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George Carlin, George Carlin - Euphemisms

George Carlin - Euphemisms

I don't like words that hide the truth.

I don't words that conceal reality. I don't like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. And American English is loaded with euphemisms. Cause Americans have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. Americans have trouble facing the truth, so they invent the kind of a soft language to protest themselves from it, and it gets worse with every generation. For some reason, it just keeps getting worse. I'll give you an example of that. There's a condition in combat. Most people know about it. It's when a fighting person's nervous system has been stressed to it's absolute peak and maximum. Can't take anymore input. The nervous system has either (click) snapped or is about to snap. In the first world war, that condition was called shell shock . Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables, shell shock . Almost sounds like the guns themselves. That was seventy years ago. Then a whole generation went by and the second world war came along and very same combat condition was called battle fatigue . Four syllables now. Takes a little longer to say. Doesn't seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a nicer word than shock. Shell shock! Battle fatigue. Then we had the war in Korea, 1950. Madison avenue was riding high by that time, and the very same combat condition was called operational exhaustion. Hey, were up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been squeezed completely out of the phrase. It's totally sterile now. Operational exhaustion. Sounds like something that might happen to your car. Then of course, came the war in Viet Nam, which has only been over for about sixteen or seventeen years, and thanks to the lies and deceits surrounding that war, I guess it's no surprise that the very same condition was called post-traumatic stress disorder. Still eight syllables, but we've added a hyphen! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I'll bet you if we'd of still been calling it shell shock, some of those Viet Nam veterans might have gotten the attention they needed at the time. I'll betcha. I'll betcha. But.

But, it didn't happen, and one of the reasons. One of the reasons is because we were using that soft language. That language that takes the life out of life. And it is a function of time. It does keep getting worse. I'll give you another example. Sometime during my life. Sometime during my life, toilet paper became bathroom tissue. I wasn't notified of this. No one asked me if I agreed with it. It just happened. Toilet paper became bathroom tissue. Sneakers became running shoes. False teeth became dental appliances. Medicine became medication. Information became directory assistance. The dump became the landfill. Car crashes became automobile accidents. Partly cloudy bacame partly sunny. Motels became motor lodges. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became previously owned transportation. Room service became guest-room dining. And constipation became occasional irregularity. When I was a little kid, if I got sick they wanted me to go to the hospital and see a doctor. Now they want me to go to a health maintenance organization...or a wellness center to consult a healthcare delivery professional. Poor people used to live in slums. Now the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner cities. And they're broke! They're broke! They don't have a negative cash-flow position. They're fucking broke! Cause a lot of them were fired. You know, fired. management wanted to curtail redundancies in the human resources area, so many people are no longer viable members of the workforce. Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins.

It's as simple as that. The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore, they neutralize people...or they depopulate the area. The government doesn't lie, it engages in disinformation. The pentagon actually measures nuclear radiation in something they call sunshine units. Israeli murderers are called commandos. Arab commandos are called terrorists. Contra killers are called freedom fighters. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part of it to us, do they? Never mention that part of it. And...and some of this stuff is just silly, we all know that, like on the airlines, they say want to pre- board.

Well, what the hell is pre-board, what does that mean? To get on before you get on? They say they're going to pre-board those passengers in need of special assistance. Cripples! Simple honest direct language. There is no shame attached to the word cripple that I can find in any dictionary. No shame attached to it, in fact it's a word used in bible translations. Jesus healed the cripples. Doesn't take seven words to describe that condition. But we don't have any cripples in this country anymore. We have The physically challenged . Is that a grotesque enough evasion for you? How about differently abled . I've heard them called that. Differently abled! You can't even call these people handicapped anymore. They'll say, "Were not handicapped. Were handicapable!" These poor people have been bullshitted by the system into believing that if you change the name of the condition, somehow you'll change the condition. Well, hey cousin, ppsssspptttttt. Doesn't happen. Doesn't happen. We have no more deaf people in this country, hearing impaired.

No ones blind anymore, partially sighted or visually impaired. We have no more stupid people. Everyone has a learning disorder...or he's minimally exceptional. How would you like to be told that about your child? "He's minimally exceptional." "Oohh, thank god for that." Psychologists actually have started calling ugly people, those with severe appearance deficits. It's getting so bad, that any day now I expect to hear a rape victim referred to as an unwilling sperm recipient. And we have no more old people in this country.

No more old people. We shipped them all away, and we brought in these senior citizens . Isn't that a typically American twentieth century phrase? Bloodless, lifeless, no pulse in one of them. A senior citizen . But I've accepted that one, I've come to terms with it. I know it's to stay. We'll never get rid of it. That's what they're going to be called, so I'll relax on that, but the one I do resist. The one I keep resisting is when they look at an old guy and they'll say, "Look at him Dan! He's ninety years young." Imagine the fear of aging that reveals. To not even be able to use the word "old" to describe somebody. To have to use an antonym. And fear of aging is natural. It's universal. Isn't it? We all have that. No one wants to get old. No one wants to die, but we do! So we bullshit ourselves. I started bullshitting myself when I got to my forties. As soon as I got into my forties I'd look in the mirror and I'd say, "well, I...I guess I'm getting...older." Older sounds a little better than old doesn't it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. Bullshit, I'm getting old! And it's okay, because thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won't have to die...I'll pass away. Or I'll expire like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they'll call it a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. I'm telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill.


George Carlin - Euphemisms George Carlin - Euphemismen ジョージ・カーリン - 婉曲表現 George Carlin - Eufemismos George Carlin - Euphemisms Джордж Карлін - Евфемізми 乔治·卡林 - 委婉语

I don’t like words that hide the truth. Ich mag keine Worte, die die Wahrheit verbergen.

I don’t words that conceal reality. I don’t like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. Ich mag keine Euphemismen oder euphemistische Sprache. And American English is loaded with euphemisms. Und amerikanisches Englisch ist voller Euphemismen. Cause Americans have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. Denn die Amerikaner haben große Probleme, mit der Realität umzugehen. Americans have trouble facing the truth, so they invent the kind of a soft language to protest themselves from it, and it gets worse with every generation. Amerikaner haben Probleme, der Wahrheit ins Gesicht zu sehen, also erfinden sie eine sanfte Sprache, um sich dagegen zu wehren, und es wird mit jeder Generation schlimmer. For some reason, it just keeps getting worse. Aus irgendeinem Grund wird es immer schlimmer. I’ll give you an example of that. Ich gebe Ihnen ein Beispiel dafür. There’s a condition in combat. Es gibt eine Bedingung im Kampf. Most people know about it. Die meisten Leute wissen davon. It’s when a fighting person’s nervous system has been stressed to it’s absolute peak and maximum. Es ist, wenn das Nervensystem einer kämpfenden Person bis zu seinem absoluten Höhepunkt und Maximum belastet wurde. Can’t take anymore input. Kann keine Eingaben mehr annehmen. The nervous system has either (click) snapped or is about to snap. Das Nervensystem ist entweder (klick) gerissen oder steht kurz davor zu brechen. Нервова система або (клацання) лопнула, або ось-ось лопне. In the first world war, that condition was called shell shock . Im Ersten Weltkrieg wurde dieser Zustand Granatenschock genannt. У Першій світовій війні такий стан називали артударом. Simple, honest, direct language. Einfache, ehrliche, direkte Sprache. Two syllables, shell shock . Zwei Silben, Muschelschock . Два склади, контузій. Almost sounds like the guns themselves. Klingt fast wie die Waffen selbst. That was seventy years ago. Das war vor siebzig Jahren. Then a whole generation went by and the second world war came along and very same combat condition was called battle fatigue . Four syllables now. Takes a little longer to say. Doesn’t seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a nicer word than shock. Втома — приємніше слово, ніж шок. Shell shock! Battle fatigue. Then we had the war in Korea, 1950. Madison avenue was riding high by that time, and the very same combat condition was called operational exhaustion. خیابان مدیسون در آن زمان بالا بود و همان شرایط جنگی ، خستگی عملیاتی نام داشت. Медісон-авеню на той час набирала обертів, і той самий бойовий стан називався оперативним виснаженням. Hey, were up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been squeezed completely out of the phrase. It’s totally sterile now. اکنون کاملاً عقیم است. Operational exhaustion. Sounds like something that might happen to your car. Then of course, came the war in Viet Nam, which has only been over for about sixteen or seventeen years, and thanks to the lies and deceits surrounding that war, I guess it’s no surprise that the very same condition was called post-traumatic stress disorder. Потім, звісно, почалася війна у В’єтнамі, яка закінчилася лише шістнадцять-сімнадцять років тому, і завдяки брехні та обману навколо цієї війни, я думаю, не дивно, що той самий стан назвали посттравматичним стресом розлад. Still eight syllables, but we’ve added a hyphen! Все ще вісім складів, але ми додали дефіс! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I’ll bet you if we’d of still been calling it shell shock, some of those Viet Nam veterans might have gotten the attention they needed at the time. I’ll betcha. Ik wed dat. I’ll betcha. Б'юся об заклад. But.

But, it didn’t happen, and one of the reasons. One of the reasons is because we were using that soft language. That language that takes the life out of life. And it is a function of time. It does keep getting worse. I’ll give you another example. Sometime during my life. Sometime during my life, toilet paper became bathroom tissue. Колись у моєму житті туалетний папір став серветкою для ванної кімнати. I wasn’t notified of this. No one asked me if I agreed with it. It just happened. Toilet paper became bathroom tissue. Sneakers became running shoes. False teeth became dental appliances. Вставні зуби стали стоматологічними апаратами. Medicine became medication. Information became directory assistance. Informatie werd directory-assistentie. The dump became the landfill. زباله دفن زباله شد. Звалище стало звалищем. Car crashes became automobile accidents. Partly cloudy bacame partly sunny. Motels became motor lodges. Мотелі стали автолоджами. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became previously owned transportation. Room service became guest-room dining. And constipation became occasional irregularity. І запори стали періодичними нерегулярностями. When I was a little kid, if I got sick they wanted me to go to the hospital and see a doctor. Now they want me to go to a health maintenance organization...or a wellness center to consult a healthcare delivery professional. Poor people used to live in slums. Раніше бідні люди жили в нетрях. Now the economically disadvantaged occupy substandard housing in the inner cities. Зараз економічно знедолені люди займають нестандартне житло у центрі міст. And they’re broke! They’re broke! They don’t have a negative cash-flow position. They’re fucking broke! Вони розбиті! Cause a lot of them were fired. You know, fired. management wanted to curtail redundancies in the human resources area, so many people are no longer viable members of the workforce. het management wilde ontslagen op het gebied van personeelszaken beperken, dus veel mensen zijn niet langer levensvatbare leden van het personeelsbestand. керівництво хотіло скоротити звільнення у сфері людських ресурсів, тому багато людей більше не є життєздатними членами робочої сили. Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. افراد سفیدپوست راضی ، حریص و خوش خوراک برای پنهان کردن گناهان خود زبانی اختراع کرده اند. Самовдоволені, жадібні, ситі білі люди винайшли мову, щоб приховати свої гріхи.

It’s as simple as that. The CIA doesn’t kill anybody anymore, they neutralize people...or they depopulate the area. ЦРУ більше нікого не вбиває, вони нейтралізують людей... або знищують територію. The government doesn’t lie, it engages in disinformation. De regering liegt niet, ze houdt zich bezig met desinformatie. The pentagon actually measures nuclear radiation in something they call sunshine units. Пентагон насправді вимірює ядерне випромінювання в так званих одиницях сонячного світла. Israeli murderers are called commandos. Arab commandos are called terrorists. Contra killers are called freedom fighters. Контракілерів називають борцями за свободу. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part of it to us, do they? Never mention that part of it. And...and some of this stuff is just silly, we all know that, like on the airlines, they say want to pre- board.

Well, what the hell is pre-board, what does that mean? To get on before you get on? They say they’re going to pre-board those passengers in need of special assistance. Вони кажуть, що збираються попередньо посадити тих пасажирів, які потребують спеціальної допомоги. Cripples! Каліки! Simple honest direct language. There is no shame attached to the word cripple that I can find in any dictionary. No shame attached to it, in fact it’s a word used in bible translations. Jesus healed the cripples. Doesn’t take seven words to describe that condition. But we don’t have any cripples in this country anymore. We have The physically challenged . У нас є люди з обмеженими фізичними можливостями. Is that a grotesque enough evasion for you? آیا این یک گریز ناپذیر کافی برای شما است؟ Для вас це достатньо гротескне ухилення? How about differently abled . I’ve heard them called that. Differently abled! You can’t even call these people handicapped anymore. They’ll say, "Were not handicapped. Were handicapable!" Waren gehandicapt! " Були інвалідами!» These poor people have been bullshitted by the system into believing that if you change the name of the condition, somehow you’ll change the condition. Well, hey cousin, ppsssspptttttt. Doesn’t happen. Doesn’t happen. Не буває. We have no more deaf people in this country, hearing impaired. У нас в країні більше немає глухих, людей з вадами слуху.

No ones blind anymore, partially sighted or visually impaired. We have no more stupid people. Everyone has a learning disorder...or he’s minimally exceptional. How would you like to be told that about your child? "He’s minimally exceptional." «Він мінімально винятковий». "Oohh, thank god for that." Psychologists actually have started calling ugly people, those with severe appearance deficits. Психологи фактично почали називати потворними людей, людей із серйозними недоліками зовнішності. It’s getting so bad, that any day now I expect to hear a rape victim referred to as an unwilling sperm recipient. Стає настільки погано, що я чекаю щодня почути, як жертву зґвалтування називають небажаним одержувачем сперми. And we have no more old people in this country.

No more old people. We shipped them all away, and we brought in these senior citizens . Ми вивезли їх усіх і привезли цих людей похилого віку. Isn’t that a typically American twentieth century phrase? Bloodless, lifeless, no pulse in one of them. Без крові, без життя, в одному з них немає пульсу. A senior citizen . But I’ve accepted that one, I’ve come to terms with it. I know it’s to stay. We’ll never get rid of it. That’s what they’re going to be called, so I’ll relax on that, but the one I do resist. The one I keep resisting is when they look at an old guy and they’ll say, "Look at him Dan! He’s ninety years young." Йому дев'яносто років». Imagine the fear of aging that reveals. To not even be able to use the word "old" to describe somebody. To have to use an antonym. Een antoniem moeten gebruiken. And fear of aging is natural. It’s universal. Isn’t it? We all have that. No one wants to get old. No one wants to die, but we do! So we bullshit ourselves. I started bullshitting myself when I got to my forties. Ik begon mezelf te bullshiten toen ik in de veertig was. As soon as I got into my forties I’d look in the mirror and I’d say, "well, I...I guess I’m getting...older." Older sounds a little better than old doesn’t it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. Bullshit, I’m getting old! And it’s okay, because thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won’t have to die...I’ll pass away. І це нормально, тому що завдяки нашому страху смерті в цій країні мені не доведеться помирати... Я помру. Or I’ll expire like a magazine subscription. Або я закінчуся, як підписка на журнал. If it happens in the hospital, they’ll call it a terminal episode. Якщо це станеться в лікарні, вони назвуть це термінальним епізодом. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient-care outcome. And if it’s the result of malpractice, they’ll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. І якщо це результат недбалості, вони скажуть, що це була терапевтична помилка. I’m telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill. Змушує мене брати участь у мимовільному особистому розливі білка.