EPISODE 2 - ZALE INDIGO RAVENHEART (2)
INTERVIEWER
Well that's a bummer.
ZALE
I did lots of interviews though.
INTERVIEWER
How did it feel to get so much attention?
ZALE
(LAUGHS) Like I was living someone else's life! (HIS VOICE INCREASES IN VOLUME AS HE GETS MORE ENTHUSIASTIC AGAIN) Taxis, talkshows, restaurants, hotels, gym membership, a new flat.
INTERVIEWER
You've been living the high life.
ZALE
(GETTING NERVOUS AND QUIETER AGAIN)Which is the problem.
INTERVIEWER
(SYMPATHETIC)Life in the fast lane not all it's cracked up to be huh?
ZALE
Oh no, it's fantastic! (SLIGHTLY MANIC AGAIN) My life is wonderful!
Beat.
(PANICKED, ALMOST CRYING)Which means I no longer want to switch with my counterpart. (SHOUTS, ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN) His life must be hell!
(HE BREAKS DOWN, BEGGING)
Please! Help me! I can't go to Antithon!
(THE TICKING OF THE TIMER STOPS AGAIN)
INTERVIEWER
(COMPLETELY SERIOUS) Hm. Time to put metaphysics behind us I think. The only thing that'll get you out of that cannon alive, is physics.
ZALE
(RESOLUTE, DETERMINED)Whatever it takes.
INTERVIEWER
Have you brought the tech specs for the cannon?
ZALE
(HUMS)Hm-Hm
INTERVIEWER
Excellent
What length is the barrel?
ZALE
Um… Let's see… twenty-four feet.
INTERVIEWER
Your weight?
ZALE
A hundred and twenty-six pounds.
INTERVIEWER
Height?
ZALE
Five feet eight-point-eleven inches.
INTERVIEWER
Location for the launch?
ZALE
Edgworth common.
INTERVIEWER
(FOCUSED ON HIS TASK)I'll have to check that on a map.
(INFURIATED TYPING ON A KEYBOARD, FRUSTRATED-INTERVIEWER-SOUNDS)
ZALE
(NERVOUS, STUTTERING) Everything alright?
INTERVIEWER
(DISTRACTED)Computers. Pesky things. Still getting used to- Got it! Edgworth common, Black Bull Pub, cricket ground, Wayoh Reservoir, Blackburn Woods. Hmm.
Eight hours, ten minutes and one second. That means the launch takes place at…
ZALE
(QUIETLY)Eleven thirty pm.
INTERVIEWER
(HUMS IN AGREEMENT)We're going to have to control your flight and limit the distance you'll be launched. We'll use gunpowder to make a flash and a bang, but only a small amount and not in the chamber. In place of gunpowder, we'll use a tank of compressed air. Once it's burst, it'll provide the propulsion. (IN THOUGHT) I suggest we let Salvatore operate the cannon. He's experienced with firearms and nobody will dare get near him.
ZALE
(NOT UNDERSTANDING A WORD)Uh huh.
INTERVIEWER
A hundred and twenty-six pounds, five foot eight point eleven inches, that means...
(VERY FAST BUT ALSO VERY CLEAR, NO PAUSE TO TAKE A BREATH) The square of your velocity exiting the barrel is equal to the square of your velocity at the base of the barrel, plus twice the distance you travel along the barrel multiplied by your acceleration. With a final estimated velocity of 66 miles per hour, and an initial velocity of 0 metres per second, and taking into account the length of the barrel which is 7.32 meters; your acceleration comes to… (SCRIBBLING ON PAPER)59.6 metres per second squared. If we raise the barrel 39 degrees, you'll reach an altitude of 23 metres and cover a distance of 59.05 metres. That will get you safely over Blackburn Woods and allow you to land in Wayoh Reservoir. You're a good swimmer?
ZALE
(HESITANT)Good would be stretching it.
INTERVIEWER
Okay, but you can swim?
ZALE
Hmmm.
INTERVIEWER
Joey will be out there in a dinghy, but it might take a while to find you. We can't pinpoint your landing to the spot. We'll provide you with a whistle, that should make it easier.
ZALE
(STILL NERVOUS)And my followers will believe I'm gone?
INTERVIEWER
By the time their eyes have adjusted from the flash, you'll be far from sight. It's the middle of the night, remember. It'll be pitch black. (MORE TO HIMSELF THAN AT ZALE) Oh, that reminds me - we better give Joey a good searchlight. (SCRIBBLING ON PAPER)
Now. Have you given some thought to your reincarnation?
ZALE
(OVERWHELMED, QUIETLY)What?
INTERVIEWER
Your new life. How and where would you like to come back?
ZALE
I… I don't know…
INTERVIEWER
Once our surgeons are done with you, you'll barely be recognisable. Even so, you don't want to risk being found out. So I suggest you go somewhere far away.
ZALE
(STILL HESITANT)That sounds good.
INTERVIEWER
You want to go somewhere you can continue living it up. Otherwise what's the point; right?
ZALE
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)Right...
INTERVIEWER
(GRAVELY)Macedonia.
ZALE
(QUIETLY, MAYBE FRIGHTENED; HESITANT, HE STAYS THAT WAY FOR NEARLY THE REST OF THE CONVERSATION)Macedonia?
INTERVIEWER
Very cheap. Your savings would take you a long way there. You'll be able to live comfortably for a few months until you've found your feet and can set up something new.
ZALE
Where is Macedonia?
INTERVIEWER (CON'T, IGNORING ZALE'S QUESTIONS AND REACTIONS AS IF HE WASN'T THERE)
There's just one problem.
ZALE
What's that?
INTERVIEWER
Amelia is not a charity. Our services come at a cost.
ZALE
Of course…
INTERVIEWER (CON'T)
Amelia is expensive. We're the best in the business.
ZALE
Okay…
INTERVIEWER (CON'T)
But after you've paid us, you'll be too broke even for Macedonia.
That would mean starting from scratch, a life of poverty. And that's exactly what you want to escape from. So that would be kind of ironic wouldn't it?
ZALE
Um… yeah.
INTERVIEWER
So, you're in a bit of a bind.
ZALE
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Luckily I have a solution.
ZALE
Yes?
INTERVIEWER
Has it struck you that there's a certain overlap between Amelia and Antithon? People are attracted to Antithon because of the idea of starting afresh. At Amelia that's what we offer. We help people who've reached a dead end to transition from this life to another.
ZALE
I suppose…
INTERVIEWER (CON'T, STILL IGNORING ALL ZALE SAYS)
You said you have some high profile followers? Musicians and celebrities?
ZALE
That's true. (QUICKLY) You'd be surprised!
INTERVIEWER
I want the names of everyone who's contacted you. I want access to their emails. I want all the information you've got on your fans and followers. At Amelia we're always looking to get our number into the hands of interesting and influential people. Give me your network and your disappearance is on the house.
ZALE
Well I guess I… (STOPS)Hang on a minute!
INTERVIEWER
What?
ZALE
(UPSET)How do I know you'll do what you say? You might just blow me to pieces! Who would know?
INTERVIEWER
(UNIMPRESSED)Hmm.
ZALE
Prove that you won't do that!
(Pause)
INTERVIEWER
I can't.
ZALE
(SOBER)So how can I be sure?
INTERVIEWER
(CHUCKLING WHILE HE TALKS)You can't. You need faith.
ZALE
Faith…
(THE TIMER STARTS UP AGAIN)
INTERVIEWER
Eight hours, five minutes and eight seconds.
Beat.
You know, you can torture yourself with doubt, or you can start looking forward to your new life in Macedonia.
PAUSE
Do you like champagne?
ZALE
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
I hear the champagne in the Balkans is intolerable. Better have a glass now before you leave. What do you say?
ZALE
I could do with a drink…
INTERVIEWER
Excellent. (CLICK OF A KEY, MAYBE ON A PHONE) Salvatore! Bring us a bottle of our finest Veuve Clicquot please!
(DIRECTED AT ZALE AGAIN, WITH A SMILE IN HIS VOICE)You're making the right choice. Trust me.
DOOR OPENS WITH A SQUEAL AND SALVATORE WALKS IN
Ah, lovely! Salvatore, would you mind opening it? You know what happened last time.
SOUND OF THE FOIL AROUND THE CORK BEING REMOVED. THE TIMER STILL TICKS IN THE BACKGROUND
(SAVORING THE SOUND OF THE NAME LIKE HE DID IN THE BEGINNING)Zale Indigo Ravenheart. Congratulations! A new life awaits!
CHAMPAGNE CORK IS POPPED WHILE THE TIMER STOPS. IS THE SOUND JUST THE CORK, OR MAYBE A CANNON, OR A GUN?
OUTRO
The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions, in Association with open house theater- (SOUND OF STATIC OR HIGH VOLTAGE ELECTRICITY INTERRUPTING THE CREDITS AND DISTORTING THE MUSIC, LIKE A RADIO THAT IS NOT YET ON THE RIGHT WAVELENGTH)
EPILOGUE
A DOOR OPENS WITH A SQUEAK AND IS CLOSED AGAIN WITH A CLICK
ZALE
Welcome!
INTERVIEWER
(NERVOUSLY)Could you draw the curtains? It's just…
ZALE
Most certainly.
(SOUND OF THE CURTAINS BEING DRAWN)
INTERVIEWER
Nobody is allowed to know I'm here. I don't have much time. What I want is probably impossible.
ZALE
(SLIGHT RESOUND OF HIS VOICE, SLIGHTLY WARPED)“Without faith nothing is possible. With it nothing is impossible.”
INTERVIEWER
Faith?
ZALE
Relax, make yourself comfortable, grab a chair.
OUTRO THEME MUSIC, PLAYING SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH THE
CREDITS
The Amelia Project was produced neither by Imploding Fictions, nor Open House Theater Vienna. It didn't feature Alan Burgeon as the Interviewer, nor did it feature Dave Muskin as Zale. You didn't hear Julia Morizawa on the Answerphone, it was neither written, nor edited by Philip Thorne, and wasn't directed by Philip Thorne or Oystein Brager. Music and Sound design not by Fredrik Baden, no graphic design by Anders Pedersen and Julia C. Thorne did not help with production coordination. This episode wasn't recorded at Tongeber-Studios and Gabriel Geber had nothing to do with it.
OUTRO
ØYSTEIN
Hello. I'm Philip.
PHILIP
And I'm Øystein
ØYSTEIN
And together we write and produce the Amelia Project.
PHILIP
Want to know more about the apostles of Antithon?
ØYSTEIN
Do you want to know what happens to Zale when he is fired out of that cannon?
PHILIP
Well, by supporting us on Patreon you can help us make this show and you can get your hands on Mr. Ravenheart's top-secret casefile, and listen to one of his Sermons.
ØYSTEIN
More information about all this on ameliapodcast.com. Thank you for listening! See you soon for episode three.
END OF EPISODE
