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The School of Life, Asking for Help When We're in Trouble

Asking for Help When We're in Trouble

It can, at points, seem horrifically clear that simply no one really cares. They barely

notice our presence, they hardly stick around to listen to what we have to say, they catch

none of our hints – and they are overwhelmingly preoccupied with their own projects and day-to-day

concerns. On the basis of such evidence, it is easy for us to fall into a large, damning

and dangerously heart-breaking conclusion about our situation: that we are profoundly

alone – far beyond any possibility of connection or empathy. But the truth may be at once more

mundane and rather more hopeful. Most of us humans are extremely keen to help when we

notice an urgent need, but we are also continuously distracted, grievously taken up with our lives

and unlikely to spot that there is anything at all the matter with people around us unless

the problem is spelt out in the clearest, most unambiguous terms. Then, but only then,

will we swing into action and bring the whole of our intelligence and will to bear on another's

pains. In other words, we respond well to screams, but terribly to hints. The issue

comes particularly to the fore in tragic cases where someone we know takes their own life.

We are certain that we would, if we had known how desperate they felt, have done pretty

much anything to help. At the same time, we also know that we didn't enquire very much,

didn't look too closely for hints and must surely have given off an impression of constant

busy-ness. We feel, understandably, entirely wretched and callous. We would be wise to

rehearse these facts about human nature without rancour or surprise when we are next at our

most fragile and desperate. The apparent indifference of others truly is only apparent. We need

to learn to scream. Sadly, we tend to lack any confidence to do so precisely when it

would be most necessary, because a primal embarrassment takes hold of us around being

in need, as if it was in the remit of any human to get through life by their own wits

alone. Part of the tragedy of being desperate is how illegitimate our agony feels to us.

Yet we should never allow ourselves to forget that, whatever the surface indifference of

others, we are surrounded by people who, when they see an emergency in front of them, will

jump into icy rivers to rescue total strangers. If we know unambiguously that someone (even

a casual acquaintance) needs us a lot right now, we will probably drop everything and

run to assist. But at the same time, we are hopeless at reading minds or taking hints.

The next time we are in trouble, we must remember not to hate ourselves for requiring help and

should call out, hopeful in the knowledge that most people around us will respond to

our pain once it reaches their ears. We need to remember to scream a little louder – and

hate ourselves a little less.

We've just launched an app to help you track down people with whome you can have

deeper more meaningful connections follow the link on your screen now to download it.


Asking for Help When We're in Trouble Demander de l'aide en cas de problème Chiedere aiuto quando siamo in difficoltà 困ったときに助けを求める 곤경에 처했을 때 도움 요청하기 Hulp vragen als we in de problemen zitten Pedir ajuda quando estamos em apuros Başımız Dertte Olduğunda Yardım İstemek Прохання про допомогу, коли ми в біді 当我们遇到麻烦时寻求帮助

It can, at points, seem horrifically clear that simply no one really cares. They barely قد يتضح لنا وبصورة مريعة في حالاتٍ ما، أن لا أحد يأبه لحالنا. Par moment ça peut sembler terriblement clair que personne ne s'en fiche. On ne remarque quasi pas A volte può sembrare orribilmente chiaro che semplicemente a nessuno importa davvero. A malapena Niekedy sa človek až zhrozí, lebo sa mu zdá, že nikomu na ňom nezáleží. Nikto si nevšimne,

notice our presence, they hardly stick around to listen to what we have to say, they catch فبالكاد يلاحظون وجودنا، وبصعوبة يبقون جوارنا لسماع ما نود قوله notre présence, on ne s'attarde pas pour écouter ce qu'on a à dire, nos allusions notano la nostra presenza, difficilmente si fermano per ascoltare quello che abbiamo da dire, non colgono že som prišiel, nikto sa neunúva, aby si vypočul môj názor, nikto nechápe

none of our hints – and they are overwhelmingly preoccupied with their own projects and day-to-day لا يفهمون تلميحاتنا، ومنشغلون بالغالب في مشاريعهم ومشاغلهم اليومية sont à peine perçues - et tout un chacun se préoccupe exclusivement de son propre projet et inquiétudes nessuno dei nostri suggerimenti - e sono per lo più preoccupati dei propri progetti e delle preoccupazioni moje narážky, všetci sa zaujímajú iba o svoje veci a každodenné starosti.

concerns. On the basis of such evidence, it is easy for us to fall into a large, damning du jour. Sur ces prémisses, il est très facile d'être pris au piège de la conclusion généralisatrice, accablante di ogni giorno. Sulla base di tali prove, è facile arrivare ad una grande, dannata Na základe týchto prejavov ľahko prichádzame k negatívnemu

and dangerously heart-breaking conclusion about our situation: that we are profoundly et dangeureuse à propos de sa situation: que l'on est profondément e straziante conclusione sulla nostra situazione: che siamo profondamente a nebezpečne zdrvujúcemu záveru: sme celkom

alone – far beyond any possibility of connection or empathy. But the truth may be at once more seul - hors de portée de tout possibilité de connection ou d'empathie. Mais la vérité est à la fois plus soli... ben oltre ogni possibilità di connessione o empatia. Ma la verità potrebbe essere ancora una volta osamelí – akýkoľvek kontakt alebo empatia sú nám celkom vzdialené. Pravda je však možno

mundane and rather more hopeful. Most of us humans are extremely keen to help when we banale et porteuse d'espoir. La majorité des humains sont très vif à répondre mondano e più consolatoria. Molti di noi umani sono estremamente desiderosi di aiutare quando obyčajnejšia a nádejnejšia zároveň. Väčšina z nás veľmi rada pomôže,

notice an urgent need, but we are also continuously distracted, grievously taken up with our lives face au besoin urgent, mais on est aussi continuellement distrait, tristement trop épris par notre propre vie notano un bisogno urgente, ma siamo anche continuamente distratti, dolorosamente occupati con le nostre vite keď si všimneme naliehavú potrebu pomoci, sme však tiež neustále rozptýlení, máme vážne starosti v živote

and unlikely to spot that there is anything at all the matter with people around us unless pour remarquer le besoin de se soucier de notre entourage à moins qu'un problème nous soit ed è improbabile notare se c'è qualche problema con le persone intorno a noi a meno che a sotva si všimneme, že s ľuďmi okolo nás sa niečo deje,

the problem is spelt out in the clearest, most unambiguous terms. Then, but only then, explicitement présenté. Ce ne serait qu'alors il problema è spiegato nel modo più chiaro, e in termini inequivocabili. Quindi, ma solo allora, ak sa problém neprezentuje tým najjasnejším a najjednoznačnejším spôsobom. Až vtedy, a iba vtedy,

will we swing into action and bring the whole of our intelligence and will to bear on another's qu'on interviendrait, rassemblant toute notre intelligence et volonté pour aider entreremo in azione e faremo di tutto con la nostra intelligenza e volontà per i dolori degli будем ли мы вступать в действие и направлять весь наш интеллект и волю на другого sa máme k činu a a venujeme cudziemu trápeniu celý svoj um a vôľu,

pains. In other words, we respond well to screams, but terribly to hints. The issue l'être en détresse. Dit autrement, on répond très bien au cris et affreusement mal aux indices. Le problème altri. In altre parole, rispondiamo bene alle grida, ma terribilmente agli indizi. Il problema боли. Другими словами, мы хорошо реагируем на крики, но ужасно на намеки. Вопрос inak povedané, na krik reagujeme dobre, ale na náznak veľmi zle.

comes particularly to the fore in tragic cases where someone we know takes their own life. وتتضح هذه المسألة خاصةً في الحالات المأساوية حينما ينتحر شخص ما نعرفه est particulièrement notable dans les cas tragiques, lorsque quelqu'un y laisse sa vie. viene particolarmente alla ribalta in casi tragici dove qualcuno che conosciamo si toglie la vita. особенно ярко проявляется в трагических случаях, когда кто-то из наших знакомых лишает себя жизни. Jasne sa to prejavuje v tragických prípadoch, keď človek, ktorého poznáme spácha samovraždu.

We are certain that we would, if we had known how desperate they felt, have done pretty فنحن متيقنون تمامًا من فعلنا لأي أمر في سبيل مساعدتهم، لو أننا فقط علمنا عن شعورهم بالبؤس On se trouve certain qu'on aurait fait tout dans notre possible pour l'aider, si l'on avait seulement entendu Siamo certi che faremmo, se avessimo saputo quanto queste si sentissero disperate, praticamente Мы уверены, что если бы мы знали, как отчаянно они себя чувствуют, мы бы поступили очень красиво. Sme si istí, že keby sme vedeli, ako zúfalo sa cíti, urobili by sme

much anything to help. At the same time, we also know that we didn't enquire very much, l'étendu de son déséspoir. En même temps, on sait qu'on n"a pas vraiment cherché à savoir, tutto per aiutare. Allo stesso tempo, sappiamo anche che non ci siamo informati molto, čokoľvek, aby sme mu pomohli. Zároveň vieme, že sme sa oň veľmi nezaujímali,

didn't look too closely for hints and must surely have given off an impression of constant on a évité de regarder de trop près et qu'on a surement donné l'impression d'être constamment non abbiamo cercato con attenzione gli indizi e abbiamo sicuramente dato un'impressione di costante не слишком внимательно искал подсказки и наверняка производил впечатление постоянного nevšímali si dostatočne náznaky a že sme určite stále pôsobili zaneprázdneno.

busy-ness. We feel, understandably, entirely wretched and callous. We would be wise to occupé. On se sent compréhensiblement misérable et insensible. Il serait sage qu'on se répète impegno. Ci sentiamo, giustamente, veramente miserabili e insensibili. Saremmo saggi a занятость. Мы чувствуем себя, что вполне понятно, совершенно несчастными и черствыми. Мы были бы мудры, если бы Samozrejme, pripadáme si zlí a bezcitní. Bolo by múdre

rehearse these facts about human nature without rancour or surprise when we are next at our ces faits de la nature humaine, sans rancoeur ou surprise, la prochaine fois qu'on se trouve tenere a mente questi fatti sulla natura umana senza rancore o sorpresa quando saremo vicino ai nostri cari повторить эти факты о человеческой природе без злобы или удивления, когда мы в следующий раз будем в нашем zopakovať si tieto fakty o ľudskej povahe bez nenávisti či prekvapenia, keď budeme najbližšie

most fragile and desperate. The apparent indifference of others truly is only apparent. We need fragile et désespéré. Les airs d'indifférences d'autrui ne sont vraiment que des airs. Il serait bon più fragili e disperati. L'apparente indifferenza degli altri è veramente solo apparente. Abbiamo bisogno самые хрупкие и отчаянные. Кажущееся безразличие окружающих на самом деле лишь кажущееся. Нам нужно zranení a zúfalí. Ľahostajnosť ľudí je naozaj iba zdanlivá.

to learn to scream. Sadly, we tend to lack any confidence to do so precisely when it يجب أن نتعلم الصراخ لجذب انتباههم d'apprendre à hurler. Malheureusement, c'est précisément lorsqu'il est nécessaire qu'on le fasse, qu'on di imparare a urlare. Tristemente, tendiamo a non avere la minima fiducia nel farlo proprio quando научиться кричать. К сожалению, нам, как правило, не хватает уверенности в себе, чтобы сделать это именно тогда. Musíme sa naučiť kričať. Žiaľ, nemáme na to dosť odvahy zvyčajne vtedy,

would be most necessary, because a primal embarrassment takes hold of us around being tend à manquer de confiance pour le faire parce qu'une honte primitive nous retient de reconnaitre sarebbe più necessario, perché un primitivo imbarazzo si impadronisce di noi quando siamo было бы самым необходимым, потому что первобытное смущение овладевает нами, когда мы находимся kedy by to bolo najviac potrebné, pretože pri predstave, že sme v núdzi sa nás zmocňuje

in need, as if it was in the remit of any human to get through life by their own wits qu'on est dans le besoin, comme s'il était du ressort d'un quelconque humain de s'en sortir dans la vie avec son nel bisogno, come se fosse competenza di ogni umano superare gli ostacoli nella vita con le proprie capacità в нужде, как будто в обязанности любого человека входит пробиваться в жизни собственным умом. prapôvodný pocit hanby, ako keby bolo našou povinnosťou zvládnuť život

alone. Part of the tragedy of being desperate is how illegitimate our agony feels to us. seul esprit. Un élément tragique du désespoir est que le sujet considère illégitime son agonie. da sole. Parte della tragedia di essere disperati è come illegittima la nostra agonia ci sembra. в одиночестве. Часть трагедии отчаяния заключается в том, насколько незаконной кажется нам наша агония. celkom sami. Tragédia zúfalstva spočíva aj v tom, že vlastná agónia nám pripadá nelegitímna.

Yet we should never allow ourselves to forget that, whatever the surface indifference of Il serait pourtant bon de ne jamais se permettre d'oublier que qu'importe les airs d'indifférences d'autrui, Eppure non dovremmo mai permettere a noi stessi di dimenticare che, qualunque sia l'indifferenza di superficie degli И все же мы никогда не должны позволять себе забывать, что, каким бы ни было поверхностное безразличие Nikdy by sme však nemali zabúdať na to, že akokoľvek ľahostajné sa nám okolie zdá byť,

others, we are surrounded by people who, when they see an emergency in front of them, will فإننا محاطون بأشخاص ما إن يعلموا بوجود حالة طارئة فسوف يخاطرون بأنفسهم في سبيل إنقاذ شخص غريب عنهم. on est entouré par des gens qui, confrontés à l'urgence, se lanceraient altri, siamo circondati da persone che, quando vedono un'emergenza di fronte a loro, okolo nás sú ľudia, ktorí sú ochotní skočiť do ľadovej vody a zachrániť cudzieho človeka,

jump into icy rivers to rescue total strangers. If we know unambiguously that someone (even dans des rivières glacées pour secourir un inconnu. Si l'on comprend sans ambiguité que quelqu'un (même salterebbero in fiumi ghiacciati per salvare degli estranei. Se sappiamo inequivocabilmente che qualcuno (anche ak vidia nebezpečenstvo. Ak jasne vidíme, že niekto

a casual acquaintance) needs us a lot right now, we will probably drop everything and une connaissance) à vraiment besoin de nous à l'instant, on laisserait probablement tout pour courir una conoscenza casuale) ha molto bisogno di noi in questo momento, probabilmente lasceremo tutto e (dokonca aj vzdialený známy) nás teraz veľmi potrebuje, zrejme necháme všetko tak

run to assist. But at the same time, we are hopeless at reading minds or taking hints. à leur secours. Mais l'on est nul pour comprendre les allusions ou lire dans les pensées. correremmo ad aiutare. Ma allo stesso tempo, siamo incapaci nel leggere le menti o cogliere indizi. a pobežíme na pomoc. Zároveň však nedokážeme čítať myseľ či pochopiť náznak.

The next time we are in trouble, we must remember not to hate ourselves for requiring help and وفي المرة القادمة التي نقع فيها في مشكلة ما، يجب أن نتذكر أن لا نؤنب أنفسنا لطلبنا المساعدة من الغير؛ بل أن نستدعيهم لمد يد العون لنا. La prochaine fois qu'on se trouve en difficultés, il faudrait se rappeler de ne pas se réprimander d'avoir besoin La prossima volta che siamo nei guai, dobbiamo ricordare di non odiarci per aver bisogno di aiuto e Nabudúce, keď budeme mať ťažkosti, pamätajme, že za žiadosť o pomoc sa nemáme nenávidieť a

should call out, hopeful in the knowledge that most people around us will respond to d'aide, puis on devrait faire appel, confiant que notre entourage répondra à nos peines dovremmo chiederlo, fiduciosi nel sapere che la maggior parte delle persone intorno a noi risponderà volajme o ňu s vedomím, že ľudia okolo väčšinou zareagujú na naše trápenie,

our pain once it reaches their ears. We need to remember to scream a little louder – and lorsqu'ils l'entendront. Il serait bon qu'on s'applique à hurler un peu plus fort et al nostro dolore una volta raggiunte le orecchie. Abbiamo bisogno di ricordare di urlare un po' più forte, e нашу боль, как только она достигнет их ушей. Мы должны помнить, что кричать нужно немного громче - и ak sa o ňom dozvedia. Nesmieme zabúdať, že treba kričať trochu hlasnejšie

hate ourselves a little less. à se haïr un peu moins. di odiare noi stessi un po' di meno. a nenávidieť sa trochu menej.

We've just launched an app to help you track down people with whome you can have اطلقنا للتو تطبيقًا يمكنك من متابعة الأشخاص الذين قد تكوّن معهم صلات عميقة ذات معنى، اضغط على الرابط الظاهر على الشاشة الآن لتحميله Nous venons de lancer notre application pour vous aider à trouver des personnes avec qui vous pourriez avoir Abbiamo appena lanciato un'app per aiutarti a rintracciare le persone con cui puoi avere Мы только что запустили приложение, которое поможет вам найти людей, с которыми вы можете иметь Práve sme spustili aplikáciu, pomôže vám nájsť ľudí, s ktorými môžete

deeper more meaningful connections follow the link on your screen now to download it. des connections plus profondes et significatives. Suivez le lien à l'écran pour la télécharger. connessioni più profonde e significative. Segui il link sul tuo schermo ora per scaricarlo. komunikovať na hlbšej a zmysluplnejšej úrovni. Kliknite na odkaz na obrazovke a stiahnite si ju.