#1. In a Cafe

YOUNG MAN: Forget it. It's too risky. I'm through doin' that shit.

YOUNG WOMAN: You always say that. The same thing every time. I'm through, never again, too dangerous.

YOUNG MAN: I know that's what I always say. I'm always right too.

YOUNG WOMAN: But you forget about it in a day or two.

YOUNG MAN: The days of me forgettin' are over, and the days me rememberin' have just begun.

YOUNG WOMAN: You know, when you go on like this, what you sound like?

YOUNG MAN: I sound like a sensible fucking man, that's what I sound like.

YOUNG WOMAN: You sound like a duck. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack...

YOUNG MAN: Well take heart, 'cause you're never gonna hafta hear it again.

Because since I'm never gonna do it again, you're never gonna have to hear me quack about how I'm never gonna do it.

YOUNG WOMAN: After tonight?

YOUNG MAN: Correct. I got all tonight to quack.

WAITRESS: Can I get anyone more coffee?

YOUNG WOMAN: Oh, yes. Thank you.

WAITRESS: You are welcome.

YOUNG MAN: I mean the way it is now, you're takin' the same risk as when you rob a bank. You take more of a risk. Banks are easier! Federal banks aren't supposed to stop you anyway, during a robbery. They're insured, why should they give a fuck? I don't even need a gun in a federal bank. Heard about this one bloke, he walked into a bank with a portable phone. He gives a phone to a teller. The bloke on the other end says: "We got this guy's little girl, and if you don't give him all your money, we're gonna kill her."

YOUNG WOMAN: Did it work?

YOUNG MAN: Fuckin' right it worked, that's what I'm talkin' about! Knucklehead walks into a bank with a telephone. Not a pistol, not a shotgun, but a fuckin' phone, cleans the place out, they don't lift a fuckin' finger.

YOUNG WOMAN: Did they hurt the little girl?

YOUNG MAN: I don't know. There probably never was a little girl at the first place. The point of the story isn't the little girl. The point of the story is they robbed the bank with a telephone.

YOUNG WOMAN: You wanna rob banks?

YOUNG MAN: I'm not sayin' I wanna rob banks, I'm just illustrating that if we did, it would be easier than what we been doin'.

YOUNG WOMAN: And no more liquor stores?

YOUNG MAN: What have we been talking about? Yeah, no more-liquor-stores. Besides, it ain't the giggle it used to be. Too many foreigners own liquor stores. Vietnamese, Koreans, don't even speak fuckin' English. You tell 'em: "Empty out the register," and they don't know what the fuck you're talking about. They make it too personal. We keep on, one of those gook fuckers' gonna make us kill 'em.

YOUNG WOMAN: I'm not gonna kill anybody.

YOUNG MAN: I don't wanna kill anybody either. But they'll probably put us in a situation where it's us or them. And if it's not the gooks, it these old fucking Jews who've owned the store for fifteen fuckin' generations. Ya got Grandpa Irving sittin' behind the counter with a fuckin' Magnum in his hand. Try walkin' into one of those stores with nothin' but a telephone, see how far it gets you. Fuck it, forget it, we're out of it.

YOUNG WOMAN: Well, what then, day jobs?

YOUNG MAN: Not this life.

YOUNG WOMAN: Well what then?

YOUNG MAN: Garcon! Coffee!

YOUNG MAN: This place.

WAITRESS: "Garcon" means boy.

YOUNG WOMAN: This place? A coffee shop?

YOUNG MAN: What's wrong with that? Nobody ever robs restaurants. Why not? Bars, liquor stores, gas stations; you get your head blown off stickin' up one of them. Restaurants, on the other hand, you catch with their pants down. They're not expecting to get robbed. Not as expecting, anyway.

YOUNG WOMAN: I bet you could cut down on the hero factor in a place like this.

YOUNG MAN: Correct. Same as banks, these places are insured. Manager. He don't give a fuck. They're just tryin' to get ya out the door before you start pluggin' the diners. Waitresses. Fucking forget it. No way they are takin' a bullet for the register. Busboys. Some wetback gettin' paid a dollar fifty a hour really give a fuck you're stealin' from the owner? Customers are sittin' there with food in their mouths, they don't know what's goin' on. One minute they're havin' a Denver omelet, next minute somebody's stickin' a gun in their face.

YOUNG MAN: See, I got the idea last liquor store we stuck up. 'Member all those customers kept comin' in? See, I got the idea the last liquor store we struck up, remember? All the customers keep coming in.

YOUNG WOMAN: Yeah.

YOUNG MAN: You got the idea of taking their wallets. Now, that was a good idea.

YOUNG WOMAN: Thank you.

YOUNG MAN: Made more from the wallets than we did from the register.

YOUNG WOMAN: Yes, we did.

YOUNG MAN: A lot of people comin’ at restaurants.

YOUNG WOMAN: A lot of wallets.

YOUNG MAN: Pretty smart, huh?

YOUNG WOMAN: Pretty smart. I'm ready, let's do it. Right now, right here. Come on.

YOUNG MAN: All right. Same as last time, remember? You're crowd control. I handle the employees.

YOUNG WOMAN: I love you, Pumpkin.

YOUNG MAN: I love you, Honey Bunny.

PUMPKIN: Everybody be cool! This is a robbery!