro.

La meilleure des techniques, c'est de faire croire qu'on en a rien à foutre. The|best|of the|techniques|it's|to|to make|to believe|that we|it|we have|nothing|to|to care The best technique is to make them believe you don't care at all.

Ça, ça marche avec les meufs. That|it|it works|with|the|girls That works with girls.

La mienne elle m'a largué il y a à peine 3 ans. The|mine|she|to me|dumped|it|there|has|at|barely|years Mine dumped me just barely 3 years ago.

Elle va revenir, c'est sûr. She|she is going to|to come back|it's|sure She will come back, that's for sure.

Mais c'est quoi ce bordel ? But|it's|what|this|mess But what the hell is this?

- Oh bah tiens, justement. - Non, tu lui écris pas. Oh|well|here|just|No|you|to her|you write|not - Oh well, look at that. - No, you are not writing to her.

On est censés s'en battre les couilles. We|we are|supposed|about it|to beat|the|balls We are supposed to not give a damn.

Tu lui écriras quand tu seras complétement bourré. You|to him|you will write|when|you|you will be|completely|drunk You'll write to him when you're completely drunk.

C'est beaucoup plus simple, t'as plus d'imagination. It's|much|more|simple|you have|more|of imagination It's much simpler, you have no more imagination.

T'es complétement taré comme gars ! T'es complétement taré. You're|completely|crazy|like|guy|You're|completely|crazy You're completely crazy, man! You're completely crazy.

Oh, il fait quoi ? Oh, il part sans payer. Oh|he|he is doing|what|Oh|he|he leaves|without|to pay Oh, what is he doing? Oh, he's leaving without paying.

Heureusement que t'avais un cafard dans ton assiette hein ! Fortunately|that|you had|a|cockroach|in|your|plate|right Good thing you had a cockroach on your plate, huh!

Je déconne messieurs dames. Pas de cafard dans l'assiette. I|I'm joking|gentlemen|ladies|Not|any|cockroach|in|the plate Just kidding, ladies and gentlemen. No cockroach on the plate.

Il n'y en a plus. Bon appétit. It|there|any|there is|more|Good|appetite There aren't any left. Enjoy your meal.

Chérie, ça va ? Darling|it|are you Honey, are you okay?

Mais je suis où, là ? But|I|I am|where|there But where am I, right now?

Bah t'es coincée dans ton téléphone, sur Instagram. Well|you're|stuck|in|your|phone|on|Instagram Well, you're stuck in your phone, on Instagram.

Comment ça marche ça ? How|it|it works|that How does this work?

Aaaaah ! Aaaaah Aaaaah !

Oh, on peut être sur les photos des gens. Oh|we|we can|to be|on|the|photos|of|people Oh, we can be in people's photos.

- Oh non, pas elle ! P'tain, non ! - Pourquoi ? C'est qui ? Oh|no|not|her|Damn|no|Why|It's|who - Oh no, not her! Damn, no! - Why? Who is she?

Mais c'est le genre de meuf qui poste tout le temps des photos d'elle... But|it's|the|kind|of|girl|who|she posts|all|the|time|of|photos|of her But she's the type of girl who always posts photos of herself...

... en vacances, entre copines, na-na-na ! Bref, je la déteste ! on|holidays|among|girlfriends||||Anyway|I|her|I hate ... on vacation, with friends, na-na-na! Anyway, I hate her!

Pourquoi tu la suis si tu l'aimes pas ? Why|you|her|I follow|if|you|you like|not Why do you follow her if you don't like her?

Bah, pour regarder tout ce qu'elle fait cette p*tasse ! Well|to|to watch|everything|that|that she|she does|this|| Well, to see everything that this b*tch does!

Waouh ! Wow Wow!

Ah, ça fait du bien ! Ah ! Ah|it|it feels|some|good|Ah Ah, that feels good! Ah!

Comment on pourrait te sortir de là ? How|we|we could|you|to get out|of|there How could we get you out of there?

Aaaaah ! Aaaaah Aaaaah!

Hé mais arrête de me secouer. Tu me donnes envie de vomir. Hey|but|stop|from|me|shaking|You|me|you give|urge|to|to vomit Hey, stop shaking me. You're making me feel like throwing up.

Oups, pardon. Oops|sorry Oops, sorry.

Hmm, sympa cette photo. Hmm|nice|this|photo Hmm, nice photo.

Euh, je peux savoir c'est qui lui ? Uh|I|I can|to know|it's|who|him Uh, can I know who he is?

C'est un gars que je suis parce qu'il montre comment... It's|a|guy|that|I|I follow|because|that he|he shows|how He's a guy I follow because he shows how...

... faire correctement des mouvements de fitness. to do|correctly|some|movements|of|fitness ... to correctly perform fitness movements.

Ok. Et là, il montre quoi ? Comment on croise les bras sans se blesser ? Ok|And|there|he|he shows|what|How|we|we cross|the|arms|without|ourselves|to injure Okay. And what is he showing now? How to cross your arms without getting hurt?

Alors comme ça mon petit Monsieur il est jaloux ? So|like|that|my|little|Sir|he|he is|jealous So, my little Mister is jealous like that?

Bon, j'avoue qu'il a des jolis pecs. Well|I admit|that he|he has|some|nice|pecs Well, I admit he has nice pecs.

Merci. Thank you Thank you.

Ah vous êtes vivant ! Ah|you|you are|alive Ah, you are alive!

Ah ! Mais il est où ? Ah|But|it|it is|where Ah! But where is he?

- Et voilà, je t'ai désabonnée de ce gars. - Oh c'est mimi. And|there you go|I|I have|unsubscribed|from|this|guy|Oh|it's|cute - And there you go, I unsubscribed you from that guy. - Oh, that's sweet.

Non, plus sérieusement chérie. No|more|seriously|darling No, more seriously darling.

T'es coincée dans ton téléphone parce que t'es accro à tout ça. You're|stuck|in|your|phone|because|that|you're|addicted|to|all|that You're stuck on your phone because you're addicted to all of this.

Je pense qu'il faut supprimer ton compte et que... I|I think|that it|we must|to delete|your|account|and|that I think you need to delete your account and that...

Quoi ? Me supprimer mon compte ? Mais ça va pas ou quoi ?! What|My|to delete|my|account|But|that|it goes|not|or|what What? Delete my account? Are you out of your mind?!

Mais si, mais si, il faut le faire. Tu me laisses pas le choix. But|if|||it|we must|it|to do|You|me|you leave|not|the|choice But yes, but yes, we have to do it. You’re not leaving me a choice.

Ah non, hein ! Ah|no|right Oh no, come on!

- Non, non, non. - Mais arrête tes conneries ! No|no|no|But|stop|your|nonsense - No, no, no. - But stop your nonsense!

Et bah tu sais quoi ? Va te faire ! And|well|you|you know|what|Go|yourself|to do Well, you know what? Go to hell!

Chérie arrête de faire ta gamine, sérieux là. Oh ! Chérie ! Darling|stop|from|being|your|childish|seriously|there|Oh| Honey, stop acting like a kid, seriously. Oh! Honey!

Alors Mr Speroni, qu'est-ce qui vous amène aujourd'hui ? So|Mr|Speroni|||that|you|brings|today So Mr. Speroni, what brings you here today?

(Chuchote) En fait, ma copine elle est accro, mais vraiment accro, à Instagram. (Whispers)|In|fact|my|girlfriend|she|she is|addicted|but|really|addicted|to|Instagram (Whispers) Actually, my girlfriend is addicted, like really addicted, to Instagram.

J'ai tout fait, mais vraiment tout fait, pour lui faire supprimer son compte. I have|everything|done|but|really|everything|done|to|her|to make|to delete|her|account I've done everything, like really everything, to make her delete her account.

Mais moi, elle veut pas m'écouter. J'ai besoin de vous. But|me|her|she wants|not|to listen to me|I have|need|of|you But she doesn't want to listen to me. I need you.

Euh, la question que je me pose c'est "pourquoi vous chuchotez ?" Um|the|question|that|I|myself|I ask|it's|why|you|you whisper Uh, the question I'm asking myself is "why are you whispering?"

Ah oui. Non mais je chuchote parce qu'elle est là, à coté de nous. Ah|yes|No|but|I|I whisper|because|that she|she is|there|at|side|of|us Oh yes. No, I'm whispering because she's here, next to us.

Elle est à coté de nous là ? She|she is|at|side|of|us|there She's next to us right now?

Aaaah, oui ! Aaaah|yes Aaaah, yes!

Oui, oui, moi aussi je la vois. Oui effectivement, oui. Yes|yes|me|also|I|it|I see|Yes|indeed|yes Yes, yes, I see it too. Yes indeed, yes.

Vous arrivez à la voir de là où vous êtes ? Non mais comment vous faites ? You|you arrive|to|it|to see|from|there|where|you|you are|No|but|how|you|you do Can you see it from where you are? No, but how do you do it?

Je comprends pas, même moi je ne la vois pas là. I|I understand|not|even|me|I|not|it|I see|not|there I don't understand, I can't see it either.

Ah non, mais vous comprenez pas en fait. Oh|no|but|you|you understand|not|in|fact Oh no, but you don't understand actually.

Elle s'est fait aspirer par le téléphone. Regardez. She|herself|made|to be sucked|by|the|phone|Look She got sucked in by the phone. Look.

Ah bonjour ! Joli moustache ! Oh|hello|Nice|mustache Oh hello! Nice mustache!

Mais, c'est Skype ça. But|it's|Skype|that But, that's Skype.

Mais non c'est pas Skype, c'est Instagram ! But|no|it's|not|Skype|it's|Instagram But no, it's not Skype, it's Instagram!

Ah donc vous vous foutez de moi en fait. C'est une caméra cachée, c'est ça ? Ah|so|you|you|you are messing|with|me|in|fact|It's|a|camera|hidden|it's|that Oh, so you're messing with me, right? It's a hidden camera, isn't it?

- Vous êtes abonné à ma page ? - Non je suis pas abonné, non ! You|you are|subscribed|to|my|page|No|I|I am|not|subscribed|no - Are you subscribed to my page? - No, I'm not subscribed, no!

Vos vidéos je les connais. Mais je suis pas abonné à vos vidéos. Your|videos|I|them|I know|But|I|I am|not|subscribed|to|your|videos I know your videos. But I'm not subscribed to your videos.

Bon écoutez, vous allez prendre la porte, et puis vous quittez mon cabinet. Well|listen|you|you will|to take|the|door|and|then|you|you leave|my|office Well listen, you are going to take the door, and then you leave my office.

J'ai des clients ! Euh, des "patients", merde. I have|some|clients|Uh|some|patients|shit I have clients! Uh, "patients", damn.

Par contre, attendez. C'est pas gratuit. Donc c'est 55 € la consultation. For|on the other hand|wait|It's|not|free|So|it's|the|consultation However, wait. It's not free. So it's 55 € for the consultation.

Ouais bah vous savez où vous pouvez vous les mettre les 55 € ? Yeah|well|you|you know|where|you|you can|yourselves|them|to put|the Yeah well you know where you can stick the 55 €?

Hmm, hmm ? Hmm| Hmm, hmm?

Dans votre TPE, vous avez ça ? Je paye par carte. In|your|TPE|you|you have|that|I|I pay|by|card In your card terminal, do you have that? I pay by card.

(Après ce psy, je suis allé voir un hypnotiseur, un marabout... ) After|that|therapist|I|I am|gone|to see|a|hypnotist|a|sorcerer (After this therapist, I went to see a hypnotist, a witch doctor...)

(... et même un exorciste. Ils m'ont tous répondu que j'étais un gros taré). and|even|a|exorcist|They|they have|all|answered|that|I was|a|big|crazy (... and even an exorcist. They all told me that I was a big weirdo).

(Ma dernière chance, c'est lui. Un mec euh... bizarre !) My|last|chance|it's|him|a|guy|uh|strange (My last chance is him. A guy, uh... weird!)

Waouh, en tout cas c'est vachement beau chez toi. Wow|in|all|cases|it's|really|beautiful|at|you Wow, in any case, it's really beautiful at your place.

C'est vrai, ça te plait ? It's|true|that|you|you like Is it true, do you like it?

Merci. Thank you Thank you.

Ok. Ok Ok.

Mais euh... tu t'appelles vraiment Nino ? But|uh|you|you call yourself|really|Nino But uh... is your name really Nino?

Oui, Nino. N, i, n, o. Yes|Nino|N|i|n|o Yes, Nino. N, i, n, o.

D'accord. Parce que j'ai trouvé ton nom sur le Dark Web. Okay|Because|that|I have|found|your|name|on|the|Dark|Web Alright. Because I found your name on the Dark Web.

Mais c'était marqué que t'étais un génie. But|it was|marked|that|you were|a|genius But it was written that you were a genius.

Oui, c'est vrai. Non, c'est pas vrai. Yes|it's|true|No|it's|not|true Yes, that's true. No, that's not true.

Si, si, si, je suis un génie. De temps en temps, je sais pas. Yes|yes|yes|I|I am|a|genius|From|time|in|time|I|I know|not Yes, yes, yes, I am a genius. Sometimes, I don't know.

C'est maman qui a dit ça. It's|mom|who|she has|said|that It's mom who said that.

(Son lointain) Hé, Nino. Viens dégonfler ta poupée ! |||Nino|Come|to deflate|your|doll (His distant voice) Hey, Nino. Come deflate your doll!

Elle prend trop de place dans le salon ! She|takes|too much|of|space|in|the|living room It's taking up too much space in the living room!

TA GUEULE MAMAN ! JE SUIS AVEC UN COPAIN ! YOUR|MOUTH|MOM|I|I AM|WITH|A|FRIEND SHUT UP MOM! I'M WITH A FRIEND!

C'était maman. It was|mom It was mom.

Ah, ah, elle a l'air sympa ta mère. Ah|ah|she|she has|the look|nice|your|mother Ah, ah, your mother seems nice.

En tout cas, je vois que t'aimes la nouvelle technologie. In|all|cases|I|I see|that|you like|the|new|technology In any case, I see that you like new technology.

Oui, hi, hi ! Yes|hi|hi Yes, hee hee!

- Non mais c'est ironique. - Ah, pardon. No|but|it's|ironic|Ah|sorry - No, but that's ironic. - Oh, sorry.

Parce que, c'est quoi ça ? C'est le dernier Mac ? Because|that|it's|what|that|It's|the|latest|Mac Because, what is that? Is it the latest Mac?

Iphone 18 ! Je l'ai customisé ! iPhone|I|I have it|customized Iphone 18! I customized it!

Iphone, ah ah ! Genre, c'est un téléphone ça ? iPhone|ah|ah|Like|it's|a|phone|that Iphone, ha ha! Like, is that a phone?

Tu peux même appeler la Lune! Ah ah ! You|you can|even|to call|the|Moon|Ah|ah You can even call the Moon! Ha ha!

Euh, tu te déplaces comment avec ? Tu le mets dans ta poche ? Uh|you|yourself|you move|how|with|you|it|you put|in|your|pocket Uh, how do you move around with it? Do you put it in your pocket?

Euh, non, ça j'ai pas encore réussi à régler ce problème. Uh|no|that|I have|not|yet|managed|to|to solve|this|problem Uh, no, I haven't managed to solve that problem yet.

En fait à la base, je venais pour sortir ma copine de son téléphone mais je pense... In|fact|at|the|base|I|I was coming|to|to get out|my|girlfriend|from|her|phone|but|I|I think Actually, originally, I came to get my girlfriend off her phone but I think...

- Donne-moi ça ! - Waouh ! ||that|Wow - Give me that! - Wow!

Ça a l'air totalement normal que tu sniffes son téléphone. It|it has|the appearance|totally|normal|that|you|you sniff|her|phone It seems totally normal that you sniff her phone.

- Aaaah, elle est là-dedans la princesse ? - Ouais. Aaaah|she|she is|||the|princess|Yeah - Aaaah, is the princess in there? - Yeah.

Super, on va la sortir de là. Great|we|we are going to|her|to get out|from|there Great, we're going to get her out of there.

Tiens-moi ça, et ça. ||that|and|that Hold this for me, and this.

Au dessus de ta tête les bras. Above|above|of|your|head|the|arms Above your head, the arms.

- Comme ça ? - Plus haut. Like|that|Higher|high - Like this? - Higher.

- Plus haut ? - Encore. Higher|high|Again - Higher? - Again.

- Parfait. - C'est pour les ondes ? Perfect|It's|for|the|waves - Perfect. - Is it for the waves?

Non, c'est juste genre, pour que t'aies l'air con. Ah ah ! No|it's|just|like|so that|that|you have|the look|stupid|Ah|ha No, it's just like, so you look stupid. Ha ha!

Ça me distrait ! It|to me|it distracts It distracts me!

Attends, attends. Est-ce que je peux au moins juste te demander un petit truc ? Wait|wait|||that|I|I can|at the|least|just|to you|to ask|a|small|thing Wait, wait. Can I at least just ask you a little thing?

- Ouais. - Juste un petit truc. Yeah|Just|a|small|thing - Yeah. - Just a little thing.

- Est-ce que tu peux ne pas la buter stp ? - Ah... ||that|you|you can|not||it|to kill|please|Ah - Can you not kill her please? - Ah...

- On va baisser un petit peu alors. - Tu changes les réglages ? We|we go|to lower|a|little|bit|then|You|you change|the|settings - Let's lower it a little then. - Are you changing the settings?

Normalement là, c'est bon. Normally|there|it's|good Normally, it should be fine now.

Peut-être qu'elle n'aura plus les jambes. Mais le reste sera là. ||that it|it will have|anymore|the|legs|But|the|rest|it will be|there Maybe she won't have legs anymore. But the rest will be there.

Allez, on y va. Let's go|we|there|we go Come on, let's go.

(Euh, c'est qui lui ?) Um|it's|who|him (Uh, who is he?)

(Euh, Monsieur, vous me faites peur là). Um|Sir|you|me|you make|fear|there (Uh, Sir, you're scaring me there).

- Chérie ? - Chérie... Darling| - Honey? - Honey...

(Oui) (Yes) (Yes)

- Ah bah, elle est là. - Mais non elle n'est pas là. Ah|well|she|is|there|But|no|she|is not|not|there - Oh well, she is here. - But no, she is not here.

- (Bah si, je suis là). - Ah bah si, elle est là. Well|yes|I|I am|there|Ah|well|yes|she|is|there - (Well yes, I am here). - Oh well yes, she is here.

Oh p'tain, chérie. Ça a marché, t'as réussi ! Oh|damn|darling|It|it has|worked|you have|succeeded Oh damn, darling. It worked, you did it!

Oh, oh. Oh|oh Oh, oh.

Bonjour. Hello Hello.

What the f... What|the|f What the f...

Oh ! Oh Oh!

Mais on est où là ? But|we|we are|where|there But where are we?

Bah on est chez moi ! Ah ah ! Well|we|we are|at|my|Ah|ha Well, we are at my place! Ha ha!

En fait, c'est mes abonnés. In|fact|it's|my|subscribers Actually, these are my subscribers.

Waouh ! Wow Wow!

Oh non, pas lui. Oh|no|not|him Oh no, not him.

Oh la, la. Ça me fait trop plaisir de te rencontrer en vrai ! Oh|the|the|It|me|it makes|so much|pleasure|to|you|to meet|in|real Oh la, la. I'm so happy to meet you in person!

Je like toutes tes photos, je les commente même 3 fois. I|I like|all|your|photos|I|them|I comment|even|times I like all your photos, I even comment on them 3 times.

Je peux te toucher ? I|I can|you|to touch Can I touch you?

Moi aussi ça me fait trop plaisir de.... (Bruit de foule). Me|also|it|to me|it makes|too|pleasure|to||| I am also very happy to.... (Crowd noise).

Oh, oh, attendez, attendez ! Oh|oh|wait| Oh, oh, wait, wait!

Il y a un Iphone 18 là-bas ! There|there|there is|a|iPhone|| There is an iPhone 18 over there!

Hé Justine ! Reviens ! Hey|Justine|Come back Hey Justine! Come back!

SUPPRIME TON COMPTE ! DELETE|YOUR|ACCOUNT DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT!

TU CROIS ? YOU|YOU BELIEVE YOU THINK?

MAIS QU'EST-CE QUI TE FAUT DE PLUS ? BUT|||THAT|YOU|YOU NEED|OF|MORE BUT WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?

(Boom) (Boom) (Boom)

Oh, tu vois, ça a marché ! Oh|you|you see|it|it has|worked Oh, you see, it worked!

Tu me diras, il reste un abonné. C'est bizarre ça. You|to me|you will tell|it|remains|one|subscriber|It's|strange|that You'll tell me, there's one subscriber left. That's strange.

Ah moi, je suis abonné à personne moi. J'ai vu des gens courir, donc j'ai couru. Ah|me|I|I am|subscribed|to|anyone|me|I have|seen|some|people|to run|so|I have|run Ah me, I'm not subscribed to anyone. I saw people running, so I ran.

Oh, je comprends pas comment j'ai fait ça. Oh|I|I understand|not|how|I have|done|that Oh, I don't understand how I did that.

J'arrive à faire sortir des gens d'un téléphone. I manage|to|to make|to get out|some|people|from a|phone I can get people out of a phone.

Mais attends ! Est-ce que ça veut dire que... But|wait|||that|||| But wait! Does that mean that...

Maman, tu me laisses tranquille pendant au moins 5 mi-... 2 minutes. T'as compris ! Mom|you|me|you let|alone|for|at least|less||minutes|You have|understood Mom, can you leave me alone for at least 5 mi-... 2 minutes. You got it!

On y va ! We|there|we go Let's go!

- Hmm, salut beau gosse. On est où là ? - On est chez moi. |hi|handsome|kid|We|we are|where|there|We|we are|at|me - Hmm, hello handsome. Where are we? - We're at my place.

- J'avoue que c'était une sacrée aventure. - Oh oui ! |that|it was|a|hell of a|adventure|Oh|yes - I admit it was quite an adventure. - Oh yes!

- Je t'ai préparé un petit cadeau. - Un cadeau... ? |I have|prepared|a|small|gift|A|gift - I prepared a little gift for you. - A gift...?

- Ouais, vas-y, ouvre le. - Ok. |||open|it|Ok - Yeah, go ahead, open it. - Okay.

Bon ok, je sais ce que t'es en train de te dire. Well|okay|I|I know|what|that|you're|in|the process|of|yourself|to say Okay, I know what you're thinking.

C'est pas aussi bien que ton téléphone d'avant. It's|not|as|good|as|your|phone|from before It's not as good as your previous phone.

Mais l'avantage, c'est que t'as pas accès à Internet avec ça. But|the advantage|it's|that|you have|not|access|to|Internet|with|that But the advantage is that you don't have internet access with this.

Donc tu ne seras plus jamais accro aux réseaux sociaux. So|you|not|you will be|anymore|ever|addicted|to the|networks|social So you'll never be addicted to social media again.

Ouais, c'est vrai. Non, c'est vrai, t'as raison. Yeah|it's|true|No|||you have|right Yeah, that's true. No, it's true, you're right.

Et je suis sûr que ça te permettra d'ouvrir les yeux sur le monde qui t'entoure... And|I|I am|sure|that|it|you|it will allow|to open|the|eyes|on|the|world|that|surrounds you And I'm sure it will help you open your eyes to the world around you...

... et sur tes proches. and|on|your|loved ones ... and to your loved ones.

Merci beaucoup chéri. Thank you|very much|darling Thank you so much, darling.

- C'est vrai, ça te plait ? - Ouais, merci. It's|true|that|you|you like|Yeah|thank you - Is that true, do you like it? - Yeah, thanks.

Petite bouteille de champagne pour fêter ça ? Small|bottle|of|champagne|to|to celebrate|that Small bottle of champagne to celebrate that?

- Allons-y. - Yeah. ||Yeah - Let's go. - Yeah.

Un Nokia 3310. "Merci chéri..." A|Nokia|Thank you|darling A Nokia 3310. "Thank you, darling..."

Oh, le jeu du Serpent. C'était génial ça ! Oh|the|game|of the|Snake|It was|great|that Oh, the Snake game. That was great!

Et là, je nous sors la meilleure bouteille de... Aaaah ! And|there|I|us|I bring out|the|best|bottle|of|Aaaah And now, I'm bringing out the best bottle of... Aaaah!

Désolé chéri, j'ai de nouveau craqué. Sorry|darling|I have|of|again|cracked Sorry darling, I cracked again.