(3659) Choices that can Change your Life | Caroline Myss | TEDxFindhornSalon - YouTube (1)

Translator: Rhonda Jacobs Reviewer: Peter van de Ven

As someone who has been in the healing arts for many, many years -

well, for some years -

(Laughter)

I am an observer.

Those of us who are in the healing arts,

we are observers

of the patterns that mystify us in what makes-

Why do we become ill? Why do we break down?

What helps us to become better?

I mean, we are great mysteries to each other,

and I find it so interesting

that for all the years that we continue to study us,

that we are such mysteries.

Which should tell us right off the bat

that we continue to open places within ourselves,

that we ourselves, as we are the observers,

that we are continuing to learn how to observe,

and that we as human beings

are continuing to find places to observe.

Let us say that the world behind our eye

is our new frontier.

And that we have become intrigued with ourselves

in a way that other generations have not,

that this is the new frontier; we are the new frontier.

And so observing, for example, why we become ill,

why we don't heal, has a different meaning

than if that question were asked

before World War II.

The depth to which we now look at ourselves,

and the depth to which we're asking that question

is a hologram compared to how once upon a time

they asked and they were maybe looking for an infection.

We are looking for a story, a narrative,

reasons that are a complexity.

When I've been working with people now for three and a half decades,

and as an observer of people,

there are so many, many things I could share with you,

but I've narrowed them down, for obvious reasons,

to choice.

I want to emphasize the power of choice.

And perhaps there was a time when we wouldn't even talk about it,

but we have to talk about that today.

Because choice is a fundamental power of the human experience.

We need to put choice as an authority,

as a power that is so huge

that if I ran the world

- this is where you should say, "That's a good idea" -

(Laughter)

if I ran the world,

I would make studying the power of choice part of every school curriculum.

That everyone should learn that the power of the choices you make

have infinite consequences.

From the littlest choice to something that is great big, huge,

and that - here's the paradox -

you have no idea what a little choice is

or a big choice.

What we are used to doing

is believing that a big choice is an obvious one:

buying a house, getting married,

getting divorced.

In fact, those are your small choices.

The choices that actually matter when it comes to your health,

when it comes to healing,

when it comes to positioning yourself,

empowering yourself,

are the tiny ones that-

are the choices, I should say, that you think have the least power,

that you make in the privacy of your own company,

that perhaps you think are the most insignificant,

I have found repeatedly,

repeatedly,

are the most powerful choices of your life,

the most powerful,

that have the most powerful impact on your biology,

on your soul,

on your sense of who you are,

on your wellbeing,

on your whole life map.

And I'll tell you something else

that these are the types of statements that are dicey to make

because if someone said,

"I want you to bring proof of this in a basket,"

I couldn't do it.

But if you listen with your heart and your gut,

and see if it doesn't settle well there like good chicken soup.

So I'm going to take you through choices,

the kind of choices that if you came to me and said,

"I don't feel well.

I don't feel well.

And I have chronic chronicness.

(Laughter)

And I go from one chronicness to another.

I have chronic chronicnesses.

I am always a curmudgeon.

Nothing makes me happy.

I am always complaining, and I ache, and I'm exhausted.

And I almost make unexhaustion but I don't.

And I almost like my life but I actually don't.

And I almost can love someone but not really.

I almost make it there, where I actually feel love,

but I don't actually really feel it.

I think I feel it, so I think-feel.

I think-feel.

And every now and again I kind of get a love high,

but it doesn't last.

I take two aspirins, it passes.

(Laughter)

But then I think maybe it is, but then it's not.

But then it is, but it almost is, but not quite.

(Laughter)

So I go to therapist: 'Is this love?'

But if I try hard enough, but maybe, so I find someone to blame."

Chronicness.

There's never been people like us who have these issues.

We're extraordinary in our issues.

As I go into this, here's another thing that is unique about us.

And put this in your chicken soup belly.

We are born knowing certain things;

we're wired for it.

It's in our instinct;

it's in our spiritual instincts, it's in our soul DNA.

We are born knowing that choice is powerful.

Choice is the most powerful thing we've got going for us,

and we know it.

And that's the reason why we're terrified to make a choice.

I'll ask somebody, "Where do you want to go for dinner?"

"I don't know."

"Pick a restaurant."

"No."

Can't even pick a restaurant.

People are terrified of making choices.

Terrified of the consequence.

"You choose."

Terrified of being held accountable for a consequence.

"Well, I don't know what I want to do. I'll think about it."

The morning, the day -

Your mind gets the day shift; your heart gets the night shift.

Your mind says, "Well, I think." Your heart says, "I feel."

And you don't let the two of them talk to each other.

Because if they do then you actually have to do something.

Choice terrifies people.

Most people will do anything to postpone making choices.

So I'm going to help you out.

We're going to go through a list of choices

that matter,

that matter, that make a difference.

The first choice is the decision to actually live an integrous life.

And when I say make a choice to do that, this is the kind of thing I mean.

I don't mean, "Well, I live a good life."

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking full-scale 'I'm going to walk the way I talk.'

I'm actually going to do it.

I'm going to live a life of integrity.

Never mind this 'speak my truth,' I'm actually going to tell the truth.

I'm going to live with integrity.

I'm going to make my choices according to what I say I believe,

I'm going to live.

And what this means is that I'm not going to betray myself.

I'm not going to compromise myself.

I'm not going to put myself in a position, or put myself in any circumstance,

or if I'm in a circumstance, I'm getting out.

Or I won't force another person,

I won't force another person,

to be in a circumstance in which I know they're uncomfortable

in order to please me.

I won't hold another person captive

because that has no integrity.

I will not do that.

Now, let me tell you something.

Liars don't heal.

Liars don't heal.

So you can eat all the wheatgrass you want,

and you can do all this stuff with seeds and vegetables,

(Laughter)

but an honest person who eats cat food will go further than you.

(Laughter)

Dishonest people, people who lie,

people who have moral crises and do not get it,

people who blame others for things that they do and they know it,

people who make choices,

and they know another person's going to pay for the consequence of that choice

and they are conscious of it,

they know for a fact that they're saying something that is not true,

and they know another person's going to be hurt by that,

people who deliberately say things to hurt somebody,

believe you me, your body knows you did that.

Your mind knows you did that.

Your heart and soul know you did that.

So don't tell yourself, under any circumstances,

that the problem with your depression comes from your childhood.

Don't go there; knock it off; and make the decision.

The decision to live an integrous life means: get this act together.

So it's not as simple as saying, "I'm a good person."

Knock it off.

This is major league.

Second:

Are you taking notes?

(Laughter)

You make a decision:

I will not pass my suffering on, but my wisdom.

I make the decision not to pass on my suffering,

but my wisdom.

So that from the years of your life, you make the decision:

The gifts that I have to pass on, I either pass on the wisdom I've learned,

or I will pass on at this stage, the suffering.

"Oh, my poor life.

Ah, da da, da da, da da, da da."

Or go harvest the wisdom.

What do you want to pass on?

The sludge or the wisdom?

That's up to you.

Everybody has a choice, and everybody can pass on-

but again, it's the choice.

It's the choice; we all have that.

And believe me, I am not saying we don't have grief, we don't have pain.

But if we look at life,

there are certain things that all spiritual-

the great religious traditions,

the great spiritual, holy traditions have in common.

One of the lessons of these traditions, one of the great learnings

is that life will never be that wonderful, rich thing that we want it to be

which is what we call 'fair.'

It will never be that.

It will never be "Well, that's why this happened."

I had someone tell me one time,

"Well, if I only knew. If I only knew why this happened to me."

And I said, "And what difference would that make?"

What if God sent an angel, and the angel said, "What do you want?

I mean, you've been banging around down here.

What do you want?"

"I want to know why this happened, and this happened, and this happened."

What if the angel said, "Because it did"?

Now what?

Now, here's the thing:

Some of the grief and injuries that have happened to people

are so horrible it's unbelievable.

And the truth is nothing can make that go away,

nothing can make that better.

And the model of healing that we have to have

is a model that says healing is not about ever forgetting those things.

It's not about forgetting.

It's about looking at what has happened to us

and saying, 'This will never defeat me.

It will never defeat me, but I will not live in this.

I have to somehow

turn this into my source of wisdom,

but I will not live in woe.

I will not.'

And that becomes this choice.

I have to choose: wisdom or woe.

But I can't make it go away, and if you can't make it go away

then that is the choice: wisdom or woe.

The third:

the choice to take risks.

Take risks in your life.

Don't wait for proof,

take risks.

And how does this factor into your health?

Because what happens is,

what happens when people become ill

and they feel their life force diminishing?

They always hit regrets.

You will alwys hit the regret stage.

You will always hit the 'Oh, I should have done this,

I should have done that, I should have...'

You will always hit that place as you begin to feel yourself weakening,

even if you're going to go right back up.