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Queering Identities: LGBTQ+ Sexuality and Gender Identity, 2.05 (V) What to do when you don't know what to do

2.05 (V) What to do when you don't know what to do

Welcome back. I'm Dr. Katie Mormon. I am Dr. Jacob Mcwilliams. In this video, we want to discuss some strategies to use when you feel confused, uninformed, or uncertain to know about what to do or say about LGBTQ+ issues. When it comes to LGBTQ+ terminology and practices, the rules sometimes feel like they're changing very quickly. Language that's appropriate to use today might fall out of favor in six months or a year. In addition to this problem, a lot of us might live and work in communities where we don't interact very much with queer or transgender people. It can be hard to know the right thing to do or say especially in situations we haven't ever encountered. In this video, we wanted to offer you some strategies for figuring out how to interact with LGBTQ+ people and to talk about LGBTQ+ issues respectfully and effectively. If you encounter a new or unfamiliar LGBTQ+ term, you have a couple of different ways to learn what the term means. One way is to ask someone who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This can be helpful, but there are a few risks. One risk is that you place an extra burden on that person to educate you. Not all LGBTQ+ people want to take on that burden and even if they do, they may not want to take on that burden all the time. It can be exhausting to have to help other people learn about our marginalized identities. Another potential drawback of this approach is that you might end up with a limited understanding of the term because one person can't represent everybody in their community. Another option is to do your research on your own using the internet or other resources. This way, you can spend time with multiple sources and develop a stronger grasp of the term or concept without placing undue burden on an LGBTQ+ person to help you learn. We've included links to some resources that might be helpful for you if you need to learn more about LGBTQ+ terminology, communities, or issues. Something else that might happen is that you say the wrong thing, use the wrong term, or accidentally offend a queer or transgender person. We want to give you tips on what to do in this kind of situation, and I want to talk through a couple of scenarios related to gender pronouns. Gender pronouns are the words that mark a person's gender. The most common gender pronouns used in English are he, him, and his; she, her, and hers; and they, them, and theirs. But there are a lot of other examples of gender pronouns too. Gender pronouns are important for everybody because they are a way to honor a person's gender identity. For transgender people, using correct pronouns helps to show them that you respect not only them but all people regardless of their gender identity. I identify as a man, so I use he, him, and his pronouns. These are the pronouns I want people to use when they're talking about me too. Sometimes people accidentally use the wrong pronouns to talk about me. I've seen at least three different ways that people react when they realize they've used the wrong pronouns. I'm going to show you these reactions and talk about which reactions I prefer. For this scenario, I'm going to use this mannequin. The mannequins name is Quinn e man, and Quinn uses they/them pronouns. Hi everyone. This is Quinn e man and she's going to, Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that, I'm so sorry, I never screw up your pronouns when I'm out of out of your site, is just that when I was looking at you I just get it wrong every time. I'm so awful. I feel so terrible. The good thing about this reaction is that it clearly shows that the person wants to be inclusive, even though they just made a mistake. The reaction is pretty common and it's because we all just want to not only do the right thing, But we also want people to see us doing the right thing. People feel embarrassed and guilty when they use the wrong pronouns for someone. So they sometimes feel they need to apologize excessively. This reaction though forces the other person to take care of you and reassure you that they're not mad and that they agree that you're a good person. Quinn doesn't want to have to reassure you or make it about your feelings, when they, Quinn, are the one who's been hurt. So anyway, Quinn and I were at the story the other day and she bought three cartons of ice cream. I just wanna let you know that Quinn actually uses they/them pronouns. I don't have to remember all these weird pronouns that everyone uses, especially that one isn't even grammatically correct. Lots of us grew up learning very strict rules about pronouns. We learned that there are a limited number of gender pronouns. In English, the pronouns are he/him and she/her and no other pronouns are correct. When I was a kid, I remember learning that it was grammatically incorrect to use they or them to refer to a single person. I've had to unlearn that lesson, and I've had to learn how to use lots of different gender pronouns in order to honor people's identities. I also try my best to learn how to pronounce people's first and last names correctly because respecting a person's name and the pronouns they use is an important way to demonstrate basic respect for the person. Hi everyone. This is Quinn and she's going to tell you, oh sorry, they're going to tell you about why it's important to have three cartons of ice cream in your freezer at all times. I prefer this reaction because it does a lot of important work. First, this reaction shows that the person knows they made a mistake. Second, the person is briefly apologizing for the mistake and then quickly moving on. The speaker doesn't draw too much attention to their mistake, doesn't make a big deal out of the mistake, and doesn't ask Quinn to reassure them that they're really a good person. Sometimes you might realize you accidentally use the wrong pronouns for someone after it's too late to correct yourself. The worst thing you can do is to say nothing and hope they didn't notice. They almost certainly noticed. It might be appropriate for you to apologize to them. But make sure you do this privately to be certain not to make the situation more embarrassing or frustrating. Then the very next time you're referring to that person using their pronouns, make sure to use the correct ones.


2.05 (V) What to do when you don't know what to do

Welcome back. I'm Dr. Katie Mormon. I am Dr. Jacob Mcwilliams. In this video, we want to discuss some strategies to use when you feel confused, uninformed, or uncertain to know about what to do or say about LGBTQ+ issues. When it comes to LGBTQ+ terminology and practices, the rules sometimes feel like they're changing very quickly. Language that's appropriate to use today might fall out of favor in six months or a year. In addition to this problem, a lot of us might live and work in communities where we don't interact very much with queer or transgender people. It can be hard to know the right thing to do or say especially in situations we haven't ever encountered. In this video, we wanted to offer you some strategies for figuring out how to interact with LGBTQ+ people and to talk about LGBTQ+ issues respectfully and effectively. If you encounter a new or unfamiliar LGBTQ+ term, you have a couple of different ways to learn what the term means. One way is to ask someone who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This can be helpful, but there are a few risks. One risk is that you place an extra burden on that person to educate you. Not all LGBTQ+ people want to take on that burden and even if they do, they may not want to take on that burden all the time. It can be exhausting to have to help other people learn about our marginalized identities. Another potential drawback of this approach is that you might end up with a limited understanding of the term because one person can't represent everybody in their community. Another option is to do your research on your own using the internet or other resources. This way, you can spend time with multiple sources and develop a stronger grasp of the term or concept without placing undue burden on an LGBTQ+ person to help you learn. We've included links to some resources that might be helpful for you if you need to learn more about LGBTQ+ terminology, communities, or issues. Something else that might happen is that you say the wrong thing, use the wrong term, or accidentally offend a queer or transgender person. We want to give you tips on what to do in this kind of situation, and I want to talk through a couple of scenarios related to gender pronouns. Gender pronouns are the words that mark a person's gender. The most common gender pronouns used in English are he, him, and his; she, her, and hers; and they, them, and theirs. But there are a lot of other examples of gender pronouns too. Gender pronouns are important for everybody because they are a way to honor a person's gender identity. For transgender people, using correct pronouns helps to show them that you respect not only them but all people regardless of their gender identity. I identify as a man, so I use he, him, and his pronouns. These are the pronouns I want people to use when they're talking about me too. Sometimes people accidentally use the wrong pronouns to talk about me. I've seen at least three different ways that people react when they realize they've used the wrong pronouns. I'm going to show you these reactions and talk about which reactions I prefer. For this scenario, I'm going to use this mannequin. The mannequins name is Quinn e man, and Quinn uses they/them pronouns. Hi everyone. This is Quinn e man and she's going to, Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that, I'm so sorry, I never screw up your pronouns when I'm out of out of your site, is just that when I was looking at you I just get it wrong every time. I'm so awful. I feel so terrible. The good thing about this reaction is that it clearly shows that the person wants to be inclusive, even though they just made a mistake. The reaction is pretty common and it's because we all just want to not only do the right thing, But we also want people to see us doing the right thing. People feel embarrassed and guilty when they use the wrong pronouns for someone. So they sometimes feel they need to apologize excessively. This reaction though forces the other person to take care of you and reassure you that they're not mad and that they agree that you're a good person. Quinn doesn't want to have to reassure you or make it about your feelings, when they, Quinn, are the one who's been hurt. So anyway, Quinn and I were at the story the other day and she bought three cartons of ice cream. I just wanna let you know that Quinn actually uses they/them pronouns. I don't have to remember all these weird pronouns that everyone uses, especially that one isn't even grammatically correct. Lots of us grew up learning very strict rules about pronouns. We learned that there are a limited number of gender pronouns. In English, the pronouns are he/him and she/her and no other pronouns are correct. When I was a kid, I remember learning that it was grammatically incorrect to use they or them to refer to a single person. I've had to unlearn that lesson, and I've had to learn how to use lots of different gender pronouns in order to honor people's identities. I also try my best to learn how to pronounce people's first and last names correctly because respecting a person's name and the pronouns they use is an important way to demonstrate basic respect for the person. Hi everyone. This is Quinn and she's going to tell you, oh sorry, they're going to tell you about why it's important to have three cartons of ice cream in your freezer at all times. I prefer this reaction because it does a lot of important work. First, this reaction shows that the person knows they made a mistake. Second, the person is briefly apologizing for the mistake and then quickly moving on. The speaker doesn't draw too much attention to their mistake, doesn't make a big deal out of the mistake, and doesn't ask Quinn to reassure them that they're really a good person. Sometimes you might realize you accidentally use the wrong pronouns for someone after it's too late to correct yourself. The worst thing you can do is to say nothing and hope they didn't notice. They almost certainly noticed. It might be appropriate for you to apologize to them. But make sure you do this privately to be certain not to make the situation more embarrassing or frustrating. Then the very next time you're referring to that person using their pronouns, make sure to use the correct ones.