GLUPE GREŠKE kojima sebi otežavate život DUMME FEHLER, die einem das Leben schwer machen STUPID MISTAKES that make life difficult for yourself

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i ovde svakog četvrtka dobijate razne and here every Thursday you get a variety

interesantne i korisne savete

kako da kreirate život

i posao koje ćete da obožavate. and a job you'll love.

U današnjem videu radi se o tome Today's video is about that

da u stvari mi jako često yes in fact we very often

zafrkavamo sebe we are kidding ourselves

onim što razmišljamo. by what we think.

Znači, da naša razmišljanja često It means that our thoughts often

nisu uopšte korisna they are not useful at all

da kreiramo svoj život

kakav zaista želimo da bude as we really want it to be

i da nas ona sprečavaju u tome. and that they prevent us from doing so.

Razna istraživanja su pokazala, u stvari, Various studies have shown, in fact,

da naše blagostanje, that our well-being,

naš uspeh, naša sreća

mnogo više zavise od našeg načina razmišljanja they depend much more on our way of thinking

nego od okolnosti. but from the circumstances.

Kažu čak da okolnosti utiču na to They even say that circumstances affect it

samo 20%

a 80 % način na koji mi razmišljamo. and 80% the way we think.

E sad,

Šta je u stvari problem? Problem je u tome što mi What exactly is the problem? The problem is that we

mi tokom vremena usvojimo razne obrasce razmišljanja we adopt various thought patterns over time

neke, u stvari, navike some, in fact, habits

kako mi procenjujemo stvari, how we judge things,

kako razmišljamo o stvarima, how we think about things

koje nam uopšte nisu korisne. which are not useful to us at all.

I vrlo često ih uopšte nismo svesni And very often we are not aware of them at all

i zato ne možemo ni da ih promenimo. and that's why we can't even change them.

I što je još gore, mi ih čak And what's worse, we even them

vrlo često razmišljamo o tome we think about it very often

da mi ne možemo da se promenimo,

a u stvari, možemo!

I u tome i jeste stvar svega što ja ovde radim And that is the point of everything I do here

da promenite način na koji razmišljate o sebi i svojim mogućnostima. to change the way you think about yourself and your possibilities.

Zato danas hoću da vas uputim na nekoliko So today I want to refer you to a few

tih grešaka u razmišljanju of those errors in thinking

koje su ključno važne which are crucially important

koje se sigurno i vama dešavaju which surely happen to you too

a razni naučnici su, na primer, and various scientists, for example,

razni psiholozi, na primer,

Albert Ellis i Aaron Beck

oni su započeli razmišljanje na tu temu they started thinking on the subject

kako, u stvari, iracionalni način razmišljanja how, in fact, an irrational way of thinking

i te neke naše greške u razmišljanju utiču and some of our mistakes in thinking have an effect

na to da se osećamo nelagodno to make us feel uncomfortable

da čak kreiramo strahove u našem životu to even create fears in our life

i da to onda pokreće određenu spiralu and that it then starts a certain spiral

u našem životu

koja dovodi do jednog lošeg stanja i which leads to a bad state i

do toga da ne možemo da uspemo da to the point that we cannot succeed

ostvarimo svoje ciljeve uopšte. achieve our goals in general.

Ja ću danas da vam navedem nekoliko I'm going to list a few for you today

od tih grešaka u razmišljanju

kako biste vi obratili pažnju da li se to i vama dešava so you would pay attention if it happens to you too

i na kraju ću vam dati and at the end I will give you

ideju šta da radite s tim, kako možete sebi da pomognete an idea of what to do with it, how you can help yourself

da izađete iz tih negativnih obrazaca to get out of those negative patterns

koji vam u stvari which you in fact

čine život teškim they make life difficult

otežavaju vam nepotrebno život make your life unnecessarily difficult

i sprečavaju da budete i da and prevent you from being and yes

postanete ono što zaista želite da postanete. you become what you really want to become.

Prvi taj obrazac koji je The first that form that is

greška, kojom mi u stvari sami sebe a mistake, by which we in fact ourselves

zafrkavamo ponekad, we joke sometimes

je ideja o tome

sve ili ništa.

Kao: "Ako se sad ne desi ovo, onda nikad ništa neće da bude" Like, "If this doesn't happen now, then nothing ever will."

Kao da je u pitanju As if in question

nešto što utiče na celu našu budućnost. something that affects our entire future.

Na primer, ili: "Ako me sada ne prime na ovaj posao, kraj je mog života" For example, or: "If I don't get this job now, it's the end of my life"

"Moja budućnost je upropaštena" "My future is ruined"

"Ako sada dobijem otkaz, onda me nikad u životu niko neće primiti" i tako dalje. "If I get fired now, then no one will ever accept me in my life" and so on.

Znači, problem je u tome što ljudi na osnovu tih nekih So, the problem is that people based on those some

razmišljanja, donose zaključke koji thinking, draw conclusions that

koji onda važe za čitavu which are then valid for the whole

budućnost.

Kao da je to tačno i da može da se primeni na čitavu budućnost. As if it were true and could be applied to the entire future.

"Ako se sada razvedem, više nikada neću naći partnera" "If I divorce now, I will never find a partner again"

I to ste verovatno čuli ljude da govore And you've probably heard people say that

a možda ste i sami bili nekada u tome. and maybe you were once in it yourself.

I to onda pokreće spiralu And that then starts the spiral

emocija, strahova emotions, fears

postupaka koji ne vode u blagostanje actions that do not lead to well-being

i koji su stvarno samo štetni. and which are really only harmful.

Na primer, još jedna od tih grešaka u razmišljanju je For example, another one of those thinking errors is

personalizacija. personalization.

Kada se nešto nekome desi,

on onda razmišlja da se to samo njemu dešava. he then thinks that it only happens to him.

Pa na primer,

prijavi se za neki posao i tamo ga ne prime he applies for a job and is not accepted there

Ne prime ga možda zato što su prestali da primaju nove saradnike They don't accept it maybe because they stopped accepting new associates

ili zato što je kriza nastupila ili šta ja znam, or because the crisis has occurred or what do I know,

ali taj misli da je do njega. but he thinks it's up to him.

"Opet se meni to dešava" "It's happening to me again"

"MENI se samo to dešava" "It only happens to ME"

Dobije na primer, kaznu za parkiranje i kaže For example, he gets a parking ticket and says

"Samo meni! Evo, svi su tu parkirani" "Only me! Here, everyone is parked there"

"Samo ja dobijem tu kaznu" "Only I get that punishment"

Ili na primer,

pozove na primer prijateljicu i kaže

"Volela bih da se nađemo večeras i da idemo na kafu" "I'd like to meet tonight and go for coffee"

a prijateljica kaže: "Jao, stvarno nemam vremena" and the friend says: "Oh, I really don't have time"

i možda stvarno nema vremena, jer ima neke druge planove, and maybe he really doesn't have time, because he has other plans,

"Eto, neće sa mnom da se vidi" "There, he won't see me"

"Ona mene ne voli. Ne voli sa mnom da provodi vreme" "She doesn't like me. She doesn't like to spend time with me"

i tako dalje. Znači jednostavno sve što se dešava et cetera. So simply everything that happens

nekako misle da je somehow they think it is

u vezi sa njima.

A vrlo često nije. And very often it is not.

I to im onda povlači tu spiralu da misle da nešto And that then pulls that spiral for them to think that something

s njima nije u redu i znate, to već ide it's not right with them and you know, it's already working

dalje i opet dovodi do toga da further and again leads to that

jednostavno ne možemo da ostvarimo ciljeve we simply cannot achieve the goals

i ne možemo da and we can't

budemo osoba kakva želimo da budemo, zato što be the person we want to be, because

pravimo tu grešku u proceni we make that error in judgment

takozvana greška u proceni. the so-called error of judgment.

Ili, takozvana kognitivna distorzija.

I još jedna koju bih rado pomenula And one more thing I would like to mention

A to je And that is

katastofizacija

ili pravljenje od komarca magarca. or making a donkey mosquito.

Desi se jedna stvar i to je onda "katastrofa" One thing happens and it's a "disaster"

"Ako se to desi, to je katastrofa, to je pitanje života i smrti" "If that happens, it's a disaster, it's a matter of life and death."

"To je nešto najgore što može da se desi". "It's the worst thing that can happen."

I sigurna sam da poznajete takve ljude i da znate tačno o čemu pričam. And I'm sure you know such people and know exactly what I'm talking about.

Kada ljudi imaju utisak da When people have the impression that

eto, ako se to desi

to je onda smak sveta then it's the end of the world

kraj sveta, gotovo je end of the world, it's over

sa nama, sa životom, sa poslom, with us, with life, with work,

sa svim i svačim je gotovo everything is over

i vrlo često ljudi to and very often people do that

u braku, u poslu koriste

i to im jako, jako smeta, zato što and it really, really bothers them, because

to jednostavno nije tako. that's just not the case.

i ne razmatraju uopšte and do not consider at all

činjenicu da je njihov sud the fact that their court

pogrešan i da wrong and yes

jednostavno preteruju they simply exaggerate

i da prave od nečega malog nešto veliko. and to make something big out of something small.

To je nešto zbog čega bih ja volela da vi zaista That's something I really wish you would

promislite o tome da li vi to radite. think about whether you do it.

Da li vi to sebi radite? Do you do that to yourself?

a onda i svima onima koji su vama važni za vaš život. and then to all those who are important to you in your life.

Ono što je, takođe, jedna greška u razmišljanju

su generalizacije.

Kada na osnovu jednog iskustva

na osnovu jednog nečega što se desilo,

vi pomislite

da je sve bezveze i to zauvek. that everything is nonsense and forever.

I to je stvarno velika šteta. And that's really a shame.

Ali mnogi ljudi razmišljaju na taj način. But many people think that way.

Pa ne znam, žena ako je imala

jednom nekog bezveznjaka, onda once some badass, then

poveže za ceo život da su svi muškarci bezveze. associate for life that all men are badass.

Što je velika šteta, jer postoje divni muškarci. Which is a shame, because there are wonderful men out there.

Ili, na primer,

ako je jednom imala problema sa

ljudima iz HR-a, misle da su oni svi onako to HR people, they think they are all like that

hladni i bezobrazni cold and rude

nekako nelojalni i somehow disloyal and

da nisu kako treba.

Što uopšte nije tačno!

I tako dalje. Znači ima puno stvari Et cetera. So there are a lot of things

Nešto se jednom desi i onda kao: Something happens once and then like:

to je zauvek tako i

i svi su takvi and everyone is like that

To su sve stvari koje čine da se ne osećamo dobro These are all things that make us feel bad

da upadamo u strahove to fall into fears

da upadamo u ideju o tome da nismo dovoljno dobri to fall into the idea that we are not good enough

i da nas jednostavno sprečava da ostvarimo svoje ciljeve and that it simply prevents us from achieving our goals

a uopšte nije tačno! and it is not true at all!

Ja stalno govorim mojim polaznicima I tell my students all the time

na edukacijama

u životu vas neće sprečiti da in life will not prevent you from

postanete srećni i uspešni you become happy and successful

nešto što

što ne znate, što niste naučili what you don't know, what you haven't learned

nego ono u šta 100 posto verujete, a što uopšte nije tačno. but what you 100 percent believe, which is not true at all.

To su te gluposti koje mi verujemo o sebi These are the stupid things we believe about ourselves

a koje uopšte nisu tačne. and which are not true at all.

Imamo loše procene We have bad reviews

ali mi verujemo da su naše procene 100 % tačne.

A vrlo često se varamo! And very often we are mistaken!

Koliko se često vama desi da ste pomislili da će nešto biti tako How often has it happened to you that you thought something would be like that

pa nije bilo tako uopšte?

Znači, čak se prevarimo i kada nemamo taj obrazac So, we even deceive ourselves when we don't have that pattern

a naročito kada ljudi imaju

te negativne obrasce razmišljanja

a non-stop se nalaze u iluziji and they are constantly in illusion

svog negativnog razmišljanja

o sebi, o svetu i about yourself, about the world and

o okruženju. about the environment.

Tako da je jako bitno, prva stvar So it is very important, the first thing

koju možete da uradite, a ovde se postavlja pitanje which you can do, and here comes the question

šta možete vi da uradite protiv toga what can you do about it

prva stvar koju možete da uradite je da the first thing you can do is to

krenete da lovite sebe you start hunting yourself

da li vi sebe zafrkavate? are you kidding yourself?

Onda kažete sebi: "Ej, aman!" Then you say to yourself: "Hey, aman!"

"Čemu takva negativna razmišljanja" "Why such negative thoughts"

"svakoga dana non-stop"

Hajde da uhvatite sebe kada razmišljate tako Let's catch ourselves thinking like that

i onda da se kao malo distsncirate od toga and then distance yourself from it a little

i da postavite sebi pitanje and ask yourself a question

da li postoji neki primer kada nije bilo tako? is there any example when it was not like that?

Jel bila neka situacija kada nije bilo tako? Was there any situation when it was not like that?

Na osnovu kojih kriterijuma uopšte Based on what criteria at all

donosiš taj zaključak da je tako? do you draw the conclusion that it is so?

Na osnovu kojih kriterijuma procenjuješ to? Based on what criteria do you evaluate that?

Postoje li neki argumenti koji govore Are there any arguments that speak

potpuno suprotno? the complete opposite?

I postoje li ljudi kojima And are there people who

koji su, ne znam, dobili otkaz, pa su našli posao? who, I don't know, got fired and found a job?

Ili koji su se razveli, pa su našli ljubav svog života? Or who got divorced and found the love of their life?

Znači, bilo šta ako generalizujete, So anything if you generalize,

ali postoji barem jedan muškarac na ovom svetu koji nije bezveze but there is at least one man in this world who is no slouch

ili: da li postoji barem jedna ljubazna or: is there at least one kind one

osoba koja radi u HR-u? a person who works in HR?

Znači, da postavite sebi pitanja So, ask yourself questions

koja vas teraju that drive you

da razmislite malo dalje to think a little further

od toga u šta ste se zakopali from what you buried yourself in

a ako je to neko drugi, neko koga volite, and if it's someone else, someone you love,

koga cenite i do koga vam je stalo, who you value and care about,

i vi vidite da se zakopa u nekoj and you see that he is buried in someone

grešci, da jednostavno ima grešku u razmišljanju koja mistakes, that he simply has a mistake in thinking that

ga sprečava da postigne svoj cilj, prevents him from achieving his goal,

postavite mu jedno od ovih pitanja: ask him one of these questions:

"Na osnovu čega si to procenio?" "On what basis did you judge that?"

"Koje kriterijume si uzeo?" "What criteria did you take?"

"Postoje li neki drugi primeri?" "Are there any other examples?"

"Da li možda ima barem jedan primer" "Maybe there is at least one example"

"Suprotan od toga" i tako dalje "The opposite of that" and so on

da pokrenete samo razmišljanje. to start thinking itself.

Nemojte davati argumente Don't give arguments

Davanje argumenata će samo Giving arguments will only

da naiđe na otpor to encounter resistance

nego postavljajte pitanja rather ask questions

jer pitanja pokreću na razmišljanje. because the questions are thought-provoking.

A pokrenuti nekoga na razmišljanje veliki je blagoslov And to make someone think is a great blessing

naročito ako ste to vi especially if it's you

ali i za druge ljude je to važno but it is also important for other people

naročito u kontaktu sa ljudima koje volite, do kojih vam je stalo especially in contact with people you love, care about

da ih pokrenete na razmišljanje, jer samo onaj ko to make them think, because only those who

ko razmišlja who thinks

može da promeni mišljenje. he can change his mind.

Onaj ko je u otporu One who is in resistance

zato što ste vi rekli: "Nije tako, nego je ovako", because you said: "It's not like that, it's like this",

ne, on ne razmišlja, on se samo brani. no, he doesn't think, he just defends himself.

Brani svoje mišljenje. Zato nemojte Defend your opinion. So don't

argumentovati protiv, nego jednostavno pitajte. argue against, but simply ask.

Osobu pitajte da li postoje neki argumenti Ask the person if there are any arguments

koji bi možda bili drugačiji.

Nadam se da vam je ovo bilo korisno I hope you found this useful

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