×

We use cookies to help make LingQ better. By visiting the site, you agree to our cookie policy.

image

Happiness, 2.13 (V) Week 2 Video 11 - A practice for when things are going well - Gratitude

2.13 (V) Week 2 Video 11 - A practice for when things are going well - Gratitude

[MUSIC] Hello and Hola! Welcome back. In the last video, I discussed how self-compassion can help mitigate the need for superiority. This is a practice for when things are going badly, for example, you've just had a failure. In this video, I want to turn to what you can do when things are going well. Let's say that you just got promoted, or you got a plum job, or you aced a test. Normally, most of us can't help but feel a tinge of hubristic pride when this kind of thing happens. Even if you're modest when talking about the success to others, we're usually patting ourselves on the back and telling ourselves, Raj, there's no one quite like you. Or Raj, you're the best, no one else could have done it. Despite make us feel good in the moment, but in the long run, what it does is that it strengthens our need for superiority. Now, if instead of patting yourself on the back and feeling this hubristic pride, or actually in addition to doing that, imagine that you do something else. Imagine that you think of somebody that played a critical part in your success. Maybe it was the tireless work staff that kept the coffee flowing, without which you could not have pulled all those all-nighters. Or, maybe it was your spouse who took care of the kids while you were pulling long hours at work. You could even think back in time of all those people who may have had, maybe just an indirect role to help you in your success. For example, your high school teacher who encouraged you to aim high. Or, your grandma, who was the only one who had faith in you when everybody else had doubts about you. When you realize that you could not have achieved what you did without the support of all these people in your life, what will happen is that you will naturally find yourself feeling a sense of gratitude for these people welling up inside of you. Notice what happens when you feel grateful. You think of those who helped you in positive terms. And this, in turn, will make you feel a sense of connection with these people. As a result, you might pick up the phone and talk to them. Or, you might say good things about them to somebody else. Or, if they call you, you might talk a little bit longer and say more positive things, be a little more enthusiastic about them when you're talking to them, and, so on. As a result, what will happen is that you'll set in motion kind of a reciprocal positive effect that strengthens the bond between the two of you. There are several studies that show that expressing gratitude strengthens social bonds and relationships. Here's one by Professor Sara Algoe and her colleagues in which they find that those who felt more grateful for getting a gift were more likely to make friends in the coming weeks. So, one way to think of gratitude is that it acts as a bridge between hubristic pride and connection. It takes you away from a self-centered positive emotion, the feeling of hubristic pride, to a more other-centered positive feeling, the feeling of love or connection. In this way, it takes you away from a type of happiness that doesn't have the chance of lasting very long, to another type of happiness that has the potential to last much, much longer. And in that process, it helps you mitigate the need for superiority. That's how gratitude helps mitigate the need for superiority. But that's not the only reason why gratitude helps boost happiness levels. It also helps in a number of other ways, which is why Professor Sonya Lyubomirsky calls gratitude a meta strategy, meaning that it helps boost happiness in many ways. This is why I've chosen expressing gratitude as the exercise for this week. In the next video, I'm going to give you instructions for this exercise. I'm sure that you will be surprised to see how meaningful and fun, actually, expressing gratitude can be. So, I will urge you to take a look at the next video as soon as you get a chance. Until then, thanks for watching this video. [MUSIC]


2.13 (V) Week 2 Video 11 - A practice for when things are going well - Gratitude

[MUSIC] Hello and Hola! Welcome back. In the last video, I discussed how self-compassion can help mitigate the need for superiority. This is a practice for when things are going badly, for example, you've just had a failure. In this video, I want to turn to what you can do when things are going well. Let's say that you just got promoted, or you got a plum job, or you aced a test. Normally, most of us can't help but feel a tinge of hubristic pride when this kind of thing happens. Even if you're modest when talking about the success to others, we're usually patting ourselves on the back and telling ourselves, Raj, there's no one quite like you. Or Raj, you're the best, no one else could have done it. Despite make us feel good in the moment, but in the long run, what it does is that it strengthens our need for superiority. Now, if instead of patting yourself on the back and feeling this hubristic pride, or actually in addition to doing that, imagine that you do something else. Imagine that you think of somebody that played a critical part in your success. Maybe it was the tireless work staff that kept the coffee flowing, without which you could not have pulled all those all-nighters. Or, maybe it was your spouse who took care of the kids while you were pulling long hours at work. You could even think back in time of all those people who may have had, maybe just an indirect role to help you in your success. For example, your high school teacher who encouraged you to aim high. Or, your grandma, who was the only one who had faith in you when everybody else had doubts about you. When you realize that you could not have achieved what you did without the support of all these people in your life, what will happen is that you will naturally find yourself feeling a sense of gratitude for these people welling up inside of you. Notice what happens when you feel grateful. You think of those who helped you in positive terms. And this, in turn, will make you feel a sense of connection with these people. As a result, you might pick up the phone and talk to them. Or, you might say good things about them to somebody else. Or, if they call you, you might talk a little bit longer and say more positive things, be a little more enthusiastic about them when you're talking to them, and, so on. As a result, what will happen is that you'll set in motion kind of a reciprocal positive effect that strengthens the bond between the two of you. There are several studies that show that expressing gratitude strengthens social bonds and relationships. Here's one by Professor Sara Algoe and her colleagues in which they find that those who felt more grateful for getting a gift were more likely to make friends in the coming weeks. So, one way to think of gratitude is that it acts as a bridge between hubristic pride and connection. It takes you away from a self-centered positive emotion, the feeling of hubristic pride, to a more other-centered positive feeling, the feeling of love or connection. In this way, it takes you away from a type of happiness that doesn't have the chance of lasting very long, to another type of happiness that has the potential to last much, much longer. And in that process, it helps you mitigate the need for superiority. That's how gratitude helps mitigate the need for superiority. But that's not the only reason why gratitude helps boost happiness levels. It also helps in a number of other ways, which is why Professor Sonya Lyubomirsky calls gratitude a meta strategy, meaning that it helps boost happiness in many ways. This is why I've chosen expressing gratitude as the exercise for this week. In the next video, I'm going to give you instructions for this exercise. I'm sure that you will be surprised to see how meaningful and fun, actually, expressing gratitude can be. So, I will urge you to take a look at the next video as soon as you get a chance. Until then, thanks for watching this video. [MUSIC]