Culture, Language &…Ghosting: US vs. Europe (2)

very different environment, even though culturally it's not such a big difference.

It's not like going to Japan, but when you're living in another

culture, it's every day is an adventure because it's a di...

so it's fun and, and there are, you can focus in on the things that you don't

like and be unhappy, or you can focus in on the things that you like and enjoy it.

So the time I lived in Japan, there were things that annoyed me in

Japan, but I didn't focus in on that.

I focused in on the things that I like and, and I think that's

important in learning languages.

Focus in on things that you like, 'cause if you like the language and you like

the people and you like the culture, you're gonna learn the language.

So you obviously...

a lot of people...

go ahead.

I was gonna say, a lot of people also like find their approach through music.

For example, they love German music., Rammsteinis a big one,

for example, for a lot of people, but also some were hip hop music.

German music.

Um, I know it was a great mo motivator for a lot of people to learn German.

Yeah.

But try to be positive because you can be selective.

You don't have to focus in, oh, someone, you know, I went to the store

and I tried to speak German and they came, they answered in English and

now I'm, I'm giving up on German.

'cause person A replied in English, don't focus in on that.

Go find someone who's gonna talk to you in German.

You know, it's important to be positive.

And you obviously, despite your observations, which might be

at times a little critical, overwhelmingly you are very positive

about your experience in the US.

And I think that's the way one has to be.

I'm very positive about my experience when I come to winter in Palm Springs.

We had a party last night with our neighbors, all Americans, actually.

There's one Canadian, and, and it's, it's, you can be

positive about wherever you are.

You can find people that you like, find things in the culture that you like.

And I, I think it's important to stay positive.

Yeah.

I agree.

Good.

Anything else we wanna say about cultural differences?

Did you ever feel that, uh, you were discouraged by some aspect of, of life

in the US that, uh, soured you a bit on your experience in the US or were

there just minor hiccups along the way?

I'd say they were just minor hiccups.

Uh, one of the probably biggest topics 'cause like when it's like

systematic issues like, you know, bureaucratic hurdles or getting a

visa is probably a very difficult part of actually living here.

The US does not make that easy, but those things didn't really

discourage me personally.

It was difficult.

I ended up winning the green card lottery, which was extremely lucky.

Um, but I think what discouraged me personally a little bit for a while

there was American dating,.Um, and that's like a whole, a whole topic I guess...

I haven't had any experience .That'll be a topic.

Yeah.

I just.

I think it's generational and cultural.

Um, but I just experienced, not even just for myself, but also my friends.

I lived with roommates for the longest time, mostly just girls.

And I would just note, I would just, uh, witness this on a daily basis

almost, where these American guys in their twenties were just, so

insanely scared of commitment and not just commitment in terms of getting

married, but even just committing to a date, committing to anything.

Um, they would regularly ghost girls, including me, um, right after...

I'm sorry, what do you call?

What do you mean ghost?

What does that mean?

I'm not familiar...

That's a, that's a modern dating term.

It basically means when a person just stops responding to you, like whether

you were, uh, in contact, oh, via phone calls or texting or something.

Um, it might even that you already agreed to a date.

And then on that same day, they just don't show up.

They don't ever reach out again, and they just completely disappear.

No explanation whatsoever.

And I've experienced that with, you know, friends to a very extreme degree where

they literally were so over the top.

At first it's called love bombing in the dating, uh, language.

Um, where they would, like my one friend for example, was scheduled to

meet this guy's parents and 'cause he was so all over her and then

he ghosted her before that weekend happened and just disappeared on her.

I think he even walked out on her in the middle of the night.

Um, and never messaged her again, and that kind of stuff was like, for a while

there I was like, wow, I really like it a lot about American mentality, but this

is just so disrespectful and it happened way too much that there was a point

where I was like, I don't, I think I'm never gonna date an American guy, um,

because this is not acceptable to me.

I ended up finding one good one.

So I'm now, actually, I live with my boyfriend, but um, yeah, there

was a time there where I really felt treated very badly by certain people.

Alls well, it ends well.

So, that's good.

That's good.

Okay.

You know that, that, uh, now you've tantalized my, uh, viewers with,

uh, you know, this whole story about the trouble difficulties

in dating and so forth and so on.

So, German guys are more, uh, reliable in that regard, or more committed, or

more, uh, honest in their dealings?

Yeah, in my experience, yes.

I mean, I should say I didn't like date a whole lot in either countries,

but I was always in long-term relationships in Germany and in my,

like in your twenties, in my bubble.

It's very normal and common to be in a long-term relationship.

In that, at that age in Germany.

And it doesn't necessarily mean that you're trapped.

Whereas I feel like a lot of American guys this age or girls too, um, have

the feeling that they're trapped and they don't wanna commit to anything

'cause they can't get out of it again, and if I personally, that's my theory,

I feel like this has to do with the American fear of confrontation.

A lot of Americans just do not like telling the other person that...

anything negative really, that they're not interested or that they did a bad job.

There's just such a big fear of confrontation that for a lot of

these people, I think this ghosting method is the easiest for them.

It's the most comfortable for them.

In Germany, I would argue that doesn't really exist.

So most of my friends in their twenties are in long-term relationships,

maybe even live with their partner.

It's...

germany is not as, you know, religious and conservative in that sense.

It doesn't, just because you move in with your partner doesn't mean

you're necessarily gonna marry them like you can still change your mind.

It's not a decision for your life, it's just if you like the person now,

then you can spend time together.

And I feel like relationships in that sense are a little bit more mature

in Germany, even from a young age.

Um, 'cause I, I moved in with my German boyfriend at the time, at the

age of 20 and so did a lot, lot of other friends of mine 'cause Munich is

also just really expensive for rent.

So it's a smart move to, uh, split rent.

But I've just never experienced that thing of like being so incredibly scared.

People just communicate with each other and they feel like, Hey,

there might not be a future here, or we want different things in life.

Then they just split up.

In a lot of cases, it can be very respectful and that's been my experience.

That's my bubble in Germany is more like that.

And what I've experienced here in Cincinnati, at least in the

like university bubble, uh, I've just experienced much more of

that disrespectful behavior.

Very, very interesting.

Uh, in fact, the whole discussion's been interesting.

I wanna thank you very much for, uh, sharing these thoughts with us, and

I'm sure my viewers are gonna have some interesting comments to make on this.

Oh yeah.

That was actually very personal, much more personal than I planned on getting.

Well, I'm sure, but it's inter...

I mean, that's life.

That's life.

So, anyway, but you're obviously enjoying yourself in Cincinnati.

You, I can hear the enthusiasm when you speak.

Uh, and that's great.

And I think the same opportunities exist for people who want to

go to Germany to learn German.

Have, uh, and then, but they must remember if they're a guy, they better be honest

with their German, uh, date over there.

Yep.

Anyway.

Okay.

Well thank you.

I'll leave a link to your, um, and we didn't speak any German, but that's fine.

Uh, that's okay.

People can find out

... I think we'll just cut it.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

I'll leave a link to your, uh, YouTube channel.

Thank you.

Uh, and all the best...

actually I should say if people do wanna hear us speak German, um, we also recorded

a video for my channel and we did speak a little bit of German in that part.

So maybe people can just go over to my channel and check check that out.

Exactly.

And we talked about entirely different things, and I think it's...

to continue on this subject, you might wanna go over there and check it out.

And I'll leave a link to that uh, well, you'll find it on her YouTube channel.

Okay.

Feli.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

Bye.