How to Write a Band 9 IELTS Essay - IELTS Writing Lesson
hi I'm oli welcome to Oxford online
English in this lesson you can learn how
to write a band 9 IELTS essay now this
video is a little bit different
obviously you can't see me I'm recording
my screen I don't have a script I'm
going to write an essay and show you
what I'm thinking about I'm going to do
this in one take so you're going to see
all the problems I have and everything
that goes wrong I'm going to leave that
all in there and I'm going to do it like
a real IELTS question with a time limit
so you can see how I do it in real time
okay so let's start we've got a question
here which I wrote maybe five minutes
ago so I haven't thought about it
haven't planned anything yet and let's
read digital communication technology
such as email instant messaging and
social media has improved communication
and connections between people to what
extent do you agree or disagree with
this opinion then give reasons and all
this stuff this is in every IELTS
question so the first thing you need to
do is analyze the question there are two
things to think about here one is to
make sure that you understand everything
precisely you understand exactly what
the task is asking you to do the second
point is to identify how many things you
need to do to answer this question so
digital communication technology what
does that mean well luckily the question
gives examples for us email instant
messaging social media now of course you
can talk about other things you're not
limited to these examples but since the
question gives us examples we don't need
to think about that more right now okay
has improved communication what does
that mean exactly how can communication
be better or worse
so digital communication technology has
improved connections between people
again questions you should be thinking
about now what does this mean exactly
and very importantly is this the same as
communication or is it something
different then okay to what extent do
you agree or disagree with this opinion
there's one opinion here one idea
although it's quite a complex idea but
it's still one idea that means we need
to do one thing in this essay explain to
what extent we agree or disagree let's
make a plan I'm going to start my plan
from the conclusion this is important in
an IELTS essay and I recommend you do
this because everything in your essay
should be leading towards your
conclusion and that means you need to
know what your conclusion is going to be
before you start writing now my
conclusion is going to be that
technology has undoubtedly improved
communication but not connections so I'm
going to split these two ideas and I'm
going to make it clear that there's a
difference between communication and
connections now I'm going to plan
backwards from there so the next
question is how many body paragraphs are
we going to have now I think because
we're talking about two different ideas
these two I think it makes sense to have
two body paragraphs now not every IELTS
essay needs two body paragraphs you can
write essays with different numbers of
paragraphs but in this case it makes
sense to have two so in the second body
paragraph I'm going to talk about how
I'm going to talk about connection and
in the first body paragraph I'm going to
talk about communicate
now obviously that's that gives me my
main ideas but I need to develop these a
little bit so so I'm going to say this
in body paragraph one technology has
improved communication and I'll use
examples like for example let's see
things like instant messaging email I'll
talk about things like Skype and these
are all fast free or almost free and
convenient so that gives me some
examples and some supporting ideas in
body paragraph number two I'm going to
say that better communication doesn't
equal better connection and I'm going to
talk about I'm going to talk about how
digital communication can't replace
face-to-face communication I'm going to
talk about nonverbal communication like
body language facial expressions and
things like that and I'm going to say
that human connection depends on
face-to-face communication okay so at
this point we should check that we
should check that all of our points are
relevant and connected so in the first
paragraph you get rid of this I'm
talking about improved communication
that's pretty directly relevant
that's good then in the second paragraph
I'm talking about better connection
connections between people so again
that's directly connected to the
question then here in this sentence I'm
connecting those two ideas okay it's not
really a sentence but you know in this
idea I'm connecting communication and
connection and that brings me to my
conclusion where again and bringing the
two ideas together again I'm still
talking about technology and I'm
connecting these ideas together to
answer the question now this is really
important and it's something that many
IELTS students really struggle with your
everything in your essay needs to be
connected to everything else if you want
to get a high score and by high score I
mean seven or more so that starts when
you plan you need to make sure that you
know what your conclusion is you know
that your conclusion is relevant to the
question and then you need to plan your
body paragraphs with your conclusion in
mind everything needs to be connected
everything in your body paragraphs needs
to be leading towards your conclusion so
let's start writing so I might go quiet
here because I find it difficult to talk
and think and write all at the same time
let's write an introduction
okay can I change that I didn't like
that I felt thought it was going to be
repetitive I need to make sure that I
think distract myself talking and make
mistakes um okay that's good it's a good
first sentence
okay I'm going to change that I don't
really like it
okay I'm sort of struggling to finish
this sentence a little bit I'm gonna say
this oh yeah one thing I meant to say if
you don't want to watch me kind of
jumping around in the document you can
watch this video on our website
oxfordonlineenglish.com if you're on
youtube you can find a link underneath
the video and on the webpage you can see
the full essay so you can read it as I'm
talking and you don't have to watch me
you know jumping around if you don't
want to okay so that's a decent
introduction I think something to notice
I'm gonna get rid of these highlights so
okay the first sentence I'm signaling
what I'm going to talk about in my first
body paragraph yeah then in my sir in my
second sentence I mean kind of reframing
the question and I'm drawing this line
between communication and connections
and I'm showing that I think these are
two different things and then I make a
very clear statement which connects
directly to my conclusion you can see
this in my plan my conclusion is that
technology has improved communication
but it hasn't improved connections
between people and I'm signaling this
very clearly in my introduction
that means the examiner or whoever's
reading my essay knows exactly where I'm
going to go and that's also very
important for your IELTS essay somebody
who reads your introduction should know
where you want to go and what you're
trying to do with this essay okay
so body paragraph number one let me give
myself some space right
all right so that's my topic sentence
that's introducing the main point of my
paragraph and now I need to add
supporting ideas and examples so
okay so I'm not sure I'm going to leave
it like this I'm just going to do a
quick time check okay 25 minutes left I
might change this but I think that's
pretty pretty good so things to check
first of all is to check that your
paragraph fits your plan so my plan says
technology has improved communication
and I'm saying that communication is
easier cheaper and more convenient so
that's that's good that works mmm I give
examples like instant messaging email or
VoIP like Skype then I give an example
by comparing the present to the past I
talk about how in the past it was
difficult and expensive but now I can
reach anybody all over the world through
using my phone so I think I think that
covers what we what we need it to cover
right so now I need to move to the
second body paragraph obviously the
second body paragraph is going in a
different direction I need to draw this
line between communication and
connection and show that communication
and connection are different things so I
need to signal that clearly let's think
how I can do that now I did that in my
introduction I was going to ask a
question
starting with however but I already did
that here so I need to make sure that I
don't repeat myself
okay and so that's my topic sentence
then now I need to support that and I go
back to my plan actually I'm going to
copy my plan and I'm going to bring it
down here so you can see that right so
okay so I need to finish this I need
that kind of finishing sentence here
okay and I think I think that's okay so
let's have a look first we've got this
which is linking this paragraph to the
first paragraph I'm referring back to
the ideas I talked about in the first
body paragraph and with the word while
I'm signaling that I'm going to go in a
different direction while is used to
show contrasts or yeah contrasts so that
makes it clear that which direction I'm
going to go in this paragraph then this
is really my topic sentence here this is
the main point of my paragraph it's not
now I think I should change this word
because in the task
it says uses the word improved and here
I say changed and that's a slightly
different meaning and you need to be
careful of things like this because you
might use a word and you think okay
that's that's fine that's very similar
in meaning but words which are similar
in meaning are not the same and to get a
high score in your Al's essay you need
to be very precise I it's not
significantly now can I use improved mmm
let me think
now you see I think like that because I
used it used it already here and I think
I used it already before so let's keep
it simple meaning meaning go anything
alright okay I think that's better so
that's my topic sentence that's now
closer to my meaning in my plan and it's
closer to the idea that I'm working
towards a made conclusion then I'm
giving a reason digital communication
can never replace face-to-face
communication so this explains why
technology has not improved connections
and relationships then I explained this
idea I say why can why can digital
communication not replace face-to-face
communication because communication is
nonverbal then I give examples of
nonverbal communication and I go on to
explain how that nonverbal communication
is lost in if you're using some kind of
digital technology to communicate then
the final sentence is kind of leading to
my conclusion I'm again I'm bringing
back the I'm connecting the two ideas of
communication and connection which sets
up my conclusion I think so now I need
to write the conclusion then I get rid
of this let's do a time check
fifteen minutes okay that's looking good
let's do a word count check I have 223
words so far so again that's looking
pretty good you you want to aim to write
maybe around 270 280 that's a good
length so if my conclusion is 50 or 60
words I'll be around I'll be in that
area
so my conclusion let's see no it's the
thing with your conclusion is you have
to be very careful not to just repeat
yourself obviously your conclusion is
connected to all the ideas which you've
talked about in your essay but it should
not just be a repetition and that's easy
to say but it can be hard to do so I'm
gonna go quiet again while I focus on
this
okay I'm just referring back to my plan
also I need to check back to my
introduction and just make sure that I'm
you know I'm explaining my conclusion
clearly but I'm not repeating myself so
that's what I'm doing here
[Music]
okay so I think that should be good but
I'm going to check now it's always good
to keep checking back it is so easy to
go off-topic and in an IELTS essay your
else I say although you might think it's
a lot to write in 40 minutes it's it's
quite short you don't have very many
words you don't have very many sentences
and that means you need to make sure
every sentence counts every sentence
needs to be relevant and focused and
it's so easy to just get a little bit
distracted or to go a little bit off
topic or maybe you generalize a little
bit too much and your point becomes less
relevant or less focus so I'm just going
to check this here so here I'm looking
at key ideas from the tasks we've got
digital technology we're talking about
communication talking about it's a
positive thing which that's what we know
that's relevant because the question is
asking about improving communications
that also we also hit that here being
able to keep in touch that's relevant
that's about communication it's a great
advantage that shows that something
positive it's something improved then
we're talking about connecting forming
relationships again that relates back
directly to the task okay has not
changed does not change
so the task is asking about whether
technology has improved connections
between people I'm saying it has it
hasn't changed
connections and how people form
relationships and yeah that is relevant
because if if it hasn't changed then it
hasn't improved so that's also answering
the question pretty directly then here
okay we've got we need face to face
contact to form meaningful connections
with others and current technology is no
substitute for that now this is quite
important it's probably the most
important sentence in the whole essay
let's see why that is first of all this
is answering the question your last
sentence should be your your final
answer and it should be something clear
to get high scores for your IELTS essay
you need to present a clear conclusion
it's very difficult to do that if you
write something like well it depends on
the situation or there are advantages
and disadvantages on both sides if you
write something like that it's not a
clear conclusion and it's very difficult
then to get higher scores now here we
have a very firm conclusion I'm not in
the middle on this topic I'm coming down
on one side I'm saying yeah okay
technology has improved communication
but it definitely has an improved
connection it's a firm conclusion and
that makes it possible to get higher
scores especially in your task
achievement a quick time check
eight minutes okay well alright should
hurry up a little bit but basically
finished but I'm still I still have time
to check and maybe make some
improvements let's do a quick word count
check 291 words that's just about
perfect it's a good length so alright
that's good now I'm going to look
through I'm going to look for vocabulary
at this point if you have time at this
point in your IELTS exam you want to
look through look for vocabulary errors
look for things like repetition of words
look for anywhere where you can perhaps
improve your use of vocabulary replace
by replacing a maybe a more generic word
with something more specific and more
interesting you could also look for
grammar errors now I hope I haven't made
any grammar errors I'm going to defend
myself preemptively if I have if I have
made any grammar errors it's almost
certainly because I got distracted by
talking while I was typing but okay
let's have a look um all right so I'm
gonna highlight vocabulary which the
examiner would notice and think okay
this person is you know is a strong
candidate for vocabulary and often the
IELTS students focus a little bit too
much on just words but actually getting
a higher score in vocabulary is much
more about combinations of words and
collocations and phrases it's not
necessarily about using very very
difficult vocabulary it's about taking
the vocabulary you have and using it
with precision and with versatility so
things like advances in technology for
meaningful relationships no substitute
for face-to-face communication let's
have a look at a few more voit that's a
good one at the push of a button
non
all communication is nonverbal it's a
good phrase subtle cues or even
something like facial expressions change
substantively now these are yeah these
are phrases that if I were marking your
essay I would notice and I would say
okay well these this person is should be
considered for a higher vocabulary score
these are the things that can the kind
of things that can push you into band
eight or bands nine for vocabulary and
there are a few more but I just
highlighted a few examples now the last
thing I'm going to do is just check that
I haven't overused any words so I'm
going to look for keywords from the
topic things like technology
communication interaction let's just
check I'm just going to highlight all of
these obviously if you were in your exam
you could maybe underline words or maybe
put a little star or a little mark next
to them with your pen and mark them in
that way and it's just an easy way to
way to see if you're overusing any
particular words now this isn't looking
too bad so far I say that but then seems
like there's a lot of communication in
this paragraph yeah that's that's
looking a little bit repetitive so I
should do something about that and oh
there's another one I missed one
then I'm gonna keep going
next again okay
so I think it's not too bad now again
I'll student so fines tend to worry a
little bit too much about repetition and
often I see essays which are full of
incorrect synonym usage because the
student is trying to avoid repeating
themselves and I mean repetition can be
a problem but it's much more important
to use a word precisely and accurately
and sometimes some repetition is
inevitable like in this topic we're
talking about communication so although
I do need to do something about this
paragraph it's natural that you're going
to use the word communicate or
communication you're going to use those
words several times because that's what
you're talking about and sometimes
that's the only word that fits all right
let's see so I'm gonna change a few of
these to try and minimize this
repetition okay so instead of using the
word communiques digital communication
I'm just going to list all the things
which are included in digital
communication that solves that problem
face to face now I know I've used the
word contact a few other times but I
think I don't think I've used it that
much so I'm going to change that to
contact and that fits there
now the others I think I need to leave
because here communication is nonverbal
I need the word communication to go with
the word nonverbal those have to go
together in the topic sentence I want to
use the word communicate because it's a
key word it's a key idea in the topic so
I want to address that directly and here
again this is kind of a conclusion to
the paragraph and again I want to use
the word communication so I think that's
ok let's see the other word I was just
thinking about is the word meaningful
highlight is purple I just want to make
sure I haven't overused this because I
felt like maybe I was using it a little
bit too much but no I think that's I
care can only see two that looks ok
alright so at this point I think I've
got what how much time 30 seconds so I'm
more or less done now I think that would
be this would be a strong essay it would
yeah would get would get the top score
undoubtedly and let's just review the
key points so the most important thing I
would say and the number one thing you
need to do if you're aiming for a higher
IELTS score is you need to up there ago
amount of time no more changes you need
to plan and you need to plan your
conclusion first you need to know where
your compare your essay is going and
then you need to plan your essay so that
everything is connected it's not enough
if you're aiming for high schools it's
not enough for your ideas just to be
relevant they also need to be connected
to each other everything needs to be
connected I know yeah I'm
meeting myself there but that's the most
important point another thing and
something I've I kind of noticed while I
was doing this is that it's really
important to just check back as you're
writing keep checking back to the task
keep checking back to your plan do
things like okay in this video I've been
highlighting words to show you which of
course you can't do in your in your
IELTS exam but you know what you can you
can underline things you can underline
things on your in your essay and in your
plan and in the question and in that way
that's already underlined okay in that
way you can just check that you're
staying on topic and just you know make
sure that you don't start going in a
different direction that's one thing I
noticed then yeah I mean also I guess
the last point is just to lust really
important point is make sure you reach a
strong conclusion again this is
essential for higher IELTS scores you
can't get high IELTS scores with uh well
it depends there's good and bad here
kind of answer it it doesn't work you
need a strong conclusion you need to
have an opinion and the examiner needs
to understand what that opinion is and
yeah you can see this as we talked about
at the end here okay so let's finish
there like I said you can see the full
essay and you can read it on our website
oxfordonlineenglish.com there's a link
underneath the video that's all thanks
for watching and I'll see you next time
