Isabel de Galceran: Capítol 3 Isabel de Galceran: Chapter 3 Isabel de Galceran: Hoofdstuk 3

III

Abans de conèixer i, millor encara, d'aficionar-me a donya Isabel, cap al tard me n'anava del cafè i emprenia el camí dels molins, defugint tota companyia. Before meeting and, even better, becoming fond of Dona Isabel, I used to leave the cafe towards the end of the day and set out on the way to the mills, avoiding all company. Era la meva hora d'expansió.

Per un costat i altre del camí, corria, entre marges d'herbam sempre remullat i d'atapeïts canyars, aigua encaixonada en peixeres o recs tortuosos. On one side and the other of the path, between banks of grass always soaked and dense reeds, water flowed in fish tanks or tortuous streams. Els arbres i cases de sol ixent destacaven sobre un fons de color de poma que, sense il·luminar-los, clarejava malenconiosament per tots els buits del brancatge i del fullam. The trees and houses stood out in the hot sun against an apple-colored background that, without illuminating them, shone melancholy through all the gaps in the branches and leaves. A sol ponent la terra s'enfosquia emmantellant amb un vel cendrós tot el contorn dels cossos, tot el fons dels camins i corriols, les mateixes siluetes de la vegetació i del caseriu, mentre el cel oferia un aspecte extraordinàriament variat i fantàstic. As the sun set, the earth darkened, enveloping with an ashy veil the entire outline of the bodies, the entire bottom of the paths and lanes, the very silhouettes of the vegetation and the village, while the sky offered an extraordinarily varied and fantastic aspect. Allà presentava un cúmulus que pareixia una muntanya encesa, un volcà sense cràter que es consumia en brases i flam; a un costat cremaven llarguíssimes jàsseres, esteses en l'aire lleument envermellit amb llur resplendor; més amunt el cel prenia el matís semiverdós de l'aigua, i per ell nedaven amb serena impassibilitat peixos immensos de variats colors i formes estranyes. There he presented a cloud that looked like a mountain on fire, a volcano without a crater that was consumed in embers and custard; on one side very long torches burned, stretched out in the air slightly reddened with their glow; higher up the sky took on the semi-green hue of the water, and through it swam with serene impassiveness immense fish of various colors and strange shapes. Escorços d'àngels més blancs que l'escuma, lleons i feres mai no descrites, de pèl daurat i fi com el plomissol, minotaures i figures de mig cos escometent-se en ales del vent, castells esfondrats, perspectives de vistes i poblets amb llurs campanars i torres, nedaven per damunt de mon cap; i jo mirava tot aquell escampall inexplicable de grandeses caigudes i d'éssers increïbles amb un dol intensíssim. Foreshortenings of angels whiter than foam, lions and beasts never described, golden-haired and fine as plumes, minotaurs and half-length figures tossing on wings of the wind, crumbling castles, perspectives of views and villages with their bell towers and towers floated above my head; and I looked at all that inexplicable mass of fallen greatness and incredible beings with intense grief. Les darreres flamarades del sol ponent es desfeien entre la nuvolada que el cobria com una immensa corona de raigs de topazi, i son reflex estampava en els vidres i en el cristall de l'aigua clapes de llum tan desperfilades com enlluernadores. The last flares of the setting sun melted away among the clouds that covered it like an immense crown of topaz rays, and its reflection imprinted on the glass and on the crystal of the water patches of light as sharp as dazzling. Semblava que l'astre del dia no volia deixar son domini sense l'acompanyament grandiós de tota una creació més brillant i inconcebible que la que ens rodeja. It seemed that the star of the day did not want to leave its domain without the grandiose accompaniment of a whole creation more brilliant and inconceivable than the one that surrounds us. Darrera d'ell se n'anava tot el que és llum i alegria, i s'estenia pel món el vel endolat de la nit, cent voltes més negre per a qui havia contemplat, com jo, l'abundor de colors i matisos, de contorns i transparències que hi havia sembrats pel cel. Behind him went all that is light and joy, and spread over the world the dark veil of night, a hundred times blacker for those who had contemplated, like me, the abundance of colors and shades, of contours and transparencies that had been sown by the sky.

Aquell espectacle de colors que, fora d'allí, sols poden trobar-se, i encara esmicats, en les fornals o en els incendis; tot aquell panorama de creacions gegantines, suspeses en l'aire per una atracció inexplicable; la tranquil·litat que prenia la naturalesa a mon entorn; el singloteig endormiscat de l'aigua que corria per les peixeres; el cor universal i monòton que emprenien grills i granotes des de llurs ombrívols caus d'herba; el vol callat de l'ocell que anava a ajocarse; els muls carregats que passaven pel camí sorollant tristes esquelles perquè hom notés llur boirosa presència; cada una d'aquestes coses tenia per a mi una veu que em ressonava al cor com els plors de la mare ressonen en el de son infant. That show of colors that, outside of there, can only be found, and still crumbled, in furnaces or in fires; all that panorama of gigantic creations, suspended in the air by an inexplicable attraction; the tranquility of nature around me; the sleepy hiccup of the water running through the fish tanks; the universal and monotonous chorus of crickets and frogs from their shady burrows in the grass; the silent flight of the bird that was going to roost; the laden mules that passed along the road making sad squeals so that one could notice their foggy presence; each of these things had for me a voice that resonated in my heart as a mother's cries resonate in her infant's. La naturalesa plorava i jo també. Nature was crying and so was I.

Però quan la tristor del meu cor va trobar eco en l'altre ja no vaig pensar en la contemplació de la naturalesa inanimada. But when the sadness of my heart found an echo in the other I no longer thought of the contemplation of inanimate nature. Procurava enllestir de sopar abans que mos pares, i corria a casa donya Isabel. He was trying to finish dinner before we stopped, and ran to Dona Isabel's house. Llavors tenien lloc les confessions íntimes que disfressadament ens fèiem un i altre. Then the intimate confessions that we made to each other in disguise took place.

—Vostè està trista—li deia jo. - You are sad - I told him.

— Per què m'ho diu, això? — Why are you telling me this? — responia ella tot amagant una llàgrima que traïdorament se li escapava cara avall. — she answered while hiding a tear that treacherously slipped down her face.

—És inútil que vulgui amagar-ho. — It's useless for him to want to hide it. ¿No veu que jo, l'enyorança i la tristesa, les conec tant, tant! Can't you see that I, longing and sadness, know them so, so much! — I llavors mos ulls s'humitejaven també. — And then my eyes also moistened.

—Vostè, vostè rai!… I cregui que el compadeixo. - You, you rai!... And think that I pity him. … Però, en fi, vostè no té tampoc tan grans motius: vostè és jove; es troba amb sos pares, que l'estimen molt, a casa seva, en el mateix país on va néixer… Tot l'enyorament de la vida distreta de les grans ciutats desapareixerà així que pugui consagrar l'atenció i el pensament a treballs seriosos que li donaran honra i profit. ... But, in the end, you don't have such great reasons either: you're young; he is with his parents, who love him very much, at home, in the same country where he was born... All longing for the distracted life of the big cities will disappear so that he can devote his attention and thought to serious work that will give him honor and profit. Lo de vostè és un somni de jove.— Yours is a young man's dream.—

Én arribar aquí m'havia dit prou: ni ella en passaria, ni jo podia atrevir-me a demanar-li explicacions més clares de son malestar. By the time I got here, she had told me enough: neither she would go through with it, nor could I dare ask her for clearer explanations of her discomfort. La conducta de don l'alt, i res més, n'havia d'ésserla causa. The behavior of the high priest, and nothing else, had to be the cause. Jo sabia que entre nosaltres no hi havia sinó l'atracció que uneix dos desterrats. I knew that between us there was nothing but the attraction that unites two exiles. Davant del respecte que m'imposaven les virtuts de donya Isabel, constant-me, a més a més, com era de pregon l'afecte que duia a son marit, mai no s'aixecà en mon cor una veu d'amor que no podia néixer sense l'estigma del crim. Faced with the respect that Dona Isabel's virtues commanded me, let me be constant, moreover, how great was the affection she had for her husband, never rose in my heart a voice of love that did not could be born without the stigma of crime.

Un vespre la vaig trobar en el moment de ficar els nens al llit. One evening I found her at the time of putting the children to bed. Vaig intentar quedar-me a la saleta de confiança on altres vetlles l'esperava, tot fullejant algun dels llibres que tenia sempre escampats damunt la taula rodona; però ella s'entestà que l'acompanyés. I tried to stay in the trusted room where I waited for him on other nights, flipping through some of the books that were always scattered on the round table; but she agreed to accompany him.

Vam entrar al dormitori, em va fer seure en una poltrona, i, després d'acomiadar la cambrera, començà a despullar la nena petita, deixant que el nen es despullés tot sol. We entered the bedroom, he made me sit in an armchair, and, after dismissing the waitress, began to undress the little girl, leaving the boy to undress himself.

Era la primera volta que jo entrava en aquell santuari, on cada nit devien baixar àngels a voladúries (com diria un conegut poeta), tant per delectar-se en els somnis puríssims dels dos nens com per aspirar la flaire, encara que agra no menys pura, de les llàgrimes de la mare. It was the first time I had entered that sanctuary, where every night angels must descend in flight (as a well-known poet would say), both to delight in the pure dreams of the two children and to inhale the scent, although it is no less bitter pure, from mother's tears. La prova d'afecte que aquella confiança representava per a mi va omplir-me de tendresa ensems que de cabòries. The proof of affection that this trust represented for me filled me with tenderness as well as with scorn. «Sens dubte que aquell vespre volia donya Isabel confiar-me algun secret greu i seriós. "There is no doubt that Dona Isabel wanted to confide in me some grave and serious secret that evening. Quin seria? Què em proposaria? ¿Em fóra possible ajudar-la, aconhortar-la tan sols?» Confesso que el meu cap es perdia en un mar de dubtes i suposicions complicadíssimes. Would it be possible for me to help her, comfort her alone?" I confess that my head was lost in a sea of doubts and very complicated assumptions.

Els nens van dir les oracions de cada nit, i, amb tant de goig com tendresa, un cop despullats, es tiraren als braços de llur mare a recollir de sos llavis la dolça rosada amb què ella regalava cada vespre aquelles tendres flors. The children said their nightly prayers, and, with as much joy as tenderness, once undressed, threw themselves into their mother's arms to collect from her lips the sweet dew with which she gave those tender flowers every evening. Donya Isabel els abraçà més fortament que mai, i no els deixà al llit sense haver-los omplert de petons expressius, febrosencs, com, malgrat la bogeria que els tenia, potser mai no els havia fet. Dona Isabel hugged them more tightly than ever, and did not leave them in bed without having filled them with expressive, feverish kisses, as, despite the madness she had, perhaps she had never given them before.

Les meves cavil·lacions creixien; el moment s'acostava: havia d'arribar tantost els nens lliuressin el pensament al vol suavíssim del somni. My musings grew; the moment was approaching: it had to arrive as soon as the children freed their thoughts to the softest flight of sleep. Això aconseguit, donya Isabel obrí son secreter, posà la mà en el pom d'un calaixet interior, i, tancant altra volta sense treure'n res, em va demanar que eixíssim cap a la saleta on passàvem totes les vetlles. This accomplished, Dona Isabel opened her secretary, put her hand on the knob of an interior drawer, and, closing it again without taking anything out, asked me to go out to the little room where we spent all our vigils. Ma confusió fou major. —

¿Per què no m'ha deixat quedar aquí com els altres dies i m'ha fet entrar al dormitori? Why didn't he let me stay here like the other days and let me into the bedroom? —vaig preguntar-li amb una rialleta de candorosa malícia. I asked him with a laugh of candor malice.

—Dispensi'm—respongué deixant-se caure en el sofà amb un decaïment tot nou en ella: — tenia por; estic nerviosa, febrosa, fora de mi… — "Dismiss me," she replied, letting herself fall on the sofa with a new decay in her: "I was afraid; I'm nervous, feverish, beside myself... —

I, mossegant-se el mocador, aconseguí d'evitar que se li desnués el plor que l'ofegava. And, biting his handkerchief, he managed to prevent the crying that was choking him from coming out.

Van trucar a la porta. They knocked on the door. Eren mos pares. Donya Isabel els va rebre com sempre : besà a la meva mare amb tendresa, saludà somrient a mon pare, i, amb el posat complaent de cada vespre, obrí la lacada capsa del tresillo i donà més força al llum. Dona Isabel received them as always: she kissed my mother tenderly, greeted my father with a smile, and, with the complacent attitude of every evening, opened the lacquered box of the tresillo and gave more power to the lamp. Tot el desconhort, tota la contorbació d'esperit que m'havia deixat entreveure, els colgà al fons de la seva ànima, i disfressà son aspecte amb el semblant rialler d'un ésser feliç. All the unhappiness, all the confusion of spirit that I had let me glimpse, hung them in the bottom of his soul, and disguised his appearance with the semblance of laughter of a happy being. No m'era pas possible, a mi, fer-ho: les entrecelles contretes, la vista perduda, denunciaven ben bé ma profunda preocupació. It was not possible for me to do it: the contracted eyebrows, the lost sight, well denounced my deep concern.

— Que no prens les teves fitxes? — Why don't you take your chips? —em va dir el pare. - the father said to me.

—Escapci, home! - Escape, man! En què pensa? What do you think about? —afegí donya Isabel dissimulant. - added dona Isabel disguising herself.

I jo anava fent maquinalment el que em deien, regraciant els avisos amb una rialleta de beneit que havia de trair-me més i més. And I was mechanically doing what I was told, thanking the warnings with a blessed laugh that had to betray me more and more. Amb quatre __trumfos__ forts a les mans em vaig creure perdut. With four strong trumps in my hands I thought I was lost.

— Passo— vaig dir. - I pass - I said. I, quan el meu pare els veié damunt la taula, començà a fixar-me la vista amb una mirada plena de reconvencions i sospites, ha meva mare em tocà les mans i em va preguntar si em trobava bé. And, when my father saw them on the table, he began to fix his eyes on me with a look full of recriminations and suspicions, my mother touched my hands and asked me if I was alright. Fins amb ma poca afició pel joc, aquella distracció era en mi inexplicable. Even with my little fondness for the game, that distraction was inexplicable to me. «¡Donar-me així, quan sempre m'havia distingit per la meva temeritat!» "To give me like this, when I had always distinguished myself by my temerity!"

Per sort meva, entrà en aquell moment el metge de la vila, que podria substituir-me amb avantatge i calmar els recels de la mare relatius a ma salut. Luckily for me, the town doctor came in at that moment, who could replace me with advantage and calm my mother's misgivings about my health.

I fou així: li vaig cedir el lloc, que ell acceptà de bon grat, i em vaig retirar a l'escalfapanxes per a lliurar-me a forassenyades meditacions, enfonsat en l'encoixinat d'una esplèndida butaca. And so it was: I gave him the place, which he accepted willingly, and retired to the belly warmer to give myself to strange meditations, sunk into the padding of a splendid armchair. El que vaig discórrer no ho sé: sols recordo que el pensament se m'estimbava i aixecava cada volta més furient, com cavall esfereït i salvatge que debades intentava refrenar. I don't know what I said: I only remember that the thought grew on me and reared up more and more furiously, like a wild and frightened horse that was trying in vain to restrain itself.

La llenya encesa cruixia; els reflexos de les flames llampeguejaven fantàsticament en els retrats i paisatges penjats a les parets; les arracades de la __làmpara__descomponien la llum en refulgències de colors vivíssims; el rellotge quedava endarrerit en comptar les meves pulsacions; i, damunt de tot el que em rodejava, queia una claror suau i resplendent alhora, que mortificava ma tristesa i feia a mos ulls tràgica la fingida alegria de donya Isabel. The burning wood crackled; the reflections of the flames flashed fantastically on the portraits and landscapes hanging on the walls; the earrings of the lamp composed the light in flashes of very vivid colors; the watch was lagging in counting my pulses; and, over everything that surrounded me, fell a soft and resplendent light at the same time, which mortified my sadness and made Dona Isabel's feigned joy tragic in my eyes.

El tresillo anava seguint, salpicat de les eternes discussions que són els ravets i olivetes d'aquest joc. — __Fulano__ no ha tirat a temps la sota de __bastos__, i és una llàstima, perquè la posta era segura. — So-and-so didn't throw the bottom of sticks in time, and it's a shame, because the bet was safe. — Oh! - Oh! vostè havia d'eixir de rei i __arrastrar__. you had to get out of the king and drag. — El joc anava mal combinat. — The game was poorly coordinated. —Ah, si hagués estat a palo curt! —Ah, if only it had been short-handed! — —

Molt més entretingudes eren les lluites que el foc sostenia a mos ulls. Much more entertaining were the fights that the fire held before my eyes. Aquell pujar i baixar de les flames, aquell llepar-se i travessar-se i destruir-se, aquell mudar de colors, del blau al verd, del verd al groc, i després al vermell i al morat, per a enfonsar-se en la negror del fum unes voltes i caure de sobte espalmades damunt de la llenya, escapar-se per sota, endinsar-se en la brasa viva i fugir per la fumera en glopades de llum esblanqueïda coronades d'una constel·lació vibrant de guspires i de cluquejants brasills; era tot un combat d'enjogassats follets, tan ple de vida i de misteri, que aconseguia trencar més d'una volta el discurs de les meves reflexions. That rising and falling of the flames, that licking and crossing and destroying each other, that changing colors, from blue to green, from green to yellow, and then to red and purple, to sink into the blackness of the smoke a few times and suddenly fall sprawling on the wood, escape below, plunge into the live embers, and flee through the smokestack in flashes of white light crowned with a vibrant constellation of sparks and of brazilian clacks; it was a whole combat of playful goblins, so full of life and mystery, that it managed to break the discourse of my reflections more than once.

— I quan ve, don Pau? - And when is he coming, don Pau? —preguntà el metge, tot servint les cartes, una vegada. asked the doctor, serving the cards, once.

— No ho sé del cert, però espero que aviat — respongué donya Isabel. - I don't know for sure, but I hope soon - replied Dona Isabel.

— Sap per qué l'hi pregunto? — Do you know why I'm asking? Perqué com que veig que és a Barcelona i s'acosta Nadal… Why, as I see it's in Barcelona and Christmas is coming...

— Que ho han dit, els diaris, que és a Barcelona?… Jugo. — What did the newspapers say, that it's in Barcelona?... I play.

—No, no ho he vist en cap periòdic; però el carter, que té la seva dona malalta, em deia que vostè havia tingut carta avui. — No, I have not seen it in any newspaper; but the postman, whose wife is sick, told me that you had a letter today. —

Vaig veure que donya Isabel perdia els colors. —

¡És a dir que al correu no s'empatxen per a obrir la correspondència! That is to say that in the mail they do not jam to open the correspondence! — exclamà.

— Res d'això, senyora. — Nothing like that, madam.

—Com diu que juga, si no té res? — How does he say he plays, if he has nothing? —va interrompre el meu pare, interessat en la jugada. — interrupted my father, interested in the game.

— No… sí, és veritat… si passo. … llavors, ¿com saben que el meu marit m'escriu des de Barcelona? ... then, how do they know that my husband is writing to me from Barcelona?

— Molt fàcilment: li coneixen la lletra del sobre i veuen l'estampilla de l'administració de sortida. — Very easily: they know the letter on the envelope and see the stamp of the outgoing administration. —

Donya Isabel es tornà roja: roja de ràbia.—¡Ni la correspondència conjugal pot ser aquí completament reservada! Dona Isabel turned red: red with rage.—Not even conjugal correspondence can be completely reserved here! — pensà.

I el meu pare, fixant-se en mon encaparrament i en les distraccions de la Galceran, començà a lligar caps a la seva manera i a lliurar-se a suposicions i sospites calumnioses. And my father, noticing my hoarding and Galceran's distractions, began to tie heads in his own way and indulge in slanderous assumptions and suspicions. Quan vam eixir de la tertúlia, seguia darrera de la parella que fèiem la meva mare i jo, sense descloure els llavis; i, en acomiadar-se al peu de la meva cambra, no pogué dissimular del tot que es retirava profundament capficat. When we left the gathering, he was still behind the couple my mother and I were making, without parting his lips; and, when he took leave at the foot of my room, he could not entirely conceal that he was retiring in a deep despair.