Mermaids vs Bigfoot (3)
Caller: Oh, I can rap.
(Rapping) My name is Bigfoot and I'm coming to dismantle all that negative info about these huge mammals.
No one can hold a flame to this gargantuan candle.
All for conservation efforts, don't you change the channel!
They call me Sasquatch, Bigfoot, Yeti.
Clocking in at 9 feet tall and I'm a tad bit heavy.
People think I am scary when I'm really just hairy.
Making me shake my head, no need to be weary.
Bigfoot just likes his solitude. Despite what they say, I'm not a rude dude.
Talking to him will change your own view– that is, if you can find me, in aptitude.
Beatrice: Well I gotta say, I did NOT see that coming. That's all the time we have for today. I'm Beatrice. Make sure when you're out there, you throw away your garbage because I'm done picking up all these packets of ketchup! See you next time, don't forget to subscribe!
Molly: Oh, wow. That was truly legendary. I would subscribe to that YouTube channel for sure.
Merk: Amazing. Oh my gosh.
Joy: What a great rap. Whoever wrote that must be very pretty.
(laughter)
Molly: Wow. All right, well, now, it's time to hear Team Mermaid's YouTube video.
Cheriel: Welcome back MerMates -- to the channel where YOU are reminded of how mer-maidzing you are with my confidence boosts, makeup tutorials and music covers!
(THE “AHHHH” FROM LITTLE MERMAID)
It's Cheriel. You know, the mermaid who loves singing covers of Cher, the pop singer with hits like… (singing) “Do you achieve in life up above?”
Not gonna lie, IDK if those lyrics are right.
I'd ask my cousin Ariel, but she spends like allllll her time on land. Anyway, today I wanna get into some real talk to combat rumors from people who say I'm perfect. Because (sigh) the truth is, I'm not.
Fan 1: But Cheriel, you're gorgeous!
Fan 2: You've got so many friends!
Fan 3: You're so bubbly! I could never be like you!
Cheriel: Thanks for the compliments but honestly, I often feel like a fish out of water.
One: You can't see ‘em ‘cause I don't show them on video but my fins are smaller and less colorful than most merpeople I know. Some days, that makes me wish I looked different. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard not to.
Two: A lot of my school friends, like Freddi the Fish, are actually really sick because our waters are so polluted. I use filters to edit my videos so the water looks more blue but for real, the water down here's gotten a lot murkier. And anyone who knows mermaids knows we don't live deeeeep under the sea. Most days, I've got oil in my lungs or see trash from the surface floating downward towards me and my community. That's not healthy and it makes me sad.
So let's protect the (DOLPHIN CHIRP) sea!
And fin-ally, three, my WiFi down here is a bummer. You know how (DOLPHIN CHIRP) long it takes to upload one video from sea level?! I get down on myself when I can't bring you all videos faster.
But you know what? It's all worth it because I've got mer-mates like you. Maybe you can relate to what I've said or maybe not.
Either way, I don't think we're much different-- you and me. I know I'M far from perfect. And you're more mermaid than you think. After all, you can't spell mermaid without the “me”-- (whispers) Which in this case, is you.
Whale, thanks for watching. Don't forget to scuba-scribe!
Molly: An inspiring video. I would watch that on a daily basis, just for some affirmations. Oscar, you heard some big claims, some fantastic facts, some really beautiful singing in both sides and rapping, so it's time to award a point.
Oscar: For Joy, on behalf of Bigfoot, that song absolutely was amazing. I know that none of you can see me, but I was in my room just dancing to that beautiful, beautiful music. For the mermaids, Cheriel could have been a million actual YouTubers. If I saw that on YouTube, I would not question it for a second, and the puns were on fire.
Joy: Yes, they are on fire.
Merk: Thank you.
Molly: Merk is a very talented pun-stress. Oscar, it's time to award a point. Have you decided on a winner?
Oscar: I have.
Molly: Excellent. It's time for our third round. Secretive, the stealthy--
Announcer: Sneak attack.
Molly: -today's sneak attack is called crayon color. If your side was a crayon color, what color would it be? What would the name of the color be? Describe the shade and then tell us what you would name that crayon. I'll give you a few minutes to brainstorm while we listen to some lovely hold music.
(Singing)
Mermaids, ladies of the sea, tails that look like a manatee.
Sailors love them, seaweed in their hair.
In the shadows, Bigfoot hikes. Some call him Sasquatch, what a sight!
Stomp, stomp, woooo! Creature in the woods.
Molly: All right. Merk, you're up. It's time to make some waves with Team Mermaid's color. What do you got?
Merk: All right. This crayon, which is a high-tech, waterproof audio recording technology is called Rain Boy G. Biv because when you use this crayon, it shows you all colors of the rainbow. Not only do you got Roy G. Biv, you got brown, you got white, and you got black in there too. The reason why it's called Rain Boy G. Biv is to show it's like, well, this color brought to you by the mermaid collection is not just a binary color.
There's a boy in there, there's a girl in there, and there's anyone who's not in that binary too. It's cool because you can record your audio inside the crayon. It's that high-tech and you can use it under water. It just goes to show, however you want to express yourself that day, I mean, all the colors are there.
Molly: I love that. A high-tech, color-shifting crayon. Love it. All right. Joy, it's your turn. Let's hear about Team Bigfoot's color.
Joy: This team, her color is called Bursting Chocolate Tootsie Roll Fireplace Caramel Brownie and Brown. Bigfoot is often mistaken for something gross, right? There's all these wonderful things that brown is-- It's Bigfoot's color, one, but it's also yummy like chocolate. Who doesn't like chocolate? Fireplace, who doesn't like something cozy? Tootsie Rolls, don't get me started.
Not only is it delicious-looking and smelling and tasting, you can eat it. That's right. It's also a GPS. If you get lost in the forest, you can use it. Because sometimes, you don't have WiFi so you can't use all that technology out there. You need something old school, something old school like the Chocolate Fireplace Campfire Tootsie Roll Caramel Brownie.
Molly: A high-tech, edible crayon that shows us the beauty in brown.
Joy: Yes.
Molly: Okay. Oscar, it's time to award a point to the side you like best. Do some thinking and mark it down, but don't tell us who's getting the point.
Oscar: All right. I do love that they both had some pretty sweet high-tech in there. Also, I noticed both of them managed to connect this point back to their original declaration of greatness. With mermaids, Merk was able to connect it back to being something that helps you express yourself and having all things be beautiful. Joy was able to connect Bigfoot back to, in this case, brown, but in general, having something that's typically perceived as negative be something that's actually pretty good. Good job for both teams that time.
Molly: Our debaters are not making your decision easy, but it's time to award a point. Have you decided?
Oscar: I have.
Molly: It's time for our last round.
Announcer: The Final 6.
Molly: Team Bigfoot, you're up. You've got just six more words to make a final impression on Oscar. Let's hear them.
Joy: Bigfoot friend equals big hearts? The question mark there is for free.
(laughter)
Molly: Beautiful. Now, Merk, it's your turn. Let's hear Team Mermaid's Final 6.
Merk: Self-expression activists, part of your--
(laughter)
Oscar: Oh, that's awful, but so good.
Joy: Talk about a cliffhanger.
(laughter)
Molly: We all finished it in our heads.
Merk: Tune in next week, scuba-scribe and you will know what (cross-talk)
Joy: Part of your what? Part of your what?
(laughter)
Molly: Okay, Oscar, the moment has come between these two larger-than-life legendary icons.
Oscar: I have awarded my final point.
Molly: All right. Listeners, feel free to pause and take a moment to talk it over if you need to, but Oscar, it's time to tally up the points you've awarded and let us know who is the winner of today's debate. The winner is--
Oscar: The winner is mermaids.
Merk: (screams)
Oscar: It was extremely close. It came down to the last six words. It was a tie up until then.
Joy: Dear. Really?
Molly: Wow.
Joy: Oh, wow.
Molly: This is a close one. Both debaters did so well.
Oscar: It was really close. Joy, you did a fantastic job.
Merk: You did amazing. You did fantastic. Fin-tastic.
Joy: Oh, Fin-inkly. Thank you. Thank you.
(laughter)
Oscar: Well, just with the last six words, I just thought it was so funny. I had to. Even though Merk was only allotted six words to work with, she effectively used those six words to get at least seven because we were all finishing it in our heads. Even though she only said six, I had to.
Joy: Ah, yes.
Merk: Well, Joy, I think you and I were made to be friends with each other because you have some awesome arguments that proved a lot of great points about Bigfoot, and I don't want to hate on Bigfoot because he and his species seem awesome. And that fire rap was everything. You truly bring so much energy and I loved this debate.
Joy: You know, thanks. I said a lot of smack against Ariel, but I could quote that movie by heart, like still—and I'm 33-years-old.
(laughter)
Molly: Well that's it for today's debate battle. Oscar crowned mermaids the Smash Boom Best, but what do YOU think?
Oscar: We wanna know! Head to smash boom dot org and vote to tell us who YOU think won.
Molly: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On! and American Public Media.
Merk: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie duPont Sanden Totten and Jennifer Lai.
Joy: We had engineering help from Veronica Rodriguez and Cameron Wiley.
Merk: And we had production help from Elyssa Dudley, Kristina Lopez, Marc Sanchez and Menaka Wilhelm.
Molly: Anna Weggel is the voice of our hold music, and our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. We want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Coffman and David Zha. Joy, is there anyone you want to thank today?
Joy: You know I gotta give a shout out to Jeremy Walton, from Thailand, that was actually the voice of Bigfoot. He did a wonderful job with that rap.
Molly: He did, that was amazing. How about you, Merk? Any special shout outs today?
Merk: So many. Joy, the BFF YouTube channel, my friends Josh, Jo, Juan, Matt, Hunter, Susan, David, Quincy, Alex, Ariel, AND Howard and Allen who wrote “Part of Your World”-- that beautiful song.
Molly: I love that song. Do you want to give any special thanks, Oscar?
Oscar: All of you. Anyone involved in creating this awesome show and anyone listening to it.
Molly: Thank you Oscar, we are so happy to have you back. And before we go, let's hear who Sam thinks should win in his numbers vs letters debate.
SAM: So I think numbers would win because there are a lot more of them.
