×

We use cookies to help make LingQ better. By visiting the site, you agree to our cookie policy.


image

George Carlin, George Carlin - Our Similarities

George Carlin - Our Similarities

Now to balance the scale, I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences cause that's all you ever hear about in this country is our differences.

That's all the media and the politicians are ever talking about: the things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society: they try to divide the rest of the people; they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that they, the rich, can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing... happens to work. You know, anything different, that's what they're gonna talk about: race, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other so that they can keep going to the bank. You know how I describe the economic and social classes in this country? The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class... keep on showing up at those jobs.

So stirring up the shit is something I like to do from time to time but I also like to know that I can come back to these little things we have in common, little universal moments that we share separately, the things that make us the same.

They're so small; we hardly ever talk about them.

Do you ever look at your watch... and then you don't know what time it is?

And you have to look again, and you still don't know the time. So you look a third time and somebody says “what time is it?” you say “I don't know.”

Do you ever notice how sometimes all day Wednesday, you keep thinking it's Thursday?

And it happens over and over all day long, and then the next day, you're all right again.

Do you ever find yourself standing in one of the rooms in your house and you can't remember why you went in there?

And two words float across your mind: “Alzheimer's Disease? !”

You ever been talking to yourself and somebody comes in the room and you have to make believe you were singing?

And you hope to God the other person really believes there's a song called “What Does She Think I Am... Some Kind of Putz? !” Little experiences we've all had... you ever been sitting in a railroad train in the station and there's another train sitting right next to ya, and one of them starts to move, and you can't tell which one it is?

How about when you're out on a small boat on a windy day?

You ever been out rocking back and forth for three or four hours trying to keep your balance, rough seas, little boat, then you get back into the shore and you're standing on the dock and you could swear there was something inside of you that was still out there rocking?

Did you ever try to pick up a suitcase you thought was full but it wasn't?

And you go pwwt... and for just a split second you feel really strong.

How about when you're looking through a chain link fence?

Did you ever notice if you're just the right distance from a chain link fence, sometimes it seems to go pwwt [makes a closing in and out motion]? What is that? How do they do that?

Did you ever try to tell somebody they have a little bit of dirt on their face?

You can never get them to rub the right spot can you? “Say... you got a little bit of dirt right here.” They always go “where? Here?” and you just wanna slap the bastard!

Do you ever notice how awful your face looks in a mirror in a restroom that has florescent lights?

Every cut, scrape, scratch, scar, scab, bruise, boil, bump, pimple, zit, warp, welt, and abscess you've had since BIRTH all seem to come back at the same time, and all you can think of is “I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! !”

Did you ever notice sometimes when you're walking with your arm around your date, one of you has the change the way you're walking?

Men and women don't walk the same; one of them has to change. Either the man has to walk like this [walks on his toes] or the woman has to walk like this [struts] “Joey, how are ya?”

How about when you're going up a flight of stairs and you think there's one more step?

And you go ughh. And then you have to kinda keep doing that you know, so people will think it's something you do all the time. “I do this all the time; it's the third stage of syphilis.” Same thing happens when you're going down the stairs. You could swear there was one more step--- pfft! “Holy shit! My hips are in my chest!”

When you drink grapefruit juice in the morning, do you go like this?

[squints face] I do too! Why do we drink it? It's like ice cream throat. You know when you've been eating ice cream too fast and you get that frozen spot in the back of your throat but you can't do anything about it because you can't reach it to rub it? You just have to kinda wait for it to go away? And it does... then what do you do? EAT MORE ICE CREAM! WHAT ARE WE FUCKING STUPID? Did you ever fall asleep on a late afternoon, you wake up after dark, and you don't know what goddamn day it is? Like when you have your head on a pillow... did you ever notice when you have your head on a pillow, if you close the bottom eye, the pillow is down there, then if you switch eyes, the pillow moves up there?

“Whoa, holy shit Dave! Look at this! The mystery of the moving pillow... I think it's related to the chain link fence mystery myself.”

Did you ever have to sneeze while you're taking a piss?

It's frightening isn't it? It's frightening cause actually, you can't do it! It's physically impossible to sneeze while pissing. Your brain won't let it happen; your brain says “STOP PISSING! YOU'RE GOING TO SNEEZE NOW! !” cause your brain knows you might blow your asshole out!

George Carlin - Our Similarities George Carlin - Nuestras similitudes George Carlin - Nasze podobieństwa George Carlin - Benzerliklerimiz

Now to balance the scale, I’d like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences cause that’s all you ever hear about in this country is our differences. Şimdi ölçeği dengelemek için, bizi bir araya getiren bazı şeylerden bahsetmek istiyorum, farklılıklarımız yerine benzerliklerimizi işaret eden şeyler, çünkü bu ülkede duyduğunuz tek şey farklılıklarımızdır.

That’s all the media and the politicians are ever talking about: the things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. Tüm medya ve politikacılar şu an hakkında konuşuyorlar: bizi birbirinden ayıran, birbirimizi farklı kılan şeyler. That’s the way the ruling class operates in any society: they try to divide the rest of the people; they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that they, the rich, can run off with all the fucking money. Egemen sınıfın herhangi bir toplumda işleyiş şekli budur: geri kalan insanları bölmeye çalışırlar; alt ve orta sınıfları birbirleriyle savaşırlar, böylece zenginler bütün parayla kaçarlar. Fairly simple thing... happens to work. Oldukça basit bir şey ... işe başlar. You know, anything different, that’s what they’re gonna talk about: race, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other so that they can keep going to the bank. Bilirsin, farklı bir şey var, bunun hakkında konuşacaklar: ırk, din, etnik ve ulusal arka plan, meslekler, gelir, eğitim, sosyal statü, cinsellik, birbirimizle savaşabilmemiz için yapabilecekleri her şey bankaya gitmeye devam et. You know how I describe the economic and social classes in this country? Bu ülkedeki ekonomik ve sosyal sınıfları nasıl tanımladığımı biliyor musun? The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class... keep on showing up at those jobs. Yoksullar, orta sınıfın bokunu korkutmak için oradalar ... bu işlerde görünmeye devam ediyorlar. Бідні тут лише для того, щоб налякати до лайна середній клас... продовжуйте з’являтися на цих роботах.

So stirring up the shit is something I like to do from time to time but I also like to know that I can come back to these little things we have in common, little universal moments that we share separately, the things that make us the same. Bu yüzden işleri karıştırmak, zaman zaman yapmaktan hoşlandığım bir şey ama aynı zamanda ortak ortak noktalarımız olan ortak küçük anlara, ayrı ayrı paylaştığımız evrensel anlara, bizi aynı kılan şeylere geri dönebileceğimi bilmek istiyorum. . Тож час від часу я люблю робити лайно, але мені також подобається знати, що я можу повернутися до цих маленьких спільних речей, маленьких універсальних моментів, які ми розділяємо окремо, речей, які роблять нас однаковими .

They’re so small; we hardly ever talk about them. Çok küçükler; biz hiç onlardan bahsetmiyoruz.

Do you ever look at your watch... and then you don’t know what time it is? Saatine hiç bakar mısın ... ve saatin kaç olduğunu bilmiyor musun?

And you have to look again, and you still don’t know the time. So you look a third time and somebody says “what time is it?” you say “I don’t know.”

Do you ever notice how sometimes all day Wednesday, you keep thinking it’s Thursday?

And it happens over and over all day long, and then the next day, you’re all right again. Ve gün boyu tekrar tekrar oluyor ve ertesi gün tekrar iyisin.

Do you ever find yourself standing in one of the rooms in your house and you can’t remember why you went in there? Kendinizi evinizdeki odalardan birinde dururken buldunuz mu ve neden oraya girdiğinizi hatırlamıyor musunuz?

And two words float across your mind: “Alzheimer’s Disease? !”

You ever been talking to yourself and somebody comes in the room and you have to make believe you were singing? Sen hiç kendinle konuşuyordun ve birileri odaya girip şarkı söylediğine inanmak zorunda mısın?

And you hope to God the other person really believes there’s a song called “What Does She Think I Am... Some Kind of Putz? Ve Tanrı'ya umut ediyorum ki, diğer kişi “Benim Ne Olduğumu Düşünüyor… Bir Tür Putz mu? І ти сподіваєшся, що інша людина дійсно вірить, що є пісня під назвою “What Does She Think I Am... Some Kind of Putz? !” Little experiences we’ve all had... you ever been sitting in a railroad train in the station and there’s another train sitting right next to ya, and one of them starts to move, and you can’t tell which one it is? ! ”Hepimizin yaşadığı küçük deneyimler ... hiç istasyonda bir demiryolu treninde oturdunuz ve yanınızda oturan başka bir tren var ve bunlardan biri hareket etmeye başlıyor ve hangisine gideceğinizi söyleyemezsiniz. nedir?

How about when you’re out on a small boat on a windy day? Rüzgarlı bir günde küçük bir tekneye çıktığınızda?

You ever been out rocking back and forth for three or four hours trying to keep your balance, rough seas, little boat, then you get back into the shore and you’re standing on the dock and you could swear there was something inside of you that was still out there rocking? Dengenizi, kaba denizleri, küçük botu korumaya çalışırken üç ya da dört saat boyunca ileri geri sallanıyordunuz, sonra kıyıya dönüyorsunuz ve rıhtımda duruyorsunuz ve içinde bir şey olduğuna yemin edebiliyordunuz Bu hala orada sallanan oldu? Ви коли-небудь виходили на вулицю, розгойдуючись вперед-назад протягом трьох-чотирьох годин, намагаючись утримати рівновагу, бурхливе море, маленький човен, потім ви повертаєтеся на берег і стоїте на пристані, і можете присягтися, що всередині вас щось є що все ще там качало?

Did you ever try to pick up a suitcase you thought was full but it wasn’t? Hiç dolu olduğunu düşündüğün bir valizi almaya çalıştın mı?

And you go pwwt... and for just a split second you feel really strong. Ve sen pwwt ... gidin ve sadece bir saniye için gerçekten güçlü hissediyorum.

How about when you’re looking through a chain link fence? Bir zincir bağlantı telinden bakmaya ne dersiniz? А як щодо того, коли ви дивитесь крізь огорожу?

Did you ever notice if you’re just the right distance from a chain link fence, sometimes it seems to go pwwt [makes a closing in and out motion]? Zincir bağlantı telinden sadece doğru bir mesafede olup olmadığınızı hiç fark ettiniz mi? What is that? O nedir? How do they do that? Bunu nasıl yapıyorlar?

Did you ever try to tell somebody they have a little bit of dirt on their face? Hiç birine yüzlerinde biraz kir olduğunu söylemeye çalıştınız mı?

You can never get them to rub the right spot can you? Asla doğru yeri ovalamalarını sağlayamazsın, değil mi? “Say... you got a little bit of dirt right here.” They always go “where? “Diyelim… tam burada biraz kir var.” Her zaman giderler “nereye? Here?” and you just wanna slap the bastard! Burada? ”Ve sadece piç tokatlamak istiyorum!

Do you ever notice how awful your face looks in a mirror in a restroom that has florescent lights? Yüzünüzün, floresan ışıkları olan bir tuvaletdeki aynada ne kadar berbat göründüğünü fark ettiniz mi? Ви коли-небудь помічали, як жахливо виглядає ваше обличчя в дзеркалі у туалеті з люмінесцентними лампами?

Every cut, scrape, scratch, scar, scab, bruise, boil, bump, pimple, zit, warp, welt, and abscess you’ve had since BIRTH all seem to come back at the same time, and all you can think of is “I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! Elke snee, schaafwond, kras, litteken, korstje, kneuzing, kook, bult, puistje, zit, kromtrekking, rand en abces die je sinds de GEBOORTE hebt gehad, lijkt allemaal tegelijkertijd terug te komen, en alles wat je kunt bedenken is “IK KRIJG DE FUCK OUTTA HIER! DOĞUMdan beri sahip olduğun her kesim, sıyrık, çizik, yara, yara, çürük, kaynat, yumru, sivilce, zit, çözgü, welt ve apse, aynı anda geri dönmüş gibi görünüyor. “BURADA TIKLAYINIZ VAR! Кожен поріз, подряпина, подряпина, шрам, струп, синяк, нарив, шишка, прищ, прищик, викривлення, рани та абсцеси, які ви мали з НАРОДЖЕННЯ, здається, повертаються одночасно, і все, про що ви можете думати, це «МЕНІ ПОТРІБНО ТІКАТИ ЗДЕСЬ НА ХОРЯ! !”

Did you ever notice sometimes when you’re walking with your arm around your date, one of you has the change the way you’re walking? Ви коли-небудь помічали, коли ви ходите, обіймаючи свою зустріч, як один із вас змінює манеру ходити?

Men and women don’t walk the same; one of them has to change. Either the man has to walk like this [walks on his toes] or the woman has to walk like this [struts] “Joey, how are ya?” Або чоловік має ходити так [ходить на носках], або жінка має ходити так [випивається] «Джої, як ти?»

How about when you’re going up a flight of stairs and you think there’s one more step? Bir merdiven çıkınca ve bir adım daha olduğunu düşünüyorsun?

And you go ughh. Ve sen git. And then you have to kinda keep doing that you know, so people will think it’s something you do all the time. Ve sonra bildiğiniz gibi yapmaya devam etmek zorundasınız, böylece insanlar her zaman yaptığınız bir şey olduğunu düşüneceklerdir “I do this all the time; it’s the third stage of syphilis.” Same thing happens when you’re going down the stairs. “Bunu her zaman yapıyorum; bu sifilizin üçüncü aşaması. ”Merdivenlerden inerken de aynı şey oluyor. You could swear there was one more step--- pfft! “Holy shit! “Kutsal bok! My hips are in my chest!” Kalçalarım göğsümde! ” Мої стегна в моїх грудях!»

When you drink grapefruit juice in the morning, do you go like this? Sabahları greyfurt suyu içtiğinizde, böyle gider misiniz?

[squints face] I do too! [squints yüz] Ben de yaparım! Why do we drink it? It’s like ice cream throat. Dondurma boğazı gibi. You know when you’ve been eating ice cream too fast and you get that frozen spot in the back of your throat but you can’t do anything about it because you can’t reach it to rub it? Çok hızlı bir şekilde dondurma yerken ve boğazınızın arkasındaki donmuş noktayı yakaladığınızı biliyorsunuz, ancak bununla ilgili hiçbir şey yapamıyorsunuz çünkü onu ovalamak için ulaşamıyorsunuz? You just have to kinda wait for it to go away? Sadece gitmesini beklemek zorunda mısın? And it does... then what do you do? EAT MORE ICE CREAM! WHAT ARE WE FUCKING STUPID? Did you ever fall asleep on a late afternoon, you wake up after dark, and you don’t know what goddamn day it is? Hiç bir öğleden sonra uykuya daldın mı, karanlıktan sonra uyandın ve hangi gün olduğunu bilmiyorsun? Like when you have your head on a pillow... did you ever notice when you have your head on a pillow, if you close the bottom eye, the pillow is down there, then if you switch eyes, the pillow moves up there? Kafanı bir yastığa koyduğun gibi ... kafanı bir yastığa koyduğunu fark ettin mi, eğer alt gözünü kapatırsan, yastığın aşağıya indiğini, sonra gözlerini değiştirirsen, yastığın yukarı çıktığını gördün mü? Наприклад, коли ти тримаєш голову на подушці... ти коли-небудь помічав, що коли ти тримаєш голову на подушці, якщо заплющити нижнє око, подушка опиняється внизу, а якщо змінити погляд, подушка рухається туди?

“Whoa, holy shit Dave! Look at this! The mystery of the moving pillow... I think it’s related to the chain link fence mystery myself.”

Did you ever have to sneeze while you’re taking a piss? Çiş yaparken hiç hapşırdın mı? Чи доводилося тобі коли-небудь чхати, коли ти мочишся?

It’s frightening isn’t it? It’s frightening cause actually, you can’t do it! Bu korkutucu çünkü yapamazsın! It’s physically impossible to sneeze while pissing. İşerken hapşırmak fiziksel olarak imkansız. Your brain won’t let it happen; your brain says “STOP PISSING! YOU’RE GOING TO SNEEZE NOW! !” cause your brain knows you might blow your asshole out! ! ”Çünkü beyniniz pisliği patlatabileceğini biliyor! !» тому що твій мозок знає, що ти можеш роздути свій мудак!