I Tried To Live A Normal Life in GTA 5 Online And This is What Happened Προσπάθησα να ζήσω μια κανονική ζωή στο GTA 5 Online και αυτό συνέβη I Tried To Live A Normal Life in GTA 5 Online And This is What Happened Intenté llevar una vida normal en GTA 5 Online y esto es lo que pasó Tentei viver uma vida normal no GTA 5 Online e isto foi o que aconteceu Я попытался жить нормальной жизнью в GTA 5 Online, и вот что из этого вышло Я спробував жити нормальним життям у GTA 5 Online, і ось що вийшло

As a writer for The Infographics Show, a lot of my work is pretty research heavy – from As a writer for The Infographics Show, a lot of my work is pretty research heavy – from

finding out the properties of rare poisons, to the weapons favoured by the soldiers in the finding out the properties of rare poisons, to the weapons favoured by the soldiers in the

Turkish military.

So, when I got a new assignment from my Infographics Show overlords that said “Play GTA V Online”,

I was elated.

As someone's already a big fan of the hit franchise that essentially lets you roleplay

as a complete sociopath in a lovingly detailed cityscape, this felt like the perfect assignment

for me.

That's when I saw the fine print, and my heart dropped.

“Play GTA V online…as a normal person.”

That means no murder, no theft, no crazy missions – and honestly, no crimes more severe than

tearing the tag out of your new mattress. déchirant l'étiquette de votre nouveau matelas.

Seems easy enough, right?

Wrong!

Anyone who's played GTA V online will tell you it's basically like The Purge, complete

with heavy weaponry and goofy costumes.

If you're not in a crew – which, as a normal person, I couldn't be – it's Si vous n'êtes pas dans un équipage - ce que, en tant que personne normale, je ne pourrais pas être - c'est

basically a kill-or-be-killed, battle royale free-for-all. По сути, это боевая ролевая игра в стиле "убей или будь убит".

Still, orders are orders, so I began my mundane GTA V Online journey in the simplest way I

could imagine: Getting myself a makeover. pourrait imaginer : me refaire une beauté.

In the beautiful city of Los Santos, appearance is everything, so it made sense to make my

first port of call getting myself a fashionable new outfit. première escale pour me procurer une nouvelle tenue à la mode.

First order of business is Ponsonby's, GTA's resident up-market clothes store, for a tasteful

designer shirt and slacks combo – the uniform of middle-class white dads everywhere. дизайнерская рубашка и брюки - униформа белых пап из среднего класса повсюду.

As I select my clothes, I notice other players speeding by outside in what looks like neon-coloured

Ferraris, exchanging gunfire.

Normally, I'd run out, guns blazing, and join in.

But no, thanks to my Infographics bosses, I'm playing the goody two shoes version Mais non, grâce à mes patrons d'infographie, je joue la version goody two shoes Но нет, благодаря моим боссам из "Инфографики" я играю в версию "Хорошие две туфельки".

of this game.

I'm not even carrying any loaded weapons on my person, just for extra realism.

Thankfully, the two yahoos outside are too busy blasting each other to notice me. К счастью, два придурка на улице слишком заняты друг другом, чтобы заметить меня.

With my threads looking fine, I decide all I need now to make that perfect Los Santos Avec mes fils qui semblent bien, je décide tout ce dont j'ai besoin maintenant pour faire ce Los Santos parfait Нитки выглядят прекрасно, и я решаю, что теперь мне нужно сделать идеальный Los Santos.

first impression is a killer haircut.

And I don't just go anywhere for this haircut – I go to the high-end Bob Mulét salon Et je ne vais pas n'importe où pour cette coupe de cheveux - je vais au salon haut de gamme Bob Mulét

up in Rockford Hills, the best place for a fancy-schmancy new do. à Rockford Hills, le meilleur endroit pour une nouvelle création fantaisiste. в Рокфорд-Хиллз, лучшем месте для создания нового шикарного образа.

When I have a style that I think best suits my charming personality, I'm finally ready

to venture out and take on the world.

But as soon as I step out onto the streets of Rockford Hills, I'm greeted by a man Mais dès que je sors dans les rues de Rockford Hills, je suis accueilli par un homme

in his underwear, wearing a rubber monkey mask.

His gamer tag reads “N00BSLAYER3000”.

And, of course, he's carrying a claw hammer.

Normally I'd pull out my own weapon and engage, but not this time, chief.

I turn and prepare to start button mashing, hoping I'd at least be able to lose the

monkey man, but no such luck.

Before I even really get a chance to start running, Monkey Man was on my rear. Avant même que j'aie vraiment eu la chance de commencer à courir, Monkey Man était sur mes arrières.

Before I could even engage my headset to tell him I was a writer for The Infographics Show Я даже не успел подключить гарнитуру, чтобы сказать ему, что являюсь автором "Шоу инфографики".

researching for a video, he'd already brained me with the hammer. à la recherche d'une vidéo, il m'avait déjà dérangé avec le marteau.

The familiar “WASTED” sign flashed up on the screen, and I knew I was in for a rough

session.

Still, in the world of GTA V, it takes more than death to keep a good writer down. Однако в мире GTA V, чтобы удержать хорошего писателя, требуется нечто большее, чем смерть.

As soon as I respawned, I made a mental note to personally track down Noob Slayer next Dès que j'ai réapparu, j'ai fait une note mentale pour retrouver personnellement Noob Slayer ensuite

time I was playing this for real, and continued with my research.

As the name suggests, driving is a huge part of the game.

But, seeing as I can't steal a car like any other player would, I invest in a modest

Schafter Sedan. Schafter Berline.

It definitely isn't the fastest car in the game, but it handles well, and without a criminal

empire behind me, I can't exactly afford to blow a million on a new ride. empire derrière moi, je ne peux pas vraiment me permettre de gaspiller un million sur un nouveau manège.

Of course, as I drive around scenic Los Santos, I obey all the traffic laws of the land.

Never once do I speed, or merge illegally, or even run a red light.

It seems that things are actually going well for once, as there's an almost comforting Il semble que les choses se passent bien pour une fois, car il y a un sentiment presque réconfortant

rhythm to colouring in the lines when it comes to cruising around town.

I'm at a stop light in Downtown LS, watching the pedestrians cross in front of me, when

I suddenly hear a heavy rumbling coming from behind.

This…can't be good.

Just was I was swivelling my camera to see what all the commotion was about; I saw a

tank approaching behind me.

This time, driven by “FoYoMama69X420.”

Great.

Wonderful.

Even if I was playing offensively, a tank would be a challenge, but playing as a normal Même si je jouais offensivement, un tank serait un défi, mais jouer comme un normal

person, I was basically a sitting duck. personne, j'étais essentiellement un canard assis.

If only those traffic lights could go green in the nick of time, I might be able to stage Si seulement ces feux de circulation pouvaient passer au vert en un rien de temps, je pourrais peut-être mettre en scène

a cunning, last-minute escape, but no luck.

I let out a sigh and rubbed my eyes as FoYoMama's tank fired an explosive round that blew myself J'ai laissé échapper un soupir et me suis frotté les yeux alors que le tank de FoYoMama a tiré une balle explosive qui m'a fait exploser

and several of the cars and pedestrians around me to kingdom come. et plusieurs des voitures et des piétons autour de moi au royaume viennent.

Yep, you guessed it: WASTED. Oui, vous l'avez deviné : GASPILLÉ.

Once I'd revived and collected the insurance pay out from my devastated personal vehicle, Une fois que j'ai relancé et récupéré le paiement de l'assurance de mon véhicule personnel dévasté,

I decided that I needed some time away from the violence-filled urban sprawl where I'd J'ai décidé qu'il me fallait un peu de temps loin de l'étalement urbain rempli de violence où j'avais

just been blown to smithereens. vient d'être réduit en miettes.

Instead, I wanted to take a relaxing drive up into the slopes of Mount Chiliad – the

tallest mountain in Los Santos.

Hopefully there'd be a lower population density, and fewer fellow players who'd Espérons qu'il y aurait une densité de population plus faible et moins d'autres joueurs qui

be eager to bust a cap or two into my behind. être impatient de casser une casquette ou deux dans mon derrière. с радостью ворвется в мою спину.

Scenic natural environments and not being murdered in cold blood? Des environnements naturels pittoresques et ne pas être assassiné de sang-froid ?

That's a win-win situation in my book, buddy.

It was creeping into dusk as I drove up the winding roads of Mount Chiliad in my newly Le crépuscule tombait alors que je conduisais sur les routes sinueuses du mont Chiliad dans ma nouvelle

unexploded Schafter Sedan.

The sky was beautiful, the world around me was quiet and serene.

It was just me, my car, and the mountain.

Which is why, when I heard the sudden roar of jet engines up above me, I knew something

was horribly wrong. avait terriblement tort.

Suddenly, I was skidding from side to side as the ground around me was lit up by a volley Soudain, je dérapais d'un côté à l'autre alors que le sol autour de moi était illuminé par une volée

of intense machine gun fire. de tirs intenses de mitrailleuses.

All in all, my evasive manoeuvres served me pretty well, as my hardy sedan only took some Dans l'ensemble, mes manœuvres d'évitement m'ont plutôt bien servi, car ma berline robuste n'a pris que quelques

minor shots from the P-996 LAZER fighter jet that was chasing me down. petits coups de feu de l'avion de chasse P-996 LAZER qui me poursuivait.

I was naively hopeful enough that I thought I might even survive this tense encounter,

when the flying turd – whose gamer tag, by the way, was “Swag Killer” – let quand l'étron volant - dont le tag de joueur, soit dit en passant, était "Swag Killer" - a laissé

off an air-to-surface missile. d'un missile air-sol.

The resulting explosion lit up the mountain, and what was left of me could probably be L'explosion qui en a résulté a illuminé la montagne, et ce qui restait de moi pourrait probablement être

scraped off the mountain road with a toothbrush. gratté la route de montagne avec une brosse à dents. соскребали с горной дороги зубной щеткой.

Once again: WASTED.

All for trying to take a nice drive through nature.

Getting constantly murdered for just trying to live a normal life was really starting

to run up my medical bills, and because we can't even escape capitalism in video games, pour faire grimper mes factures médicales, et parce qu'on ne peut même pas échapper au capitalisme dans les jeux vidéo,

I needed at least something that resembled a real-life job. J'avais besoin d'au moins quelque chose qui ressemblait à un travail réel.

Problem was, outside of playing the real estate mogul – which I really didn't have the Le problème était qu'en dehors de jouer le magnat de l'immobilier - ce que je n'avais vraiment pas

money for – all the standard money-making methods in GTA V Online are criminal in nature. de l'argent pour - toutes les méthodes standard pour gagner de l'argent dans GTA V Online sont de nature criminelle.

But, I'm not a writer at The Infographics Show for nothing – Not having a vanilla Mais, je ne suis pas un écrivain à The Infographics Show pour rien - Ne pas avoir de vanille

job just opened up an opportunity to get creative.

And by creative, I mean I started offering a taxi service.

Is this an official feature of GTA V online?

No.

But a number of players had taken up the habit of using a local garage to mod their car yellow, Mais un certain nombre de joueurs avaient pris l'habitude d'utiliser un garage local pour modifier leur voiture en jaune,

and add a taxi service insignia.

With that, I began pulling up alongside fellow players in the game, honking my horn, and Avec cela, j'ai commencé à m'arrêter aux côtés d'autres joueurs dans le jeu, à klaxonner et

offering them a ride. leur offrant un tour.

They would then either hop on mic, or send me a text message, telling me exactly where Ils sautaient ensuite sur le micro ou m'envoyaient un SMS, me disant exactement où

they wanted to go.

It was honest, normal work for an honest, normal GTA V player.

Well, it was – until two players dressed as clowns decided to take a ride in the back Eh bien, c'était le cas - jusqu'à ce que deux joueurs déguisés en clowns décident de faire un tour à l'arrière

of my makeshift cab. de mon taxi de fortune.

In my heart, part of me knew this was going to end badly, but my average joe character Dans mon cœur, une partie de moi savait que ça allait mal finir, mais mon personnage moyen de Joe

probably wouldn't.

That's why I obliged them in their request to be driven out to Sandy Shores in the dead C'est pourquoi je les ai obligés dans leur demande à être chassés à Sandy Shores dans les morts

of night, where they were headed for unknown reasons. de nuit, où ils se dirigeaient pour des raisons inconnues.

A ride's a ride, so I took them there, and aside from a few moments where they leaned Un trajet est un trajet, alors je les ai emmenés là-bas, et à part quelques instants où ils se sont penchés

out the windows and blasted a few pedestrians with Micro-SMGs, it was a pretty chill journey.

Until, of course, we reached our destination.

At that point, the two clowns exited the vehicle. À ce moment-là, les deux clowns sont sortis du véhicule.

Rather than thanking me, one of them pulled me out of the driver's seat and punched Plutôt que de me remercier, l'un d'eux m'a tiré du siège du conducteur et m'a donné un coup de poing

me in the face with brass knuckles. moi au visage avec des poings américains.

Before I could even turn on my headset to give the duo a few choice words that I can't

repeat here if we want to keep the monetisation on this video, it was already over.

The other clown had thrown down a Molotov cocktail and set me ablaze. L'autre clown avait lancé un cocktail Molotov et m'avait mis le feu.

They then detonated my humble taxi with a grenade as I burned to death in the sand. Ils ont ensuite fait exploser mon humble taxi avec une grenade alors que je brûlais à mort dans le sable.

WASTED.

And that was my last day in the taxi business, too.

This may have been “Grand Theft Auto”, but I wasn't feeling too grand, theft was

prohibited, and I was getting really sick of automobiles.

That's why I ditched the car entirely, and decided to instead partake in some wholesome,

normal, physical activities.

The coastal city of Los Santos has the gorgeous Vespucci Beach, where you could exercise,

sunbathe, or even go for a swim.

I decided to do just that, and explore the wonderful detail of the underwater environments

just off the coast.

There were jet skis zipping around up above the water, but they weren't paying me any Il y avait des jet-skis qui filaient au-dessus de l'eau, mais ils ne me payaient rien

mind. dérange.

Until one stopped, and the driver jumped down into the water. Jusqu'à ce que l'un d'eux s'arrête et que le conducteur saute à l'eau.

I figured “Maybe they just wanted to explore too”, until they started making a beeline J'ai pensé "Peut-être qu'ils voulaient juste explorer aussi", jusqu'à ce qu'ils commencent à se diriger vers

towards me, swimming straight down to my location, holding a knife.

I was already running a little short on air, so I had nowhere to go but up – straight Je manquais déjà un peu d'air, donc je n'avais nulle part où aller sauf en haut - tout droit

into the path of their slashing blade, turning me into Los Santos Sushi.

I was WASTED before I even hit the surface.

So, the sea proved to be a hazardous no-go-zone. Ainsi, la mer s'est avérée être une zone interdite dangereuse.

I decided instead to revisit my old enemy: Mount Chiliad, hoping to hike up to its highest

peak and take a selfie to commemorate the moment.

And it was indeed a challenging hike, making my way up the mountain's treacherous slopes, Et ce fut en effet une randonnée difficile, gravissant les pentes dangereuses de la montagne,

constantly paranoid that another player would sneak up and slaughter me again.

But thankfully, nobody was even nearby on the map when I reached the peak.

It was a glorious sense of victory for my little GTA V Online Normal Guy, and the victory

selfie would be even sweeter.

So, I turned on the camera and framed up the shot with a nice big smile. Alors, j'ai allumé l'appareil photo et j'ai cadré la photo avec un beau grand sourire.

Problem was, I wasn't the only person framing up a shot. Le problème était que je n'étais pas la seule personne à cadrer une photo.

Far away down the mountain, too far for me to even really register them as a threat,

another player was locking my head in the sights of their heavy sniper rifle. un autre joueur enfermait ma tête dans le viseur de leur fusil de sniper lourd.

Right as I was about to take my shot, they took theirs, and my head was practically blown Juste au moment où j'étais sur le point de tirer, ils ont pris le leur et ma tête a pratiquement explosé

off my shoulders before I even had a chance to take a picture.

WASTED.

After getting wasted again and again and again, I decided it was time to get…well, wasted. Après m'être saoulé encore et encore et encore, j'ai décidé qu'il était temps d'être… eh bien, gaspillé.

Seeing as I'd died more times than Sean Bean, I felt like this Normal Guy had earned

himself a drink.

I sauntered on down to the nearest GTA Online strip club to admire some of the local sights, Je me suis rendu au club de strip-tease GTA Online le plus proche pour admirer certains des sites locaux,

and most importantly, get hammered with shot after shot after shot. et surtout, se faire marteler coup après coup après coup.

By the time I felt like my character had had enough, he was stumbling out of the bar, the Au moment où j'ai eu l'impression que mon personnage en avait assez, il sortait du bar en trébuchant, le

world all blurry around him, camera shaking.

I hadn't even had a drop in real life, and I was starting to feel light-headed just looking Je n'avais même pas eu une goutte dans la vraie vie, et je commençais à me sentir étourdi rien qu'en regardant

at him.

That's when I saw a floating shape in the distance. C'est alors que j'ai vu une forme flottante au loin.

For a second, I thought I must've been seeing things, or going crazy, as what appeared to

be a flying DeLorean car was speeding towards me through the shaking sky. être une voiture DeLorean volante fonçait vers moi à travers le ciel tremblant.

Had I accidentally wandered into Back To The Future? Avais-je accidentellement erré dans Retour vers le futur ?

No, as it turns out, this was just another player – once again, the dreaded N00BSLAYER3000 Non, il s'avère que ce n'était qu'un autre joueur - encore une fois, le redoutable N00BSLAYER3000

– driving a Deluxo flying car straight towards me. – conduire une voiture volante Deluxo droit vers moi.

I was a little too drunk to even attempt running away, so when one of the car's advanced

homing missiles swooped in and blew me straight to hell, it honestly felt almost merciful. des missiles à tête chercheuse ont plongé et m'ont envoyé directement en enfer, honnêtement, c'était presque miséricordieux.

WASTED.

So, that concluded my journey into trying to live a normal life on GTA V Online.

What have we learned from our little adventure?

Well, in this irritated Infographics Show writer's humble opinion, GTA Online is a

hell of a lot more fun when you can shoot back. beaucoup plus amusant quand vous pouvez riposter.

Check out “What if You Woke Up As An NPC in GTA 5 Online” for more wacky adventures Check out “What if You Woke Up As An NPC in GTA 5 Online” for more wacky adventures

in Los Santos, and “Why The Most Expensive Video Game Ever Will Never Be Released” in Los Santos, and “Why The Most Expensive Video Game Ever Will Never Be Released”

for more insane video game facts! for more insane video game facts!