image

Mastering Your Emotions, How To Stop Backsliding - How To Stop Procrastinating (1)

hey this is Leo for actualised org and

in this episode I'm going to be talking

about the concept called

homeostasis which is the reason why you

keep backsliding in your life there's a

thorny little problem that sticks in our

side when we try to self actualize and

that's the problem of backsliding which

is you know when you try to make that

change in your life that you really get

excited about making and then you make

that change and it looks like it's

working for a while and then what

happens you slide back to your old ways

and then you make that change again

again excited this time redoubling your

efforts and then a couple months later

you're back in your old ways and this

just keeps going on and on and on and

not only is it extremely frustrating but

it also makes you very pessimistic about

the possibility of creating change in

your life and this is why sometimes

people like to rag on self-help or

personal development is because they've

been trying to make changes but then

really they haven't been able to make

any changes stick and they're just fed

up with this whole backsliding process

so it's a very real problem it's a very

big problem you're going to encounter a

lot of backsliding on your way towards

getting somewhere far and high with your

self-actualization work so to help you

along though and maybe ease of that

frustration make the path a little bit

smoother for you I've got some ideas for

solutions to this problem backsliding

and also I think it's important

understand why this backsliding happens

which is actually part of the solution

is just understanding what is really

going on here

because most of us are usually blind to

this stuff unless we've kind of studied

this in depth and I'm going to lean on

the work of George Leonard here who

wrote a beautiful little book called

mastery which if you know me is one of

my top books of all time

little book but you could read it a

dozen times and not suck out all the

wisdom that's in it it's brilliant for

advice or how to put your life together

basically it's like a philosophy of

putting your life together but you know

he has the main concept of mastery and

he has a lot of little concepts kind of

sub concepts I call him in that book and

one of them is homeostasis he has a

really great discussion about

homeostasis and he offers some solutions

I'm gonna present some of his solutions

here along with some of my additions to

what he said

so homeostasis what is this this is a

word this is used in the field of

cybernetics and also in biology

cybernetics is a very interesting field

and it's the field of studying how

systems work systems it turns out are

very interesting things and you know we

have biological systems we have

mechanical systems all sorts of kind of

systems these days we build a lot of

complex systems but one of the

interesting aspects of a system is that

a system is a collection of items that

are interlinked together into a complex

web of feedback loops and when you have

something like that which creates some

sort of cohesive whole like a individual

human cell or human body or a tree or a

computer system or whatever then what

you get is you get that the system has a

center of gravity to it you might say

and this center of gravity is it's

homeostasis this is the place that it

likes to gravitate towards and stay at

because this is the safest place for it

to be and because here there's been a

track record of proven safety one of the

biggest challenges that systems face in

our reality is that they're not really

natural to come about and to exist and

there's a lot of elements

that run against the system a lot of

threats to the system's survival you

might say so the system has to get very

good if it comes into existence at all

of maintaining itself in a place where

he can keep surviving and reproducing

and so that's where homeostasis comes in

specifically in your own body there's a

lot of homeostatic processes that are

going on all the time you're not even

aware of them so your blood pressure is

being regulated too low it's a problem

too high too problem has to be somewhere

in the middle there's a perfect kind of

Goldilocks zone there likewise with your

body temperature too low it's a problem

too high it's a problem in the middle

somewhere Goldilocks zone it's just

right and so on it goes with a lot of

other systems that you probably haven't

even been aware of or read of or heard

of or even thought of or maybe that

science has even discovered yet but the

body has thousands of these going on at

the same time it's very very complex

it's really fascinating just how much

balance the body has to maintain it's

like you're it's almost like you're

walking on a on a high wire in the

circus right a hundred stories above the

ground and you're at the danger of

tipping over to one side or the other

side or forward or backward at all times

and then you're dead and so you always

have to be watching out for this except

you're not doing it it's like your body

and your unconscious mind your brain

stem is doing it all for you and see

this whole process all it really cares

about is your survival and it cares

about keeping you going at what's always

worked before in your life now these are

like very low-level processes that I'm

talking about but then there's

higher-level processes these are the

ones that you care about changing so for

example when do you wake up when do you

go to sleep or how do you behave in a

relationship or what's your work ethic

like what kind of food you put in your

body all right all these things

potentially you might want to change

what are your study habits like how much

do you exercise how do you perform at

your job these are all things we try to

improve but interestingly enough our

subconscious mind tends to pull us back

to where we were and the reason it does

this is not because it's you know it's

not terribly smart it just does what's

always worked and in kind of the

evolutionary context what's worked

before is nice to want to work again so

it's kind of like your brain is biased

towards keeping you in the same place

simply because it's been proven already

because if you're alive now it's at

least been proven that the thing that is

working right now has worked in the past

right because if it didn't you'd be dead

so just by that very simple logic it's

like okay well what we've got works the

problem though is that your unconscious

mind doesn't really distinguish between

what works kind of well and what works

really well and what's actually

dysfunctional but still keeps you alive

and there's a big difference between

those right so we don't just want to be

alive and breathing we also want to be

like thriving and self actualizing so if

we're trying to get to those kind

results well then we have to sort to

understand how those unconscious

mechanisms work and really your mind is

like a thermostat thermostat a

thermostat tries to keep a certain

baseline temperature wherever you set it

and if it goes too high the AC kicks in

and if it goes too low the heater kicks

in and so you've got these feedback

loops that keep you stuck that's exactly

what happens in most of your life with

almost every habit or behavior that you

have so for example let's say you want

to leave a relationship a relationship

that you know isn't good for you maybe

you're in a toxic relationship with some

guy and you're a girl and you don't like

how this guy's treating you and you

think you can do better but you're just

stuck and your conscious mind knows that

this guy's

for you but yet somehow every time you

plan on leaving you have an argument to

fight with him in the end you just kind

of come back anyways and maybe you even

leave but then the next week you come

back anyways cuz he you want that love

and that affection and after all he

wasn't that bad I mean there's a lot of

even bigger dick holes out there than

him so how bad could it be maybe we can

make this work

or maybe you have a career and you're

working on some career but then you have

some business idea and you're really

excited bout this new business idea and

you're thinking maybe about changing

career here like well I don't really

like this career anymore so let me go

start my own business but I got to work

on this you know I got to do the

research I got to lay the groundwork for

starting my own business before I can

drop this career so you're doing that

and you're excited because you have this

new business project and you're working

on it and let's say you're working on it

on the weekends and you're working

working for a couple weeks maybe a month

goes by and then after a month what

happens the homeostasis kicks in and

your emotions pull you back and you

start saying stuff like like this to

yourself you're like well you know I

have been working real hard for the last

month and you know it is kind of like

I'm working two jobs now it's like I

have my old career now I've got this

thing I mean I'm really stressing myself

I should give myself a little break

right let me go play some video games

let me go relax with my girlfriend or

whatever and then that business project

just kind of gets forgotten gets left on

the sidelines and you never pick it up

again and it just collects dust or what

about when you try to wake up earlier

let's say you got this habit of waking

up at noon I've had a problem with that

and then you want to be waking up at

6:00 a.m. how do you make that change

you tell yourself all right from now on

I'm really serious about this I'm

changing my life I'm gonna be waking up

at 6 a.m. every morning Eva the weekends

and then you go in it and you do it for

a couple of weeks and then what

happens you start the backslide and you

start to say yourself well but I'm

working so hard I should get a little

extra time to sleep in and it's like I

really I really worked extra hard last

week so that that allows me to get a bit

later and then later and later and then

later and then later and then before you

know you're waking up at 3:00 p.m. how

about eating cleaner ever try that

cleaning up your diet man do I even need

to go into the details of how that works

I mean it's all the same thing

right yeah get excited about eating

clean and you do it you do it you do it

do it and then you start creeping back

back back to your nasty old habits

because your friends pull you back in

your mind starts telling you well I've



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hey this is Leo for actualised org and

in this episode I'm going to be talking

about the concept called

homeostasis which is the reason why you

keep backsliding in your life there's a

thorny little problem that sticks in our

side when we try to self actualize and

that's the problem of backsliding which

is you know when you try to make that

change in your life that you really get

excited about making and then you make

that change and it looks like it's

working for a while and then what

happens you slide back to your old ways

and then you make that change again

again excited this time redoubling your

efforts and then a couple months later

you're back in your old ways and this

just keeps going on and on and on and

not only is it extremely frustrating but

it also makes you very pessimistic about

the possibility of creating change in

your life and this is why sometimes

people like to rag on self-help or

personal development is because they've

been trying to make changes but then

really they haven't been able to make

any changes stick and they're just fed

up with this whole backsliding process

so it's a very real problem it's a very

big problem you're going to encounter a

lot of backsliding on your way towards

getting somewhere far and high with your

self-actualization work so to help you

along though and maybe ease of that

frustration make the path a little bit

smoother for you I've got some ideas for

solutions to this problem backsliding

and also I think it's important

understand why this backsliding happens

which is actually part of the solution

is just understanding what is really

going on here

because most of us are usually blind to

this stuff unless we've kind of studied

this in depth and I'm going to lean on

the work of George Leonard here who

wrote a beautiful little book called

mastery which if you know me is one of

my top books of all time

little book but you could read it a

dozen times and not suck out all the

wisdom that's in it it's brilliant for

advice or how to put your life together

basically it's like a philosophy of

putting your life together but you know

he has the main concept of mastery and

he has a lot of little concepts kind of

sub concepts I call him in that book and

one of them is homeostasis he has a

really great discussion about

homeostasis and he offers some solutions

I'm gonna present some of his solutions

here along with some of my additions to

what he said

so homeostasis what is this this is a

word this is used in the field of

cybernetics and also in biology

cybernetics is a very interesting field

and it's the field of studying how

systems work systems it turns out are

very interesting things and you know we

have biological systems we have

mechanical systems all sorts of kind of

systems these days we build a lot of

complex systems but one of the

interesting aspects of a system is that

a system is a collection of items that

are interlinked together into a complex

web of feedback loops and when you have

something like that which creates some

sort of cohesive whole like a individual

human cell or human body or a tree or a

computer system or whatever then what

you get is you get that the system has a

center of gravity to it you might say

and this center of gravity is it's

homeostasis this is the place that it

likes to gravitate towards and stay at

because this is the safest place for it

to be and because here there's been a

track record of proven safety one of the

biggest challenges that systems face in

our reality is that they're not really

natural to come about and to exist and

there's a lot of elements

that run against the system a lot of

threats to the system's survival you

might say so the system has to get very

good if it comes into existence at all

of maintaining itself in a place where

he can keep surviving and reproducing

and so that's where homeostasis comes in

specifically in your own body there's a

lot of homeostatic processes that are

going on all the time you're not even

aware of them so your blood pressure is

being regulated too low it's a problem

too high too problem has to be somewhere

in the middle there's a perfect kind of

Goldilocks zone there likewise with your

body temperature too low it's a problem

too high it's a problem in the middle

somewhere Goldilocks zone it's just

right and so on it goes with a lot of

other systems that you probably haven't

even been aware of or read of or heard

of or even thought of or maybe that

science has even discovered yet but the

body has thousands of these going on at

the same time it's very very complex

it's really fascinating just how much

balance the body has to maintain it's

like you're it's almost like you're

walking on a on a high wire in the

circus right a hundred stories above the

ground and you're at the danger of

tipping over to one side or the other

side or forward or backward at all times

and then you're dead and so you always

have to be watching out for this except

you're not doing it it's like your body

and your unconscious mind your brain

stem is doing it all for you and see

this whole process all it really cares

about is your survival and it cares

about keeping you going at what's always

worked before in your life now these are

like very low-level processes that I'm

talking about but then there's

higher-level processes these are the

ones that you care about changing so for

example when do you wake up when do you

go to sleep or how do you behave in a

relationship or what's your work ethic

like what kind of food you put in your

body all right all these things

potentially you might want to change

what are your study habits like how much

do you exercise how do you perform at

your job these are all things we try to

improve but interestingly enough our

subconscious mind tends to pull us back

to where we were and the reason it does

this is not because it's you know it's

not terribly smart it just does what's

always worked and in kind of the

evolutionary context what's worked

before is nice to want to work again so

it's kind of like your brain is biased

towards keeping you in the same place

simply because it's been proven already

because if you're alive now it's at

least been proven that the thing that is

working right now has worked in the past

right because if it didn't you'd be dead

so just by that very simple logic it's

like okay well what we've got works the

problem though is that your unconscious

mind doesn't really distinguish between

what works kind of well and what works

really well and what's actually

dysfunctional but still keeps you alive

and there's a big difference between

those right so we don't just want to be

alive and breathing we also want to be

like thriving and self actualizing so if

we're trying to get to those kind

results well then we have to sort to

understand how those unconscious

mechanisms work and really your mind is

like a thermostat thermostat a

thermostat tries to keep a certain

baseline temperature wherever you set it

and if it goes too high the AC kicks in

and if it goes too low the heater kicks

in and so you've got these feedback

loops that keep you stuck that's exactly

what happens in most of your life with

almost every habit or behavior that you

have so for example let's say you want

to leave a relationship a relationship

that you know isn't good for you maybe

you're in a toxic relationship with some

guy and you're a girl and you don't like

how this guy's treating you and you

think you can do better but you're just

stuck and your conscious mind knows that

this guy's

for you but yet somehow every time you

plan on leaving you have an argument to

fight with him in the end you just kind

of come back anyways and maybe you even

leave but then the next week you come

back anyways cuz he you want that love

and that affection and after all he

wasn't that bad I mean there's a lot of

even bigger dick holes out there than

him so how bad could it be maybe we can

make this work

or maybe you have a career and you're

working on some career but then you have

some business idea and you're really

excited bout this new business idea and

you're thinking maybe about changing

career here like well I don't really

like this career anymore so let me go

start my own business but I got to work

on this you know I got to do the

research I got to lay the groundwork for

starting my own business before I can

drop this career so you're doing that

and you're excited because you have this

new business project and you're working

on it and let's say you're working on it

on the weekends and you're working

working for a couple weeks maybe a month

goes by and then after a month what

happens the homeostasis kicks in and

your emotions pull you back and you

start saying stuff like like this to

yourself you're like well you know I

have been working real hard for the last

month and you know it is kind of like

I'm working two jobs now it's like I

have my old career now I've got this

thing I mean I'm really stressing myself

I should give myself a little break

right let me go play some video games

let me go relax with my girlfriend or

whatever and then that business project

just kind of gets forgotten gets left on

the sidelines and you never pick it up

again and it just collects dust or what

about when you try to wake up earlier

let's say you got this habit of waking

up at noon I've had a problem with that

and then you want to be waking up at

6:00 a.m. how do you make that change

you tell yourself all right from now on

I'm really serious about this I'm

changing my life I'm gonna be waking up

at 6 a.m. every morning Eva the weekends

and then you go in it and you do it for

a couple of weeks and then what

happens you start the backslide and you

start to say yourself well but I'm

working so hard I should get a little

extra time to sleep in and it's like I

really I really worked extra hard last

week so that that allows me to get a bit

later and then later and later and then

later and then later and then before you

know you're waking up at 3:00 p.m. how

about eating cleaner ever try that

cleaning up your diet man do I even need

to go into the details of how that works

I mean it's all the same thing

right yeah get excited about eating

clean and you do it you do it you do it

do it and then you start creeping back

back back to your nasty old habits

because your friends pull you back in

your mind starts telling you well I've


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