Homeschool History – The Restoration (1)

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Hello and welcome to “Homeschool History” with Greg Jenner. I'm Greg and I've spent my whole career making history fun on the TV show “Horrible Histories” and on the BBC podcast “You're dead to me”, but that one's mostly for grown-ups. With everyone being cooped up in the house, I thought I'd do a brand new pop-up podcast that delivers a snappy history lesson to entertain and educate the whole family. Who says that homeschooling can't be a bit of fun?

Today we are jumping back 360 years to romp through the 1660s and learn all about King Charles II and the restoration of the monarchy. And listen up, because at the end of the episode there will be a short quiz to see how much you can remember. But, don't worry, no pressure.

So, what was the Restoration? Well, if you're restoring something that means something has been taken away and needs to be put back. And that thing was: the king!

In the 1640s, there had been horrible civil wars in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales and people were either on the side of the king, who's name was Charles I, or they were on the side of Parliament, and after lots of battles, Parliament won the war.

In 1649, King Charles I was put on trial and found guilty of treason and that's the biggest crime there is, it's even worse than licking all the biscuits so someone else can't eat them.

Not only did the country part ways with Charles as their king, Charles's head and body parted ways too, he was executed.

With King Charles dead, his son – also called Charles – (bit lazy in fairness), thought that he would be the next king. But the English said: No, we don't want a new king.

Charles was a bit upset about this. He'd been living in France and the Netherlands and he thought: ‘Right, well, I'm going to invade then and take my throne.'

So he turned up in Scotland. He lost the battle of Dunbar and then he tried again, the battle of Worcester, in England. And he lost that one, too. He ended up having to hide in an oak tree, like some sort of very large, very posh squirrel.

And then, he decided to leave the country and go back to the Netherlands. (– Bye-bye!)

In short: Kings were no longer in charge. Instead, in came the Commonwealth run by the Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell. Now, he was a bit like a king but not a king. And to prove it, he got rid of the crown jewels. Now, Cromwell wanted to make society more religious. He was a Puritan, so his parliament made new laws banning theatre and sport and gambling and all the fun stuff that people liked.

But then, in 1658, Cromwell made the terrible error of stopping being alive – rookie mistake.

And even though he wasn't a king, the job of Lord Protector went straight to his son, Richard Cromwell, which is very much what happens with kings.

Hmm, sounds a bit suspicious to me.

Anyway, Richard Cromwell turned out to be more useless than a hammer made of jelly, he was absolutely rubbish and very, very unpopular.

So, two of Oliver Cromwell's most loyal generals, Charles Fleetwood and John Lambert, marched into Westminster and refused to let Parliament enter the building. So, Fleetwood and Lambert were now kind of in charge but then another powerful gentleman turned up and his name was George Monck and he was even more impressive and more influential and he came down and he said: “I'm in charge now!”

If you're thinking this all sounds a bit complicated, you're not the only one.

King Charles had been too arrogant, so they'd executed him and Oliver Cromwell had been too controlling and he died and Richard Cromwell had been too useless and everyone wanted rid of him. So, politics had just become a total mess for 20 years. The people in the country just wanted some stability.

Maybe, maybe having a king wasn't quite such a bad idea after all? If only they had a spare king in the back of a cupboard somewhere. (– Helloo?)

You know, a back-up King Charles. Oh, hang on a minute, they did! (– Helloo?)

Charles junior was still hanging around in the Netherlands where he'd been sulking since losing that battle. And when George Monck got in touch and said: “Oh, Charles, I tell you what, it's going absolutely horrible over here, do you fancy doing some kinging for us?”, Charles was like: “Yeah, absolutely, I am totes up for that. I'm gonna be King Charles II, the big sequel!” (– Oh, yeah!)

On April 4th, 1660, Charles signed the Declaration of Breda and promised to forgive all of the people who'd been involved in the civil wars. A new parliament was called and was finally allowed back into Westminster. And they not only declared that Charles was the rightful king, but they also said that his reign had started on the day of his dad's death, in 1649. That's right, they cheated with the calendar to say that the new King Charles had been king all along. And that whole Oliver-Cromwell-thing hadn't even happened. That's like marking your own homework and giving yourself 10 out of 10 when you haven't even answered all the questions.

Charles sailed back to England to become king and he arrived in London on his 30th birthday. I mean, what a way to celebrate your birthday! Forget about having a pizza party.

Charles's parade was described by the diary writer John Evelyn as a triumph. Above 20,000 horse and foot soldiers, brandishing their swords and shouting with inexpressible joy, the ways strewn with flowers, the bells ringing, the streets hung with tapestry, fountains running with wine! (Which, in fairness, is probably a very bad idea 'cause if the pigeons drink it they'll be very ill.)

And then there was another huge bash the next year for the official coronation in 1661. Another diary writer, Samuel Pepys, over-indulged on party food and drink, writing in his diary the next day: “I slept all morning, only when I waked I found myself wet with my spewing.”

Turns out, he partied so hard, he had made himself sick. Hah, there's always one, isn't there.

Charles II also got himself a pretty snazzy birthday present. Because the crown jewels had been destroyed by Oliver Cromwell, Charles got a new set made. Charles became the king of bling.

(– Ching ching, bling bling, cut the chatter / You ain't talkin' money, then your talkin' don't matter / Ching ching, bling bling, pattin' pockets…)

Now, wearing his fancy crown, the new King Charles was happy to pardon everyone involved in the civil wars, apart from those who'd been involved in the execution of his dad.

The ancient Latin word for a king killer is a regicide – good word! And Charles had the so-called regicides, who'd signed the death warrant, tracked down and either imprisoned for life – pretty bad – or executed – mmh, definitely worse.

Now, some of them, including Oliver Cromwell, had already died of natural causes anyway. So, Charles had those regicides dug up from their graves and executed again, which really is overkill – quite literally, in fact. Even worse, he then had the rotten remains impaled on spikes outside the entrance to Westminster Hall in London – gross!

So, with the monarchy restored and King Charles II having had his vengeance on his dad's killers, he now became known as the Merry Monarch and not just because of that big party that made Samuel Pepys puke. No, because Charles II was all about the fun, the fashion and the fancy living.

He likes people to see him out and about in London, enjoying himself at the theatre. And that was a huge difference to Oliver Cromwell's lot, who'd closed down all the public entertainments.

Charles also brought back the old tradition of touching his subjects if they had a skin disease called scrofula. It was also known as “the king's evil“, which is a very cool name for a very nasty disease. Now, Charles ended up touching more scrofula-riddled subjects than any other monarch in history. And the cues to see him were massive! Think ’Alton Towers‘ but instead of cueing for the Jungle Rapids, you're basically waiting to get your warts poked by a posh bloke in a big hat.

King Charles loved art and architecture. And he also loved animals. He had some very cute pet King Charles Spaniels – of course he did, he was King Charles! Annoyingly though, people kept dog-napping them, forcing Charles to write newspaper adverts demanding his posh pooches be returned to him. Honestly, the scandal!

Charles was also very fashionable, bringing over the latest trends from Europe, such as the three-piece suit, which involved wearing a natty waistcoat. (– Wow!)

At one big party, Charles was showing off his waistcoat when his sister Henrietta laughed at him and she did so, because she lived in France where the waistcoat was so 1657: It was out of fashion!

Charles was humiliated and angry. He banned the wearing of all foreign fabrics. Which goes to show that even kings can have petty squabbles with their siblings.

Charles's obsession with being bang on trend meant all of his friends had to be fashionable, too. Particularly the men. They created the trend for long, curly wigs, called periwigs. He may have liked Spaniels but he looked more like a Poodle.

The thing is though, that the wigs were made from other people's hair and sometimes that hair would come from poor people who were unable to wash, which meant that the hair that you were buying to put on your head was basically full of lice and nits. Yuck! (– Disgusting!)

Because Charles II was so charming, he was very popular with the ladies. Now, he was married to Catherine of Braganza, but that didn't stop him from having a ton of girlfriends as well. One of them was the very famous actress Nell Gwyn.

And that's actually another exciting new trend the Restoration brought along. No, not having girlfriends, I mean actresses! Arts and culture boomed during the Restoration. Theatres shut down by Oliver Cromwell were reopened and women were now finally allowed to perform on the stage. (– Bravo!)

Throughout the Restoration, artists, authors and brainy nerds were having a whale of a time. The Royal Society, a fancy science club still around today, was founded in the 1660s with some very famous members that you might recognise: Robert Hooke, Christopher Wren and Isaac Newton. That's right, the guy, who figured out gravity. (– Eureka!)

People also liked to hang out in new coffee houses which were popping up all over the cities. But it wasn't like an episode of ”Friends“ because, well, women weren't really allowed in and also the men would just talk about politics, which isn't very funny.

In fact, King Charles got nervous that the coffee houses were hot-beds of treasonous chat. Despite being the Merry Monarch, Charles was worried that people were gossiping behind his back and were planning perhaps to overthrow him or even execute him like it happened to his dad.

So, in came the ban, but coffee houses were so popular that immediately Charles was unpopular for his new law. And that made him, well, at risk from being executed again. So, he changed his mind. Very sensibel, you don't want to annoy someone who's addicted to caffeine, they get really grumpy if you take that coffee away.

After having a cup-up, people could also go and check out some of the entertainment in the cities and towns. For example there were being new Italian-style puppet shows featuring the character Mr. Punch. Or they could for a stroll around town and enjoy the sweet sounds of ballad singers.

But if people left the cities and went to the crossroads, these nice sights might be replaced by nastier sights. For example the metal cages containing the rotting bodies of executed criminal and highway-men as a warning to others to behave.