Journal [Nervous to speak with tutor]

I don't know why I'm so nervous to have a conversation with a tutor. Because I am literally paying them to have a conversation with me, so it really doesn't matter how good I am at speaking or how well I can understand them. If I can't understand anything and I can't say anything, it doesn't matter because I'm paying them to be there and to care about it. Even if I can't do anything, it won't bother the tutor and they won't care if I'm struggling. They don't mind. They're there to help me. Since I'm paying them for their time, I'm not wasting their time by struggling to communicate. I've already bought an hour or so and I can use it however I want. I can try and talk about things I want to talk about and if I struggle, you know, I can take as long as I want. I don't have to feel pressured because if I'm speaking with a tutor then I can use the time exactly as I want to without worrying about struggling to communicate because it doesn't actually matter. But I still get nervous. And I still haven't booked a conversation. But maybe that will change now that I've thought about it a bit more. Maybe.