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Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, CHAPTER XXVII-b

CHAPTER XXVII-b

“My bride's mother I had never seen: I understood she was dead. The honeymoon over, I learned my mistake; she was only mad, and shut up in a lunatic asylum. There was a younger brother, too—a complete dumb idiot. The elder one, whom you have seen (and whom I cannot hate, whilst I abhor all his kindred, because he has some grains of affection in his feeble mind, shown in the continued interest he takes in his wretched sister, and also in a dog-like attachment he once bore me), will probably be in the same state one day. My father and my brother Rowland knew all this; but they thought only of the thirty thousand pounds, and joined in the plot against me.” “These were vile discoveries; but except for the treachery of concealment, I should have made them no subject of reproach to my wife, even when I found her nature wholly alien to mine, her tastes obnoxious to me, her cast of mind common, low, narrow, and singularly incapable of being led to anything higher, expanded to anything larger—when I found that I could not pass a single evening, nor even a single hour of the day with her in comfort; that kindly conversation could not be sustained between us, because whatever topic I started, immediately received from her a turn at once coarse and trite, perverse and imbecile—when I perceived that I should never have a quiet or settled household, because no servant would bear the continued outbreaks of her violent and unreasonable temper, or the vexations of her absurd, contradictory, exacting orders—even then I restrained myself: I eschewed upbraiding, I curtailed remonstrance; I tried to devour my repentance and disgust in secret; I repressed the deep antipathy I felt. “Jane, I will not trouble you with abominable details: some strong words shall express what I have to say. I lived with that woman upstairs four years, and before that time she had tried me indeed: her character ripened and developed with frightful rapidity; her vices sprang up fast and rank: they were so strong, only cruelty could check them, and I would not use cruelty. What a pigmy intellect she had, and what giant propensities! How fearful were the curses those propensities entailed on me! Bertha Mason, the true daughter of an infamous mother, dragged me through all the hideous and degrading agonies which must attend a man bound to a wife at once intemperate and unchaste. “My brother in the interval was dead, and at the end of the four years my father died too. I was rich enough now—yet poor to hideous indigence: a nature the most gross, impure, depraved I ever saw, was associated with mine, and called by the law and by society a part of me. And I could not rid myself of it by any legal proceedings: for the doctors now discovered that my wife was mad—her excesses had prematurely developed the germs of insanity. Jane, you don't like my narrative; you look almost sick—shall I defer the rest to another day?” “No, sir, finish it now; I pity you—I do earnestly pity you.”

“Pity, Jane, from some people is a noxious and insulting sort of tribute, which one is justified in hurling back in the teeth of those who offer it; but that is the sort of pity native to callous, selfish hearts; it is a hybrid, egotistical pain at hearing of woes, crossed with ignorant contempt for those who have endured them. But that is not your pity, Jane; it is not the feeling of which your whole face is full at this moment—with which your eyes are now almost overflowing—with which your heart is heaving—with which your hand is trembling in mine. Your pity, my darling, is the suffering mother of love: its anguish is the very natal pang of the divine passion. I accept it, Jane; let the daughter have free advent—my arms wait to receive her.” “Now, sir, proceed; what did you do when you found she was mad?” “Jane, I approached the verge of despair; a remnant of self-respect was all that intervened between me and the gulf. In the eyes of the world, I was doubtless covered with grimy dishonour; but I resolved to be clean in my own sight—and to the last I repudiated the contamination of her crimes, and wrenched myself from connection with her mental defects. Still, society associated my name and person with hers; I yet saw her and heard her daily: something of her breath (faugh!) mixed with the air I breathed; and besides, I remembered I had once been her husband—that recollection was then, and is now, inexpressibly odious to me; moreover, I knew that while she lived I could never be the husband of another and better wife; and, though five years my senior (her family and her father had lied to me even in the particular of her age), she was likely to live as long as I, being as robust in frame as she was infirm in mind. Thus, at the age of twenty-six, I was hopeless. “One night I had been awakened by her yells—(since the medical men had pronounced her mad, she had, of course, been shut up)—it was a fiery West Indian night; one of the description that frequently precede the hurricanes of those climates. Being unable to sleep in bed, I got up and opened the window. The air was like sulphur-steams—I could find no refreshment anywhere. Mosquitoes came buzzing in and hummed sullenly round the room; the sea, which I could hear from thence, rumbled dull like an earthquake—black clouds were casting up over it; the moon was setting in the waves, broad and red, like a hot cannon-ball—she threw her last bloody glance over a world quivering with the ferment of tempest. I was physically influenced by the atmosphere and scene, and my ears were filled with the curses the maniac still shrieked out; wherein she momentarily mingled my name with such a tone of demon-hate, with such language!—no professed harlot ever had a fouler vocabulary than she: though two rooms off, I heard every word—the thin partitions of the West India house opposing but slight obstruction to her wolfish cries. “‘This life,' said I at last, ‘is hell: this is the air—those are the sounds of the bottomless pit! I have a right to deliver myself from it if I can. The sufferings of this mortal state will leave me with the heavy flesh that now cumbers my soul. Of the fanatic's burning eternity I have no fear: there is not a future state worse than this present one—let me break away, and go home to God! “I said this whilst I knelt down at, and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace of loaded pistols: I mean to shoot myself. I only entertained the intention for a moment; for, not being insane, the crisis of exquisite and unalloyed despair, which had originated the wish and design of self-destruction, was past in a second. “A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, and the air grew pure. I then framed and fixed a resolution. While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pine-apples, and while the refulgent dawn of the tropics kindled round me—I reasoned thus, Jane—and now listen; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, and showed me the right path to follow. “The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelled to the tone, and filled with living blood—my being longed for renewal—my soul thirsted for a pure draught. I saw hope revive—and felt regeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea—bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects opened thus:— “‘Go,' said Hope, ‘and live again in Europe: there it is not known what a sullied name you bear, nor what a filthy burden is bound to you. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourself to what clime you will, and form what new tie you like. That woman, who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, so outraged your honour, so blighted your youth, is not your wife, nor are you her husband. See that she is cared for as her condition demands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you. Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried in oblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Place her in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation with secrecy, and leave her. “I acted precisely on this suggestion.

My father and brother had not made my marriage known to their acquaintance; because, in the very first letter I wrote to apprise them of the union—having already begun to experience extreme disgust of its consequences, and, from the family character and constitution, seeing a hideous future opening to me—I added an urgent charge to keep it secret: and very soon the infamous conduct of the wife my father had selected for me was such as to make him blush to own her as his daughter-in-law. Far from desiring to publish the connection, he became as anxious to conceal it as myself. “To England, then, I conveyed her; a fearful voyage I had with such a monster in the vessel. Glad was I when I at last got her to Thornfield, and saw her safely lodged in that third-storey room, of whose secret inner cabinet she has now for ten years made a wild beast's den—a goblin's cell. I had some trouble in finding an attendant for her, as it was necessary to select one on whose fidelity dependence could be placed; for her ravings would inevitably betray my secret: besides, she had lucid intervals of days—sometimes weeks—which she filled up with abuse of me. At last I hired Grace Poole from the Grimbsy Retreat. She and the surgeon, Carter (who dressed Mason's wounds that night he was stabbed and worried), are the only two I have ever admitted to my confidence. Mrs. Fairfax may indeed have suspected something, but she could have gained no precise knowledge as to facts. Grace has, on the whole, proved a good keeper; though, owing partly to a fault of her own, of which it appears nothing can cure her, and which is incident to her harassing profession, her vigilance has been more than once lulled and baffled. The lunatic is both cunning and malignant; she has never failed to take advantage of her guardian's temporary lapses; once to secrete the knife with which she stabbed her brother, and twice to possess herself of the key of her cell, and issue therefrom in the night-time. On the first of these occasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on the second, she paid that ghastly visit to you. I thank Providence, who watched over you, that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure to reflect. When I think of the thing which flew at my throat this morning, hanging its black and scarlet visage over the nest of my dove, my blood curdles—” “And what, sir,” I asked, while he paused, “did you do when you had settled her here? Where did you go?” “What did I do, Jane?

I transformed myself into a will-o'-the-wisp. Where did I go? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit. I sought the Continent, and went devious through all its lands. My fixed desire was to seek and find a good and intelligent woman, whom I could love: a contrast to the fury I left at Thornfield—” “But you could not marry, sir.”

“I had determined and was convinced that I could and ought. It was not my original intention to deceive, as I have deceived you. I meant to tell my tale plainly, and make my proposals openly: and it appeared to me so absolutely rational that I should be considered free to love and be loved, I never doubted some woman might be found willing and able to understand my case and accept me, in spite of the curse with which I was burdened.” “Well, sir?”

“When you are inquisitive, Jane, you always make me smile. You open your eyes like an eager bird, and make every now and then a restless movement, as if answers in speech did not flow fast enough for you, and you wanted to read the tablet of one's heart. But before I go on, tell me what you mean by your ‘Well, sir? ' It is a small phrase very frequent with you; and which many a time has drawn me on and on through interminable talk: I don't very well know why.” “I mean,—What next?

How did you proceed? What came of such an event?” “Precisely!

and what do you wish to know now?” “Whether you found any one you liked: whether you asked her to marry you; and what she said.” “I can tell you whether I found any one I liked, and whether I asked her to marry me: but what she said is yet to be recorded in the book of Fate. For ten long years I roved about, living first in one capital, then another: sometimes in St. Petersburg; oftener in Paris; occasionally in Rome, Naples, and Florence. Provided with plenty of money and the passport of an old name, I could choose my own society: no circles were closed against me. I sought my ideal of a woman amongst English ladies, French countesses, Italian signoras, and German gräfinnen. I could not find her. Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I thought I caught a glance, heard a tone, beheld a form, which announced the realisation of my dream: but I was presently undeserved. You are not to suppose that I desired perfection, either of mind or person. I longed only for what suited me—for the antipodes of the Creole: and I longed vainly. Amongst them all I found not one whom, had I been ever so free, I—warned as I was of the risks, the horrors, the loathings of incongruous unions—would have asked to marry me. Disappointment made me reckless. I tried dissipation—never debauchery: that I hated, and hate. That was my Indian Messalina's attribute: rooted disgust at it and her restrained me much, even in pleasure. Any enjoyment that bordered on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices, and I eschewed it. “Yet I could not live alone; so I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first I chose was Céline Varens—another of those steps which make a man spurn himself when he recalls them. You already know what she was, and how my liaison with her terminated. She had two successors: an Italian, Giacinta, and a German, Clara; both considered singularly handsome. What was their beauty to me in a few weeks? Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months. Clara was honest and quiet; but heavy, mindless, and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her. But, Jane, I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable opinion of me just now. You think me an unfeeling, loose-principled rake: don't you?” “I don't like you so well as I have done sometimes, indeed, sir. Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way, first with one mistress and then another? You talk of it as a mere matter of course.” “It was with me; and I did not like it.

It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it. Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading. I now hate the recollection of the time I passed with Céline, Giacinta, and Clara.” I felt the truth of these words; and I drew from them the certain inference, that if I were so far to forget myself and all the teaching that had ever been instilled into me, as—under any pretext—with any justification—through any temptation—to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated their memory. I did not give utterance to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. I impressed it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of trial. “Now, Jane, why don't you say ‘Well, sir? ' I have not done. You are looking grave. You disapprove of me still, I see. But let me come to the point. Last January, rid of all mistresses—in a harsh, bitter frame of mind, the result of a useless, roving, lonely life—corroded with disappointment, sourly disposed against all men, and especially against all womankind (for I began to regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream), recalled by business, I came back to England. “On a frosty winter afternoon, I rode in sight of Thornfield Hall. Abhorred spot! I expected no peace—no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay Lane I saw a quiet little figure sitting by itself. I passed it as negligently as I did the pollard willow opposite to it: I had no presentiment of what it would be to me; no inward warning that the arbitress of my life—my genius for good or evil—waited there in humble guise. I did not know it, even when, on the occasion of Mesrour's accident, it came up and gravely offered me help. Childish and slender creature! It seemed as if a linnet had hopped to my foot and proposed to bear me on its tiny wing. I was surly; but the thing would not go: it stood by me with strange perseverance, and looked and spoke with a sort of authority. I must be aided, and by that hand: and aided I was. “When once I had pressed the frail shoulder, something new—a fresh sap and sense—stole into my frame. It was well I had learnt that this elf must return to me—that it belonged to my house down below—or I could not have felt it pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without singular regret. I heard you come home that night, Jane, though probably you were not aware that I thought of you or watched for you. The next day I observed you—myself unseen—for half-an-hour, while you played with Adèle in the gallery. It was a snowy day, I recollect, and you could not go out of doors. I was in my room; the door was ajar: I could both listen and watch. Adèle claimed your outward attention for a while; yet I fancied your thoughts were elsewhere: but you were very patient with her, my little Jane; you talked to her and amused her a long time. When at last she left you, you lapsed at once into deep reverie: you betook yourself slowly to pace the gallery. Now and then, in passing a casement, you glanced out at the thick-falling snow; you listened to the sobbing wind, and again you paced gently on and dreamed. I think those day visions were not dark: there was a pleasurable illumination in your eye occasionally, a soft excitement in your aspect, which told of no bitter, bilious, hypochondriac brooding: your look revealed rather the sweet musings of youth when its spirit follows on willing wings the flight of Hope up and on to an ideal heaven. The voice of Mrs. Fairfax, speaking to a servant in the hall, wakened you: and how curiously you smiled to and at yourself, Janet! There was much sense in your smile: it was very shrewd, and seemed to make light of your own abstraction. It seemed to say—‘My fine visions are all very well, but I must not forget they are absolutely unreal. I have a rosy sky and a green flowery Eden in my brain; but without, I am perfectly aware, lies at my feet a rough tract to travel, and around me gather black tempests to encounter. ' You ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs. Fairfax some occupation: the weekly house accounts to make up, or something of that sort, I think it was. I was vexed with you for getting out of my sight. “Impatiently I waited for evening, when I might summon you to my presence. An unusual—to me—a perfectly new character I suspected was yours: I desired to search it deeper and know it better. You entered the room with a look and air at once shy and independent: you were quaintly dressed—much as you are now. I made you talk: ere long I found you full of strange contrasts. Your garb and manner were restricted by rule; your air was often diffident, and altogether that of one refined by nature, but absolutely unused to society, and a good deal afraid of making herself disadvantageously conspicuous by some solecism or blunder; yet when addressed, you lifted a keen, a daring, and a glowing eye to your interlocutor's face: there was penetration and power in each glance you gave; when plied by close questions, you found ready and round answers. Very soon you seemed to get used to me: I believe you felt the existence of sympathy between you and your grim and cross master, Jane; for it was astonishing to see how quickly a certain pleasant ease tranquillised your manner: snarl as I would, you showed no surprise, fear, annoyance, or displeasure at my moroseness; you watched me, and now and then smiled at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more. Yet, for a long time, I treated you distantly, and sought your company rarely. I was an intellectual epicure, and wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely its bloom would fade—the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem. Moreover, I wished to see whether you would seek me if I shunned you—but you did not; you kept in the schoolroom as still as your own desk and easel; if by chance I met you, you passed me as soon, and with as little token of recognition, as was consistent with respect. Your habitual expression in those days, Jane, was a thoughtful look; not despondent, for you were not sickly; but not buoyant, for you had little hope, and no actual pleasure. I wondered what you thought of me, or if you ever thought of me, and resolved to find this out. “I resumed my notice of you.

There was something glad in your glance, and genial in your manner, when you conversed: I saw you had a social heart; it was the silent schoolroom—it was the tedium of your life—that made you mournful. I permitted myself the delight of being kind to you; kindness stirred emotion soon: your face became soft in expression, your tones gentle; I liked my name pronounced by your lips in a grateful happy accent. I used to enjoy a chance meeting with you, Jane, at this time: there was a curious hesitation in your manner: you glanced at me with a slight trouble—a hovering doubt: you did not know what my caprice might be—whether I was going to play the master and be stern, or the friend and be benignant. I was now too fond of you often to simulate the first whim; and, when I stretched my hand out cordially, such bloom and light and bliss rose to your young, wistful features, I had much ado often to avoid straining you then and there to my heart.”

CHAPTER XXVII-b ГЛАВА XXVII-б

“My bride’s mother I had never seen: I understood she was dead. «La mère de ma mariée que je n'avais jamais vue: j'ai compris qu'elle était morte. The honeymoon over, I learned my mistake; she was only mad, and shut up in a lunatic asylum. La lune de miel terminée, j'ai appris mon erreur; elle n'était que folle et enfermée dans un asile de fous. There was a younger brother, too—a complete dumb idiot. The elder one, whom you have seen (and whom I cannot hate, whilst I abhor all his kindred, because he has some grains of affection in his feeble mind, shown in the continued interest he takes in his wretched sister, and also in a dog-like attachment he once bore me), will probably be in the same state one day. L'aîné, que vous avez vu (et que je ne peux pas haïr, tandis que j'ai horreur de toute sa parenté, parce qu'il a quelques grains d'affection dans son esprit faible, montré dans l'intérêt continu qu'il porte à sa malheureuse sœur, et aussi dans un attachement de chien, il m'a ennuyé une fois), sera probablement dans le même état un jour. My father and my brother Rowland knew all this; but they thought only of the thirty thousand pounds, and joined in the plot against me.” “These were vile discoveries; but except for the treachery of concealment, I should have made them no subject of reproach to my wife, even when I found her nature wholly alien to mine, her tastes obnoxious to me, her cast of mind common, low, narrow, and singularly incapable of being led to anything higher, expanded to anything larger—when I found that I could not pass a single evening, nor even a single hour of the day with her in comfort; that kindly conversation could not be sustained between us, because whatever topic I started, immediately received from her a turn at once coarse and trite, perverse and imbecile—when I perceived that I should never have a quiet or settled household, because no servant would bear the continued outbreaks of her violent and unreasonable temper, or the vexations of her absurd, contradictory, exacting orders—even then I restrained myself: I eschewed upbraiding, I curtailed remonstrance; I tried to devour my repentance and disgust in secret; I repressed the deep antipathy I felt. «C'étaient de viles découvertes; mais à part la trahison de la dissimulation, je n'aurais pas dû leur faire un sujet de reproche à ma femme, même lorsque je trouvais sa nature totalement étrangère à la mienne, ses goûts odieux pour moi, son esprit commun, bas, étroit et singulièrement incapable d'être conduit à quelque chose de plus haut, élargi à quelque chose de plus grand - quand j'ai constaté que je ne pouvais pas passer une seule soirée, ni même une seule heure de la journée avec elle confortablement; cette conversation aimable ne pouvait pas être soutenue entre nous, parce que quel que soit le sujet que j'ai commencé, a immédiatement reçu d'elle un tour à la fois grossier et banal, pervers et imbécile - quand j'ai perçu que je ne devrais jamais avoir une maison tranquille ou sédentaire, car supporter les flambées continuelles de son tempérament violent et déraisonnable, ou les vexations de ses ordres absurdes, contradictoires, exigeants - même alors je me suis retenu: j'ai évité les reproches, j'ai réduit la remontrance; J'ai essayé de dévorer ma repentance et mon dégoût en secret; J'ai réprimé la profonde antipathie que je ressentais. “Jane, I will not trouble you with abominable details: some strong words shall express what I have to say. “Jane, I will not trouble you with abominable details: some strong words shall express what I have to say. «Jane, je ne vous dérangerai pas avec des détails abominables: quelques mots forts exprimeront ce que j'ai à dire. I lived with that woman upstairs four years, and before that time she had tried me indeed: her character ripened and developed with frightful rapidity; her vices sprang up fast and rank: they were so strong, only cruelty could check them, and I would not use cruelty. J'ai vécu avec cette femme à l'étage pendant quatre ans, et auparavant elle m'avait bien essayé: son caractère mûrissait et se développait avec une effroyable rapidité; ses vices surgirent rapidement et se classèrent: ils étaient si forts que seule la cruauté pouvait les arrêter, et je n'utiliserais pas la cruauté. What a pigmy intellect she had, and what giant propensities! Quelle intelligence pygmée elle avait et quelles penchants géants! How fearful were the curses those propensities entailed on me! Combien effrayantes étaient les malédictions que ces tendances m'impliquaient! Bertha Mason, the true daughter of an infamous mother, dragged me through all the hideous and degrading agonies which must attend a man bound to a wife at once intemperate and unchaste. Bertha Mason, la vraie fille d'une mère infâme, m'a entraînée à travers toutes les affreuses et dégradantes agonies qui doivent assister un homme lié à une femme à la fois intempérante et impudique. “My brother in the interval was dead, and at the end of the four years my father died too. I was rich enough now—yet poor to hideous indigence: a nature the most gross, impure, depraved I ever saw, was associated with mine, and called by the law and by society a part of me. J'étais assez riche maintenant - mais pauvre à l'indigence hideuse: une nature la plus grossière, la plus impure, la plus dépravée que j'aie jamais vue, était associée à la mienne et appelée par la loi et par la société une partie de moi. And I could not rid myself of it by any legal proceedings: for the doctors now discovered that my wife was mad—her excesses had prematurely developed the germs of insanity. Et je ne pouvais m'en débarrasser par aucune procédure judiciaire: car les médecins découvraient maintenant que ma femme était folle, ses excès avaient prématurément développé les germes de la folie. Jane, you don’t like my narrative; you look almost sick—shall I defer the rest to another day?” Jane, vous n'aimez pas mon récit ; vous avez l'air presque malade - dois-je remettre le reste à un autre jour ?" “No, sir, finish it now; I pity you—I do earnestly pity you.”

“Pity, Jane, from some people is a noxious and insulting sort of tribute, which one is justified in hurling back in the teeth of those who offer it; but that is the sort of pity native to callous, selfish hearts; it is a hybrid, egotistical pain at hearing of woes, crossed with ignorant contempt for those who have endured them. «La pitié, Jane, de la part de certains est une sorte d'hommage nocif et insultant, qu'il est justifié de renvoyer entre les dents de ceux qui l'offrent; mais c'est le genre de pitié originaire des cœurs insensibles et égoïstes; c'est une douleur hybride, égoïste à entendre des malheurs, croisée avec un mépris ignorant pour ceux qui les ont endurées. But that is not your pity, Jane; it is not the feeling of which your whole face is full at this moment—with which your eyes are now almost overflowing—with which your heart is heaving—with which your hand is trembling in mine. Mais ce n'est pas votre pitié, Jane; ce n'est pas la sensation dont tout votre visage est plein en ce moment - dont vos yeux sont maintenant presque débordés - dont votre cœur se soulève - dont votre main tremble dans la mienne. Your pity, my darling, is the suffering mother of love: its anguish is the very natal pang of the divine passion. Votre pitié, ma chérie, est la mère souffrante de l'amour: son angoisse est l'angoisse même natale de la passion divine. I accept it, Jane; let the daughter have free advent—my arms wait to receive her.” Je l'accepte, Jane; laissez la fille avoir un avènement libre - mes bras attendent de la recevoir. “Now, sir, proceed; what did you do when you found she was mad?” “Now, sir, proceed; what did you do when you found she was mad?” “Jane, I approached the verge of despair; a remnant of self-respect was all that intervened between me and the gulf. “Jane, I approached the verge of despair; a remnant of self-respect was all that intervened between me and the gulf. «Jane, j'ai approché le bord du désespoir; un reste de respect de soi était tout ce qui intervenait entre moi et le gouffre. In the eyes of the world, I was doubtless covered with grimy dishonour; but I resolved to be clean in my own sight—and to the last I repudiated the contamination of her crimes, and wrenched myself from connection with her mental defects. In the eyes of the world, I was doubtless covered with grimy dishonour; but I resolved to be clean in my own sight—and to the last I repudiated the contamination of her crimes, and wrenched myself from connection with her mental defects. Aux yeux du monde, j'étais sans doute couvert d'un déshonneur crasseux; mais je résolus d'être pur à mes yeux - et jusqu'à la fin je répudiai la contamination de ses crimes, et m'arrachai de la connexion avec ses défauts mentaux. Still, society associated my name and person with hers; I yet saw her and heard her daily: something of her breath (faugh!) Pourtant, la société a associé mon nom et ma personne au sien; Je l'ai encore vue et entendue tous les jours: quelque chose de son souffle mixed with the air I breathed; and besides, I remembered I had once been her husband—that recollection was then, and is now, inexpressibly odious to me; moreover, I knew that while she lived I could never be the husband of another and better wife; and, though five years my senior (her family and her father had lied to me even in the particular of her age), she was likely to live as long as I, being as robust in frame as she was infirm in mind. mélangé à l'air que je respirais; et d'ailleurs, je me souvenais que j'avais été son mari une fois - ce souvenir m'était alors, et est maintenant, d'une odeur inexprimable; de plus, je savais que pendant qu'elle vivait, je ne pourrais jamais être le mari d'une autre et meilleure épouse; et, bien que de cinq ans mon aîné (sa famille et son père m'avaient menti même dans le détail de son âge), elle vivrait probablement aussi longtemps que moi, étant aussi robuste dans son corps qu'elle était infirme d'esprit. Thus, at the age of twenty-six, I was hopeless. “One night I had been awakened by her yells—(since the medical men had pronounced her mad, she had, of course, been shut up)—it was a fiery West Indian night; one of the description that frequently precede the hurricanes of those climates. «Une nuit, j'avais été réveillé par ses hurlements - (puisque les médecins l'avaient déclarée folle, elle avait bien sûr été enfermée) - c'était une nuit ardente des Antilles; une des descriptions qui précèdent fréquemment les ouragans de ces climats. Being unable to sleep in bed, I got up and opened the window. The air was like sulphur-steams—I could find no refreshment anywhere. L'air était comme des vapeurs de soufre - je ne trouvais aucun rafraîchissement nulle part. Mosquitoes came buzzing in and hummed sullenly round the room; the sea, which I could hear from thence, rumbled dull like an earthquake—black clouds were casting up over it; the moon was setting in the waves, broad and red, like a hot cannon-ball—she threw her last bloody glance over a world quivering with the ferment of tempest. Les moustiques entraient et bourdonnaient d'un air maussade dans la pièce; la mer, que j'entendais de là, grondait terne comme un tremblement de terre, des nuages noirs se jetaient dessus; la lune se couchait dans les flots, large et rouge, comme un boulet de canon brûlant, elle jeta son dernier regard sanglant sur un monde frémissant du ferment de la tempête. I was physically influenced by the atmosphere and scene, and my ears were filled with the curses the maniac still shrieked out; wherein she momentarily mingled my name with such a tone of demon-hate, with such language!—no professed harlot ever had a fouler vocabulary than she: though two rooms off, I heard every word—the thin partitions of the West India house opposing but slight obstruction to her wolfish cries. J'étais physiquement influencé par l'atmosphère et la scène, et mes oreilles étaient remplies des malédictions que le maniaque criait encore; où elle a momentanément mêlé mon nom avec un tel ton de haine démoniaque, avec un tel langage! - aucune prostituée n'a jamais eu un vocabulaire plus sale qu'elle: bien qu'à deux pièces, j'entendais chaque mot - les fines cloisons de la maison des Indes occidentales opposées mais une légère obstruction à ses cris de loup. “‘This life,' said I at last, ‘is hell: this is the air—those are the sounds of the bottomless pit! «Cette vie, dis-je enfin, c'est l'enfer: c'est l'air, ce sont les sons de l'abîme! I have a right to deliver myself from it if I can. The sufferings of this mortal state will leave me with the heavy flesh that now cumbers my soul. Les souffrances de cet état mortel me laisseront avec la chair lourde qui encombre maintenant mon âme. Of the fanatic’s burning eternity I have no fear: there is not a future state worse than this present one—let me break away, and go home to God! De l'éternité brûlante du fanatique, je n'ai pas peur: il n'y a pas un état futur pire que celui-ci - laissez-moi m'en aller et rentrer chez Dieu! “I said this whilst I knelt down at, and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace of loaded pistols: I mean to shoot myself. «J'ai dit cela en m'agenouillant et en déverrouillant un coffre qui contenait une paire de pistolets chargés: je veux me tirer une balle. I only entertained the intention for a moment; for, not being insane, the crisis of exquisite and unalloyed despair, which had originated the wish and design of self-destruction, was past in a second. Je n'ai entretenu l'intention que pendant un moment; car, n'étant pas insensé, la crise du désespoir exquis et sans mélange, qui avait engendré le désir et le dessein de l'autodestruction, était passée en une seconde. “A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, and the air grew pure. “A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, and the air grew pure. «Un vent frais d'Europe a soufflé sur l'océan et s'est précipité à travers la fenêtre ouverte: la tempête a éclaté, ruisselait, tonnait, brûlait et l'air devenait pur. I then framed and fixed a resolution. J'ai ensuite encadré et fixé une résolution. While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pine-apples, and while the refulgent dawn of the tropics kindled round me—I reasoned thus, Jane—and now listen; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, and showed me the right path to follow. While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pine-apples, and while the refulgent dawn of the tropics kindled round me—I reasoned thus, Jane—and now listen; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, and showed me the right path to follow. Pendant que je marchais sous les orangers ruisselants de mon jardin humide, et parmi ses grenades et pommes de pin trempées, et pendant que l'aube ravissante des tropiques s'allumait autour de moi - je raisonnais ainsi, Jane - et maintenant j'écoute; car c'est la vraie Sagesse qui m'a consolé en cette heure et m'a montré le droit chemin à suivre. “The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelled to the tone, and filled with living blood—my being longed for renewal—my soul thirsted for a pure draught. “The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelled to the tone, and filled with living blood—my being longed for renewal—my soul thirsted for a pure draught. «Le doux vent d'Europe chuchotait encore dans les feuilles rafraîchies, et l'Atlantique grondait dans une liberté glorieuse; mon cœur, desséché et brûlé depuis longtemps, gonflé au ton et rempli de sang vivant - mon désir de renouveau - mon âme avait soif d'un pur courant d'air. I saw hope revive—and felt regeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea—bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects opened thus:— D'un arc fleuri au fond de mon jardin, je contemplais la mer - plus bleue que le ciel: le vieux monde était au-delà; des perspectives claires s'ouvrent ainsi: - “‘Go,' said Hope, ‘and live again in Europe: there it is not known what a sullied name you bear, nor what a filthy burden is bound to you. «Allez, dit Hope, et revivez en Europe: là on ne sait pas quel nom souillé vous portez, ni quel fardeau sale vous est lié. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourself to what clime you will, and form what new tie you like. Vous pouvez emmener le maniaque avec vous en Angleterre; confinez-la avec l'assistance et les précautions qui s'imposent à Thornfield: alors voyagez-vous dans le climat que vous voulez et formez la nouvelle cravate que vous aimez. That woman, who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, so outraged your honour, so blighted your youth, is not your wife, nor are you her husband. Cette femme, qui a tant abusé de votre longue souffrance, si souillé votre nom, si outragé votre honneur, si brisé votre jeunesse, n'est pas votre femme, vous n'êtes pas non plus son mari. See that she is cared for as her condition demands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you. Veillez à ce qu'elle soit soignée comme son état l'exige, et vous avez fait tout ce que Dieu et l'humanité exigent de vous. Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried in oblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Laissez son identité, sa connexion avec vous-même, être ensevelie dans l'oubli: vous êtes obligé de les communiquer à aucun être vivant. Place her in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation with secrecy, and leave her. Mettez-la en sécurité et confortablement: abritez sa dégradation par le secret et laissez-la. “I acted precisely on this suggestion.

My father and brother had not made my marriage known to their acquaintance; because, in the very first letter I wrote to apprise them of the union—having already begun to experience extreme disgust of its consequences, and, from the family character and constitution, seeing a hideous future opening to me—I added an urgent charge to keep it secret: and very soon the infamous conduct of the wife my father had selected for me was such as to make him blush to own her as his daughter-in-law. Mon père et mon frère n'avaient pas fait connaître mon mariage à leur connaissance; parce que, dans la toute première lettre que j'ai écrite pour les informer de l'union - ayant déjà commencé à éprouver un dégoût extrême de ses conséquences, et, vu le caractère et la constitution de la famille, voyant un avenir hideux s'ouvrir à moi - j'ai ajouté une charge urgente à gardez-le secret: et très vite la conduite infâme de la femme que mon père avait choisie pour moi fut de nature à le faire rougir de la posséder comme sa belle-fille. Far from desiring to publish the connection, he became as anxious to conceal it as myself. Far from desiring to publish the connection, he became as anxious to conceal it as myself. Loin de vouloir publier le lien, il est devenu aussi soucieux de le dissimuler que moi-même. “To England, then, I conveyed her; a fearful voyage I had with such a monster in the vessel. “To England, then, I conveyed her; a fearful voyage I had with such a monster in the vessel. "Je l'ai donc emmenée en Angleterre ; j'ai fait un voyage effrayant avec un tel monstre à bord. Glad was I when I at last got her to Thornfield, and saw her safely lodged in that third-storey room, of whose secret inner cabinet she has now for ten years made a wild beast’s den—a goblin’s cell. Glad was I when I at last got her to Thornfield, and saw her safely lodged in that third-storey room, of whose secret inner cabinet she has now for ten years made a wild beast's den—a goblin's cell. Heureux étais-je quand je l'ai enfin amenée à Thornfield et que je l'ai vue logée en toute sécurité dans cette pièce du troisième étage, dont le cabinet intérieur secret fait maintenant depuis dix ans la tanière d'une bête sauvage - une cellule de gobelin. I had some trouble in finding an attendant for her, as it was necessary to select one on whose fidelity dependence could be placed; for her ravings would inevitably betray my secret: besides, she had lucid intervals of days—sometimes weeks—which she filled up with abuse of me. J'ai eu du mal à lui trouver un accompagnateur, car il fallait en choisir un dont la fidélité pouvait être dépendante; car ses délires trahiraient inévitablement mon secret: en outre, elle avait des intervalles lucides de jours - parfois des semaines - qu'elle remplissait d'abus de moi. At last I hired Grace Poole from the Grimbsy Retreat. She and the surgeon, Carter (who dressed Mason’s wounds that night he was stabbed and worried), are the only two I have ever admitted to my confidence. Mrs. Fairfax may indeed have suspected something, but she could have gained no precise knowledge as to facts. Mme Fairfax peut en effet avoir soupçonné quelque chose, mais elle n'aurait pu acquérir aucune connaissance précise des faits. Grace has, on the whole, proved a good keeper; though, owing partly to a fault of her own, of which it appears nothing can cure her, and which is incident to her harassing profession, her vigilance has been more than once lulled and baffled. Grace a, dans l'ensemble, été une bonne gardienne; cependant, en raison en partie d'une faute de sa part, dont il semble que rien ne peut la guérir, et qui est incidente à sa profession harcelante, sa vigilance a été plus d'une fois bercée et déconcertée. The lunatic is both cunning and malignant; she has never failed to take advantage of her guardian’s temporary lapses; once to secrete the knife with which she stabbed her brother, and twice to possess herself of the key of her cell, and issue therefrom in the night-time. Le fou est à la fois rusé et malin; elle n'a jamais manqué de profiter des manquements temporaires de son tuteur; une fois pour sécréter le couteau avec lequel elle a poignardé son frère, et deux fois pour s'emparer de la clé de sa cellule et en sortir pendant la nuit. On the first of these occasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on the second, she paid that ghastly visit to you. On the first of these occasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on the second, she paid that ghastly visit to you. I thank Providence, who watched over you, that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure to reflect. I thank Providence, who watched over you, that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure to reflect. Je remercie la Providence, qui a veillé sur vous, d'avoir ensuite dépensé sa fureur sur vos vêtements de mariage, qui ont peut-être ramené de vagues réminiscences de ses propres jours nuptiales: mais sur ce qui aurait pu arriver, je ne peux supporter de réfléchir. When I think of the thing which flew at my throat this morning, hanging its black and scarlet visage over the nest of my dove, my blood curdles—” When I think of the thing which flew at my throat this morning, hanging its black and scarlet visage over the nest of my dove, my blood curdles—” Quand je pense à la chose qui a volé à ma gorge ce matin, accroché son visage noir et écarlate au-dessus du nid de ma colombe, mon sang caille… “And what, sir,” I asked, while he paused, “did you do when you had settled her here? «Et qu'avez-vous fait, monsieur,» lui ai-je demandé, pendant qu'il s'arrêtait, «quand vous l'avez installée ici? Where did you go?” “What did I do, Jane?

I transformed myself into a will-o'-the-wisp. Je me suis transformé en un feu follet. Where did I go? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit. J'ai poursuivi des errances aussi sauvages que celles de l'esprit de mars. I sought the Continent, and went devious through all its lands. J'ai cherché le continent et j'ai parcouru toutes ses terres. My fixed desire was to seek and find a good and intelligent woman, whom I could love: a contrast to the fury I left at Thornfield—” Mon désir fixe était de chercher et de trouver une femme bonne et intelligente, que je pourrais aimer: un contraste avec la fureur que j'ai laissée à Thornfield. “But you could not marry, sir.”

“I had determined and was convinced that I could and ought. "J'avais déterminé et j'étais convaincue que je pouvais et que je devais le faire. It was not my original intention to deceive, as I have deceived you. Ce n'était pas mon intention initiale de tromper, comme je vous ai trompé. I meant to tell my tale plainly, and make my proposals openly: and it appeared to me so absolutely rational that I should be considered free to love and be loved, I never doubted some woman might be found willing and able to understand my case and accept me, in spite of the curse with which I was burdened.” J'avais l'intention de raconter mon histoire clairement, et de faire mes propositions ouvertement: et il m'a semblé si absolument rationnel que je devais être considéré comme libre d'aimer et d'être aimé, je n'ai jamais douté qu'une femme puisse être trouvée disposée et capable de comprendre mon cas et Acceptez-moi, malgré la malédiction dont j'étais accablé. “Well, sir?”

“When you are inquisitive, Jane, you always make me smile. «Quand tu es curieuse, Jane, tu me fais toujours sourire. You open your eyes like an eager bird, and make every now and then a restless movement, as if answers in speech did not flow fast enough for you, and you wanted to read the tablet of one’s heart. Vous ouvrez les yeux comme un oiseau avide, et faites de temps en temps un mouvement agité, comme si les réponses vocales ne coulaient pas assez vite pour vous et que vous vouliez lire la tablette de votre cœur. But before I go on, tell me what you mean by your ‘Well, sir? '  It is a small phrase very frequent with you; and which many a time has drawn me on and on through interminable talk: I don’t very well know why.” «C'est une petite phrase très fréquente chez vous; et qui, à maintes reprises, m'a attiré à travers des conversations interminables: je ne sais pas très bien pourquoi. “I mean,—What next?

How did you proceed? Comment avez-vous procédé? What came of such an event?” Que s'est-il passé ?" “Precisely!

and what do you wish to know now?” “Whether you found any one you liked: whether you asked her to marry you; and what she said.” "Si vous avez trouvé une personne qui vous plaisait, si vous l'avez demandée en mariage et ce qu'elle a dit." “I can tell you whether I found any one I liked, and whether I asked her to marry me: but what she said is yet to be recorded in the book of Fate. «Je peux vous dire si j'en ai trouvé une qui me plaisait et si je lui ai demandé de m'épouser: mais ce qu'elle a dit n'est pas encore enregistré dans le livre du destin. For ten long years I roved about, living first in one capital, then another: sometimes in St. Petersburg; oftener in Paris; occasionally in Rome, Naples, and Florence. Provided with plenty of money and the passport of an old name, I could choose my own society: no circles were closed against me. Muni de beaucoup d'argent et du passeport d'un ancien nom, je pouvais choisir ma propre société: aucun cercle n'était fermé contre moi. I sought my ideal of a woman amongst English ladies, French countesses, Italian signoras, and German gräfinnen. I could not find her. Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I thought I caught a glance, heard a tone, beheld a form, which announced the realisation of my dream: but I was presently undeserved. Parfois, pendant un bref instant, je crus attraper un coup d'œil, entendre un ton, contempler une forme, qui annonçait la réalisation de mon rêve: mais j'étais pour l'instant imméritée. You are not to suppose that I desired perfection, either of mind or person. Vous ne devez pas supposer que je désirais la perfection, que ce soit de l'esprit ou de la personne. I longed only for what suited me—for the antipodes of the Creole: and I longed vainly. Je ne désirais que ce qui me convenait - les antipodes du créole: et j'en avais vainement envie. Amongst them all I found not one whom, had I been ever so free, I—warned as I was of the risks, the horrors, the loathings of incongruous unions—would have asked to marry me. Amongst them all I found not one whom, had I been ever so free, I—warned as I was of the risks, the horrors, the loathings of incongruous unions—would have asked to marry me. Parmi eux tous, je n'en trouvai pas un à qui, si j'avais jamais été aussi libre, j'aurais demandé à m'épouser, averti comme j'étais des risques, des horreurs, des dégoûts des unions incongrues. Disappointment made me reckless. La déception m'a rendu imprudent. I tried dissipation—never debauchery: that I hated, and hate. J'ai essayé la dissipation - jamais la débauche: que je détestais et détestais. That was my Indian Messalina’s attribute: rooted disgust at it and her restrained me much, even in pleasure. C'était l'attribut de ma Messaline indienne: un dégoût enraciné et elle me retenait beaucoup, même dans le plaisir. Any enjoyment that bordered on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices, and I eschewed it. Toute jouissance à la limite de l'émeute semblait m'approcher d'elle et de ses vices, et j'y ai évité. “Yet I could not live alone; so I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first I chose was Céline Varens—another of those steps which make a man spurn himself when he recalls them. La première que j'ai choisie était Céline Varens - une autre de ces étapes qui font que l'homme se méprise quand il les rappelle. You already know what she was, and how my liaison with her terminated. She had two successors: an Italian, Giacinta, and a German, Clara; both considered singularly handsome. Elle eut deux successeurs : un Italien, Giacinta, et une Allemande, Clara, tous deux considérés comme singulièrement beaux. What was their beauty to me in a few weeks? Quelle était leur beauté à mes yeux dans quelques semaines ? Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months. Giacinta était sans principes et violente: j'en avais marre d'elle en trois mois. Clara was honest and quiet; but heavy, mindless, and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. Clara était honnête et calme; mais lourd, insensé et imprescriptible: pas du tout à mon goût. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her. J'étais heureux de lui donner une somme suffisante pour la mettre dans un bon secteur d'activité, et ainsi me débarrasser décemment d'elle. But, Jane, I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable opinion of me just now. Mais, Jane, je vois à votre visage que vous ne vous faites pas une opinion très favorable de moi en ce moment. You think me an unfeeling, loose-principled rake: don’t you?” Vous pensez que je suis un râteau insensible et sans principes: n'est-ce pas? “I don’t like you so well as I have done sometimes, indeed, sir. «Je ne vous aime pas aussi bien que je l'ai fait parfois, en effet, monsieur. Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way, first with one mistress and then another? Ne vous a-t-il pas semblé le moins du monde mal de vivre ainsi, d'abord avec une maîtresse puis avec une autre? You talk of it as a mere matter of course.” Vous en parlez comme une évidence. “It was with me; and I did not like it.

It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it. It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it. C'était un mode d'existence rampant: je ne voudrais jamais y revenir. Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading. Embaucher une maîtresse est la pire chose après l'achat d'un esclave: les deux sont souvent par nature, et toujours par position, inférieurs: et vivre familièrement avec des inférieurs est dégradant. I now hate the recollection of the time I passed with Céline, Giacinta, and Clara.” I felt the truth of these words; and I drew from them the certain inference, that if I were so far to forget myself and all the teaching that had ever been instilled into me, as—under any pretext—with any justification—through any temptation—to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated their memory. J'ai senti la vérité de ces mots; et j'en ai tiré la conclusion certaine, que si je devais si loin m'oublier moi-même et tout l'enseignement qui m'avait jamais été inculqué, comme - sous n'importe quel prétexte - avec n'importe quelle justification - par n'importe quelle tentation - devenir le successeur de ces pauvres filles, il me regarderait un jour avec le même sentiment qui maintenant dans son esprit profanait leur mémoire. I did not give utterance to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. Je n'ai pas exprimé cette conviction: il suffisait de la ressentir. I impressed it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of trial. Je l'ai impressionné dans mon cœur, afin qu'il puisse rester là pour me servir d'aide pendant le temps de l'épreuve. “Now, Jane, why don’t you say ‘Well, sir? '  I have not done. You are looking grave. You disapprove of me still, I see. But let me come to the point. Last January, rid of all mistresses—in a harsh, bitter frame of mind, the result of a useless, roving, lonely life—corroded with disappointment, sourly disposed against all men, and especially against all womankind (for I began to regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream), recalled by business, I came back to England. En janvier dernier, débarrassée de toutes les maîtresses - dans un état d'esprit dur et amer, résultat d'une vie inutile, itinérante, solitaire - rongée de déception, aigrement disposée contre tous les hommes, et surtout contre toutes les femmes (car j'ai commencé à notion de femme intellectuelle, fidèle, aimante comme un simple rêve), rappelée par les affaires, je suis revenue en Angleterre. “On a frosty winter afternoon, I rode in sight of Thornfield Hall. «Par un après-midi d'hiver glacial, j'ai roulé en vue de Thornfield Hall. Abhorred spot! Endroit abhorré! I expected no peace—no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay Lane I saw a quiet little figure sitting by itself. Sur un montant de Hay Lane, j'ai vu une petite silhouette tranquille assise toute seule. I passed it as negligently as I did the pollard willow opposite to it: I had no presentiment of what it would be to me; no inward warning that the arbitress of my life—my genius for good or evil—waited there in humble guise. Je l'ai passé avec autant de négligence que je l'ai fait avec le saule têtard en face: je n'avais aucun pressentiment de ce que ce serait pour moi; aucun avertissement intérieur que l'arbitre de ma vie - mon génie du bien ou du mal - y attendait sous une humble apparence. I did not know it, even when, on the occasion of Mesrour’s accident, it came up and gravely offered me help. I did not know it, even when, on the occasion of Mesrour's accident, it came up and gravely offered me help. Je ne le savais pas, même quand, à l'occasion de l'accident de Mesrour, il est venu et m'a gravement offert son aide. Childish and slender creature! Créature enfantine et élancée! It seemed as if a linnet had hopped to my foot and proposed to bear me on its tiny wing. Il me semblait qu'une toile de lin avait sauté à mon pied et me proposait de me porter sur sa minuscule aile. I was surly; but the thing would not go: it stood by me with strange perseverance, and looked and spoke with a sort of authority. J'étais hargneux; mais la chose n'allait pas: elle se tenait près de moi avec une étrange persévérance, et regardait et parlait avec une sorte d'autorité. I must be aided, and by that hand: and aided I was. Je dois être aidé, et par cette main: et aidé je l'étais. “When once I had pressed the frail shoulder, something new—a fresh sap and sense—stole into my frame. «Une fois que j'ai pressé l'épaule frêle, quelque chose de nouveau - une sève et un sens frais - s'est introduit dans mon corps. It was well I had learnt that this elf must return to me—that it belonged to my house down below—or I could not have felt it pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without singular regret. J'avais bien appris que cet elfe devait me revenir - qu'il appartenait à ma maison en bas - ou je n'aurais pas pu le sentir passer de sous ma main, et le voir disparaître derrière la haie sombre, sans regret singulier. I heard you come home that night, Jane, though probably you were not aware that I thought of you or watched for you. J'ai entendu ton retour à la maison cette nuit-là, Jane, mais tu n'étais probablement pas consciente que je pensais à toi ou que je veillais sur toi. The next day I observed you—myself unseen—for half-an-hour, while you played with Adèle in the gallery. It was a snowy day, I recollect, and you could not go out of doors. I was in my room; the door was ajar: I could both listen and watch. Adèle claimed your outward attention for a while; yet I fancied your thoughts were elsewhere: but you were very patient with her, my little Jane; you talked to her and amused her a long time. Adèle a réclamé votre attention extérieure pendant un moment; pourtant je croyais que vos pensées étaient ailleurs: mais vous étiez très patiente avec elle, ma petite Jane; vous lui avez parlé et vous l'avez amusée longtemps. When at last she left you, you lapsed at once into deep reverie: you betook yourself slowly to pace the gallery. Quand enfin elle vous quitta, vous tombiez aussitôt dans une profonde rêverie: vous vous êtes mis lentement à arpenter la galerie. Now and then, in passing a casement, you glanced out at the thick-falling snow; you listened to the sobbing wind, and again you paced gently on and dreamed. Now and then, in passing a casement, you glanced out at the thick-falling snow; you listened to the sobbing wind, and again you paced gently on and dreamed. De temps en temps, en passant un battant, vous jetiez un coup d'œil à l'épaisse neige qui tombait; vous avez écouté le vent sanglotant, et encore une fois vous avez fait les cent pas et rêvé. I think those day visions were not dark: there was a pleasurable illumination in your eye occasionally, a soft excitement in your aspect, which told of no bitter, bilious, hypochondriac brooding: your look revealed rather the sweet musings of youth when its spirit follows on willing wings the flight of Hope up and on to an ideal heaven. Je pense que ces visions du jour n'étaient pas sombres: il y avait une illumination agréable dans ton œil de temps en temps, une douce excitation dans ton aspect, qui ne racontait aucune rumeur amère, bilieuse, hypocondriaque: ton regard révélait plutôt les douces rêveries de la jeunesse quand son esprit suit sur des ailes volontaires, le vol de l'Espoir monte et continue vers un paradis idéal. The voice of Mrs. Fairfax, speaking to a servant in the hall, wakened you: and how curiously you smiled to and at yourself, Janet! La voix de Mme Fairfax, parlant à un domestique dans le hall, vous a réveillée : et comme vous avez curieusement souri à vous-même, Janet ! There was much sense in your smile: it was very shrewd, and seemed to make light of your own abstraction. Il y avait beaucoup de sens dans votre sourire: il était très astucieux et semblait faire la lumière sur votre propre abstraction. It seemed to say—‘My fine visions are all very well, but I must not forget they are absolutely unreal. Il semblait dire : "Mes belles visions sont très bien, mais je ne dois pas oublier qu'elles sont absolument irréelles. I have a rosy sky and a green flowery Eden in my brain; but without, I am perfectly aware, lies at my feet a rough tract to travel, and around me gather black tempests to encounter. J'ai un ciel rose et un Eden fleuri vert dans mon cerveau; mais sans, j'en suis parfaitement conscient, se trouve à mes pieds une rude piste à parcourir, et autour de moi se rassemblent des tempêtes noires à rencontrer. '  You ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs. Fairfax some occupation: the weekly house accounts to make up, or something of that sort, I think it was. ' You ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs. Fairfax some occupation: the weekly house accounts to make up, or something of that sort, I think it was. «Vous êtes descendu en courant et avez exigé de Mme Fairfax une occupation: les comptes hebdomadaires de la maison à rattraper, ou quelque chose de ce genre, je crois. I was vexed with you for getting out of my sight. J'étais vexé contre toi de m'être éloigné de ma vue. “Impatiently I waited for evening, when I might summon you to my presence. An unusual—to me—a perfectly new character I suspected was yours: I desired to search it deeper and know it better. Un personnage inhabituel - pour moi - un personnage parfaitement nouveau que je soupçonnais était le vôtre: je voulais le chercher plus profondément et mieux le connaître. You entered the room with a look and air at once shy and independent: you were quaintly dressed—much as you are now. Vous êtes entré dans la pièce avec un air et un air à la fois timide et indépendant: vous étiez habillé bizarrement - tout comme vous l'êtes maintenant. I made you talk: ere long I found you full of strange contrasts. Je vous ai fait parler: bientôt je vous ai trouvé plein de contrastes étranges. Your garb and manner were restricted by rule; your air was often diffident, and altogether that of one refined by nature, but absolutely unused to society, and a good deal afraid of making herself disadvantageously conspicuous by some solecism or blunder; yet when addressed, you lifted a keen, a daring, and a glowing eye to your interlocutor’s face: there was penetration and power in each glance you gave; when plied by close questions, you found ready and round answers. Votre tenue et vos manières étaient restreintes par la règle; votre air était souvent timide, et tout à fait celui d'un homme raffiné par nature, mais absolument inutilisé de la société, et bien effrayé de se faire remarquer désavantageusement par quelque solécisme ou gaffe; pourtant, une fois adressé, vous avez levé un œil vif, audacieux et brillant sur le visage de votre interlocuteur: il y avait de la pénétration et de la puissance dans chaque regard que vous avez donné; lorsque vous posez des questions proches, vous avez trouvé des réponses prêtes et rondes. Very soon you seemed to get used to me: I believe you felt the existence of sympathy between you and your grim and cross master, Jane; for it was astonishing to see how quickly a certain pleasant ease tranquillised your manner: snarl as I would, you showed no surprise, fear, annoyance, or displeasure at my moroseness; you watched me, and now and then smiled at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe. Très vite, vous avez semblé vous habituer à moi: je crois que vous avez ressenti l'existence d'une sympathie entre vous et votre sombre et méchante maître, Jane; car il était étonnant de voir avec quelle rapidité une certaine aisance plaisante tranquillisait vos manières: grognez comme je le ferais, vous ne montriez ni surprise, ni peur, ni agacement, ni mécontentement de ma morosité; vous m'avez regardé, et de temps en temps me souriiez avec une grâce simple mais sagace que je ne peux pas décrire. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more. Yet, for a long time, I treated you distantly, and sought your company rarely. I was an intellectual epicure, and wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely its bloom would fade—the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. J'étais un épicurien intellectuel, et je voulais prolonger la gratification de faire cette nouvelle et piquante connaissance: d'ailleurs, j'étais un moment troublé par une peur obsédante que si je manipulais librement la fleur, sa floraison se fanerait - le doux charme de la fraîcheur laisse le. I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem. I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem. Je ne savais pas alors qu'il ne s'agissait pas d'une fleur éphémère, mais plutôt de la ressemblance rayonnante d'une, taillée dans une gemme indestructible. Moreover, I wished to see whether you would seek me if I shunned you—but you did not; you kept in the schoolroom as still as your own desk and easel; if by chance I met you, you passed me as soon, and with as little token of recognition, as was consistent with respect. De plus, je voulais voir si vous me chercheriez si je vous évitais - mais vous ne l'avez pas fait; vous restiez dans la salle de classe aussi immobile que votre propre bureau et chevalet; si par hasard je vous rencontrais, vous me dépassiez aussitôt, et avec aussi peu de reconnaissance que cela était cohérent avec le respect. Your habitual expression in those days, Jane, was a thoughtful look; not despondent, for you were not sickly; but not buoyant, for you had little hope, and no actual pleasure. Your habitual expression in those days, Jane, was a thoughtful look; not despondent, for you were not sickly; but not buoyant, for you had little hope, and no actual pleasure. Votre expression habituelle à l'époque, Jane, était un regard pensif; pas découragé, car vous n'étiez pas maladif; mais pas flottant, car vous aviez peu d'espoir et aucun plaisir réel. I wondered what you thought of me, or if you ever thought of me, and resolved to find this out. “I resumed my notice of you. «J'ai repris mon avis de vous.

There was something glad in your glance, and genial in your manner, when you conversed: I saw you had a social heart; it was the silent schoolroom—it was the tedium of your life—that made you mournful. Il y avait quelque chose de joyeux dans votre regard et de gentil dans votre manière, quand vous avez conversé: j'ai vu que vous aviez un cœur social; c'était la salle de classe silencieuse - c'était l'ennui de votre vie - qui vous rendait triste. I permitted myself the delight of being kind to you; kindness stirred emotion soon: your face became soft in expression, your tones gentle; I liked my name pronounced by your lips in a grateful happy accent. Je me suis permis le plaisir d'être gentil avec vous; la gentillesse a rapidement suscité l'émotion: votre visage est devenu doux dans l'expression, vos tons doux; J'ai aimé mon nom prononcé par vos lèvres avec un accent heureux et reconnaissant. I used to enjoy a chance meeting with you, Jane, at this time: there was a curious hesitation in your manner: you glanced at me with a slight trouble—a hovering doubt: you did not know what my caprice might be—whether I was going to play the master and be stern, or the friend and be benignant. J'avais l'habitude de vous rencontrer par hasard, Jane, à ce moment-là: il y avait une curieuse hésitation dans votre manière: vous m'avez regardé avec un léger trouble - un doute planant: vous ne saviez pas quel pouvait être mon caprice - si je allait jouer le maître et être sévère, ou l'ami et être bienveillant. I was now too fond of you often to simulate the first whim; and, when I stretched my hand out cordially, such bloom and light and bliss rose to your young, wistful features, I had much ado often to avoid straining you then and there to my heart.” Je vous aimais maintenant trop souvent pour simuler le premier caprice; et, quand j'ai tendu la main cordialement, une telle floraison, une telle lumière et une telle béatitude montaient à vos traits jeunes et mélancoliques, j'ai eu beaucoup de temps pour éviter de vous forcer sur-le-champ à mon cœur.