Turn of the Screw / Beginner 2 (3)

'We can't send them to him,' I explained. 'He's too busy. Perhaps he'll come later in the year.'

I wanted to speak to the children about the ghosts, but I couldn't find a way. They stayed silent about them, and so did I. Sometimes, alone, I thought about it all night, but my thoughts stayed secret. Everything felt heavy, like a storm was coming.

Then the storm came. I was walking to church one Sunday morning with Miles. Flora and Mrs Grose were in front. It was bright, cold autumn weather now.

'Can you tell me,' Miles said, 'when I'm going back to school?'

His voice was sweet, but the words surprised me. I stopped suddenly. He smiled at me. 'I'm a boy, you know. And I'm getting older now. I'm with a lady all the time - is it a good idea? She's a wonderful lady, of course - but a boy needs other boys and men.'

We walked on now. 'Were you happy at school?' I asked him.

He thought for a second. 'Oh, I'm happy enough anywhere.'

'Then you must be happy here too!'

'Yes, but I want - I want more interesting things to see and do.'

'I see,' I said.

'Does my uncle know about me, about everything?'

'I don't think he's interested, Miles,' I answered.

'Then he must come and visit us!'

'Who will ask him?'

'I will!' Miles said.

We were at the church now, but I did not go in. I stayed outside. For the first time, I did not want to be with Miles. Of course, he was right - it was unnatural for a boy to spend all his time with a governess, every day. And I was doing nothing about it. Could I speak to his uncle? Miles knew now that I did not want to do this.

'He'll use it in his plan!' I thought. He and Flora looked innocent, but they were not. 'I must leave this house! I'll go back and get ready. I can leave today!'

In the house, I went up to the school room for my books. I opened the door. But there, sitting at my table, was that dreadful woman - Miss Jessel. She was writing - I knew it - to her lover, Quint. Her tired face was full of suffering. She was using my pen, my paper. She stood up, and for a few seconds she looked at me. I stared at her, then I screamed, 'You're a wicked, terrible woman!' She seemed to hear me. But the next minute the room was empty. And I knew now that I must stay in the house. I could not leave.

'I've talked to Miss Jessel,' I said to Mrs Grose later, by the fire.

Mrs Grose was surprised, but she stayed calm. 'And what did she say?'

'She's suffering. She wants Flora. I've decided to write to the children's uncle.'

'Oh yes!' Mrs Grose said. 'You must.'

'I'll tell him this,' I said. '"I cannot teach a boy who is wicked. The school have sent him home because of his wickedness."'

'But - we don't know-'

'Yes, we do,' I said. 'He seems to be so good, that he must be wicked, really wicked. I'll write tonight!'

I began the letter that evening. There was a strong wind and heavy rain outside. But it was quiet in my room, and Flora was asleep in her little bed. I stood up, took my candle and went to Miles's bedroom door. I listened. He called out, 'Come in! I can hear you outside!'

He was awake but in bed.

'Aren't you sleeping?' I asked him.

'No,' he answered, quite happily. 'I like to lie and think.'

'What do you think about?'

'About you, of course! And about all these strange things-'

'What strange things?'

'Oh, you know!'

I held his hand, and he smiled up at me. 'Of course you can go back to school,' I said. 'But we must find a new one for you.' He looked so young, and innocent in his bed. 'You didn't say anything before,' I continued. 'What do you really want?'

He shook his head. 'I want to go away! Oh - you know what a boy wants!'

'Do I?'

'You want to go to your uncle?' I asked him.

'He must come here.'

'Yes, but he'll take you away, Miles.'

'That's what I want! You must tell him everything.'

'Tell him what?' I asked. 'He'll ask you questions. You must tell him things, too.'

'What things?'

'The things that you don't tell me. He must decide on his plans for you. You can't go back to your old school, you know.'

I looked at this brave, calm, young boy, and I kissed him with love.

'I'm writing to your uncle,' I said. 'I've already started the letter.'

'Well then, finish it!'

'Tell me something first, Miles. What happened?' He looked at me, surprised. 'What happened here in this house? What happened at school?' He was still looking at me. I held my arms out to him.

'Oh Miles!' I said. 'Dear little Miles, I want to help you! I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you so much!' But I knew at once that this was a mistake. Suddenly, there was a loud and terrible noise, a crash against the window. The cold wind blew into the room. Miles screamed.

I jumped up. Everything was dark.

'The candle has gone out!' I said.

'I blew it out, my dear,' Miles said.

CHAPTER SEVEN

After the children's lessons the next day, Mrs Grose asked me, 'Have you written the letter?'

'Yes, I've written it.' I did not tell her that it was still in my pocket. I had to send it, I knew that now. Later, I put it on the table by the front door. 'One of the servants will find it, and take it to town,' I thought.

In the afternoon, Miles came to me. 'Shall I play some music for you?' he asked. He knew that he was winning, and that he was free now. He did not need to fight me, he could be friendly. The music was strange and beautiful. I was almost asleep. When it finished, I jumped up.

'Where's Flora?' I asked.

'How do I know?' Miles replied. He laughed, and started to play again.

I looked in my room, but Flora was not there. I went to Mrs Grose. Mrs Grose did not know where she was.

'Perhaps she's in one of the empty rooms,' she said. 'I thought that she was with you.'

Usually, I stayed with Flora all the time. 'No, she's outside, somewhere quite far away,' I answered. Mrs Grose looked surprised.

'Without a hat?' she asked.

'That woman that doesn't wear a hat!' I said. 'She's with her! We must find them!'

Mrs Grose did not move. 'And where is Miles?'

'Oh, he's with Quint in the schoolroom! He stayed with me so that Flora could get away! He's free now, he can do what he likes.'

We stood by the front door. The afternoon was grey, and the grass was wet.

'You aren't wearing your outdoor clothes!' Mrs Grose said.

'It doesn't matter! Flora hasn't got outdoor clothes on either,' I replied. 'I can't wait to dress! If you want to dress you must stay behind! Look for Flora upstairs!'

'And see him?' was her frightened reply. She came outside with me at once.

We walked quickly to the lake. I was sure that Flora was there.

'She wanted to go back there alone,' I explained to Mrs Grose. 'She and Miles planned this. And I'm sure that Miss Jessel is by the lake now.'

We arrived at the lake, but we could not see Flora.

'She's taken the boat,' I said, 'and hidden it on the other side. We must walk round and find her!'

'How could she do all that? She's only a little girl!'

'No, sometimes she's an old, old woman,' I said. 'And there's someone with her. You'll see.'

Ten minutes later, we arrived at the other side of the lake, and found the boat there. But where was Flora? We went on, into the next field.

'There she is!' we both said at the same time.

Flora stood on the grass and smiled. She did not move or speak. She smiled and smiled, in a dreadful, silent way. Mrs Grose threw her arms round the child.

Flora stared in surprise at my head, without its hat, and said, 'Where are your outdoor things?'

'Where are yours?' I asked her.

'And where's Miles?' she asked.

'If you'll tell me, I'll tell you-' There must be no secrets now.

'Tell you what?'

'Tell me, my dear - Where's Miss Jessel?'

Mrs Grose gave a small scream. In the same second, I screamed too - I shook Mrs Grose's arm and said, 'She's there, she's there!'

Miss Jessel stood on the other side of the lake. In a way, I was glad. 'It's all true, then,' I thought. 'Mrs Grose will be able to see everything, too.'

I pointed across the lake. Mrs Grose looked, but Flora did not. She watched my face calmly and seriously.

'She's there, you poor unhappy child! You can see her very well!'

But Mrs Grose was angry, 'What terrible things you say! Where can you see someone? There's nobody there!'

She could not see anything! And now I was losing everything! That wicked governess was winning!

'She's not there,' Mrs Grose continued, talking to Flora now. 'You can't see anyone! That poor lady - poor Miss Jessel's dead - we know that, don't we? It's all a mistake, and we're going home now, quickly.'

Flora was holding on to Mrs Grose's dress. Her face was suddenly ugly. 'I can't see anybody! I never see anything! I don't like you.' She turned towards Mrs Grose. 'Take me away from her!'

'From me?' I asked.

'From you - from you!'

I stared at the ghost, which was still there. Then I shook my head and said sadly to Flora, 'I've lost you. I'm sorry. She's won. I tried to help you. Goodbye.' And to Mrs Grose I said, 'Go! Go at once!'

I don't remember anything after that. I was on the ground, crying, for a very long time. It was nearly evening when I got up. I went back to the house and up to my room. Flora's things weren't there now. Later, Miles came and sat silently with me. He was not unfriendly. I was very cold, but felt warm when he was there.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Mrs Grose came into my room the next morning. Flora was ill. 'What does she say?' I asked. 'What has she seen?'

'I can't ask her,' Mrs Grose said sadly. 'But she seems so old now.'

'Does she talk about Miss Jessel?'

'Not a word.'

'They're so clever, that woman and Flora! Flora will never speak to me again. And she'll tell her uncle about me. "What a terrible governess!" he'll think. Shall I leave now?' I continued. 'That's what Flora wants, isn't it?'

She agreed. 'She doesn't want to see you again.'

'Well then,' I said, 'you must go. You must take Flora away, to her uncle's. I'll stay here with Miles. But the two children must not meet alone together! Not for three seconds!'

'Yes, you're right. Flora must leave this house. We'll go this morning. And - I can't stay! Flora is saying such terrible things. Dreadful words, dreadful things. Where did she learn them?'

She was crying now. 'You believe me, then?' I asked her.

'Oh, yes, I do! I must take Flora far away, far from them!' she said.

'My letter - it will arrive in town first,' I said.

She shook her head. 'No, it won't. It's disappeared.'

'What do you mean?'

'It disappeared from the table by the front door. The other servants haven't seen it. Miles-'

'Miles took it?' This was terrible. 'Then he's read it! So he's a thief - he was stealing letters at school, then! I must talk to him. If he talks to me, we can save him!'