×

We use cookies to help make LingQ better. By visiting the site, you agree to our cookie policy.


image

Happiness, 5.03 (V) Week 5 Video 3 - The (hidden) Benefits of Proactive Trust

5.03 (V) Week 5 Video 3 - The (hidden) Benefits of Proactive Trust

[MUSIC] The past, the present and the future once walked into a bar and it was very tense. » [LAUGH] » Hola and Aloha my friend. Great to have you back. In the previous video, I discussed how people tend to behave in a trustworthy fashion if you trust them. And that the reason this happens is because of the release of oxytocin, the trust hormone. I also discussed how, despite the fact that trusting others is generally reciprocated with trustworthy behavior, most of us tend to be distrustful of others because of our genetic hard writing. I ended the video by describing an event from my own childhood in which someone proactively trusted me, and how that led to a virtual cycle of mutual trust. In this video I want to talk about what would happen if we all could somehow overcome our hardwired tendency to distrust others and exhibit proactive trust. Imagine that you're lying on a beach in Goa, the weather's great, you've had a good night's rest and you're feeling on top of the world. One thing that would vastly improve your life at this point is a nice cold bottle of beer. The moment you had this thought, a beer vendor walks by and says, care for a beer sahib? You almost fall off your bench in surprised delight and say, yes please! The beer vendor hands you a beer and says that will be 80 rupees, Sahid. You fish around your wallet for the money and discover that you only have 100 rupee notes and you hand the beer vendor one of your notes. The beer vendor says, I'm really sorry, Sahid, but I don't have change. But don't worry, I'll get your change back in about ten minutes. I'll be back in ten minutes. What would you do in this situation? Would you give the beer vendor the 100 rupees, and trust him to return with the change? Or, would you tell him to go get the change first before you're willing to buy the beer from him. As DeSteno argues in his book, The Truth About Trust, trusting others always involves a risk reward tradeoff. In the beer vendor scenario, trusting the vendor with 100 rupees would lead to an important reward, a nice little beer buzz. It could also lead to another reward of having your trust reciprocated which would release oxytocin in you and make you feel good. But on the flip side, trusting him carries two risks, the risk that he may never return with your change, in which case you would lose 20 rupees. And the risk that you would feel like an idiot if he cheated you, which would cause psychological pain in you. One way to reduce these risks, of course, is to not trust the vendor. But then, by doing so, you wouldn't get to experience the rewards. That's what DeSteno means by the risk reward tradeoff. So how do you resolve such a tradeoff? One way to do it is by considering not just the set of risks and benefits that I've just mentioned to you but also consider some other hidden benefits from trusting others. Imagine that you trusted the beer vendor, and he returned with the change. As I mentioned earlier, this would lead to two rewards. You would get to quench your thirst, and you would get a psychological boost from having your trust reciprocated. But those are not the only rewards that you would get. You would also get the additional reward of having identified a trustworthy beer vendor in Goa. Now, if you don't often visit Goa, this may not seem like a big deal to you. It may not mean much to you, but imagine that you're able to surround yourself with trustworthy people where you live. Imagine, for example, that everyone who takes care of things for you, from your lawnmower to your maid to your dry cleaner to your car mechanic. Okay, maybe that's pushing it, but all of them are totally trustworthy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to inhabit such a world? Of course it would. And you give yourself a better chance of inhabiting such a world by being proactively trusting. Or to put it conversely, if you never trusted others proactively, you would be denying yourself the opportunity to inhabit a world in which you're surrounded by trustworthy people. Most of us typically don't recognize there's a somewhat hidden benefit of exhibiting proactive trust. Another hidden benefit of exhibiting proactive trust is that we get to play a critical role in building a culture of trust around us. As we saw earlier from the Swiss Studies, when you proactively trust others, others tend to reciprocate your trust. This reciprocity of trust in turn is likely to lead to increasing levels of mutual trust in society. Thus by proactively trusting others, you would be doing your part in helping build a culture of trust. Much like how by being employed and by paying your taxes, you would be doing your bit for society's upliftment. Doing your bit for society's upliftment would in turn make you feel good because as we saw earlier in week three, we all have a desire to be kind and generous. And to know that our actions are having a beneficial impact on others. And when we do that, when we fulfill this need, we end up feeling happy. So if you would add up all the hidden benefits, to be known benefits of being proactively trusting, something that most of us normally don't do, then the case for being proactively trusting would become much stronger. Now, of course, I realize that even after considering all these hidden benefits of being proactively trusting, you may still choose not to trust others because the negative feeling of being distrusted can far outweigh the positive feelings of being trusted. And that's a fair point. But given how important trust is, not just for our own personal happiness, but for the happiness of everyone at large. I think that if people like you and me, that is, people who are relatively well off and aren't really struggling to meet our basic needs and make our ends meet, don't do something to promote a culture of trust. Then I don't think that it would be fair of us to expect those who are even less fortunate than us to do it. In other words, it's my belief, and I sincerely hope that you're on board with me on this, that it's at least worth exploring the issue of how to be more proactively trusting, without of course jeopardizing ourselves in any major way. So that not just us, but everybody around us can benefit from being part of a culture that's characterized more by interpersonal trust than by interpersonal distrust. If you agree with me on this issue, see you in the next video. [MUSIC]


5.03 (V) Week 5 Video 3 - The (hidden) Benefits of Proactive Trust

[MUSIC] The past, the present and the future once walked into a bar and it was very tense. » [LAUGH] » Hola and Aloha my friend. Great to have you back. In the previous video, I discussed how people tend to behave in a trustworthy fashion if you trust them. And that the reason this happens is because of the release of oxytocin, the trust hormone. I also discussed how, despite the fact that trusting others is generally reciprocated with trustworthy behavior, most of us tend to be distrustful of others because of our genetic hard writing. I ended the video by describing an event from my own childhood in which someone proactively trusted me, and how that led to a virtual cycle of mutual trust. In this video I want to talk about what would happen if we all could somehow overcome our hardwired tendency to distrust others and exhibit proactive trust. Imagine that you're lying on a beach in Goa, the weather's great, you've had a good night's rest and you're feeling on top of the world. One thing that would vastly improve your life at this point is a nice cold bottle of beer. The moment you had this thought, a beer vendor walks by and says, care for a beer sahib? You almost fall off your bench in surprised delight and say, yes please! The beer vendor hands you a beer and says that will be 80 rupees, Sahid. You fish around your wallet for the money and discover that you only have 100 rupee notes and you hand the beer vendor one of your notes. The beer vendor says, I'm really sorry, Sahid, but I don't have change. But don't worry, I'll get your change back in about ten minutes. I'll be back in ten minutes. What would you do in this situation? Would you give the beer vendor the 100 rupees, and trust him to return with the change? Or, would you tell him to go get the change first before you're willing to buy the beer from him. As DeSteno argues in his book, The Truth About Trust, trusting others always involves a risk reward tradeoff. In the beer vendor scenario, trusting the vendor with 100 rupees would lead to an important reward, a nice little beer buzz. It could also lead to another reward of having your trust reciprocated which would release oxytocin in you and make you feel good. But on the flip side, trusting him carries two risks, the risk that he may never return with your change, in which case you would lose 20 rupees. And the risk that you would feel like an idiot if he cheated you, which would cause psychological pain in you. One way to reduce these risks, of course, is to not trust the vendor. But then, by doing so, you wouldn't get to experience the rewards. That's what DeSteno means by the risk reward tradeoff. So how do you resolve such a tradeoff? One way to do it is by considering not just the set of risks and benefits that I've just mentioned to you but also consider some other hidden benefits from trusting others. Imagine that you trusted the beer vendor, and he returned with the change. As I mentioned earlier, this would lead to two rewards. You would get to quench your thirst, and you would get a psychological boost from having your trust reciprocated. But those are not the only rewards that you would get. You would also get the additional reward of having identified a trustworthy beer vendor in Goa. Now, if you don't often visit Goa, this may not seem like a big deal to you. It may not mean much to you, but imagine that you're able to surround yourself with trustworthy people where you live. Imagine, for example, that everyone who takes care of things for you, from your lawnmower to your maid to your dry cleaner to your car mechanic. Okay, maybe that's pushing it, but all of them are totally trustworthy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to inhabit such a world? Of course it would. And you give yourself a better chance of inhabiting such a world by being proactively trusting. Or to put it conversely, if you never trusted others proactively, you would be denying yourself the opportunity to inhabit a world in which you're surrounded by trustworthy people. Most of us typically don't recognize there's a somewhat hidden benefit of exhibiting proactive trust. Another hidden benefit of exhibiting proactive trust is that we get to play a critical role in building a culture of trust around us. As we saw earlier from the Swiss Studies, when you proactively trust others, others tend to reciprocate your trust. This reciprocity of trust in turn is likely to lead to increasing levels of mutual trust in society. Thus by proactively trusting others, you would be doing your part in helping build a culture of trust. Much like how by being employed and by paying your taxes, you would be doing your bit for society's upliftment. Doing your bit for society's upliftment would in turn make you feel good because as we saw earlier in week three, we all have a desire to be kind and generous. And to know that our actions are having a beneficial impact on others. And when we do that, when we fulfill this need, we end up feeling happy. So if you would add up all the hidden benefits, to be known benefits of being proactively trusting, something that most of us normally don't do, then the case for being proactively trusting would become much stronger. Now, of course, I realize that even after considering all these hidden benefits of being proactively trusting, you may still choose not to trust others because the negative feeling of being distrusted can far outweigh the positive feelings of being trusted. And that's a fair point. But given how important trust is, not just for our own personal happiness, but for the happiness of everyone at large. I think that if people like you and me, that is, people who are relatively well off and aren't really struggling to meet our basic needs and make our ends meet, don't do something to promote a culture of trust. Then I don't think that it would be fair of us to expect those who are even less fortunate than us to do it. In other words, it's my belief, and I sincerely hope that you're on board with me on this, that it's at least worth exploring the issue of how to be more proactively trusting, without of course jeopardizing ourselves in any major way. So that not just us, but everybody around us can benefit from being part of a culture that's characterized more by interpersonal trust than by interpersonal distrust. If you agree with me on this issue, see you in the next video. [MUSIC]