George Carlin - White people
The House of Blues... they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers... especially these male movie stars who think they're blues artists.
You ever see these guys? Don't you just wanna puke in your soup when one of these fat, balding, overweight, overaged, out of shape, middle aged, male movie stars with sunglasses jumps onstage and starts blowing into a harmonica? It's a fucking sacrilege! In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? Banana Republic ran out of khakis? Huh? The espresso machine is jammed? Hootie and the Blowfish are breaking up? Shit, white people ought to understand their job is to give people the blues, not to get them... and certainly not to sing or play them. Tell you a little secret about the blues; it's not enough to know which notes to play, you gotta know why they need to be played, and another thing... I don't think white people should be trying to dance like blacks. Stop that! Stick to your faggoty polkas and waltzes and that repulsive country line-dancing shit that you do and be yourself, be proud, be white, be lame, and get the fuck off the dance floor! Now listen, long as we're discussing minorities, I'd like to mention something about language.
There are a couple of terms being used a lot these days by guilty white liberals. First one is “happens to be”... “He happens to be black. I have a friend who happens to be black.” Like it's a fucking accident you know? Happens to be black? “Yes, he happens to be black.” Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he had two black parents? “Oh yes, yes he did. Yes, that's right.” Right, and they fucked? “Oh indeed they did... indeed they did.” So where does the surprise part come in? I should think it would be more unusual if he just happened to be Scandinavian! And the other term is “openly.” “Openly gay.” They say “he's openly gay.” But that's the only minority they use that for. You know, you wouldn't say someone was “openly black.” ... well maybe James Brown... or Louis Farrakhan; Louis Farrakhan is openly black. Colin Powell is not openly black, Colin Powell is openly white; he just happens to be black.
