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Positive Psychiatry, 1.15 (V) Tina's Story - Part 1

1.15 (V) Tina's Story - Part 1

I was like any kid. There were things that made me happy- like dancing and watching Inspector Gadget. And things that made me sad, like having to go to bed at 7:30 and being made to eat gross food. Things started to change for me when I was 13, I began to feel an overwhelming sadness like nothing I had felt before and it frightened me. Nobody could see my sadness and it became my private nightmare. At the age of 13, I started to wonder if the only way out was to die. I carried my invisible sadness through much of my high school years. I also started to privately struggle with social situations. My eyes saw a world filled with people who judged me as inferior and unworthy, and I agreed with them. I immersed myself deeply in my studies trying to completely fill my brain with facts and ideas so there would be no room left in my brain for awful thoughts and feelings. There were signs that I was not coping, but nobody responded to them. I was seen as successful winning awards in competitions, taking on leadership roles, maybe it was assumed that this success went hand-in-hand with feeling happy and self-assured. I got into law and while I was at university I got to know my brain pretty well. I could tell when things were starting to go downhill and I would fight my sadness with busyness. I knew that I needed to fight this sadness when it first reared its ugly head because otherwise I'd end up completely overwhelmed, and then I would lose the will to fight. By the time I reached the end of my law degree, I was barely holding it together and I had to ask, "Am I going to be able to hold it together in such a stressful career?" I loved my studies in law but it felt like being a lawyer would be like putting my life on the line. I had always wanted to be a teacher, so the decision was not too painful. I completed a diploma of education and entered the workforce full of enthusiasm and energy. Instead of becoming a lawyer who worked all day and struggled to reach the high standards of my superiors, I became a high school teacher who worked all day and struggled to reach the imaginary standards of my principal, headteacher, colleagues, students and parents. Inside, my mind was fracturing and things escalated out of control. I would secretly work all night marking and preparing lessons. I would work in my classroom through my breaks to avoid socializing in the staffroom. I took on more and more responsibilities- mock trial and debating teams, sports teams, theatrical productions, co-authoring two textbooks. When I did my marking, my comments were longer than the students essays. Somehow I also managed to do some things for myself, for my well-being. I would go for walks and would knock off on the weekend at 8:00 pm to go to see a band or a movie even if I didn't want to but always by myself. I was on the right track, but it was not enough. I completely lost the battle and I ended up in hospital.


1.15 (V) Tina's Story - Part 1 1.15 (V) Tinas Geschichte - Teil 1 1.15 (V) Tinos istorija. 1 dalis 1.15 (V) Tina'nın Hikayesi - Bölüm 1 1.15 (V) 蒂娜的故事 - 第 1 部分

I was like any kid. 私は他の子供のようでした。 Tôi cũng giống như bất kỳ đứa trẻ nào. There were things that made me happy- like dancing and watching Inspector Gadget. ダンスをしたり、ガジェット警部を見たりするなど、私を幸せにしたことがありました。 Có những thứ khiến tôi hạnh phúc - như khiêu vũ và xem Thanh tra Gadget. And things that made me sad, like having to go to bed at 7:30 and being made to eat gross food. Und Dinge, die mich traurig machten, wie um 7:30 Uhr ins Bett gehen zu müssen und ekelhaftes Essen zu essen. そして、7時半に寝なければならないことや、粗末な食べ物を食べさせられることなど、私を悲しませたもの。 Và những điều khiến tôi buồn, chẳng hạn như phải đi ngủ lúc 7:30 và bị bắt ăn thức ăn thô. Things started to change for me when I was 13, I began to feel an overwhelming sadness like nothing I had felt before and it frightened me. 13歳の時から状況が変わり始め、今まで感じたことのないような圧倒的な悲しみを感じ始め、怖くなりました。 Nobody could see my sadness and it became my private nightmare. 誰も私の悲しみを見ることができず、それは私の私的な悪夢になりました。 At the age of 13, I started to wonder if the only way out was to die. Im Alter von 13 Jahren begann ich mich zu fragen, ob der einzige Ausweg der Tod wäre. 13歳の時、私は死ぬしか方法がないのだろうかと思い始めました。 I carried my invisible sadness through much of my high school years. Ich trug meine unsichtbare Traurigkeit durch einen Großteil meiner Highschool-Jahre. 私は高校時代の多くを通して目に見えない悲しみを運びました。 I also started to privately struggle with social situations. Auch privat fing ich an, mit sozialen Situationen zu kämpfen. 私はまた、社会的状況と個人的に闘い始めました。 My eyes saw a world filled with people who judged me as inferior and unworthy, and I agreed with them. Meine Augen sahen eine Welt voller Menschen, die mich als minderwertig und unwürdig beurteilten, und ich stimmte ihnen zu. 私の目は、私を劣っていて価値がないと判断した人々でいっぱいの世界を見て、私は彼らに同意しました。 I immersed myself deeply in my studies trying to completely fill my brain with facts and ideas so there would be no room left in my brain for awful thoughts and feelings. Ich tauchte tief in meine Studien ein und versuchte, mein Gehirn vollständig mit Fakten und Ideen zu füllen, damit in meinem Gehirn kein Platz mehr für schreckliche Gedanken und Gefühle blieb. 私は自分の脳を事実やアイデアで完全に満たそうとして研究に深く没頭し、ひどい考えや感情のために脳に余地が残らないようにしました。 There were signs that I was not coping, but nobody responded to them. Es gab Anzeichen dafür, dass ich nicht damit zurechtkam, aber niemand reagierte darauf. 私が対処していない兆候がありましたが、誰もそれに反応しませんでした。 I was seen as successful winning awards in competitions, taking on leadership roles, maybe it was assumed that this success went hand-in-hand with feeling happy and self-assured. Ich wurde als erfolgreicher Gewinner von Wettbewerben gesehen, übernahm Führungsrollen, vielleicht wurde angenommen, dass dieser Erfolg mit Glück und Selbstbewusstsein einhergeht. 私は大会で成功した賞を受賞し、リーダーシップの役割を果たしていると見なされていました。おそらく、この成功は幸せと自信を持って密接に関係していると考えられていました。 I got into law and while I was at university I got to know my brain pretty well. Ich habe Jura studiert und während des Studiums mein Gehirn ziemlich gut kennengelernt. 私は法律を制定し、大学在学中に自分の脳をかなりよく知るようになりました。 I could tell when things were starting to go downhill and I would fight my sadness with busyness. 物事が下り坂になり始めた時期がわかり、忙しく悲しみと戦うことになりました。 I knew that I needed to fight this sadness when it first reared its ugly head because otherwise I'd end up completely overwhelmed, and then I would lose the will to fight. Ich wusste, dass ich gegen diese Traurigkeit ankämpfen musste, als sie zum ersten Mal ihren hässlichen Kopf erhob, weil ich sonst völlig überwältigt wäre und dann den Willen zum Kämpfen verlieren würde. この悲しみが最初に醜い頭を抱えたとき、私はこの悲しみと戦う必要があることを知っていました。そうしないと、私は完全に圧倒されてしまい、戦う意欲を失うことになります。 By the time I reached the end of my law degree, I was barely holding it together and I had to ask, "Am I going to be able to hold it together in such a stressful career?" Als ich das Ende meines Jurastudiums erreicht hatte, hielt ich mich kaum noch zusammen und musste mich fragen: "Werde ich in einer so stressigen Karriere in der Lage sein, mich zusammenzuhalten?" 法学位を取得する頃には、かろうじて抱き合っていたので、「こんなにストレスの多いキャリアで一緒にできるのか」と聞かなければなりませんでした。 I loved my studies in law but it felt like being a lawyer would be like putting my life on the line. Ich liebte mein Jurastudium, aber es fühlte sich an, als würde Anwalt sein, als würde ich mein Leben aufs Spiel setzen. 私は法学の勉強が大好きでしたが、弁護士になることは私の人生を一直線に並べるようなものだと感じました。 I had always wanted to be a teacher, so the decision was not too painful. 私はいつも先生になりたいと思っていたので、決断はそれほど苦痛ではありませんでした。 I completed a diploma of education and entered the workforce full of enthusiasm and energy. Ich habe ein Lehramtsstudium abgeschlossen und bin voller Enthusiasmus und Energie in die Arbeitswelt eingetreten. 私は教育の卒業証書を修了し、熱意とエネルギーに満ちた労働力に加わりました。 Instead of becoming a lawyer who worked all day and struggled to reach the high standards of my superiors, I became a high school teacher who worked all day and struggled to reach the imaginary standards of my principal, headteacher, colleagues, students and parents. Anstatt ein Anwalt zu werden, der den ganzen Tag arbeitete und sich abmühte, die hohen Standards meiner Vorgesetzten zu erreichen, wurde ich ein Highschool-Lehrer, der den ganzen Tag arbeitete und sich abmühte, die imaginären Standards meines Schulleiters, Schulleiters, meiner Kollegen, Schüler und Eltern zu erreichen. 一日中働き、上司の高い水準に到達するのに苦労した弁護士になる代わりに、私は一日中働き、校長、校長、同僚、学生、両親の想像上の基準に到達するのに苦労した高校の教師になりました。 Inside, my mind was fracturing and things escalated out of control. 内部では、私の心は壊れていて、物事は制御不能にエスカレートしていました。 I would secretly work all night marking and preparing lessons. 私は一晩中こっそりとマーキングとレッスンの準備をしていました。 I would work in my classroom through my breaks to avoid socializing in the staffroom. 職員室での付き合いを避けるために、休憩中は教室で働きました。 I took on more and more responsibilities- mock trial and debating teams, sports teams, theatrical productions, co-authoring two textbooks. 私はますます多くの責任を引き受けました-模擬裁判と討論チーム、スポーツチーム、舞台作品、2冊の教科書の共同執筆。 When I did my marking, my comments were longer than the students essays. 私が採点したとき、私のコメントは学生のエッセイよりも長かった。 Somehow I also managed to do some things for myself, for my well-being. どういうわけか、私は自分自身のために、自分の幸福のためにいくつかのことをすることができました。 I would go for walks and would knock off on the weekend at 8:00 pm to go to see a band or a movie even if I didn't want to but always by myself. 私は散歩に出かけ、週末の午後8時にノックオフして、バンドや映画を見に行きました。 I was on the right track, but it was not enough. 私は正しい方向に進んでいましたが、それだけでは十分ではありませんでした。 I completely lost the battle and I ended up in hospital. 私は戦いに完全に負けて、病院に行きました。