58- The Unspoken Rules of Dating in English in America 58- Die unausgesprochenen Regeln für Verabredungen auf Englisch in Amerika 58- Las reglas tácitas de las citas en inglés en Estados Unidos 58- As regras não ditas do namoro em inglês na América 58- Негласные правила знакомства на английском языке в Америке 58 - 美国英语约会的潜规则 58 - 美國英語約會的潛規則

Lindsay: This is an All Ears English Podcast, Episode 58: Meeting Monday, “TheUnspoken Rules of Dating in English in America.” Lindsay：這是一個全耳英語播客，第 58 集：週一會議，“美國英語約會的潛規則”。

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Gabby: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, where you'll finally get real, native English conversation. Now here are your hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer' and Gabby Wallace, the ‘Language Angel,' coming to you from Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

Do they love you? 他們愛你嗎？ Find out in today's episode. 在今天的節目中找出答案。

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Gabby: Hey Lindsay. How's it going?

Lindsay: Good Gabby. How are you?

Gabby: I'm doing great. Thank you.

Lindsay: (Mm-hm).

Gabby: So today's episode is pretty juicy. 蓋比：今天的這一集非常有趣。

Lindsay: Juicy. 林賽：多汁。 Totally juicy. 完全多汁。

We have actually some questions that we're going to answer, questions from you guys, our listeners, about dating rules in the US. 實際上，我們有一些問題需要回答，是你們、我們的聽眾提出的關於美國約會規則的問題。

Lindsay: Because of course, Valentine's Day is coming up… Lindsay：當然，因為情人節快到了…

Gabby: Yes.

Lindsay: …at the end of this week. Lindsay：……這週末。

Gabby: Yes, so you better know these rules before you go out with anybody. So we have a few different questions that are all, (you know), related to the unspoken rules of dating that we're going to answer for you guys here. 所以我們有幾個不同的問題，（你知道），這些問題都與約會的潛規則有關，我們將在這裡為你們解答。 First question is “How do you tell someone that you like them?” So what's – (I mean), I, I would say just be direct. 第一個問題是“你如何告訴別人你喜歡他們？”那麼什麼是－－（我的意思是），我，我會說直接點。

Lindsay: Just be direct. 林賽：直接點就行了。

Gabby: Say “I like you.”

Lindsay: Just be brave. 林賽：勇敢一點。 It's not always easy. 這並不總是那麼容易。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: (Um) you could say you really like spending time with them. Lindsay：（嗯）你可以說你真的很喜歡和他們在一起。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: That's another way to say it. Lindsay：這是另一種說法。

Gabby: “I like hanging out with you.” 蓋比：“我喜歡和你一起出去玩。”

Lindsay: (Mm-hm).

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: (You know).

Gabby: “I like your company.” 蓋比：“我喜歡你的陪伴。”

Lindsay: Exactly.

And those are actually better than just saying directly “I like you.” It's, it's, it's fine to say “I like you,” but (like) it depends on the context. 這些實際上比直接說“我喜歡你”更好。是，是，說“我喜歡你”很好，但是（喜歡）這取決於上下文。 And I agreeLindsay this, (you know), “I like spending time with you” sounds…Lindsay: Yeah. 我同意林賽這一點，（你知道），「我喜歡和你一起度過時光」聽起來…林賽：是的。

Gabby: …a little smoother if you want to be a… 蓋比：……如果你想成為……就更順利一點……

Lindsay: Yeah.

Gabby: …cool cat. 蓋比：……酷貓。

Lindsay: You gotta (got to) be smooth if you wanna (want to)… Lindsay：如果你想（想要）的話，你就必須（必須）保持平穩…

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: …(you know), score a girlfriend or boyfriend, so. Lindsay：……（你知道），找個女朋友或男朋友吧，所以。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: Okay. So the next question is how do you know if someone likes you? Следующий вопрос - как узнать, нравитесь ли вы кому-то? 那麼下一個問題是你如何知道某人是否喜歡你？

Gabby: Oh boy, this is where it gets tricky because everyone's different right? 蓋比：天哪，這就是棘手的地方，因為每個人都是不同的，對吧？

Lindsay: (Mm-hm).

Gabby: But we do have some ideas, (you know), especially culturally to know if an American likes you. 蓋比：但我們確實有一些想法，（你知道），特別是在文化上了解美國人是否喜歡你。

Lindsay: Yes. One thing – obviously we communicate a lot by text, so one thing is that if you're getting, (you know), text messages from the person often…Gabby: Yeah. 一件事——顯然我們通過短信進行了很多交流，所以一件事是，如果你經常收到（你知道的）對方發來的短信……加比：是的。

Lindsay: Right.

Gabby: Personal text messages. 蓋比：個人簡訊。

Lindsay: Personal, as opposed to group text messages? Lindsay：個人的，而不是群組簡訊？

Gabby: Yeah.

Well, (like) I get a lot of text messages from people who are promoting parties (like)…Lindsay: Oh yeah. 嗯，（例如）我收到了很多宣傳派對的人發來的短信（比如）…… Lindsay：哦，是的。 Okay.

Yeah, (like), “Come to this club tonight,” (you know). 是的，（例如），「今晚來這個俱樂部，」（你知道）。 That person doesn't like me. 那個人不喜歡我。

Lindsay: Right.

Right.

Right.

Gabby: They want me to go and pay for, (you know), my entrance into the club. 蓋比：他們希望我去支付（你知道的）進入俱樂部的費用。

Lindsay: Yeah.

Gabby: Totally different. 蓋比：完全不同。

Lindsay: And I would say if they text you, if they return your text quickly…Gabby: Yeah. Lindsay：我會說，如果他們給你發短信，如果他們很快回覆你的短信……Gabby：是的。

Lindsay: …that means something.

Gabby: Totally. Another thing, (um), if you do go out to eat or for coffee, (you know), if the person tries to offer to pay for you, that's a nice sign. 另一件事，（嗯），如果你出去吃飯或喝咖啡，（你知道），如果那個人試圖為你付錢，這是一個很好的跡象。

Lindsay: Right.

And if, if the person is always suggesting that you “go Dutch,” which is an expression I think we learned in an earlier podcast…Gabby: Yeah. 如果，如果這個人總是建議你“去荷蘭”，這是我認為我們在早期播客中學到的表達方式……加比：是的。

Lindsay: …then that probably means that they're not interested; they want to keep it on an acquaintance (sort of) level. Линдси: ...тогда это, скорее всего, означает, что им неинтересно; они хотят сохранить знакомство на уровне (вроде как). Lindsay：……那麼這可能意味著他們不感興趣；他們希望保持在（某種程度上）熟人的水平。

Gabby: Yeah.

(I mean) paying for you is not always an indicator that they like you. （我的意思是）為你付錢並不總是表明他們喜歡你。 (I mean) if you go out for a coffee with a coworker and they pay for your coffee, it doesn't mean that they love you…Lindsay: Right. （我的意思是）如果你和同事出去喝咖啡並且他們為你付錢，這並不意味著他們愛你...... Lindsay：是的。

Gabby: …it means that they're just being professional. Gabby：……這代表他們很專業。

Lindsay: Definitely.

Gabby: Yeah.

So anyway, another indicator is if they invite you out in the firstplace. 所以無論如何，另一個指標是他們是否首先邀請你出去。 So, (um), again it doesn't mean for sure that they like you because like I said, (I mean), your boss could invite you out for coffee. 所以，（嗯），這並不意味著他們肯定喜歡你，因為就像我說的，（我的意思是），你的老闆可能會邀請你出去喝咖啡。 That doesn't mean anything. 那沒有任何意義。

Right.

Gabby: So, it's maybe a good sign, but again, just… 蓋比：所以，這可能是個好兆頭，但再說一次，只是…

Lindsay: Check it out.

Gabby: Yeah.

You have to look at the big picture and the person and the context. 你必須著眼於大局、人物和背景。

Lindsay: And also when the person really listens to what you're saying and they remember important things. Lindsay：當人們真正傾聽你所說的話時，他們就會記得重要的事情。 For example, if you say you have an interview the next week…Gabby: Yeah. 例如，如果你說你下週有一個面試…加比：是的。

Lindsay: …and then that person remembers and they might call you or send you an email…Gabby: Yeah. Lindsay : … et puis cette personne s'en souvient et elle pourrait vous appeler ou vous envoyer un e-mail… Gabby : Ouais. Lindsay：……然後那個人會記得，他們可能會打電話給您或給您發送電子郵件……Gabby：是的。

Lindsay: …and say “Hey. Good luck.” (You know).

Gabby: Absolutely. Things that are going on in your life, (you know), when your birthday is…Lindsay: Yeah. Les choses qui se passent dans votre vie, (vous savez), quand votre anniversaire est… Lindsay : Ouais. 你生活中正在發生的事情，（你知道），當你生日的時候… Lindsay：是的。

Gabby: …(you know) how many sisters and brothers you have. 蓋比：……（你知道）你有多少兄弟姊妹。 All different things.

Lindsay: Specific things you wouldn't remember about the average friend or acquaintance. Lindsay : Des choses spécifiques dont vous ne vous souviendriez pas à propos d'un ami ou d'une connaissance moyenne. Lindsay：關於普通朋友或熟人，你不會記得的具體事情。

Gabby: Yeah.

Totally. Cool. So the next question is similar, but how do you know when someone is not interested and they don't like you. 所以下一個問題是類似的，但是你怎麼知道某人甚麼時候不感興趣並且他們不喜歡你。

Lindsay: Yeah.

Okay.

So what's the first one Gabby? 那第一個是什麼，蓋比？

Gabby: Well it has to do with texting. 加比：嗯，這與簡訊有關。 If they don't text you for a long time, they're probably not that interested. 如果他們很久不給你發短信，他們可能不太感興趣。

Lindsay: Trying to – that's sort of a way of – an indirect way of sending a sign. Линдси: Попытка - это своего рода способ - косвенный способ подать знак. Lindsay：嘗試——這是一種——間接發送訊號的方式。

Gabby: Yeah.

If you send them a text on (like) a Monday and they write you back on a Wednesday afternoon, you might wanna (want to) think about moving on. 如果你在周一給他們發短信，而他們在周三下午給你回信，你可能想考慮繼續前進。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Gabby: Agreed. (Um) another one is if they wait until the last minute to ask you out, (like), if it's, (like) right now let's say for example it's 6 pm on a Saturday night and you get a text saying “Hey, you wanna (want to) go out with me tonight?” That means “Sorry, but you're the last choice.”Lindsay: Last resort, we can say in English. (Um) un autre est s'ils attendent jusqu'à la dernière minute pour vous demander de sortir, (comme), si c'est, (comme) en ce moment, disons par exemple qu'il est 18 heures un samedi soir et que vous recevez un SMS disant "Hé, tu veux (veux) sortir avec moi ce soir ? Cela signifie "Désolé, mais vous êtes le dernier choix." Lindsay : Dernier recours, nous pouvons dire en anglais. （嗯）另一個問題是，如果他們等到最後一分鐘才約你出去，（比如），如果是，（比如）現在，比如說，週六晚上 6 點，你收到一條短信說“嘿，今晚你想跟我出去嗎？”這意味著「對不起，但你是最後的選擇。」Lindsay：最後的手段，我們可以用英語說。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: Well that's sort of insulting. I think.

Gabby: Yeah.

(I mean) some people like to be spontaneous, but let's be real. （我的意思是）有些人喜歡隨性而為，但我們還是要面對現實。 If they really liked you, they'd plan ahead. 如果他們真的喜歡你，他們就會提前計劃。

Lindsay: They'd think about you on a Tuesday. Lindsay：他們會在星期二想起你。

Gabby: Right.

Lindsay: (Um) also avoiding extended eye contact. Lindsay：（嗯）也避免長時間的眼神接觸。 So in, in American culture specifically, extended eye contact can mean romantic interest. 因此，特別是在美國文化中，長時間的目光接觸可能意味著浪漫的興趣。

Gabby: But not always. 蓋比：但並非總是如此。

Lindsay: Not always.

Gabby: We have to put a caveat on this. 加比：我們必須對此提出警告。 (Like) if you're in a job interview, youneed to look the interviewer in the eye. （例如）如果你正在參加工作面試，你需要看著面試官的眼睛。 You need to have eye contact. 你需要有眼神交流。 Not extended, extended without blinking forever, but, (you know), if you have eye contact, that shows confidence. 不是延長，而是永遠不要眨眼地延長，但是，（你知道），如果你有眼神交流，那就顯示出自信。 It doesn't show that, (you know), you're romantically interested in your interviewer, but like Lindsay's saying, (you know), if someone's interested in you, they will look you in the eye. 這並不表明，（你知道），你對面試官有浪漫的興趣，但就像林賽說的，（你知道），如果有人對你感興趣，他們會看著你的眼睛。 If they're not interested, they will probably avoid your eye contact.

Definitely.

Especially if they see that you're trying to make that eye contact. 尤其是當他們看到你試圖進行目光接觸時。

Gabby: (Mm-hm).

Lindsay: Okay. (Um)…

Gabby: Group dates. 蓋比：集體約會。 This is another really big topic, (like), a difference between – especially (like) I lived in Japan and we, we would do group dates, (um), where (you know), maybe three men or four men and three or four women would all go out in a group and this is a good way to sort of date (um) and introduce your friends to potential dates, but we don't do this in the US as much. 這是另一個非常大的話題，（例如），之間的區別- 特別是（例如）我住在日本，我們，我們會進行團體約會，（嗯），在那裡（你知道），也許三個男人或四個男人和三個或四個女人一起出去，這是一種約會（嗯）並將您的朋友介紹給潛在約會對象的好方法，但我們在美國不這樣做。 I mean you might go out with a group of people, but it's more just a group of friends and it's not really so much about dating. 我的意思是，你可能會和一群人出去，但更多的是一群朋友，不是真正的約會。 So if you ask someone out and they say “Oh, (you know), let's not date individually, let's go out as a group.”Lindsay: Right. 因此，如果你約某人出去，他們會說「哦，（你知道），我們不要單獨約會，我們一起出去吧。」 Lindsay：對。

Gabby: They're kind of avoiding you. 加比：他們有點迴避你。

Lindsay: Yeah.

I would, I would agree with that. 我會，我會同意這一點。 I would say they're kind of avoiding the romantic connection or they're just (like) lacking in confidence and they want a few opportunities to see you in a group, so they don't have to…Gabby: Yeah. Je dirais qu'ils évitent en quelque sorte la connexion amoureuse ou qu'ils manquent juste (comme) de confiance et qu'ils veulent quelques occasions de vous voir dans un groupe, pour ne pas avoir à… Gabby : Ouais. 我想說他們有點迴避浪漫的聯繫，或者他們只是（例如）缺乏自信，他們希望有一些機會在一群人中見到你，所以他們不必...... Gabby：是的。

Lindsay: But it's probably the first one that you said, that they're not interested. Lindsay : Mais c'est probablement le premier que vous avez dit, qu'ils ne sont pas intéressés. Lindsay：但這可能是你說的第一個，他們不感興趣。

Gabby: Yeah.

Lindsay: Yeah.

And so that pretty much wraps it up for dating advice. Et donc ça résume à peu près tout pour les conseils de rencontres. 約會建議就這樣結束了。 Can you think of anything else that we need to (uh) we want to help you guys out with? 你能想到我們還需要（呃）幫你解決什麼問題嗎？

Gabby: Well the person who asked the question, (you know), made a comment that, (you know), in other countries, like in China, the guys will ask a girl to be his girlfriend after the first date. 蓋比：嗯，問這個問題的人（你知道）評論說，（你知道），在其他國家，比如在中國，男人會在第一次約會後邀請一個女孩做他的女朋友。 That almost never happens in the US. 這在美國幾乎從未發生過。

Lindsay: Way too early. 林賽：太早了。

Gabby: Yeah.

Typically we'll date several times before having a talk about being girlfriend, boyfriend, or exclusive. 通常我們會約會幾次，然後再討論成為女朋友、男朋友或獨享的事情。

Lindsay: Definitely.

Gabby: We talked about this a little bit in a previous episode about, (you know), what it means to be dating versus in a relationship, exclusive, engaged, married, and so on, so, (you know), definitely go back and listen to that. 蓋比：我們在上一集中討論過這個問題，（你知道），約會與戀愛關係、排他性、訂婚、結婚等等意味著什麼，所以，（你知道），絕對要去回來聽聽。 I think it was second, or third, or fourth week, (uh) way, way back in the beginning in November, but yeah, there's just, it's very different culturally. 我認為這是第二週、第三週或第四周，（呃）早在 11 月初，但是，是的，只是，文化上有很大不同。

Lindsay: (Uh-hm). Definitely.

Yeah.

So check that – out that episode and (uh) enjoy your Valentine's week. 所以檢查一下 - 觀看該集並（呃）享受你的情人節一周。

Gabby: Yeah, we hope you have a great Valentine's Day and (uh) just, (you know),have fun whatever you do, whoever you're with. 蓋比：是的，我們希望你有一個愉快的情人節，並且（呃）只是，（你知道），無論你做什麼，無論你和誰在一起，都玩得開心。 Enjoy it.

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Lindsay: Thanks for listening to the All Ears English Podcast. We're here to help you learn English and you can help us by leaving a five star review on iTunes.

See you next time.