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George Carlin, George Carlin - Suicide

George Carlin - Suicide

Do you realise, do you realise that right this second, right now, somewhere around the world, some guy is getting ready to kill himself.

Isn't that great? Isn't that great? Do you ever stop and think about that kind of shit? I do. It's fun. And it's interesting and it's true! Right this second, some guy is getting ready to bite the big bazooka. Because statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide. A million. Thats 2800 a day. That's one every thirty seconds. [checks his watch] There goes another guy! And I say guy, because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it. That's something else you gals want to be working on. Well if you wanna be truly equal you're gonna have to start taking your own lives in greater numbers.But I just think it's interesting to know. Interesting – that's a big word in this show for me. Interesting to know that at any moment the odds are good that some guy is dragging a chair across the garage floor, trying to get it right underneath the ceiling beam. Don't want to be too far off center, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Somewhere else another guy is going over and getting a gun out of a dresser drawer. Somebody else is opening up a brand new package of razor blades. Maybe struggling with the cellophane a little bit. Ah shit, it's always something. God damn it! I just think that's interesting as hell. That's probably the most interesting thing you can do with your life – end it! I think I couldn't do it though, could you? I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it. But I understand it, I think I do. I don't wonder about it, I don't wonder why did he do that or what was going through his mind. You know what I wonder? Where do you find the fucking time? Who's got time to be commiting suicide, aren't you busy? I got shit to do. Suicide would be way down on my list. Probably dpwn past lighting my own house on fire. I might want to try a little self-mutilation first, take a couple of hunks out of my arm, see if I like the general idea. Because you have got to have priorities. You have got to have a plan too, you have got to plan that shit. People don't just run out a house and jump off a bridge. There are things you have to decide. Timing is important. When you are going to do it? Well, let me see now. Wednesday is out – gotta take Timmy to the circus. Survival's on on Thursday. Friday I've got my colon cleansing. Folks are coming over on Sunday. Sunday… My god that would be just a thing, maybe Mumma will find my body, will serve her right for fucking me up the way she did. Then you have to pick a method. How are you going to do it? Well, let me see now, afraid of heights – that's no good, can't swallow pills, don't like the sight of blood, fucking oven's electric, I'd lie down in front of a train except the damn thing hasn't come through here in thirty god-damn years. Maybe I'll just take a gun and shoot myself in the mouth. Suppose I miss. People would be laughing at me. Suppose I live – I have big fucking hole in my head. I have to wear some kind of a dumb-ass hat. Well… I guess I can always hang myself, that would good. Have to get a rope, shit, it's always something. I've got a rope in the garage… Nah, it has got a lot of grease and paint on it, don't want to get that stuff on my neck. Walmart is having a special on ropes this weekend. No sense to spend a lot of money on killing myself. Then again I can always put it on my credit card and never going to have to pay the fucking thing. That's it then, I'm hanging myself and Walmart's paying for it. What's next? A note. Oh jesus. Have to express myself. Hell, if I could express myself, I wouldn't be thinking on doing something like this. Where's the pen? You never find a pen. Told the kids not to move the pen away from that telephone. God damn kids…Why don't I just kill them too? Make it one of them family package deals. Ah, here's a pen. Why don't I just jam it in my fucking neck and get it over with? Let's see now, where do you put the date? Upper left? I can never remember that. “To whom it may concern…” Ah, sounds kind of impersonal. “Dear Marcelle..”, ah, leaves out the kids. I know! “Hey guys, guess what! Keep on reading! How are you, I hope you are fine. I am not fine! As you can no doubt tell from me hanging down the ceiling fixture. You are the ones who drove me to this. I was doing just fine until you fuckers came along. I hope you're happy now that I'm god-damn dead. Signed: the corpse in this room. PS: Fuck you people!” That would be a good note. I don't think a writer could ever commit suicide, do you? A writer would be too busy on working on the note the whole God damn year. Trying to get it just right. First draft, second draft, third revision, whole new ending, finally would turn into a book proposal and have a reason to live. That wouldn't work.I think about stuff like that. It's interesting to be, like I said. Certain things are interesting. Suicide's interesting. Life is filled with interesting things. That's why I could never commit suicide – I'm having too much fun keeping an eye on you folks. Watching what you do.Human behaviour – that's what I like

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George Carlin - Suicide ||자살 George Carlin - Selbstmord George Carlin - Suicidio George Carlin - Suicide ジョージ・カーリン - 自殺 조지 칼린 - 자살 George'as Carlinas - Savižudybė George Carlin - Samobójstwo George Carlin - Suicídio Джордж Карлин - Самоубийство George Carlin - İntihar Джордж Карлін - Самогубство 乔治·卡林 - 自杀 喬治卡林 - 自殺

Do you realise, do you realise that right this second, right now, somewhere around the world, some guy is getting ready to kill himself. Do you realise, do you realise that right this second, right now, somewhere around the world, some guy is getting ready to kill himself. ¿Te das cuenta, te das cuenta de que en este mismo segundo, ahora mismo, en algún lugar del mundo, un tipo se está preparando para suicidarse? 지금 이 순간, 전 세계 어딘가에서 어떤 사람이 자살을 준비하고 있다는 사실을 알고 계십니까? Ты понимаешь, ты понимаешь, что прямо в эту секунду, прямо сейчас, где-то в мире, какой-то парень готовится покончить с собой.

Isn’t that great? 멋지지 않나요? Разве это не здорово? Isn’t that great? Do you ever stop and think about that kind of shit? 그런 생각을 해본 적 있나요? Вы когда-нибудь останавливались и думали о таком дерьме? I do. It’s fun. Это весело. And it’s interesting and it’s true! И это интересно, и это правда! Right this second, some guy is getting ready to bite the big bazooka. |||||||||물다|||대포 지금 이 순간에도 어떤 남자가 큰 바주카포를 물 준비를 하고 있습니다. Op dit moment maakt een man zich klaar om in de grote bazooka te bijten. Прямо в эту секунду какой-то парень готовится укусить большую базуку. Прямо в цю секунду якийсь хлопець готується розкусити велику базуку. Because statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide. Because statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide. A million. Thats 2800 a day. Это 2800 в день. That’s one every thirty seconds. 이는 30초에 한 번씩 발생하는 수치입니다. Это один каждые тридцать секунд. [checks his watch] There goes another guy! [시계를 확인합니다] 저기 한 놈이 간다! [смотрит на часы] Вот еще один парень! And I say guy, because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. И я говорю «парень», потому что мужчины в четыре раза чаще, чем женщины, совершают самоубийство, даже несмотря на то, что женщины чаще пытаются это сделать. І я кажу хлопець, тому що чоловіки в чотири рази частіше, ніж жінки, вчиняють самогубство, хоча жінки намагаються це робити частіше. So men are better at it. Так что мужчинам лучше. That’s something else you gals want to be working on. ||||여자들||||| 여러분도 그런 일을 하고 싶을 것입니다. Это еще кое-что, над чем вы, девочки, хотите поработать. Well if you wanna be truly equal you’re gonna have to start taking your own lives in greater numbers.But I just think it’s interesting to know. Ну, если вы хотите быть по-настоящему равными, вам придется начать лишать себя жизни в большем количестве. Interesting – that’s a big word in this show for me. Interesting to know that at any moment the odds are good that some guy is dragging a chair across the garage floor, trying to get it right underneath the ceiling beam. |||||||||||||||끌고 있는||||||||||||||| 흥미로운 점은 어느 순간 어떤 남자가 차고 바닥을 가로질러 의자를 끌고 천장 기둥 바로 밑에 놓으려고 할 확률이 높다는 사실입니다. Интересно знать, что в любой момент велика вероятность того, что какой-то парень тащит стул по полу гаража, пытаясь подставить его прямо под потолочную балку. Цікаво знати, що в будь-який момент висока ймовірність того, що якийсь хлопець буде тягнути стілець по підлозі гаража, намагаючись засунути його прямо під балку стелі. Don’t want to be too far off center, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Somewhere else another guy is going over and getting a gun out of a dresser drawer. |||||||||||||어디선가|서랍장| Somebody else is opening up a brand new package of razor blades. ||||||브랜드||포장||| Maybe struggling with the cellophane a little bit. ||||셀로판지||| Может быть, немного борется с целлофаном. Ah shit, it’s always something. God damn it! I just think that’s interesting as hell. That’s probably the most interesting thing you can do with your life – end it! I think I couldn’t do it though, could you? Думаю, я бы не смог этого сделать, а вы? I couldn’t commit suicide if my life depended on it. But I understand it, I think I do. I don’t wonder about it, I don’t wonder why did he do that or what was going through his mind. You know what I wonder? Where do you find the fucking time? Who’s got time to be commiting suicide, aren’t you busy? |||||자살하는|||| I got shit to do. У меня есть дела. Suicide would be way down on my list. Самоубийство было бы намного ниже в моем списке. Probably dpwn past lighting my own house on fire. |불을 지른||조명||||| Вероятно, я не успел поджечь свой собственный дом. I might want to try a little self-mutilation first, take a couple of hunks out of my arm, see if I like the general idea. ||||||||자기 절단||||||조각||||||||||| Ik wil misschien eerst een beetje zelfverminking proberen, een paar brokken uit mijn arm halen, kijken of het algemene idee me bevalt. Можливо, я захочу спершу спробувати трохи самокалічитись, витягти пару шматків зі своєї руки, перевірити, чи сподобається мені загальна ідея. Because you have got to have priorities. ||||||우선순위 You have got to have a plan too, you have got to plan that shit. People don’t just run out a house and jump off a bridge. There are things you have to decide. Timing is important. 타이밍|| Час важливий. When you are going to do it? Well, let me see now. Wednesday is out – gotta take Timmy to the circus. |||||팀미|||서커스 Survival’s on on Thursday. 생존의||| Выживание начинается в четверг. Виживання в четвер. Friday I’ve got my colon cleansing. ||||대장|세척 В пятницу у меня очищение кишечника. У п'ятницю у мене очищення товстої кишки. Folks are coming over on Sunday. Люди приїдуть у неділю. Sunday… My god that would be just a thing, maybe Mumma will find my body, will serve her right for fucking me up the way she did. ||||||||||엄마|||||||||||||||| Воскресенье... Боже мой, это было бы просто замечательно, может быть, мама найдет мое тело, и это сослужит ей хорошую службу за то, что она так меня поимела. Then you have to pick a method. How are you going to do it? Well, let me see now, afraid of heights – that’s no good, can’t swallow pills, don’t like the sight of blood, fucking oven’s electric, I’d lie down in front of a train except the damn thing hasn’t come through here in thirty god-damn years. |||||||높이|||||삼키다|약들||||||||오븐의|||||||||||||||||||||| Ну, дайте мені зрозуміти, боїться висоти – це не годиться, не можу ковтати таблетки, не люблю бачити кров, довбана піч електрична, я б ліг перед потягом, якби ця чортова штука не не пройти сюди за тридцять клятих років. Maybe I’ll just take a gun and shoot myself in the mouth. Suppose I miss. Предположим, я промахнусь. People would be laughing at me. Suppose I live – I have big fucking hole in my head. I have to wear some kind of a dumb-ass hat. Well… I guess I can always hang myself, that would good. Have to get a rope, shit, it’s always something. I’ve got a rope in the garage… Nah, it has got a lot of grease and paint on it, don’t want to get that stuff on my neck. У мене в гаражі є мотузка… Ні, на ній багато жиру та фарби, я не хочу, щоб ці речі мені на шию. Walmart is having a special on ropes this weekend. No sense to spend a lot of money on killing myself. Then again I can always put it on my credit card and never going to have to pay the fucking thing. That’s it then, I’m hanging myself and Walmart’s paying for it. What’s next? A note. Oh jesus. Have to express myself. Hell, if I could express myself, I wouldn’t be thinking on doing something like this. Where’s the pen? You never find a pen. Ви ніколи не знайдете ручку. Told the kids not to move the pen away from that telephone. God damn kids…Why don’t I just kill them too? Make it one of them family package deals. Ah, here’s a pen. Why don’t I just jam it in my fucking neck and get it over with? Почему бы мне просто не воткнуть его себе в шею и не покончить с этим? Чому б мені просто не встромити його собі в довбану шию і не покінчити з цим? Let’s see now, where do you put the date? Upper left? I can never remember that. “To whom it may concern…” Ah, sounds kind of impersonal. «Для кого це стосується…» Ах, звучить якось безособово. “Dear Marcelle..”, ah, leaves out the kids. «Дорога Марселл...», ах, не враховуючи дітей. I know! “Hey guys, guess what! Keep on reading! How are you, I hope you are fine. I am not fine! As you can no doubt tell from me hanging down the ceiling fixture. Як ви, безсумнівно, можете сказати з мого світильника, що висить на стелі. You are the ones who drove me to this. I was doing just fine until you fuckers came along. У мене все було чудово, поки ви, лохи, не прийшли. I hope you’re happy now that I’m god-damn dead. Signed: the corpse in this room. PS: Fuck you people!” That would be a good note. PS: До біса, люди!» Це було б гарним зауваженням. I don’t think a writer could ever commit suicide, do you? A writer would be too busy on working on the note the whole God damn year. Trying to get it just right. First draft, second draft, third revision, whole new ending, finally would turn into a book proposal and have a reason to live. Перша чернетка, друга чернетка, третя редакція, цілковито новий кінець, нарешті перетвориться на книжкову пропозицію та матиме причину жити. That wouldn’t work.I think about stuff like that. It’s interesting to be, like I said. Certain things are interesting. Suicide’s interesting. Life is filled with interesting things. That’s why I could never commit suicide – I’m having too much fun keeping an eye on you folks. Watching what you do.Human behaviour – that’s what I like