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Happiness, 3.18 (V) Week 3 Video 12 - Interview with Nipun Mehta (Optional) (2)

Now, if you had a buffet line, and go out and you say, well, everyone take whatever food you want, and eat whatever you want, take care of your own table, and then leave some money over there. It's not going to be Karma Kitchen, it's not going to trigger a response of generosity, of compassion, of connection. None of that. But if you walk in, and you see that, oh, it's a volunteer run restaurant. So the person who's at the door, it doesn't feel like someone is trying to manipulate you in some way. It's like a volunteer saying, look, I could be at home watching TV, but instead I'm here. And then, they explain it with, there's just this effusive smile, and you feel that they explain the idea, and you're just like, wow. Some people break down in tears just there. And then they come in, and they start to see, wow, the whole place is all volunteer run. There's a guy in the back doing dishes. There's somebody plating. There's somebody serving your tables, and cleaning your tables. And all of them have volunteered. And they're volunteering just to give me this experience, right? And then you sit down. You have a meal. When you sit on this table, underneath the table, there's a positive quote, right? So it starts to get you thinking in that way. So now you're in a different frame of reference, but now there's this nice quote. On the side you see that, oh, there's a kindness table. This is where people have left all kinds of goodies just for other guests. On your table might be a note that somebody, who came before you on that table, left for you, and then you write for somebody after you. In between, especially if you have kids, you're waiting for your meal, and the server comes, and they bust out a smile deck. A smile deck, is a deck of cards with a kindness idea on each card. Right? And it's like a fun little game. You shuffle up the cards. You pick a card. And you have to go out and do that act of kindness. » [LAUGH] » And kids love it, right? And it's the kind of thing, where you'll hear it, and you'll say, well, what's the big deal? But when it actually happens, and in the process of actually taking that card and saying, wow, now am I going to do it? Your brain starts to release very different kind of chemicals, and you feel very different, right? And then in between all of this, you may take a look at the restaurant, and you're like, wow, no one is paying for their own self. And that just kind of fills you up. And then you get your check. And the check clearly explains, that look these were the costs. But really what is such a meal worth? We're not going to give you a suggested donation price, because we don't know what it's worth to you. Only you know. Right? And when you trust them, in such a way, it again evokes a very different feeling. So you put all of these things together. And in between, you might have had somebody sing a happy birthday song. You might have had your server come in, and they're a volunteer. So they're just connecting with you. And they might tell you a story, that might move you. Or they might leave you something on your table. Or a guest might have come in, and they would bring a bouquet of flowers. This happens a lot. Right? They would bring a bouquet of flowers, and we would say, well, this is for Karma Kitchen volunteers, they would just give it to us. And we would say well, Karma Kitchen is everybody's, so let's open up the bouquet, and let's give it to random guests. Right? And so when you get it it's not like a promotional material, that you're trying to spin something. Literally,it's like someone who came before you, their cup of gratitude overflowed, they brought in these flowers, they gave it to us, and we're just distributing it. And you're welcome to then pay it forward, and spread the ripple of love in the world. And this is unrelated to your whole meal all together. So when you have that kind of thing, or someone singing happy birthday, and then someone says, oh I can sing it in Spanish, and someone's like I can sing it in Tamil. It just creates this whole ambiance, and you're just like wow, this is real. Right? A part of you just clicks. And if you can create such a strong context, then I think this generosity, as reframing, is very regenerative. Right? It's not like, if I have to sell you Coca-Cola, you're going to get tired of drinking it. So I have to keep on advertising, and bringing all these different actors and actresses in front of you, to tell you wait a second, it's cool to keep on going on. Right? Versus, like, this thing is supported by nature. Like there's no one trying to spin anything but it's just that inevitably you have a propensity towards a greater connection and that propensity is what is going to propel. You're going to receive a generous act and you're going to pay it forward because your cup of gratitude is going to to overflow. How people pay it forward, how much they pay it forward, that's going to be very dependent on so many different factors. Our thinking was in aggregate, it would work out, and it has. What you said is very legitimate. Right? It's that how will I respond to this? Will I respond with gratitude? All right it's like wow, someone before me did this and I have a chance to pay it forward? And there is a gratitude that emerges in many people. But, like you said, there's also a sense of guilt. A lot of people will say, oh wait a second, yeah I kind of, yeah all right, I kind of should and I'm going to go and okay fine you know I'll do that. Or it can even be more complex than that because, if you're in a peer group then it's like okay if everyone is leaving at 20 I don't want to leave at ten. And then you know and then it can create that kind of setting, right? But I think that if you look at the whole supply chain, if you want to call it that, right. [LAUGH] If you look at the whole process of what actually happens, our purpose is not to tell you whether you go in gratitude or guilt. But, our purpose is actually to help you just ask the question, which is one step before that. Is that we actually want to confuse you with that very question. Cause if we're out there to get money, there's so many different ways to do that. You can even start to benchmark it at a certain price. You can say but we don't even have a suggested price. The reason why we don't have a suggested price is because we want people to ask this question. Which is that if something is offered to you without a price, how much is its value? Which is to say, what is something worth without a price tag? And we have to have, you cannot turn everything into a market. You can have a market economy, but really it's not a good idea to have a market society. Society has to have things that don't have a price tag. And so here we are sensitizing people. To learn to navigate their own terrain. Whatever's in them is going to come out right? And which is to say is it going to be positive or is it going to be negative? Or how do I handle it with other people? How do I process a whole community that's behaving in this way, right? How do I process receiving from volunteers? In our house, we run these awaken circles, which now run all over the world as well, but 17 years ago my parents and I, actually my mom, another friend, and I, we sat down and we said we're going to sit in silence for an hour and we're going to open up the door. If anyone else wants to come, they can come in. And second hour, we would have dinner in silence, because my mom was thinking, you know this was 17 years ago, she's like I gotta feed you Nippon So, anyone else who comes, I'll feed them too. And then in the third hour, sorry, in the second hour we would do a circle of sharing and in the third hour, my mom would feed everyone. And over the years, tens of thousands of people have come. And, forget it, there's no price, there's no donation box. And you would be surprised, Raj, a lot people would come in not a lot, but there are people who, I met this one particular guy, met him in a different city in southern California. And he was like, man, what your parents are doing is amazing, and he kind of knows that there's like 65 people that come every week, and that's our limit, and there's like wait list, and everyone feels elated and all this. But he's, so I said oh, you go? I travel so sometimes I can't make it, I thought maybe I haven't seen him. And he's like yeah, I've been there once. And I was very confused. I was like, wow if you're raving about this, how come you've just gone once, right? And he said, I couldn't go a second time. And I said, well, what do you mean? It's open. Anyone can go. You just have to RSVP. And he's like, yeah, but, there was no donation box. And I was just uncomfortable having a meal without paying for it. Right. And what is that, right? As a culture, what is that kind of a response to say I don't want to take anything from somebody, because I haven't paid them back? You're so entrenched in the transaction mindset that you feel like you need to pay everyone back. That you feel, and that's a very arrogant position to be in. That you feel that you have the capacity to pay everyone back. Because if you break it down, think of our moms. How in the world are we going to pay back nine months of a gift that starts our life? But that was asked at one point. Someone says, talking about parents. Buddha says you can have your mom on one shoulder and dad on the other should and you can, ever since you were born. Well hypothetically speaking you take care of every single one of their desires till they die. You would still be unable to fulfill their debt. And this is the Buddha talking about this. So it's we are to think that we can pay back for everything, is sort of a mentality that we have created. But how can we start to undo some of that and realize that, look, our life start with a gift. And then it incumbent on us, since we can't pay back, what can we do? We can learn the art of receiving it, and once we learn the art of receiving it, a part of that process is to allow your gratitude to overflow and pay it forward. » Thanks for watching my interview with Nippon. I hope that you found it useful, and I also hope that it helped you gain greater clarity on many of the concepts that we discussed this week. With that, let me say āvjo to you, which is bye bye in Gujarati for now. Please don't forget to watch the next video in which we're going to be measuring your happiness levels for the second time in this course. [MUSIC]


Now, if you had a buffet line, and go out and you say, well, everyone take whatever food you want, and eat whatever you want, take care of your own table, and then leave some money over there. It's not going to be Karma Kitchen, it's not going to trigger a response of generosity, of compassion, of connection. None of that. But if you walk in, and you see that, oh, it's a volunteer run restaurant. So the person who's at the door, it doesn't feel like someone is trying to manipulate you in some way. It's like a volunteer saying, look, I could be at home watching TV, but instead I'm here. And then, they explain it with, there's just this effusive smile, and you feel that they explain the idea, and you're just like, wow. Some people break down in tears just there. And then they come in, and they start to see, wow, the whole place is all volunteer run. There's a guy in the back doing dishes. There's somebody plating. There's somebody serving your tables, and cleaning your tables. And all of them have volunteered. And they're volunteering just to give me this experience, right? And then you sit down. You have a meal. When you sit on this table, underneath the table, there's a positive quote, right? So it starts to get you thinking in that way. So now you're in a different frame of reference, but now there's this nice quote. On the side you see that, oh, there's a kindness table. This is where people have left all kinds of goodies just for other guests. On your table might be a note that somebody, who came before you on that table, left for you, and then you write for somebody after you. In between, especially if you have kids, you're waiting for your meal, and the server comes, and they bust out a smile deck. A smile deck, is a deck of cards with a kindness idea on each card. Right? And it's like a fun little game. You shuffle up the cards. You pick a card. And you have to go out and do that act of kindness. » [LAUGH] » And kids love it, right? And it's the kind of thing, where you'll hear it, and you'll say, well, what's the big deal? But when it actually happens, and in the process of actually taking that card and saying, wow, now am I going to do it? Your brain starts to release very different kind of chemicals, and you feel very different, right? And then in between all of this, you may take a look at the restaurant, and you're like, wow, no one is paying for their own self. And that just kind of fills you up. And then you get your check. And the check clearly explains, that look these were the costs. But really what is such a meal worth? We're not going to give you a suggested donation price, because we don't know what it's worth to you. Only you know. Right? And when you trust them, in such a way, it again evokes a very different feeling. So you put all of these things together. And in between, you might have had somebody sing a happy birthday song. You might have had your server come in, and they're a volunteer. So they're just connecting with you. And they might tell you a story, that might move you. Or they might leave you something on your table. Or a guest might have come in, and they would bring a bouquet of flowers. This happens a lot. Right? They would bring a bouquet of flowers, and we would say, well, this is for Karma Kitchen volunteers, they would just give it to us. And we would say well, Karma Kitchen is everybody's, so let's open up the bouquet, and let's give it to random guests. Right? And so when you get it it's not like a promotional material, that you're trying to spin something. Literally,it's like someone who came before you, their cup of gratitude overflowed, they brought in these flowers, they gave it to us, and we're just distributing it. And you're welcome to then pay it forward, and spread the ripple of love in the world. And this is unrelated to your whole meal all together. So when you have that kind of thing, or someone singing happy birthday, and then someone says, oh I can sing it in Spanish, and someone's like I can sing it in Tamil. It just creates this whole ambiance, and you're just like wow, this is real. Right? A part of you just clicks. And if you can create such a strong context, then I think this generosity, as reframing, is very regenerative. Right? It's not like, if I have to sell you Coca-Cola, you're going to get tired of drinking it. So I have to keep on advertising, and bringing all these different actors and actresses in front of you, to tell you wait a second, it's cool to keep on going on. Right? Versus, like, this thing is supported by nature. Like there's no one trying to spin anything but it's just that inevitably you have a propensity towards a greater connection and that propensity is what is going to propel. You're going to receive a generous act and you're going to pay it forward because your cup of gratitude is going to to overflow. How people pay it forward, how much they pay it forward, that's going to be very dependent on so many different factors. Our thinking was in aggregate, it would work out, and it has. What you said is very legitimate. Right? It's that how will I respond to this? Will I respond with gratitude? All right it's like wow, someone before me did this and I have a chance to pay it forward? And there is a gratitude that emerges in many people. But, like you said, there's also a sense of guilt. A lot of people will say, oh wait a second, yeah I kind of, yeah all right, I kind of should and I'm going to go and okay fine you know I'll do that. Or it can even be more complex than that because, if you're in a peer group then it's like okay if everyone is leaving at 20 I don't want to leave at ten. And then you know and then it can create that kind of setting, right? But I think that if you look at the whole supply chain, if you want to call it that, right. [LAUGH] If you look at the whole process of what actually happens, our purpose is not to tell you whether you go in gratitude or guilt. But, our purpose is actually to help you just ask the question, which is one step before that. Is that we actually want to confuse you with that very question. Cause if we're out there to get money, there's so many different ways to do that. You can even start to benchmark it at a certain price. You can say but we don't even have a suggested price. The reason why we don't have a suggested price is because we want people to ask this question. Which is that if something is offered to you without a price, how much is its value? Which is to say, what is something worth without a price tag? And we have to have, you cannot turn everything into a market. You can have a market economy, but really it's not a good idea to have a market society. Society has to have things that don't have a price tag. And so here we are sensitizing people. To learn to navigate their own terrain. Whatever's in them is going to come out right? And which is to say is it going to be positive or is it going to be negative? Or how do I handle it with other people? How do I process a whole community that's behaving in this way, right? How do I process receiving from volunteers? In our house, we run these awaken circles, which now run all over the world as well, but 17 years ago my parents and I, actually my mom, another friend, and I, we sat down and we said we're going to sit in silence for an hour and we're going to open up the door. If anyone else wants to come, they can come in. And second hour, we would have dinner in silence, because my mom was thinking, you know this was 17 years ago, she's like I gotta feed you Nippon So, anyone else who comes, I'll feed them too. And then in the third hour, sorry, in the second hour we would do a circle of sharing and in the third hour, my mom would feed everyone. And over the years, tens of thousands of people have come. And, forget it, there's no price, there's no donation box. And you would be surprised, Raj, a lot people would come in not a lot, but there are people who, I met this one particular guy, met him in a different city in southern California. And he was like, man, what your parents are doing is amazing, and he kind of knows that there's like 65 people that come every week, and that's our limit, and there's like wait list, and everyone feels elated and all this. But he's, so I said oh, you go? I travel so sometimes I can't make it, I thought maybe I haven't seen him. And he's like yeah, I've been there once. And I was very confused. I was like, wow if you're raving about this, how come you've just gone once, right? And he said, I couldn't go a second time. And I said, well, what do you mean? It's open. Anyone can go. You just have to RSVP. And he's like, yeah, but, there was no donation box. And I was just uncomfortable having a meal without paying for it. Right. And what is that, right? As a culture, what is that kind of a response to say I don't want to take anything from somebody, because I haven't paid them back? You're so entrenched in the transaction mindset that you feel like you need to pay everyone back. That you feel, and that's a very arrogant position to be in. That you feel that you have the capacity to pay everyone back. Because if you break it down, think of our moms. How in the world are we going to pay back nine months of a gift that starts our life? But that was asked at one point. Someone says, talking about parents. Buddha says you can have your mom on one shoulder and dad on the other should and you can, ever since you were born. Well hypothetically speaking you take care of every single one of their desires till they die. You would still be unable to fulfill their debt. And this is the Buddha talking about this. So it's we are to think that we can pay back for everything, is sort of a mentality that we have created. But how can we start to undo some of that and realize that, look, our life start with a gift. And then it incumbent on us, since we can't pay back, what can we do? We can learn the art of receiving it, and once we learn the art of receiving it, a part of that process is to allow your gratitude to overflow and pay it forward. » Thanks for watching my interview with Nippon. I hope that you found it useful, and I also hope that it helped you gain greater clarity on many of the concepts that we discussed this week. With that, let me say āvjo to you, which is bye bye in Gujarati for now. Please don't forget to watch the next video in which we're going to be measuring your happiness levels for the second time in this course. [MUSIC]