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Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu, VII. Descending

VII. Descending

It would be vain my attempting to tell you the horror with which, even now, I recall the occurrence of that night. It was no such transitory terror as a dream leaves behind it. It seemed to deepen by time, and communicated itself to the room and the very furniture that had encompassed the apparition.

I could not bear next day to be alone for a moment. I should have told papa, but for two opposite reasons. At one time I thought he would laugh at my story, and I could not bear its being treated as a jest; and at another I thought he might fancy that I had been attacked by the mysterious complaint which had invaded our neighborhood. I had myself no misgiving of the kind, and as he had been rather an invalid for some time, I was afraid of alarming him.

I was comfortable enough with my good-natured companions, Madame Perrodon, and the vivacious Mademoiselle Lafontaine. They both perceived that I was out of spirits and nervous, and at length I told them what lay so heavy at my heart.

Mademoiselle laughed, but I fancied that Madame Perrodon looked anxious.

"By-the-by," said Mademoiselle, laughing, "the long lime tree walk, behind Carmilla's bedroom window, is haunted!" "Nonsense!" exclaimed Madame, who probably thought the theme rather inopportune, "and who tells that story, my dear?" "Martin says that he came up twice, when the old yard gate was being repaired, before sunrise, and twice saw the same female figure walking down the lime tree avenue." "So he well might, as long as there are cows to milk in the river fields," said Madame. "I daresay; but Martin chooses to be frightened, and never did I see fool more frightened." "You must not say a word about it to Carmilla, because she can see down that walk from her room window," I interposed, "and she is, if possible, a greater coward than I." Carmilla came down rather later than usual that day.

"I was so frightened last night," she said, so soon as were together, "and I am sure I should have seen something dreadful if it had not been for that charm I bought from the poor little hunchback whom I called such hard names. I had a dream of something black coming round my bed, and I awoke in a perfect horror, and I really thought, for some seconds, I saw a dark figure near the chimneypiece, but I felt under my pillow for my charm, and the moment my fingers touched it, the figure disappeared, and I felt quite certain, only that I had it by me, that something frightful would have made its appearance, and, perhaps, throttled me, as it did those poor people we heard of.

"Well, listen to me," I began, and recounted my adventure, at the recital of which she appeared horrified. "And had you the charm near you?" she asked, earnestly.

"No, I had dropped it into a china vase in the drawing room, but I shall certainly take it with me tonight, as you have so much faith in it." At this distance of time I cannot tell you, or even understand, how I overcame my horror so effectually as to lie alone in my room that night. I remember distinctly that I pinned the charm to my pillow. I fell asleep almost immediately, and slept even more soundly than usual all night.

Next night I passed as well. My sleep was delightfully deep and dreamless.

But I wakened with a sense of lassitude and melancholy, which, however, did not exceed a degree that was almost luxurious.

"Well, I told you so," said Carmilla, when I described my quiet sleep, "I had such delightful sleep myself last night; I pinned the charm to the breast of my nightdress. It was too far away the night before. I am quite sure it was all fancy, except the dreams. I used to think that evil spirits made dreams, but our doctor told me it is no such thing. Only a fever passing by, or some other malady, as they often do, he said, knocks at the door, and not being able to get in, passes on, with that alarm." "And what do you think the charm is?" said I.

"It has been fumigated or immersed in some drug, and is an antidote against the malaria," she answered. "Then it acts only on the body?" "Certainly; you don't suppose that evil spirits are frightened by bits of ribbon, or the perfumes of a druggist's shop? No, these complaints, wandering in the air, begin by trying the nerves, and so infect the brain, but before they can seize upon you, the antidote repels them. That I am sure is what the charm has done for us. It is nothing magical, it is simply natural.

I should have been happier if I could have quite agreed with Carmilla, but I did my best, and the impression was a little losing its force.

For some nights I slept profoundly; but still every morning I felt the same lassitude, and a languor weighed upon me all day. I felt myself a changed girl. A strange melancholy was stealing over me, a melancholy that I would not have interrupted. Dim thoughts of death began to open, and an idea that I was slowly sinking took gentle, and, somehow, not unwelcome, possession of me. If it was sad, the tone of mind which this induced was also sweet.

Whatever it might be, my soul acquiesced in it.

I would not admit that I was ill, I would not consent to tell my papa, or to have the doctor sent for.

Carmilla became more devoted to me than ever, and her strange paroxysms of languid adoration more frequent. She used to gloat on me with increasing ardor the more my strength and spirits waned. This always shocked me like a momentary glare of insanity.

Without knowing it, I was now in a pretty advanced stage of the strangest illness under which mortal ever suffered. There was an unaccountable fascination in its earlier symptoms that more than reconciled me to the incapacitating effect of that stage of the malady. This fascination increased for a time, until it reached a certain point, when gradually a sense of the horrible mingled itself with it, deepening, as you shall hear, until it discolored and perverted the whole state of my life.

The first change I experienced was rather agreeable. It was very near the turning point from which began the descent of Avernus.

Certain vague and strange sensations visited me in my sleep. The prevailing one was of that pleasant, peculiar cold thrill which we feel in bathing, when we move against the current of a river. This was soon accompanied by dreams that seemed interminable, and were so vague that I could never recollect their scenery and persons, or any one connected portion of their action. But they left an awful impression, and a sense of exhaustion, as if I had passed through a long period of great mental exertion and danger.

After all these dreams there remained on waking a remembrance of having been in a place very nearly dark, and of having spoken to people whom I could not see; and especially of one clear voice, of a female's, very deep, that spoke as if at a distance, slowly, and producing always the same sensation of indescribable solemnity and fear. Sometimes there came a sensation as if a hand was drawn softly along my cheek and neck. Sometimes it was as if warm lips kissed me, and longer and longer and more lovingly as they reached my throat, but there the caress fixed itself. My heart beat faster, my breathing rose and fell rapidly and full drawn; a sobbing, that rose into a sense of strangulation, supervened, and turned into a dreadful convulsion, in which my senses left me and I became unconscious.

It was now three weeks since the commencement of this unaccountable state.

My sufferings had, during the last week, told upon my appearance. I had grown pale, my eyes were dilated and darkened underneath, and the languor which I had long felt began to display itself in my countenance.

My father asked me often whether I was ill; but, with an obstinacy which now seems to me unaccountable, I persisted in assuring him that I was quite well.

In a sense this was true. I had no pain, I could complain of no bodily derangement. My complaint seemed to be one of the imagination, or the nerves, and, horrible as my sufferings were, I kept them, with a morbid reserve, very nearly to myself.

It could not be that terrible complaint which the peasants called the oupire, for I had now been suffering for three weeks, and they were seldom ill for much more than three days, when death put an end to their miseries.

Carmilla complained of dreams and feverish sensations, but by no means of so alarming a kind as mine. I say that mine were extremely alarming. Had I been capable of comprehending my condition, I would have invoked aid and advice on my knees. The narcotic of an unsuspected influence was acting upon me, and my perceptions were benumbed.

I am going to tell you now of a dream that led immediately to an odd discovery.

One night, instead of the voice I was accustomed to hear in the dark, I heard one, sweet and tender, and at the same time terrible, which said,

"Your mother warns you to beware of the assassin." At the same time a light unexpectedly sprang up, and I saw Carmilla, standing, near the foot of my bed, in her white nightdress, bathed, from her chin to her feet, in one great stain of blood.

I wakened with a shriek, possessed with the one idea that Carmilla was being murdered. I remember springing from my bed, and my next recollection is that of standing on the lobby, crying for help.

Madame and Mademoiselle came scurrying out of their rooms in alarm; a lamp burned always on the lobby, and seeing me, they soon learned the cause of my terror.

I insisted on our knocking at Carmilla's door. Our knocking was unanswered.

It soon became a pounding and an uproar. We shrieked her name, but all was vain.

We all grew frightened, for the door was locked. We hurried back, in panic, to my room. There we rang the bell long and furiously. If my father's room had been at that side of the house, we would have called him up at once to our aid. But, alas! he was quite out of hearing, and to reach him involved an excursion for which we none of us had courage.

Servants, however, soon came running up the stairs; I had got on my dressing gown and slippers meanwhile, and my companions were already similarly furnished. Recognizing the voices of the servants on the lobby, we sallied out together; and having renewed, as fruitlessly, our summons at Carmilla's door, I ordered the men to force the lock. They did so, and we stood, holding our lights aloft, in the doorway, and so stared into the room.

We called her by name; but there was still no reply. We looked round the room. Everything was undisturbed. It was exactly in the state in which I had left it on bidding her good night. But Carmilla was gone.

VII. Descending VII. Спуск

It would be vain my attempting to tell you the horror with which, even now, I recall the occurrence of that night. Il serait vain d'essayer de vous dire l'horreur avec laquelle, même maintenant, je me souviens de l'événement de cette nuit. It was no such transitory terror as a dream leaves behind it. Ce n'était pas la terreur passagère qu'un rêve laisse derrière lui. It seemed to deepen by time, and communicated itself to the room and the very furniture that had encompassed the apparition. Elle semblait s'approfondir avec le temps et se communiquait à la pièce et aux meubles mêmes qui avaient entouré l'apparition.

I could not bear next day to be alone for a moment. I should have told papa, but for two opposite reasons. At one time I thought he would laugh at my story, and I could not bear its being treated as a jest; and at another I thought he might fancy that I had been attacked by the mysterious complaint which had invaded our neighborhood. A un moment, j'ai cru qu'il rirait de mon histoire, et je ne pouvais pas supporter qu'on la traite de plaisanterie ; et à un autre j'ai pensé qu'il pourrait s'imaginer que j'avais été attaqué par la plainte mystérieuse qui avait envahi notre voisinage. I had myself no misgiving of the kind, and as he had been rather an invalid for some time, I was afraid of alarming him. Je n'avais moi-même aucune inquiétude de ce genre, et comme il était plutôt invalide depuis quelque temps, j'avais peur de l'alarmer.

I was comfortable enough with my good-natured companions, Madame Perrodon, and the vivacious Mademoiselle Lafontaine. J'étais assez à l'aise avec mes compagnes de bonne humeur, Madame Perrodon, et la vive Mademoiselle Lafontaine. They both perceived that I was out of spirits and nervous, and at length I told them what lay so heavy at my heart. Ils s'aperçurent tous les deux que j'étais hors d'esprit et nerveux, et enfin je leur racontai ce qui me pesait si lourd sur le cœur.

Mademoiselle laughed, but I fancied that Madame Perrodon looked anxious.

"By-the-by," said Mademoiselle, laughing, "the long lime tree walk, behind Carmilla's bedroom window, is haunted!" « Au fait, dit Mademoiselle en riant, la longue allée de tilleuls, derrière la fenêtre de la chambre de Carmilla, est hantée ! "Nonsense!" exclaimed Madame, who probably thought the theme rather inopportune, "and who tells that story, my dear?" "Martin says that he came up twice, when the old yard gate was being repaired, before sunrise, and twice saw the same female figure walking down the lime tree avenue." "Martin dit qu'il est venu deux fois, lors de la réparation de l'ancienne porte de la cour, avant le lever du soleil, et a vu deux fois la même silhouette féminine marcher dans l'allée des tilleuls." "So he well might, as long as there are cows to milk in the river fields," said Madame. — Il pourrait bien, pourvu qu'il y ait des vaches à traire dans les champs de la rivière, dit Madame. "I daresay; but Martin chooses to be frightened, and never did I see fool more frightened." "J'ose dire; mais Martin choisit d'être effrayé, et jamais je n'ai vu d'imbécile plus effrayé." "You must not say a word about it to Carmilla, because she can see down that walk from her room window," I interposed, "and she is, if possible, a greater coward than I." Carmilla came down rather later than usual that day.

"I was so frightened last night," she said, so soon as were together, "and I am sure I should have seen something dreadful if it had not been for that charm I bought from the poor little hunchback whom I called such hard names. "J'ai eu si peur hier soir," dit-elle, dès que nous étions ensemble, "et je suis sûre que j'aurais vu quelque chose d'épouvantable s'il n'y avait pas eu ce charme que j'ai acheté au pauvre petit bossu que j'ai appelé des noms si durs . I had a dream of something black coming round my bed, and I awoke in a perfect horror, and I really thought, for some seconds, I saw a dark figure near the chimneypiece, but I felt under my pillow for my charm, and the moment my fingers touched it, the figure disappeared, and I felt quite certain, only that I had it by me, that something frightful would have made its appearance, and, perhaps, throttled me, as it did those poor people we heard of. J'ai fait un rêve de quelque chose de noir venant autour de mon lit, et je me suis réveillé dans une horreur parfaite, et j'ai vraiment cru, pendant quelques secondes, avoir vu une silhouette sombre près de la cheminée, mais j'ai senti sous mon oreiller pour mon charme, et le au moment où mes doigts l'ont touchée, la figure a disparu, et j'étais tout à fait certain, seulement que je l'avais sur moi, que quelque chose d'effroyable aurait fait son apparition, et, peut-être, m'aurait étranglé, comme cela a fait ces pauvres gens dont nous avons entendu parler.

"Well, listen to me," I began, and recounted my adventure, at the recital of which she appeared horrified. « Eh bien, écoutez-moi », commençai-je, et racontai mon aventure, au récit de laquelle elle parut horrifiée. "And had you the charm near you?" she asked, earnestly.

"No, I had dropped it into a china vase in the drawing room, but I shall certainly take it with me tonight, as you have so much faith in it." "Non, je l'avais laissé tomber dans un vase de porcelaine dans le salon, mais je l'emporterai certainement avec moi ce soir, car vous y croyez tellement." At this distance of time I cannot tell you, or even understand, how I overcame my horror so effectually as to lie alone in my room that night. I remember distinctly that I pinned the charm to my pillow. Je me souviens distinctement que j'ai épinglé le charme à mon oreiller. I fell asleep almost immediately, and slept even more soundly than usual all night.

Next night I passed as well. My sleep was delightfully deep and dreamless.

But I wakened with a sense of lassitude and melancholy, which, however, did not exceed a degree that was almost luxurious. Mais je me suis réveillé avec un sentiment de lassitude et de mélancolie, qui cependant ne dépassait pas un degré presque luxueux.

"Well, I told you so," said Carmilla, when I described my quiet sleep, "I had such delightful sleep myself last night; I pinned the charm to the breast of my nightdress. It was too far away the night before. I am quite sure it was all fancy, except the dreams. I used to think that evil spirits made dreams, but our doctor told me it is no such thing. J'avais l'habitude de penser que les mauvais esprits faisaient des rêves, mais notre médecin m'a dit que ce n'était pas le cas. Only a fever passing by, or some other malady, as they often do, he said, knocks at the door, and not being able to get in, passes on, with that alarm." Seule une fièvre qui passe ou quelque autre maladie, comme ils le font souvent, dit-il, frappe à la porte, et ne pouvant entrer, passe avec cette alarme." "And what do you think the charm is?" said I.

"It has been fumigated or immersed in some drug, and is an antidote against the malaria," she answered. "Then it acts only on the body?" "Certainly; you don't suppose that evil spirits are frightened by bits of ribbon, or the perfumes of a druggist's shop? "Certainement; vous ne pensez pas que les mauvais esprits soient effrayés par des bouts de ruban ou les parfums d'une pharmacie? No, these complaints, wandering in the air, begin by trying the nerves, and so infect the brain, but before they can seize upon you, the antidote repels them. Non, ces plaintes, errant dans l'air, commencent par éprouver les nerfs, et infectent ainsi le cerveau, mais avant qu'elles puissent s'emparer de vous, l'antidote les repousse. That I am sure is what the charm has done for us. It is nothing magical, it is simply natural.

I should have been happier if I could have quite agreed with Carmilla, but I did my best, and the impression was a little losing its force.

For some nights I slept profoundly; but still every morning I felt the same lassitude, and a languor weighed upon me all day. I felt myself a changed girl. A strange melancholy was stealing over me, a melancholy that I would not have interrupted. Une étrange mélancolie m'envahissait, une mélancolie que je n'aurais pas interrompue. Dim thoughts of death began to open, and an idea that I was slowly sinking took gentle, and, somehow, not unwelcome, possession of me. De sombres pensées de mort ont commencé à s'ouvrir, et l'idée que je coulais lentement s'est emparée de moi doucement, et, d'une manière ou d'une autre, pas malvenue. If it was sad, the tone of mind which this induced was also sweet. S'il était triste, le ton d'esprit que cela induisait était aussi doux.

Whatever it might be, my soul acquiesced in it.

I would not admit that I was ill, I would not consent to tell my papa, or to have the doctor sent for.

Carmilla became more devoted to me than ever, and her strange paroxysms of languid adoration more frequent. She used to gloat on me with increasing ardor the more my strength and spirits waned. Elle avait l'habitude de se réjouir de moi avec une ardeur croissante à mesure que mes forces et mon moral diminuaient. This always shocked me like a momentary glare of insanity.

Without knowing it, I was now in a pretty advanced stage of the strangest illness under which mortal ever suffered. Sans le savoir, j'étais maintenant à un stade assez avancé de la maladie la plus étrange dont un mortel ait jamais souffert. There was an unaccountable fascination in its earlier symptoms that more than reconciled me to the incapacitating effect of that stage of the malady. Il y avait une fascination inexplicable dans ses premiers symptômes qui m'ont plus que réconcilié avec l'effet invalidant de cette étape de la maladie. This fascination increased for a time, until it reached a certain point, when gradually a sense of the horrible mingled itself with it, deepening, as you shall hear, until it discolored and perverted the whole state of my life. Cette fascination augmenta un temps, jusqu'à atteindre un certain point, où peu à peu un sens de l'horrible s'y mêla, s'approfondissant, comme vous l'entendrez, jusqu'à décolorer et pervertir tout l'état de ma vie.

The first change I experienced was rather agreeable. Le premier changement que j'ai vécu était plutôt agréable. It was very near the turning point from which began the descent of Avernus. C'était tout près du tournant d'où commençait la descente de l'Averne.

Certain vague and strange sensations visited me in my sleep. The prevailing one was of that pleasant, peculiar cold thrill which we feel in bathing, when we move against the current of a river. This was soon accompanied by dreams that seemed interminable, and were so vague that I could never recollect their scenery and persons, or any one connected portion of their action. Cela a été bientôt accompagné de rêves qui semblaient interminables et étaient si vagues que je ne pouvais jamais me souvenir de leur paysage et de leurs personnes, ni d'aucune partie connexe de leur action. But they left an awful impression, and a sense of exhaustion, as if I had passed through a long period of great mental exertion and danger. Mais ils ont laissé une impression terrible et un sentiment d'épuisement, comme si j'avais traversé une longue période de grands efforts mentaux et de danger.

After all these dreams there remained on waking a remembrance of having been in a place very nearly dark, and of having spoken to people whom I could not see; and especially of one clear voice, of a female's, very deep, that spoke as if at a distance, slowly, and producing always the same sensation of indescribable solemnity and fear. Sometimes there came a sensation as if a hand was drawn softly along my cheek and neck. Parfois, j'avais l'impression qu'une main passait doucement le long de ma joue et de mon cou. Sometimes it was as if warm lips kissed me, and longer and longer and more lovingly as they reached my throat, but there the caress fixed itself. Parfois, c'était comme si des lèvres chaudes m'embrassaient, et de plus en plus longtemps et avec plus d'amour lorsqu'elles atteignaient ma gorge, mais là la caresse se fixait. My heart beat faster, my breathing rose and fell rapidly and full drawn; a sobbing, that rose into a sense of strangulation, supervened, and turned into a dreadful convulsion, in which my senses left me and I became unconscious. Mon cœur battait plus vite, ma respiration montait et descendait rapidement et complètement tirée ; un sanglot, qui s'éleva en un sentiment d'étranglement, survint et se transforma en une convulsion épouvantable, dans laquelle mes sens m'abandonnèrent et je perdis connaissance.

It was now three weeks since the commencement of this unaccountable state. Cela faisait maintenant trois semaines depuis le début de cet état irresponsable.

My sufferings had, during the last week, told upon my appearance. Mes souffrances s'étaient, au cours de la dernière semaine, racontées sur mon apparition. I had grown pale, my eyes were dilated and darkened underneath, and the languor which I had long felt began to display itself in my countenance. J'étais devenu pâle, mes yeux se dilataient et s'assombrissaient en dessous, et la langueur que j'éprouvais depuis longtemps commençait à se montrer sur mon visage.

My father asked me often whether I was ill; but, with an obstinacy which now seems to me unaccountable, I persisted in assuring him that I was quite well.

In a sense this was true. I had no pain, I could complain of no bodily derangement. My complaint seemed to be one of the imagination, or the nerves, and, horrible as my sufferings were, I kept them, with a morbid reserve, very nearly to myself. Ma plainte semblait être de l'imagination ou des nerfs, et, si horribles que fussent mes souffrances, je les gardais, avec une réserve morbide, à peu près pour moi.

It could not be that terrible complaint which the peasants called the oupire, for I had now been suffering for three weeks, and they were seldom ill for much more than three days, when death put an end to their miseries. Ce ne pouvait être ce mal terrible que les paysans appelaient l'oupire, car je souffrais depuis trois semaines, et ils étaient rarement malades plus de trois jours, quand la mort mit fin à leurs misères.

Carmilla complained of dreams and feverish sensations, but by no means of so alarming a kind as mine. I say that mine were extremely alarming. Had I been capable of comprehending my condition, I would have invoked aid and advice on my knees. Si j'avais été capable de comprendre mon état, j'aurais invoqué des secours et des conseils à genoux. The narcotic of an unsuspected influence was acting upon me, and my perceptions were benumbed.

I am going to tell you now of a dream that led immediately to an odd discovery.

One night, instead of the voice I was accustomed to hear in the dark, I heard one, sweet and tender, and at the same time terrible, which said,

"Your mother warns you to beware of the assassin." "Votre mère vous avertit de vous méfier de l'assassin." At the same time a light unexpectedly sprang up, and I saw Carmilla, standing, near the foot of my bed, in her white nightdress, bathed, from her chin to her feet, in one great stain of blood. En même temps une lumière s'éleva à l'improviste, et je vis Carmilla, debout, près du pied de mon lit, en chemise de nuit blanche, baignée, du menton aux pieds, d'une grande tache de sang.

I wakened with a shriek, possessed with the one idea that Carmilla was being murdered. I remember springing from my bed, and my next recollection is that of standing on the lobby, crying for help. Je me souviens avoir jailli de mon lit, et mon souvenir suivant est celui d'être debout dans le hall, criant à l'aide.

Madame and Mademoiselle came scurrying out of their rooms in alarm; a lamp burned always on the lobby, and seeing me, they soon learned the cause of my terror. Madame et Mademoiselle sortirent précipitamment de leurs chambres, alarmées ; une lampe brûlait toujours dans le hall, et en me voyant, ils apprirent bientôt la cause de ma terreur.

I insisted on our knocking at Carmilla's door. J'ai insisté pour qu'on frappe à la porte de Carmilla. Our knocking was unanswered. Nos coups sont restés sans réponse.

It soon became a pounding and an uproar. C'est vite devenu un martèlement et un tumulte. We shrieked her name, but all was vain.

We all grew frightened, for the door was locked. We hurried back, in panic, to my room. There we rang the bell long and furiously. Là, nous avons sonné la cloche longuement et furieusement. If my father's room had been at that side of the house, we would have called him up at once to our aid. But, alas! he was quite out of hearing, and to reach him involved an excursion for which we none of us had courage. il était tout à fait inaudible, et l'atteindre impliquait une excursion pour laquelle aucun de nous n'avait le courage.

Servants, however, soon came running up the stairs; I had got on my dressing gown and slippers meanwhile, and my companions were already similarly furnished. Les serviteurs, cependant, montèrent bientôt l'escalier en courant ; J'avais en attendant mis ma robe de chambre et mes pantoufles, et mes compagnons étaient déjà meublés de la même manière. Recognizing the voices of the servants on the lobby, we sallied out together; and having renewed, as fruitlessly, our summons at Carmilla's door, I ordered the men to force the lock. Reconnaissant les voix des domestiques dans le hall, nous sortîmes ensemble ; et ayant renouvelé, aussi inutilement, notre sommation à la porte de Carmilla, j'ordonnai aux hommes de forcer la serrure. They did so, and we stood, holding our lights aloft, in the doorway, and so stared into the room.

We called her by name; but there was still no reply. We looked round the room. Everything was undisturbed. Tout n'a pas été dérangé. It was exactly in the state in which I had left it on bidding her good night. But Carmilla was gone.