제31부. 모스크바종합대학 철학연구원. 첫 번째 Part 31. Institute of Philosophy, Moscow State University. First

제31부. Part 31. [...]모스크바종합대학 철학연구원. 첫 번째 The first

6개월이 지나자 강의를 마음대로 들을 수 있게 되었다. After six months, I was able to take courses at will. 나는 듣고 싶은 강의를 찾아다니며 듣고 또 열심히 책을 읽었다. I went around looking for lectures that I wanted to take and listened to them, and I read the books voraciously. 천문학강의와 이론물리학 강의도 듣고 철학사 강의, 문학 강의도 들었다. I took astronomy and theoretical physics lectures, history of philosophy and literature lectures. 러시아문학과 철학사, 로마사도 읽었다. 그렇게 열심히 1년동안 5천여 페이지를 읽었는데, 그때부터 어떤 책이든 사전 없이 볼 수 있게 되었고, 또 러시아어로 사고(思考)를 할 수 있게 되었다. I read more than 5,000 pages in a year, and from then on I could read any book without a dictionary, and I could think in Russian.

모스크바의 조선 유학생들은 매일 저녁 연구원이나 공부를 잘 한다고 소문난 학생 방에 모여 조선혁명과 관련된 토론회를 열었다. Every evening, Korean students in Moscow gathered in a student room with a reputation for research and studying to discuss the Korean Revolution. 유학생들은 이 토론회에서 서로 팽팽히 경쟁하며 두각을 나타내려고 애썼다. International students competed with each other in this debate, trying to stand out from the crowd. 그것은 이 토론회에서 두각을 나타내면 유학생 사회에 소문이 금세 퍼져 유명해지기 때문이었다. This is because if you stand out in these discussions, word quickly spreads and you become famous in the international student community. 나는 이 토론회에 한 차례 참석했다. I attended one of these discussions. 그러나 토론회가 너무 정치적이라고 판단하고는 다시는 참석하지 않았다. However, I decided the discussions were too political and never attended again. 내가 소련에 유학을 간 목적은 소련의 발전된 이론을 배우려는 것이지 조선의 정치를 배우려는 것이 아니었기 때문이다. I went to study in the Soviet Union to learn about the advanced theories of the Soviet Union, not to learn about the politics of Korea.

나의 이런 행동에 대해 뒷말이 많았다. I got a lot of backlash for this behavior. 내가 토론에 참가할만한 실력이 없기 때문에 토론회를 기피한다는 것이었다. I was told that I didn't have the skills to participate in discussions, so I avoided them. 어쩌면 그소문이 맞았는지도 모른다. Maybe the rumors were right. 왜냐하면 나의 준비 정도로는 토론회에서 빛나는 의견을 내놓을 수 없었을 것이기 때문이다. I'm glad I did, because my level of preparation would not have allowed me to shine in the debate.

그보다 나는 빠른 시간 내에 러시아 학생들을 따라잡기 위해 공부에 혼신의 노력을 기울였다. Rather, I threw myself into my studies to catch up with the Russian students as quickly as possible. 남들에게 보이기 위해서가 아니라 내 자신을 위한 성실하고 실속 있는 공부를 하느라 토론회 따위는 무시할 수밖에 없었다. I had to ignore the discussions because I wanted to study sincerely and practically for myself, not to impress others. 내가 공부하는 대학에도 존경하는 사람의 정신이 아니라 외모를 흉내내려는 사람이 간혹 눈에 띄었다. Even at my own university, there were a few people who tried to emulate the appearance, not the spirit, of someone they admired. 한 철학부 학생은 자기가 마르크스와 같은 천재라고 떠벌리면서 수염도 깍지 않고 담배를 많이 피웠다. One philosophy student claimed to be a genius like Marx and smoked heavily without shaving his beard. 마르크스가 담배를 많이 피웠다는 것은 나도 알고 있었지만 그 친구처럼 많이 피웠는지는 의문이었다.