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Voltaire's Candide or Optimism, Chapter 11

Chapter 11

XI HISTORY OF THE OLD WOMAN.

"I had not always bleared eyes and red eyelids; neither did my nose always touch my chin; nor was I always a servant. I am the daughter of Pope Urban X,[10] and of the Princess of Palestrina. Until the age of fourteen I was brought up in a palace, to which all the castles of your German barons would scarcely have served for stables; and one of my robes was worth more than all the magnificence of Westphalia. As I grew up I improved in beauty, wit, and every graceful accomplishment, in the midst of pleasures, hopes, and respectful homage. Already I inspired love. My throat was formed, and such a throat! white, firm, and shaped like that of the Venus of Medici; and what eyes! what eyelids! what black eyebrows! such flames darted from my dark pupils that they eclipsed the scintillation of the stars—as I was told by the poets in our part of the world. My waiting women, when dressing and undressing me, used to fall into an ecstasy, whether they viewed me before[Pg 43] or behind; how glad would the gentlemen have been to perform that office for them!

"I was affianced to the most excellent Prince of Massa Carara. Such a prince! as handsome as myself, sweet-tempered, agreeable, brilliantly witty, and sparkling with love. I loved him as one loves for the first time—with idolatry, with transport. The nuptials were prepared. There was surprising pomp and magnificence; there were fêtes , carousals, continual opera bouffe ; and all Italy composed sonnets in my praise, though not one of them was passable. I was just upon the point of reaching the summit of bliss, when an old marchioness who had been mistress to the Prince, my husband, invited him to drink chocolate with her. He died in less than two hours of most terrible convulsions. But this is only a bagatelle. My mother, in despair, and scarcely less afflicted than myself, determined to absent herself for some time from so fatal a place. She had a very fine estate in the neighbourhood of Gaeta. We embarked on board a galley of the country which was gilded like the great altar of St. Peter's at Rome. A Sallee corsair swooped down and boarded us. Our men defended themselves like the Pope's soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, and threw down their arms, begging of the corsair an absolution in articulo mortis . [Pg 44]

"Instantly they were stripped as bare as monkeys; my mother, our maids of honour, and myself were all served in the same manner. It is amazing with what expedition those gentry undress people. But what surprised me most was, that they thrust their fingers into the part of our bodies which the generality of women suffer no other instrument but—pipes to enter. It appeared to me a very strange kind of ceremony; but thus one judges of things when one has not seen the world. I afterwards learnt that it was to try whether we had concealed any diamonds. This is the practice established from time immemorial, among civilised nations that scour the seas. I was informed that the very religious Knights of Malta never fail to make this search when they take any Turkish prisoners of either sex. It is a law of nations from which they never deviate.

"I need not tell you how great a hardship it was for a young princess and her mother to be made slaves and carried to Morocco. You may easily imagine all we had to suffer on board the pirate vessel. My mother was still very handsome; our maids of honour, and even our waiting women, had more charms than are to be found in all Africa. As for myself, I was ravishing, was exquisite, grace itself, and I was a virgin! I did not remain so long; this flower,[Pg 45] which had been reserved for the handsome Prince of Massa Carara, was plucked by the corsair captain. He was an abominable negro, and yet believed that he did me a great deal of honour. Certainly the Princess of Palestrina and myself must have been very strong to go through all that we experienced until our arrival at Morocco. But let us pass on; these are such common things as not to be worth mentioning.

"Morocco swam in blood when we arrived. Fifty sons of the Emperor Muley-Ismael[11] had each their adherents; this produced fifty civil wars, of blacks against blacks, and blacks against tawnies, and tawnies against tawnies, and mulattoes against mulattoes. In short it was a continual carnage throughout the empire.

"No sooner were we landed, than the blacks of a contrary faction to that of my captain attempted to rob him of his booty. Next to jewels and gold we were the most valuable things he had. I was witness to such a battle as you have never seen in your European climates. The northern nations have not that heat in their blood, nor that raging lust for women, so common in Africa. It seems that you Europeans have only milk in your veins; but it is vitriol, it is fire which runs in those of the inhabitants of Mount Atlas and the neighbouring countries. They fought with the fury of the lions, tigers,[Pg 46] and serpents of the country, to see who should have us. A Moor seized my mother by the right arm, while my captain's lieutenant held her by the left; a Moorish soldier had hold of her by one leg, and one of our corsairs held her by the other. Thus almost all our women were drawn in quarters by four men. My captain concealed me behind him; and with his drawn scimitar cut and slashed every one that opposed his fury. At length I saw all our Italian women, and my mother herself, torn, mangled, massacred, by the monsters who disputed over them. The slaves, my companions, those who had taken them, soldiers, sailors, blacks, whites, mulattoes, and at last my captain, all were killed, and I remained dying on a heap of dead. Such scenes as this were transacted through an extent of three hundred leagues—and yet they never missed the five prayers a day ordained by Mahomet.

"With difficulty I disengaged myself from such a heap of slaughtered bodies, and crawled to a large orange tree on the bank of a neighbouring rivulet, where I fell, oppressed with fright, fatigue, horror, despair, and hunger. Immediately after, my senses, overpowered, gave themselves up to sleep, which was yet more swooning than repose. I was in this state of weakness and insensibility, between life and[Pg 47] death, when I felt myself pressed by something that moved upon my body. I opened my eyes, and saw a white man, of good countenance, who sighed, and who said between his teeth: ' O che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni! '"[12]

Chapter 11

XI HISTORY OF THE OLD WOMAN.

"I had not always bleared eyes and red eyelids; neither did my nose always touch my chin; nor was I always a servant. I am the daughter of Pope Urban X,[10] and of the Princess of Palestrina. Until the age of fourteen I was brought up in a palace, to which all the castles of your German barons would scarcely have served for stables; and one of my robes was worth more than all the magnificence of Westphalia. Jusqu'à l'âge de quatorze ans, je fus élevé dans un palais où tous les châteaux de vos barons allemands n'auraient guère servi d'écuries; et une de mes robes valait plus que toute la magnificence de la Westphalie. As I grew up I improved in beauty, wit, and every graceful accomplishment, in the midst of pleasures, hopes, and respectful homage. En grandissant, je me suis amélioré dans la beauté, l'esprit et chaque accomplissement gracieux, au milieu des plaisirs, des espoirs et des hommages respectueux. Already I inspired love. My throat was formed, and such a throat! Ma gorge était formée, et une telle gorge! white, firm, and shaped like that of the Venus of Medici; and what eyes! blanc, ferme et en forme de celui de la Vénus de Médicis; et quels yeux! what eyelids! what black eyebrows! such flames darted from my dark pupils that they eclipsed the scintillation of the stars—as I was told by the poets in our part of the world. de telles flammes jaillissaient de mes pupilles sombres qu'elles éclipsaient la scintillation des étoiles - comme m'ont dit les poètes de notre partie du monde. My waiting women, when dressing and undressing me, used to fall into an ecstasy, whether they viewed me before[Pg 43] or behind; how glad would the gentlemen have been to perform that office for them! Mes femmes qui m'attendaient, en m'habillant et en me déshabillant, tombaient dans l'extase, qu'elles me regardaient avant [Pg 43] ou derrière; comme les messieurs auraient été heureux de remplir cette fonction pour eux!

"I was affianced to the most excellent Prince of Massa Carara. "J'étais affiancé au plus excellent prince de Massa Carara. Such a prince! as handsome as myself, sweet-tempered, agreeable, brilliantly witty, and sparkling with love. aussi beau que moi, doux, agréable, brillamment spirituel et pétillant d'amour. I loved him as one loves for the first time—with idolatry, with transport. The nuptials were prepared. There was surprising pomp and magnificence; there were fêtes , carousals, continual  opera bouffe ; and all Italy composed sonnets in my praise, though not one of them was passable. Il y avait une splendeur et une magnificence surprenantes; il y avait des fêtes, des manèges, des bouffe d'opéra continuels; et toute l'Italie composa des sonnets à ma louange, bien qu'aucun d'eux ne fût passable. I was just upon the point of reaching the summit of bliss, when an old marchioness who had been mistress to the Prince, my husband, invited him to drink chocolate with her. J'étais sur le point d'atteindre le sommet de la félicité, lorsqu'une vieille marquise qui avait été maîtresse du prince, mon mari, l'invita à boire du chocolat avec elle. He died in less than two hours of most terrible convulsions. But this is only a bagatelle. My mother, in despair, and scarcely less afflicted than myself, determined to absent herself for some time from so fatal a place. Ma mère, désespérée et à peine moins affligée que moi, résolut de s'absenter quelque temps d'un lieu si funeste. She had a very fine estate in the neighbourhood of Gaeta. Elle avait une très belle propriété dans le quartier de Gaeta. We embarked on board a galley of the country which was gilded like the great altar of St. Nous embarquâmes à bord d'une galère du pays qui était dorée comme le grand autel de St. Peter’s at Rome. A Sallee corsair swooped down and boarded us. Un corsaire de Sallee descendit en piqué et nous monta à bord. Our men defended themselves like the Pope’s soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, and threw down their arms, begging of the corsair an absolution  in articulo mortis . Nos hommes se défendaient comme les soldats du pape; ils se jetèrent à genoux et jetèrent les bras en demandant au corsaire une absolution in articulo mortis. [Pg 44]

"Instantly they were stripped as bare as monkeys; my mother, our maids of honour, and myself were all served in the same manner. «Aussitôt, ils furent déshabillés comme des singes; ma mère, nos demoiselles d'honneur et moi-même avons été servies de la même manière. It is amazing with what expedition those gentry undress people. C'est incroyable avec quelle expédition ces gentilshommes déshabillent les gens. But what surprised me most was, that they thrust their fingers into the part of our bodies which the generality of women suffer no other instrument but—pipes to enter. Mais ce qui m'a le plus surpris, c'est qu'ils ont enfoncé leurs doigts dans la partie de notre corps dans laquelle la plupart des femmes ne souffrent d'autre instrument que: des tuyaux. It appeared to me a very strange kind of ceremony; but thus one judges of things when one has not seen the world. Cela me parut une sorte de cérémonie très étrange; mais ainsi on juge des choses quand on n'a pas vu le monde. I afterwards learnt that it was to try whether we had concealed any diamonds. This is the practice established from time immemorial, among civilised nations that scour the seas. C'est la pratique établie depuis des temps immémoriaux, parmi les nations civilisées qui parcourent les mers. I was informed that the very religious Knights of Malta never fail to make this search when they take any Turkish prisoners of either sex. J'ai été informé que les très religieux Chevaliers de Malte ne manquent jamais de faire cette fouille lorsqu'ils font des prisonniers turcs de l'un ou l'autre sexe. It is a law of nations from which they never deviate.

"I need not tell  you how great a hardship it was for a young princess and her mother to be made slaves and carried to Morocco. «Je n'ai pas besoin de vous dire à quel point ce fut une grande épreuve pour une jeune princesse et sa mère d'être esclaves et transportées au Maroc. You may easily imagine all we had to suffer on board the pirate vessel. My mother was still very handsome; our maids of honour, and even our waiting women, had more charms than are to be found in all Africa. As for myself, I was ravishing, was exquisite, grace itself, and I was a virgin! Quant à moi, j'étais ravissante, exquise, la grâce même, et j'étais vierge! I did not remain so long; this flower,[Pg 45] which had been reserved for the handsome Prince of Massa Carara, was plucked by the corsair captain. Je ne suis pas resté si longtemps; cette fleur, [Pg 45] réservée au beau prince de Massa Carara, fut cueillie par le capitaine corsaire. He was an abominable negro, and yet believed that he did me a great deal of honour. Certainly the Princess of Palestrina and myself must have been very strong to go through all that we experienced until our arrival at Morocco. Certes, la princesse de Palestrina et moi-même avons dû être très forts pour traverser tout ce que nous avons vécu jusqu'à notre arrivée au Maroc. But let us pass on; these are such common things as not to be worth mentioning. Mais passons; ce sont des choses tellement courantes qu'elles ne valent pas la peine d'être mentionnées.

"Morocco swam in blood when we arrived. «Le Maroc a nagé dans le sang à notre arrivée. Fifty sons of the Emperor Muley-Ismael[11] had each their adherents; this produced fifty civil wars, of blacks against blacks, and blacks against tawnies, and tawnies against tawnies, and mulattoes against mulattoes. Cinquante fils de l'empereur Muley-Ismael [11] avaient chacun leurs adhérents; cela produisit cinquante guerres civiles, des noirs contre les noirs, et des noirs contre les tawnies, et des tawnies contre les tawnies, et des mulâtres contre les mulâtres. In short it was a continual carnage throughout the empire.

"No sooner were we landed, than the blacks of a contrary faction to that of my captain attempted to rob him of his booty. «A peine avons-nous débarqué, que les Noirs d'une faction contraire à celle de mon capitaine ont tenté de lui voler son butin. Next to jewels and gold we were the most valuable things he had. I was witness to such a battle as you have never seen in your European climates. J'ai été témoin d'une telle bataille que vous n'avez jamais vue dans vos climats européens. The northern nations have not that heat in their blood, nor that raging lust for women, so common in Africa. Les nations du nord n'ont pas cette chaleur dans le sang, ni cette soif de femmes qui fait rage, si commune en Afrique. It seems that you Europeans have only milk in your veins; but it is vitriol, it is fire which runs in those of the inhabitants of Mount Atlas and the neighbouring countries. They fought with the fury of the lions, tigers,[Pg 46] and serpents of the country, to see who should have us. A Moor seized my mother by the right arm, while my captain’s lieutenant held her by the left; a Moorish soldier had hold of her by one leg, and one of our corsairs held her by the other. Thus almost all our women were drawn in quarters by four men. Ainsi presque toutes nos femmes ont été tirées en quatre par quatre hommes. My captain concealed me behind him; and with his drawn scimitar cut and slashed every one that opposed his fury. Mon capitaine m'a caché derrière lui; et avec son cimeterre dessiné coupé et tranché tous ceux qui s'opposaient à sa fureur. At length I saw all our Italian women, and my mother herself, torn, mangled, massacred, by the monsters who disputed over them. Enfin, je vis toutes nos Italiennes, et ma mère elle-même, déchirées, mutilées, massacrées par les monstres qui se disputaient pour elles. The slaves, my companions, those who had taken them, soldiers, sailors, blacks, whites, mulattoes, and at last my captain, all were killed, and I remained dying on a heap of dead. Les esclaves, mes compagnons, ceux qui les avaient pris, les soldats, les matelots, les noirs, les blancs, les mulâtres, et enfin mon capitaine, tous furent tués, et je restai mourant sur un tas de morts. Such scenes as this were transacted through an extent of three hundred leagues—and yet they never missed the five prayers a day ordained by Mahomet. De telles scènes se déroulaient sur une étendue de trois cents lieues - et pourtant elles ne manquaient jamais les cinq prières par jour ordonnées par Mahomet.

"With difficulty I disengaged myself from such a heap of slaughtered bodies, and crawled to a large orange tree on the bank of a neighbouring rivulet, where I fell, oppressed with fright, fatigue, horror, despair, and hunger. «Avec difficulté, je me dégageai d'un tel tas de cadavres abattus, et je rampai jusqu'à un grand oranger au bord d'un ruisseau voisin, où je tombai, opprimé de peur, de fatigue, d'horreur, de désespoir et de faim. Immediately after, my senses, overpowered, gave themselves up to sleep, which was yet more swooning than repose. Immédiatement après, mes sens, accablés, s'abandonnèrent au sommeil, qui était encore plus évanoui que le repos. I was in this state of weakness and insensibility, between life and[Pg 47] death, when I felt myself pressed by something that moved upon my body. I opened my eyes, and saw a white man, of good countenance, who sighed, and who said between his teeth: ' O che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni! J'ouvris les yeux et vis un homme blanc, de bonne mine, qui soupirait et qui disait entre ses dents: «O che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni! '"[12]