PIERS MORGAN TONIGHT Interview With Conan O'Brien-part 5
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MORGAN: The classic Marge versus the monorail "Simpson's" episode, voted fourth best of all-time. Are you pleased? Are you pissed off you're not in the top three? O'BRIEN: Enraged. No. I'm just -- you know, the Simpson for me is a gift that keeps giving, because I'm always very clear with people. I didn't create that show. I did nothing -- that show was up and running and a massive success when they let me step on board for a few seasons, just before I took over the late night show.
And so I loved it. I absolutely loved it. What's nice is that those episodes are out. They're always bouncing around. I can be anywhere in the world and people will occasionally, in any other country, bring up one of the episodes that I worked on. In that way, it's this beautiful gift that keeps giving, yeah. MORGAN: Let's talk love, romance, marriage. How many times --
O'BRIEN: Well, which one? MORGAN: Let's start with love. How many times have you been properly in love in your life?
O'BRIEN: As you know, I'm married. So there is one answer to that. That is once.
MORGAN: Is that the diplomatic answer?
O'BRIEN: I would say properly in love, yes, my wife Liza. MORGAN: You've never had your heart broken before that? O'BRIEN: It wasn't a woman. It was a cat that betrayed me. We don't want to talk about the animals. Yes, I would say I -- I'm going to go with my answer, my wife. my beautiful wife. She's my only true love. MORGAN: When did you realize she was the one?
O'BRIEN: Instantly. MORGAN: Was it instantly?
O'BRIEN: I'm just giving you the answers that are going to make it all OK for me. Don't screw with this, OK? Instantly, I knew right away. Yeah, actually I did know very quickly. We were -- it was being shot for television, so somewhere in the vault at NBC there's footage of me literally falling for my wife on camera. It's -- MORGAN: What was it about her?
O'BRIEN: She -- well, to be crass, she's incredibly beautiful. So that was the first attention getter. And I'll admit that does work occasionally on a guy. Ladies, little trick for you. When you're really beautiful, that can work sometimes. And then what was nice is that we just talked on the phone for a while. That was our relationship, because I'm impotent. Is any of this going to get in the papers, do you think? This won't get out. So we -- we -- but we did talk on the phone for a while, and she's very intelligent and funny, and a really good person. So the nice thing is that that was the basis of the relationship. So I just knew.
MORGAN: Are you a romantic man?
O'BRIEN: I'm going to say I have -- deep, deep down, under layers and layers of repression and ham, and layers of carbohydrates, there's a romantic guy down there, yes. But man is that covered up. It's a Slim Jim of romance with massive insulation layers of insecurity and self-loathing wrapped around it. MORGAN: How would you like to be remembered?
O'BRIEN: That guy was well endowed. Massive. Just he was a freak show. I saw him in a men's room. It was scary. That's the kind of -- no, honestly I would -- if anyone remembers me at all for any amount of time, I would like to be thought of as someone who -- I do try, I think, sincerely to be nice to people and try to make them laugh. And I think mostly it comes from a good place, so that would be with nice.
If not that, the hair, I'd like to be known for. And then the endowed thing would be great, if we could just slip that in. Like just --
MORGAN: So you make people laugh, you're well endowed and you have ginger hair. O'BRIEN: Yes. MORGAN: That's not a bad triumvirate to be remembered by. MORGAN: I think in a way, and the fact that you've just verified it as a journalist, those three are all true. And you would know. You've seen me. We with often go to the spa together.
MORGAN: Not now here, come on.
O'BRIEN: It was your idea. MORGAN: That is a terrible idea. This is really uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable.
O'BRIEN: It was your spa. Turns out it's not even a spa. It's a room. It's a creepy room he has. MORGAN: You're not going to get your plug if this goes on. O'BRIEN: Oh, yeah. Do the plug.
MORGAN: You want to read it?
O'BRIEN: Sure. Watch this. Where's my camera? One? Watch Conan week nights at 11:00 Eastern, 10:00 p.m. Central on TBS. Miss it and you're a fool. We'll take a break. When we come back, Madeleine Albright will be here. She's going to make cookies with us. Also, Angela Merkel coming up next. You talk to real human -- real people that have done real things. What was this?
MORGAN: I loved it.
O'BRIEN: We had a good time. Nice talking to you.
MORGAN: Conan O'Brien. When we come back, Only in America. Talk about a photo finish. Why this race may come down to a toss of a coin.
MORGAN: For tonight's Only in America, a real photo finish. Take a look at this, Alison Felix and Jennifer Tarmo (ph) crossing the finish line in the women's 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials on Saturday. Jennifer is wearing number one, Alison wearing number two. As you can see, they finished in a dead heat for third place and for the final coveted spot on the women's 100 meter Olympic team. To give you some idea what it means to them to make it London, listen to what Alison Felix told me when we sat down recently?
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ALISON FELIX, 100 METER RUNNER: I've got to win. That's what it's all about. like you said, I've done all this other stuff, but this is the one missing thing, and it's the thing I really want. I need everything to come together at the right time.
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MORGAN: Well, it came together all right. Unfortunately, just as Jennifer Tarmo's came together as well. In the first instance of its kind, they were both given the exact same time, down to thousands of a second, 11.068 seconds. After all that grueling training, after running their hearts out in a race to get that last spot on the team, Alison and Jennifer now have two choices, a runoff or a coin toss.
Not just any old coin toss, there are some seriously pedantic rules for this kind of thing. And they are as follows, quote, "the USATF representative shall bend his or her index finger at a 90 degree angle to his or her thumb, allowing the coin to rest on his or her thumb. In one single action, USATF representative shall toss the coin into the air, allowing the coin to fall to the air." What a complete joke. This is no way to decide this epic tie breaker. Ladies, you were born to run, so run again for greatest prize of all, to represent your country in the Olympics in London. And may the best woman win.
That's all for us tonight. "AC 360" starts now.