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Weird Short Stories by a Weird Canadian, Why I Came to Work Late: An Excuse from Mr. Rasch

Why I Came to Work Late: An Excuse from Mr. Rasch

Mr. Rasch's boss said to Mr. Rasch, "Oh, you're finally here! Where've you been all morning? I sent you to Mr. Meinke's company at 9 this morning and now it's quarter after two!" Why I Came to Work Late: An Excuse from Mr. Rasch

Ah, sir, good sir! Is it really quarter after two already? Oh, I am so, so sorry, good sir, that my time machine apparently didn't work. Maybe that's because I don't have a time machine... yeah... I think that's why. A good reason, say I! Anyway, I drove to Meinke's unbelievably slowly, because I was under the delusion that I was a dog, and dogs must drive very carefully, of course, as they do not have driver's licenses (everyone knows that). Luckily, the streets were totally empty! Otherwise, that could have been unimaginably dangerous! Anyway, I accidentally drove to the pet store and bought a puppy. And then I quickly made my way to the company, since my delusion had ended. When I arrived, the secretary was pouring a cup of coffee. She poured coffee very beautifully, so I told her, "You pour coffee very beautifully. " "Thank you, oh handsome sir," she answered me, but that was a lie and she actually said, "Please stop staring at me." "No, I don't want to, sweetheart," I retorted and subsequently had to fill out sexual harassment forms. And it takes a long time to fill out sexual harassment forms. Everyone knows that. It was quite pleasant, though, because I quite enjoy writing down my personal information on government forms. Afterwards, I spoke with Mr. Meinke. As I forgot what my task, job and even for a few minutes my name was, we simply talked about what colour he should paint his office. He liked my suggestion of "bright green with purple polka-dots and perhaps a few drawings of drunken zebras" so much that he gave me a free telephone number to a well-known local asylum. What a friendly man! As I was exiting Mr. Meinke's office, the aforementioned secretary said hello to me. "I like the way you fill out sexual harassment forms," she said with a sly smile. "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have seventeen cents," I replied arguably less slyly and then she invited out to dinner. Since wine with a sly secretary who I just met is definitely far more important than my career (no offense, sir! ), of course I went out to lunch with her. I showed her my drawings of drunken zebras, since I always keep them on me. "These are so well-drawn!" she exclaimed. "I'm almost a pro at drawing drunken zebras," I explained. After dinner, I drove my new friend home. "Call me!" she yelled as she entered the house. I went back to the car and immediately tried to call her, but I accidentally called the mental asylum. Even though they offered me more ice cream than you could ever possibly want, I drove back to our company because I'm a dutiful employee. So... you see, sir, that's the reason why I'm a tiny bit late. And guess what! Here's the puppy that I accidentally bought! You can only have him if you don't fire me.


Why I Came to Work Late: An Excuse from Mr. Rasch

Mr. Rasch's boss said to Mr. Rasch, "Oh, you're finally here! Where've you been all morning? I sent you to Mr. Meinke's company at 9 this morning and now it's quarter after two!" Why I Came to Work Late: An Excuse from Mr. Rasch

Ah, sir, good sir! Is it really quarter after two already? Oh, I am so, so sorry, good sir, that my time machine apparently didn't work. Maybe that's because I don't have a time machine... yeah... I think that's why. A good reason, say I! Anyway, I drove to Meinke's unbelievably slowly, because I was under the delusion that I was a dog, and dogs must drive very carefully, of course, as they do not have driver's licenses (everyone knows that). Luckily, the streets were totally empty! Otherwise, that could have been unimaginably dangerous! Anyway, I accidentally drove to the pet store and bought a puppy. And then I quickly made my way to the company, since my delusion had ended. When I arrived, the secretary was pouring a cup of coffee. She poured coffee very beautifully, so I told her, "You pour coffee very beautifully. "  "Thank you, oh handsome sir," she answered me, but that was a lie and she actually said, "Please stop staring at me." "No, I don't want to, sweetheart," I retorted and subsequently had to fill out sexual harassment forms. And it takes a long time to fill out sexual harassment forms. Everyone knows that. It was quite pleasant, though, because I quite enjoy writing down my personal information on government forms. Afterwards, I spoke with Mr. Meinke. As I forgot what my task, job and even for a few minutes my name was, we simply talked about what colour he should paint his office. He liked my suggestion of "bright green with purple polka-dots and perhaps a few drawings of drunken zebras" so much that he gave me a free telephone number to a well-known local asylum. What a friendly man! As I was exiting Mr. Meinke's office, the aforementioned secretary said hello to me. "I like the way you fill out sexual harassment forms," she said with a sly smile. "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have seventeen cents," I replied arguably less slyly and then she invited out to dinner. Since wine with a sly secretary who I just met is definitely far more important than my career (no offense, sir! ), of course I went out to lunch with her. I showed her my drawings of drunken zebras, since I always keep them on me. "These are so well-drawn!" she exclaimed. "I'm almost a pro at drawing drunken zebras," I explained. After dinner, I drove my new friend home. "Call me!" she yelled as she entered the house. I went back to the car and immediately tried to call her, but I accidentally called the mental asylum. Even though they offered me more ice cream than you could ever possibly want, I drove back to our company because I'm a dutiful employee. So... you see, sir, that's the reason why I'm a tiny bit late. And guess what! Here's the puppy that I accidentally bought! You can only have him if you don't fire me.