The Terror of a 'No'
There are many things, we want to ask of other people
we want to ask for a job
for money, a chance to collaborate, a kiss
but, generally we don't ask
because of a terror of a no
why should a no, such a small and innocuous word
prove quite so painful, so hard to hear
so much something we need to avoid that we'd rather die in penury
ignored, and unfulfilled than ever heared
it's because it's not a case of trying not to hear a no
what we are trying to do, is avoid hearing something quite different
that we are disgusting
all of us have access to a disgusting self-image
a repertoire of all the most broken floored embarassing and weak sides
of who we are
and it's precisely this self-image that is awoken and engaged
whenever people say no to us
we are not heaing no
we'd be fine if we were
we're hearing: you are an arrogant laughable jumped up illusional clumsy repulsive pond-life
now wonder, we got reluctant to ask
but in truth of course, others are not remotely saying this to us
they can't guess how we are feeling inside
it's not written on our forehead, and most importantly it's not even true
we've got some tricky sides of course, but so does everyone else
we are a mixture of good and bad
like everyone else
we are okay, we deserve to exist
when people say no, they are not thinking about us
here is the only reason why people ever say no
and we need this emblazened on billboards
so we don't forget it
but real reason people say no, is that it doesn't fit in with their plans
they are not thinking about your stupidest deeds, the nicknames people called you at school
or what you get up to late at night
that's in your head, not theirs
they are just worried about their plans
we are losing out on some consoling insights
because we are failing to bring our own experience of what we felt
when we said no to people
we said no not because we hated them
we did it for an obvious now repeated reason
it didn't fit in with our plans
but here is the key reason to try asking
we just don't know where people are with their plans
and we can be sure of this by looking at our own experience
when we think about it, there are actually a suprising number of things
that we would theoretically give other people
if only they asked
we would say yes at many perhaps suprising points
we would ready to give certain people
money, time, kisses if they asked
but usually people don't ask
because they don't know where we are with our lives
all of us are fundamentally ignorant of other people's plans
we just can't really tell what others might say yes or no
because we don't have access to their projects and visions
we are attempting to overcome our the lack of data by foreclosing in a pessimistic direction
but we should instead simply try to get more data by asking
we should respond to ignorants with curiosity, not to spare
we should remember to that we can survive a no
from a distance we feel it would be a catastrophy
if it were a no
from close-up, we can be sure we'd shrug it off in 3 hours
we're big people now
of course as small children we were very vulnerable
and perhaps adults said no to us at key moments, and it hurt
and now, we are trying not to get hurt again
but the mind is slow to realise the time
we've grown, we perhaps 6 feet tall now
we have a bank account, perhaps a car, maybe children of our own
we can survive a no
and in any case, not asking is not cost-free
we are avoiding the pain of rejection
but we are settling for something that is more insidious and just as troubling
a lack of opportunity
not asking life for something means implicitly asking it for something else
failure from the outset
and this is especially sad because life is so very short
what we should really be scared of is not a no
but reaching on deathbeds unfulfilled
we should ask
