Isabel de Galceran: Capítol 4 Isabel de Galceran: Kapitel 4 Isabel de Galceran: Chapter 4 Isabel de Galceran: Capítulo 4

IV

Tots mos esforços per a adormir-me van ésser inútils. All my efforts to fall asleep were futile. En la fosquedat que m'envoltava, jo veia la mà blanquíssima de donya Isabel obrint son secreter, intentant estirar el calaixet i tomant a tancar-lo un cop repensada. In the darkness that surrounded me, I saw Dona Isabel's very white hand opening her secretary, trying to pull out the drawer and trying to close it after thinking twice. Què guardava, allí dins? What was he keeping in there? ¿Què havia pensat revelarme?… ¿Per què sos plans i ses confessions a mitges després? What had he thought of revealing to me?... Why are there plans and half-hearted confessions afterwards? Forçosament era gros el conflicte que passava; gran el sacrifici que feia amb son callament. The conflict that was happening was necessarily big; great was the sacrifice he made with his silence. Jo, l'únic que comprenia aquell cor, l'únic que traslluïa sos sofriments, l'únic del poble que sabia quanta d'amargor no costa una vida privada d'expansió i esclava d'imposicions socials absurdes; jo no podia, no devia permetre que aquell àngel, aquella dama, morís ofegada per sentiments de què tal volta podria lliurar-la. I, the only one who understood that heart, the only one whose sufferings shone through, the only one in the town who knew how much bitterness a private life of expansion and a slave to absurd social impositions does not cost; I couldn't, I shouldn't have allowed that angel, that lady, to die suffocated by feelings from which I might be able to deliver her.

El sol no eixia mai, la nit es feia eterna, i debades m'aixecava a obrir el finestró per sorprendre la primera lluïssor de l'alba. The sun never rose, the night became eternal, and I would get up to open the window to catch the first glimmer of dawn. Un fred de desembre digne de les regions polars havia netejat el cel, sense deixar-hi ni un borrall de núvol. A December cold worthy of the polar regions had cleared the sky, not leaving a single cloud. Les estrelles semblaven ésser a major distància que mai, i la vista humana descobria, darrera les constel·lacions més pròximes, profunditats immensíssimes poblades d'altres estels que encara es veien destacant-se de les immensitats de l'infinit. The stars seemed to be at a greater distance than ever, and the human eye discovered, behind the nearest constellations, immense depths populated by other stars that could still be seen standing out from the immensities of infinity.

Tot estava en suspensió, com mon esperit mateix; i en aquella quietud universal i en aquell fred anorreador, que havia escombrat fins la pols dels objectes per a treure'ls el color de vida, i en aquell pipelleig constant de l'estelada, descobria jo certa analogia amb la buidor que sentia en mon cor i amb el neguit constant de ma pensa. Everything was in suspension, like my spirit itself; and in that universal stillness and in that overwhelming cold, which had swept away the dust from the objects to remove the color of life from them, and in that constant piping of the starlight, I discovered a certain analogy with the emptiness I felt in the world heart and with the constant worry of my mind.

Tan bon punt darejà l'alba, vaig eixir. As soon as dawn broke, I went out. Ningú de la vila no podia veure'm: fins els pagesos dormien encara. No one in the village could see me: even the peasants were still sleeping. Bis carrers, deserts; l'espai, descolorit; la suspensió universal de vida encara seguint. Bis streets, deserts; the space, discolored; the universal suspension of life still following. Desafiant el fred, reprimint el pas per esmorteir el ressò de mes petjades, que esgrunaven la gebrada, vaig arribar a la tàpia que tancava l'hort dels Armengol. Defying the cold, repressing my step to dampen the echo of my footsteps, which crunched the frost, I arrived at the wall that closed the Armengol garden. No anava errat: el balcó del dormitori de donya Isabel revelava ben bé que ella tampoc no havia dormit. He wasn't wrong: the balcony of Dona Isabel's bedroom clearly revealed that she hadn't slept either. Hi havia un finestró mig obert, pel qual es transparentava encara la llum de l'interior, cada segon més esmorteïda per la que venia de sol ixent. There was a half-open window, through which the light from the interior was still transparent, every second more dimmed by that which came from the rising sun. Aquell balcó donava a un cantó de l'hort, i jo el contemplava des de l'extrem oposat. That balcony overlooked a corner of the garden, and I looked at it from the opposite end. La llarga distància em privava de fer cap senya profitosa: calia recórrer tot el voltant de la tàpia, que donava ja a camp obert, fora la vila, per posar-me a bon tret, i vaig resoldre'm a fer-ho. The long distance prevented me from making any profitable signal: it was necessary to go all the way around the wall, which already looked out into the open country, outside the town, to get within easy range, and I resolved to do so.

Vaig collir una pedreta i vaig tirar-la amb encert. I picked up a pebble and threw it successfully. El llum s'apagà; els vidres prengueren la lluïssor blanquinosa i opaca de la llauna; les sinuositats de llur superfície em fingien perfils d'una cara, que no podia pas ésser cap més que la de donya Isabel. The light went out; the glasses took on the whitish and opaque luster of the tin; the sinuosity of their surface pretended to me profiles of a face, which could not be any other than Dona Isabel's. Somric i espero. I smile and wait. El balcó en pes es somou; la tèrbola llum del dia tremola en els vidres; es bada un xic, només un xic; i, quan més el cor i l'alè tenia jo reprimits per l'emoció, sona una escopetada i sento xiular una bala arran d'orella. The weight of the balcony sways; the murky daylight trembles in the panes; it's a little bit, just a little bit; and, when my heart and breath were most suppressed by emotion, a shot rang out and I heard a bullet whistling by my ear.

—-Què has fet, desventurat? —-What have you done, you wretch? —cridà mon pare rebent-me en sos braços a l'instant d'emprendre ma fugida. - cried my father, receiving me in his arms at the moment of my escape. I ambdós ens allunyàrem, camps a través, per sostreure'ns a les mirades del poble, tot deixondit pel tro del tir i per la veu de la campana que cridava a missa primera. And we both moved away, across the fields, to hide from the eyes of the people, all left by the thunder of the shot and the voice of the bell calling for the first mass.

Caïm, sorprès per l'esguard amenaçador de Déu, no degué sofrir impressió major que la meva en veure'm, en ma fugida, de fit a fit el sol, que escalava l'horitzó. Caím, surprised by the menacing look of God, must not have suffered a greater impression than mine when he saw me, in my flight, from point to point the sun, which climbed the horizon.

— Què has fet, desventurat? — What have you done, you wretch? —va dir mon pare.

— Què has fet, desventurat? ¿Què n'has fet, de ta germana? What have you done about your sister? —semblava repetir-me el sol.

I, amb tota la innocència en el cor, m'arborava la vergonya, i el plor del remordiment m'ofegava sense rompre. And, with all the innocence in my heart, shame rose up in me, and the cry of remorse drowned me without breaking.