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TED, Helen Fisher: The brain in love

Helen Fisher: The brain in love

I and my colleagues Art Aron and Lucy Brown and others, have put 37 people who are madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner.17 who were happily in love, 15 who had just been dumped,and we're just starting our third experiment:studying people who report that they're still in love after 10 to 25 years of marriage.So, this is the short story of that research.

In the jungles of Guatemala, in Tikal, stands a temple. It was built by the grandest Sun King,of the grandest city-state, of the grandest civilization of the Americas, the Mayas.His name was Jasaw Chan K'awiil .He stood over six feet tall. He lived into his 80s,and he was buried beneath this monument in 720 AD. And Mayan inscriptions proclaim that he was deeply in love with his wife.So, he built a temple in her honor, facing his. And every spring and autumn, exactly at the equinox, the sun rises behind his temple,and perfectly bathes her temple with his shadow. And as the sun sets behind her temple in the afternoon, it perfectly bathes his temple with her shadow. After 1,300 years, these two lovers still touch and kiss from their tomb.

Around the world, people love.They sing for love, they dance for love, they compose poems and stories about love.They tell myths and legends about love.They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. As Walt Whitman once said,he said, "Oh, I would stake all for you. "Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies.They've never found a society that did not have it.

But love isn't always a happy experience. In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love, but the two that stood out to me the most were,"Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?" And the second question was,"Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you? "And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both. Almost nobody gets out of love alive.

So, before I start telling you about the brain, I want to read for you what I think is the most powerful love poem on Earth. There's other love poems that are, of course, just as good, but I don't think this one can be surpassed. It was told by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian of southern Alaska to a missionary in 1896, and here it is. I've never had the opportunity to say it before. "Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you. Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you. Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you,consumed by fire with my love for you.I remember what you said to me. I am thinking of your love for me. I am torn by your love for me. Pain and more pain -- where are you going with my love? I am told you will go from here. I am told you will leave me here. My body is numb with grief. Remember what I said, my love. Goodbye, my love, goodbye. "Emily Dickinson once wrote,"Parting is all we need to know of hell. "How many people have suffered in all the millions of years of human evolution? How many people around the world are dancing with elation at this very minute? Romantic love is one of the most powerful sensations on Earth.

So, several years ago, I decided to look into the brain and study this madness.Our first study of people who were happily in love has been widely publicized,so I'm only going to say a very little about it. We found activity in a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain called the ventral tegmental area.We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells,cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant, and spray it to many brain regions. Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain's reward system. It's way below your cognitive thinking process. It's below your emotions. It's part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain,associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving. In fact, the same brain region where we found activity becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine.

But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high -- at least you come down from cocaine. Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you.You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being.Somebody is camping in your head.As an eighth-century Japanese poet said,"My longing had no time when it ceases. "Wild is love.And the obsession can get worse when you've been rejected.

So, right now, Lucy Brown and I, the neuroscientist on our project, are looking at the data of the people who were put into the machine after they had just been dumped. It was very difficult actually, putting these people in the machine,because they were in such bad shape. (Laughter) So anyway, we found activity in three brain regions.We found activity in the brain region, in exactly the same brain region associated with intense romantic love. What a bad deal. You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life --but no, you just love them harder. As the poet Terence, the Roman poet once said, he said, "The less my hope, the hotter my love. "And indeed, we now know why. Two thousand years later, we can explain this in the brain. That brain system -- the reward system for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus --becomes more active when you can't get what you want. In this case, life's greatest prize:an appropriate mating partner.

We found activity in other brain regions also --in a brain region associated with calculating gains and losses.You know, you're lying there, you're looking at the picture, and you're in this machine, and you're calculating, you know, what went wrong. How, you know, what have I lost? As a matter of fact, Lucy and I have a little joke about this. It comes from a David Mamet play, and there's two con artists in the play, and the woman is conning the man, and the man looks at the woman and says,"Oh, you're a bad pony, I'm not going to bet on you. "And indeed, it's this part of the brain, the core of the nucleus accumbens, actually, that is becoming active as you're measuring your gains and losses.It's also the brain region that becomes active when you're willing to take enormous risks for huge gains and huge losses.

Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region associated with deep attachment to another individual. No wonder people suffer around the world, and we have so many crimes of passion. When you've been rejected in love, not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love, but you're feeling deep attachment to this individual. More over, this brain circuit for reward is working, and you're feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation and the willingness to risk it all to win life's greatest prize.

So, what have I learned from this experiment that I would like to tell the world? Foremost, I have come to think that romantic love is a drive, a basic mating drive. Not the sex drive -- the sex drive gets you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy on just one at a time, conserve your mating energy, and start the mating process with this single individual. I think of all the poetry that I've read about romantic love, what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato, over 2,000 years ago. He said, "The god of love lives in a state of need. It is a need. It is an urge. It is a homeostatic imbalance. Like hunger and thirst, it's almost impossible to stamp out. "I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction:a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly.

And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction. You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them, you crave them, you distort reality, your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person. And it's got the three main characteristics of addiction: tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more; withdrawals; and last, relapse. I've got a girlfriend who's just getting over a terrible love affair. It's been about eight months, she's beginning to feel better. And she was driving along in her car the other day, and suddenly she heard a song on the car radio that reminded her of this man. And she -- not only did the instant craving come back, but she had to pull over from the side of the road and cry. So, one thing I would like the medical community, and the legal community, and even the college community, to see if they can understand, that indeed, romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on Earth.

I would also like to tell the world that animals love. There's not an animal on this planet that will copulate with anything that comes along. Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won't do it. Unless you're stuck in a laboratory cage --and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box, you're not going to be as picky about who you have sex with --but I've looked in a hundred species, and every where in the wild, animals have favorites. As a matter of fact ethologists know this. There are over eight words for what they call "animal favoritism: "selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice. And indeed, there are now three academic articles in which they've looked at this attraction, which may only last for a second, but it's a definite attraction, and either this same brain region, this reward system ,or the chemicals of that reward system are involved. In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant --you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant. And I think that this is really the origin of what you and I call "love at first sight."

People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. And I just simply say, "Hardly. "You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and then when you sit down and eat that cake, you can still feel that joy. And certainly, I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too, but it's really deepened my understanding and compassion, really, for all human life. As a matter of fact, in New York, I often catch myself looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot. And in fact, sometimes I feel a little sorry for the chicken on my dinner plate, when I think of how intense this brain system is. Our newest experiment has been hatched by my colleague, Art Aron --putting people who are reporting that they are still in love, in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI. We've put five people in so far, and indeed, we found exactly the same thing. They're not lying. The brain area is associated with intense romantic love still become active, 25 years later.

There are still many questions to be answered and asked about romantic love. The question that I'm working on right this minute --and I'm only going to say it for a second, and then end - is, why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another? I never would have even thought to think of this, but Match.com, the Internet-dating site, came to me three years ago and asked me that question. And I said, I don't know. I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love, but I don't know why you fall in love with one person rather than another. And so, I've spent the last three years on this. And there are many reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another, that psychologists can tell you. And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background, the same general level of intelligence, the same general level of good looks, the same religious values. Your childhood certainly plays a role, but nobody knows how. And that's about it, that's all they know. No, they've never found the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship.

So, it began to occur to me that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another. And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. I think we've evolved four very broad personality types associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain. And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry. com, I ask you first a series of questions to see to what degree you express these chemicals, and I'm watching who chooses who to love. And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America. About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries. I'm putting the data together now, and at some point -- there will always be magic to love, but I think I will come closer to understanding why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background, your same general level of intelligence, your same general level of good looks, and you don't feel pulled towards all of them. I think there's biology to that. I think we're going to end up, in the next few years, to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms that pull us to one person rather than another.

So, I will close with this. These are my older people. Faulkner once said, "The past is not dead, it's not even the past. "Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain. And so, there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature, and this reminds me of it. These are two women. Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do. Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking. We swivel towards each other, we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk. This is intimacy to women. I think it comes from millions of years of holding that baby in front of your face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing. (Laughter) As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away. (Laughter) I think it comes from millions of years of standing behind that -- sitting behind the bush, looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock. (Laughter) I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies, they sat side by side with friends. So my final statement is: love is in us. It's deeply embedded in the brain. Our challenge is to understand each other. Thank you. (Applause)

Helen Fisher: The brain in love Helen Fisher: Das verliebte Gehirn Helen Fisher: Fisher: Ο εγκέφαλος στον έρωτα Helen Fisher: El cerebro enamorado Helen Fisher : Le cerveau amoureux ヘレン・フィッシャー恋する脳 Helen Fisher: Zakochany mózg Helen Fisher: O cérebro no amor Хелен Фишер: Влюбленный мозг Helen Fisher: Zaljubljeni možgani Helen Fisher: Aşık beyin Хелен Фішер: Закоханий мозок 海伦·费舍尔:恋爱中的大脑 海倫·費舍爾:愛情中的大腦

I and my colleagues Art Aron and Lucy Brown and others, have put 37 people who are madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner.17 who were happily in love, 15 who had just been dumped,and we're just starting our third experiment:studying people who report that they're still in love after 10 to 25 years of marriage.So, this is the short story of that research. Ich und meine Kollegen Art Aron und Lucy Brown und andere haben 37 Menschen, die wahnsinnig verliebt sind, in einen funktionellen MRT-Gehirnscanner gesteckt. 17, die glücklich verliebt waren, 15, die gerade verlassen wurden, und wir beginnen gerade unser drittes Experiment: die Untersuchung von Menschen, die berichten, dass sie nach 10 bis 25 Jahren Ehe immer noch verliebt sind.Dies ist also die kurze Geschichte dieser Forschung. Mis colegas Art Aron, Lucy Brown y yo, y otros, pusimos a 37 personas que están locamente enamoradas en un escáner cerebral de resonancia magnética funcional. Experimento: estudiar a personas que informan que todavía están enamoradas después de 10 a 25 años de matrimonio. Entonces, esta es la historia corta de esa investigación. Jaz in moji kolegi Art Aron in Lucy Brown ter drugi smo 37 ljudi, ki so noro zaljubljeni, dali v funkcionalni MRI možganski skener. 17 ljudi, ki so bili srečno zaljubljeni, 15, ki so bili pravkar zapuščeni, in pravkar začenjamo tretje raziskovanje. eksperiment: preučevanje ljudi, ki poročajo, da so še vedno zaljubljeni po 10 do 25 letih zakona. Torej, to je kratka zgodba te raziskave. 我和我的同事阿特·阿伦 (Art Aron) 和露西·布朗 (Lucy Brown) 以及其他人,对 37 名疯狂相爱的人进行了功能性 MRI 脑部扫描仪。其中 17 名正在幸福地恋爱,15 名刚刚被抛弃,而我们刚刚开始第三次恋爱。实验:研究那些声称自己在结婚 10 到 25 年后仍然相爱的人。所以,这就是该研究的简短故事。

In the jungles of Guatemala, in Tikal, stands a temple. En las selvas de Guatemala, en Tikal, se levanta un templo. V džungli Gvatemale, v Tikalu, stoji tempelj. 在危地马拉蒂卡尔的丛林中,矗立着一座寺庙。 It was built by the grandest Sun King,of the grandest city-state, of the grandest civilization of the Americas, the Mayas.His name was Jasaw Chan K'awiil .He stood over six feet tall. Fue construido por el Rey Sol más grandioso, de la ciudad-estado más grandiosa, de la civilización más grandiosa de las Américas, los mayas. Su nombre era Jasaw Chan K'awiil. Medía más de seis pies de altura. これは、最も壮大な都市国家の最も壮大なサンキング、アメリカ大陸の最も偉大な文明であるマヤスによって建てられました。彼の名前はジャソー・チャン・カウィールでした。彼は6フィート以上の高さに立っていました。 Zgradil ga je največji sončni kralj, največjega mesta-države, največje civilizacije Amerike, Majev. Ime mu je bilo Jasaw Chan K'awiil. Bil je visok več kot šest metrov. 它是由最伟大的太阳王、最伟大的城邦、美洲最伟大的文明玛雅人建造的。他的名字叫贾索·陈·卡维尔。他身高超过六英尺。 He lived into his 80s,and he was buried beneath this monument in 720 AD. Vivió hasta los 80 años y fue enterrado debajo de este monumento en el año 720 d.C. Он дожил до 80 лет и был похоронен под этим памятником в 720 году нашей эры. Dočakal je 80 let in bil pokopan pod tem spomenikom leta 720 našega štetja. 他活到了 80 多岁,于公元 720 年被埋葬在这座纪念碑下。 And Mayan inscriptions proclaim that he was deeply in love with his wife.So, he built a temple in her honor, facing his. А надписи майя гласят, что он был глубоко влюблен в свою жену. Поэтому он построил в ее честь храм напротив своей. In majevski napisi razglašajo, da je bil globoko zaljubljen v svojo ženo. Zato je zgradil tempelj v njeno čast, nasproti njegovega. 玛雅铭文表明他深深地爱着他的妻子。因此,他为她建造了一座寺庙,面向他的妻子。 And every spring and autumn, exactly at the equinox, the sun rises behind his temple,and perfectly bathes her temple with his shadow. И каждую весну и осень, ровно в день равноденствия, солнце встает за его храмом, и прекрасно омывает ее храм своей тенью. In vsako pomlad in jesen, točno ob enakonočju, sonce vzide izza njegovega templja in popolnoma okopa njen tempelj s svojo senco. 而每年春秋两季,正是春分时分,太阳从他的太阳穴后面升起,将她的太阳穴完美地沐浴在他的影子下。 And as the sun sets behind her temple in the afternoon, it perfectly bathes his temple with her shadow. И когда солнце днем садится за ее висок, оно прекрасно омывает его висок ее тенью. In ko sonce popoldne zaide za njen tempelj, popolnoma okopa njegov tempelj s svojo senco. 下午,当太阳落在她的太阳穴后面时,她的影子完美地沐浴在他的太阳穴上。 After 1,300 years, these two lovers still touch and kiss from their tomb. Po 1300 letih se zaljubljenca še vedno dotikata in poljubljata iz svoje grobnice.

Around the world, people love.They sing for love, they dance for love, they compose poems and stories about love.They tell myths and legends about love.They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. Во всем мире люди любят. Ради любви поют, ради любви танцуют, о любви слагают стихи и рассказы. О любви рассказывают мифы и легенды. Ради любви тоскуют, ради любви живут, ради любви убивают, умереть за любовь. Po vsem svetu ljudje ljubijo. Pojejo za ljubezen, plešejo za ljubezen, pišejo pesmi in zgodbe o ljubezni. Pripovedujejo mite in legende o ljubezni. Hrepenijo za ljubeznijo, živijo za ljubezen, ubijajo za ljubezen in umreti za ljubezen. As Walt Whitman once said,he said, "Oh, I would stake all for you. Wie Walt Whitman einmal sagte, sagte er: "Oh, ich würde alles für dich einsetzen. Como dijo una vez Walt Whitman, dijo: "Oh, lo apostaría todo por ti. Как однажды сказал Уолт Уитмен, он сказал: «О, я бы поставил на кон все ради вас. Kot je nekoč rekel Walt Whitman, je rekel: "Oh, vse bi zastavil zate. "Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies.They've never found a society that did not have it. "Antropologi so našli dokaze romantične ljubezni v 170 družbah. Nikoli niso našli družbe, ki je ne bi imela.

But love isn't always a happy experience. Toda ljubezen ni vedno srečna izkušnja. In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love, but the two that stood out to me the most were,"Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?" V eni raziskavi študentov so postavljali veliko vprašanj o ljubezni, a dve, ki sta me najbolj izstopali, sta bili: "Ali vas je že kdaj zavrnil nekdo, ki ste ga resnično ljubili?" 在一项针对大学生的研究中,他们问了很多关于爱情的问题,但对我来说最突出的两个问题是,“你是否曾被你真正爱的人拒绝过?” And the second question was,"Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you? И второй вопрос был: «Вы когда-нибудь бросали кого-то, кто действительно любил вас? In drugo vprašanje je bilo: "Ste že kdaj zavrgli nekoga, ki vas je res ljubil?" "And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both. "In skoraj 95 odstotkov moških in žensk je reklo da obema. “几乎 95% 的男性和女性都对两者都表示同意。 Almost nobody gets out of love alive. Casi nadie sale vivo del amor. Iz ljubezni se skoraj nihče ne reši živ. 几乎没有人能活着脱离爱情。

So, before I start telling you about the brain, I want to read for you what I think is the most powerful love poem on Earth. Torej, preden vam začnem govoriti o možganih, bi vam rad prebral tisto, kar mislim, da je najmočnejša ljubezenska pesem na Zemlji. There's other love poems that are, of course, just as good, but I don't think this one can be surpassed. Hay otros poemas de amor que son, por supuesto, igual de buenos, pero no creo que este pueda ser superado. Есть и другие стихи о любви, которые, конечно, так же хороши, но я не думаю, что это можно превзойти. Obstajajo tudi druge ljubezenske pesmi, ki so seveda prav tako dobre, a mislim, da te ni mogoče preseči. It was told by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian of southern Alaska to a missionary in 1896, and here it is. Se lo contó un indio kwakiutl anónimo del sur de Alaska a un misionero en 1896, y aquí está. To je povedal anonimni Kwakiutl Indijanec iz južne Aljaske misijonarju leta 1896 in tukaj je. I've never had the opportunity to say it before. Nikoli prej nisem imel priložnosti tega povedati. "Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you. "Fuego recorre mi cuerpo con el dolor de amarte. "あなたを愛する痛みで私の体を炎が走る。 "Ogenj teče skozi moje telo z bolečino, da te ljubim. Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you. Bolečina teče skozi moje telo z ognjem moje ljubezni do tebe. Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you,consumed by fire with my love for you.I remember what you said to me. ألم مثل الدمل على وشك أن ينفجر بحبي لك ، تلتهمه النار بحبي لك ، أتذكر ما قلته لي. Dolor como un forúnculo a punto de estallar con mi amor por ti, consumido por el fuego con mi amor por ti. Recuerdo lo que me dijiste. Боль, как нарыв, вот-вот лопнет от моей любви к тебе, сожженный огнем моей любви к тебе. Я помню, что ты мне говорила. Bolečina kot vrelec, ki bo kmalu počil od moje ljubezni do tebe, požrl ogenj od moje ljubezni do tebe. Spominjam se, kaj si mi rekel. I am thinking of your love for me. Mislim na tvojo ljubezen do mene. I am torn by your love for me. Estoy desgarrado por tu amor por mí. Я разрываюсь от твоей любви ко мне. Raztrgan sem zaradi tvoje ljubezni do mene. Pain and more pain -- where are you going with my love? Bolečina in še več bolečine -- kam greš z mojo ljubeznijo? I am told you will go from here. Rečeno mi je, da boš šel od tu. I am told you will leave me here. Мне сказали, что ты оставишь меня здесь. Rekli so mi, da me boste pustili tukaj. My body is numb with grief. Мое тело онемело от горя. Moje telo je otopelo od žalosti. Remember what I said, my love. Goodbye, my love, goodbye. "Emily Dickinson once wrote,"Parting is all we need to know of hell. «Эмили Дикинсон однажды написала: «Расставание — это все, что нам нужно знать об аде. "Emily Dickinson je nekoč zapisala:" Ločitev je vse, kar moramo vedeti o peklu. "How many people have suffered in all the millions of years of human evolution? "Wie viele Menschen haben in all den Millionen Jahren der menschlichen Evolution gelitten? How many people around the world are dancing with elation at this very minute? Сколько людей во всем мире танцуют от восторга в эту самую минуту? Romantic love is one of the most powerful sensations on Earth. Романтическая любовь – одно из самых сильных ощущений на Земле.

So, several years ago, I decided to look into the brain and study this madness.Our first study of people who were happily in love has been widely publicized,so I'm only going to say a very little about it. Zato sem se pred nekaj leti odločil pogledati v možgane in preučiti to norost. Naša prva študija o srečno zaljubljenih ljudeh je bila široko razglašena, zato bom o njej povedal le zelo malo. We found activity in a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain called the ventral tegmental area.We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells,cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant, and spray it to many brain regions. Мы обнаружили активность в крошечной фабрике возле основания мозга, называемой вентральной областью покрышки. Мы обнаружили активность в некоторых клетках, называемых клетками А10, клетках, которые на самом деле производят дофамин, естественный стимулятор, и распыляют его во многих областях мозга. Ugotovili smo aktivnost v majhni majhni tovarni blizu baze možganov, imenovani ventralno tegmentalno področje. Ugotovili smo aktivnost v nekaterih celicah, imenovanih celice A10, celicah, ki dejansko proizvajajo dopamin, naravni stimulans, in ga razpršijo v številne predele možganov. Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain's reward system. Действительно, эта часть, VTA, является частью системы вознаграждения мозга. It's way below your cognitive thinking process. To je daleč pod vašim kognitivnim miselnim procesom. It's below your emotions. Это ниже ваших эмоций. To je pod tvojimi čustvi. It's part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain,associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving. Это часть того, что мы называем рептильным ядром мозга, связанного с желанием, мотивацией, вниманием и страстным желанием. Je del tega, čemur pravimo plazilsko jedro možganov, ki je povezano z željo, motivacijo, osredotočenostjo in hrepenenjem. In fact, the same brain region where we found activity becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine. Pravzaprav ista možganska regija, kjer smo ugotovili aktivnost, postane aktivna tudi, ko začutite naval kokaina.

But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high -- at least you come down from cocaine. Toda romantična ljubezen je veliko več kot kokainska droga – vsaj kokaina se spustite. Romantic love is an obsession. Romantična ljubezen je obsedenost. It possesses you.You lose your sense of self. Оно овладевает вами. Вы теряете чувство собственного достоинства. Obsede te. Izgubiš občutek za sebe. You can't stop thinking about another human being.Somebody is camping in your head.As an eighth-century Japanese poet said,"My longing had no time when it ceases. Du kannst nicht aufhören, an einen anderen Menschen zu denken. Jemand zeltet in deinem Kopf. Wie ein japanischer Dichter aus dem achten Jahrhundert sagte: "Meine Sehnsucht hatte keine Zeit, in der sie aufhörte. No puedes dejar de pensar en otro ser humano. Alguien está acampando en tu cabeza. Como dijo un poeta japonés del siglo VIII: "Mi anhelo no tiene tiempo cuando cesa". Вы не можете перестать думать о другом человеческом существе. Кто-то ночует в вашей голове. Как сказал японский поэт восьмого века: «У моей тоски не было времени, чтобы утихнуть. Ne moreš nehati razmišljati o drugem človeku. Nekdo tabori v tvoji glavi. Kot je rekel japonski pesnik iz osmega stoletja: »Moje hrepenenje ni imelo časa, ko je prenehalo. "Wild is love.And the obsession can get worse when you've been rejected. "Wild is liefde. En de obsessie kan erger worden als je afgewezen bent. "Divja je ljubezen. In obsedenost se lahko poslabša, ko te zavrnejo.

So, right now, Lucy Brown and I, the neuroscientist on our project, are looking at the data of the people who were put into the machine after they had just been dumped. Entonces, en este momento, Lucy Brown y yo, la neurocientífica de nuestro proyecto, estamos viendo los datos de las personas que se pusieron en la máquina después de que acababan de ser desechadas. Tako zdaj Lucy Brown in jaz, nevroznanstvenica pri našem projektu, gledava podatke ljudi, ki so bili vstavljeni v stroj, potem ko so bili pravkar odvrženi. It was very difficult actually, putting these people in the machine,because they were in such bad shape. De hecho, fue muy difícil poner a estas personas en la máquina, porque estaban en muy mal estado. На самом деле было очень трудно поместить этих людей в машину, потому что они были в очень плохом состоянии. Pravzaprav je bilo zelo težko spraviti te ljudi v stroj, ker so bili v tako slabem stanju. (Laughter) So anyway, we found activity in three brain regions.We found activity in the brain region, in exactly the same brain region associated with intense romantic love. (Smeh) Kakorkoli že, našli smo aktivnost v treh možganskih regijah. Našli smo aktivnost v možganski regiji, v točno isti možganski regiji, ki je povezana z intenzivno romantično ljubeznijo. What a bad deal. Que mal trato. Какая плохая сделка. Kako slab posel. You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life --but no, you just love them harder. Sabes, cuando te han dejado, lo único que te encanta hacer es olvidarte de este ser humano y luego seguir con tu vida, pero no, simplemente lo amas más. Veš, ko te zapustijo, je edina stvar, ki jo rad narediš, ta, da preprosto pozabiš na to človeško bitje in potem nadaljuješ s svojim življenjem --ampak ne, samo še močneje jih ljubiš. As the poet Terence, the Roman poet once said, he said, "The less my hope, the hotter my love. Como dijo una vez el poeta Terence, el poeta romano, dijo: "Mientras menos esperanza, más ardiente es mi amor. Kot je nekoč rekel pesnik Terence, rimski pesnik, je rekel: »Manjše je moje upanje, bolj vroča je moja ljubezen. "And indeed, we now know why. "Y de hecho, ahora sabemos por qué. «И действительно, теперь мы знаем, почему. "In res, zdaj vemo, zakaj. Two thousand years later, we can explain this in the brain. That brain system -- the reward system for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus --becomes more active when you can't get what you want. Эта мозговая система — система вознаграждения за желание, за мотивацию, за страстное желание, за концентрацию — становится более активной, когда вы не можете получить то, что хотите. Ta možganski sistem -- sistem nagrajevanja za željo, za motivacijo, za hrepenenje, za osredotočenost -- postane bolj aktiven, ko ne morete dobiti, kar želite. In this case, life's greatest prize:an appropriate mating partner. В этом случае величайший приз жизни: подходящий партнер для спаривания. V tem primeru največja nagrada v življenju: ustrezen paritveni partner.

We found activity in other brain regions also --in a brain region associated with calculating gains and losses.You know, you're lying there, you're looking at the picture, and you're in this machine, and you're calculating, you know, what went wrong. Ugotovili smo aktivnost tudi v drugih predelih možganov -- v predelu možganov, ki je povezan z računanjem dobičkov in izgub. Veste, ležite tam, gledate sliko in ste v tem stroju in ste računanje, veste, kaj je šlo narobe. How, you know, what have I lost? Kako, veš, kaj sem izgubil? As a matter of fact, Lucy and I have a little joke about this. Pravzaprav imava z Lucy malo šalo o tem. It comes from a David Mamet play, and there's two con artists in the play, and the woman is conning the man, and the man looks at the woman and says,"Oh, you're a bad pony, I'm not going to bet on you. Es stammt aus einem Theaterstück von David Mamet, in dem es um zwei Betrüger geht, und die Frau betrügt den Mann, und der Mann sieht die Frau an und sagt: "Oh, du bist ein schlechtes Pferd, ich werde nicht auf dich setzen. Это взято из пьесы Дэвида Мэмета, и в пьесе есть два мошенника, и женщина обманывает мужчину, а мужчина смотрит на женщину и говорит: «О, ты плохая пони, я не собираюсь сделать ставку на вас. Prihaja iz igre Davida Mameta, v predstavi sta dva prevaranta in ženska prevara moškega, moški pa pogleda žensko in reče: "Oh, ti si slab poni, ne grem da stavim nate. "And indeed, it's this part of the brain, the core of the nucleus accumbens, actually, that is becoming active as you're measuring your gains and losses.It's also the brain region that becomes active when you're willing to take enormous risks for huge gains and huge losses. "Und tatsächlich ist es dieser Teil des Gehirns, der Kern des Nucleus accumbens, der aktiv wird, wenn man seine Gewinne und Verluste misst, und es ist auch die Gehirnregion, die aktiv wird, wenn man bereit ist, enorme Risiken für große Gewinne und große Verluste einzugehen. «И действительно, именно эта часть мозга, ядро прилежащего ядра, становится активной, когда вы измеряете свои приобретения и потери. риски огромных прибылей и огромных убытков. "In res je ta del možganov, jedro nucleus accumbens, pravzaprav tisti, ki postaja aktiven, ko merite svoje dobičke in izgube. To je tudi predel možganov, ki postane aktiven, ko ste pripravljeni sprejeti ogromne tveganja za velike dobičke in velike izgube.

Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region associated with deep attachment to another individual. И последнее, но не менее важное: мы обнаружили активность в области мозга, связанной с глубокой привязанностью к другому человеку. Nenazadnje smo našli aktivnost v možganski regiji, ki je povezana z globoko navezanostjo na drugega posameznika. No wonder people suffer around the world, and we have so many crimes of passion. Неудивительно, что люди страдают во всем мире, а у нас так много преступлений на почве страсти. Ni čudno, da ljudje trpijo po vsem svetu in imamo toliko zločinov iz strasti. When you've been rejected in love, not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love, but you're feeling deep attachment to this individual. Когда вас отвергли в любви, вы не только охвачены чувствами романтической любви, но и чувствуете глубокую привязанность к этому человеку. Ko ste bili v ljubezni zavrnjeni, vas ne prevzamejo le čustva romantične ljubezni, ampak čutite globoko navezanost na to osebo. More over, this brain circuit for reward is working, and you're feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation and the willingness to risk it all to win life's greatest prize. Más aún, este circuito cerebral de recompensas está funcionando y sientes una energía intensa, un enfoque intenso, una motivación intensa y la voluntad de arriesgarlo todo para ganar el mayor premio de la vida. Более того, эта мозговая схема вознаграждения работает, и вы чувствуете сильную энергию, сильную сосредоточенность, сильную мотивацию и готовность рискнуть всем, чтобы выиграть величайший приз в жизни. Še več, to možgansko vezje za nagrajevanje deluje in čutite intenzivno energijo, močno osredotočenost, močno motivacijo in pripravljenost tvegati vse, da osvojite največjo nagrado v življenju.

So, what have I learned from this experiment that I would like to tell the world? Torej, kaj sem se naučil iz tega eksperimenta, kar bi rad povedal svetu? Foremost, I have come to think that romantic love is a drive, a basic mating drive. Ante todo, he llegado a pensar que el amor romántico es un impulso, un impulso básico de apareamiento. Прежде всего, я пришел к выводу, что романтическая любовь — это влечение, основное брачное влечение. Predvsem sem začel razmišljati, da je romantična ljubezen nagon, osnovni nagon po parjenju. Not the sex drive -- the sex drive gets you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. Ne spolni nagon -- spolni nagon te popelje ven, iščeš celo vrsto partnerjev. Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy on just one at a time, conserve your mating energy, and start the mating process with this single individual. I think of all the poetry that I've read about romantic love, what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato, over 2,000 years ago. He said, "The god of love lives in a state of need. Романтическая любовь позволяет вам сосредоточить свою энергию спаривания только на одном человеке за раз, сохранить свою энергию спаривания и начать процесс спаривания с этим единственным человеком. Я думаю, что из всей поэзии, которую я читал о романтической любви, лучше всего ее резюмирует то, что сказал Платон более 2000 лет назад. Он сказал: «Бог любви живет в состоянии нужды. Romantična ljubezen vam omogoča, da svojo paritveno energijo osredotočite samo na enega naenkrat, ohranite svojo paritveno energijo in začnete paritveni proces s tem posameznikom. Mislim, da od vse poezije, ki sem jo prebral o romantični ljubezni, to najbolje povzame nekaj, kar je rekel Platon pred več kot 2000 leti. Rekel je: "Bog ljubezni živi v stiski. It is a need. To je potreba. It is an urge. Es un impulso. Это побуждение. To je nagon. It is a homeostatic imbalance. Это гомеостатический дисбаланс. Gre za homeostatsko neravnovesje. Like hunger and thirst, it's almost impossible to stamp out. Al igual que el hambre y la sed, es casi imposible de erradicar. Подобно голоду и жажде, его почти невозможно искоренить. Tako kot lakoto in žejo jo je skoraj nemogoče zatreti. "I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction:a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly. «Я также пришел к выводу, что романтическая любовь — это зависимость: совершенно замечательная зависимость, когда она идет хорошо, и совершенно ужасная зависимость, когда она идет плохо. "Prišel sem tudi do prepričanja, da je romantična ljubezen odvisnost: popolnoma čudovita odvisnost, ko gre dobro, in popolnoma grozna odvisnost, ko gre slabo.

And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction. You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them, you crave them, you distort reality, your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person. И действительно, он имеет все характеристики наркомании. Вы сосредотачиваетесь на человеке, вы навязчиво думаете о нем, вы жаждете его, вы искажаете реальность своей готовностью пойти на огромный риск, чтобы завоевать этого человека. In res, ima vse značilnosti zasvojenosti. Osredotočate se na osebo, obsesivno razmišljate o njej, hrepenite po njej, izkrivljate resničnost, svojo pripravljenost na ogromno tveganje, da bi pridobili to osebo. And it's got the three main characteristics of addiction: tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more; withdrawals; and last, relapse. Y tiene las tres características principales de la adicción: tolerancia, necesitas verlas más, y más, y más; retiros; y por último, la recaída. И у него есть три основные характеристики зависимости: терпимость, вам нужно видеть их больше, и больше, и больше; изъятия; и, наконец, рецидив. In ima tri glavne značilnosti zasvojenosti: strpnost, videti jih moraš več, in še, in še; dvigi; in nazadnje, ponovitev. I've got a girlfriend who's just getting over a terrible love affair. Tengo una novia que acaba de superar una terrible historia de amor. У меня есть девушка, которая только что пережила ужасный роман. Imam dekle, ki ravnokar preboleva strašno ljubezensko razmerje. It's been about eight months, she's beginning to feel better. Han pasado unos ocho meses y empieza a sentirse mejor. And she was driving along in her car the other day, and suddenly she heard a song on the car radio that reminded her of this man. And she -- not only did the instant craving come back, but she had to pull over from the side of the road and cry. И она - не только мгновенная тяга вернулась, но ей пришлось съехать с обочины и заплакать. So, one thing I would like the medical community, and the legal community, and even the college community, to see if they can understand, that indeed, romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on Earth. Итак, я хотел бы, чтобы медицинское сообщество, юридическое сообщество и даже сообщество колледжей увидели, смогут ли они понять, что романтическая любовь действительно является одним из самых вызывающих привыкание веществ на Земле. Torej, eno stvar bi rad, da medicinska skupnost, pravna skupnost in celo univerzitetna skupnost vidijo, ali lahko razumejo, da je romantična ljubezen res ena najbolj zasvojljivih snovi na Zemlji.

I would also like to tell the world that animals love. There's not an animal on this planet that will copulate with anything that comes along. Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won't do it. También me gustaría decirle al mundo que los animales aman. No hay un animal en este planeta que copule con cualquier cosa que se le presente. Demasiado viejo, demasiado joven, demasiado desaliñado, demasiado estúpido, y no lo harán. Я также хотел бы рассказать миру, что животные любят. На этой планете нет животного, которое будет совокупляться со всем, что попадется ему на пути. Слишком старые, слишком молодые, слишком неряшливые, слишком глупые, и они этого не сделают. Svetu bi rad povedal tudi, da imajo živali rade. Na tem planetu ni živali, ki bi se parila z vsem, kar pride zraven. Prestari, premladi, preveč neurejeni, preneumni in tega ne bodo storili. Unless you're stuck in a laboratory cage --and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box, you're not going to be as picky about who you have sex with --but I've looked in a hundred species, and every where in the wild, animals have favorites. A menos que estés atrapado en una jaula de laboratorio -y ya sabes, si pasas toda tu vida en una cajita, no vas a ser tan exigente sobre con quién tienes sexo-, pero he mirado en un centenar de especies, y en todas partes en la naturaleza, los animales tienen favoritos. Если только вы не застряли в лабораторной клетке — а вы знаете, если вы проведете всю свою жизнь в маленькой коробке, вы не будете так разборчивы в том, с кем заниматься сексом, — но я посмотрел в сотни видов, и везде в дикой природе у животных есть любимцы. Razen če si obtičal v laboratorijski kletki – in veš, če celo življenje preživiš v majhni škatli, ne boš tako izbirčen glede tega, s kom boš seksal – ampak pogledal sem v sto vrst in povsod v divjini imajo živali svoje najljubše. As a matter of fact ethologists know this. There are over eight words for what they call "animal favoritism: "selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice. На самом деле этологи знают об этом. Есть более восьми слов для того, что они называют «животным фаворитизмом»: «избирательная процептивность, выбор партнера, выбор женщины, сексуальный выбор». Pravzaprav etologi to vedo. Obstaja več kot osem besed za to, kar imenujejo "favoriziranje živali": "selektivna dojemljivost, izbira partnerja, izbira samice, spolna izbira". And indeed, there are now three academic articles in which they've looked at this attraction, which may only last for a second, but it's a definite attraction, and either this same brain region, this reward system ,or the chemicals of that reward system are involved. И действительно, теперь есть три академических статьи, в которых они рассматривали это влечение, которое может длиться всего секунду, но это определенное влечение, и либо та же самая область мозга, эта система вознаграждения, либо химические вещества этого вознаграждения. система задействована. In res, zdaj obstajajo trije akademski članki, v katerih so obravnavali to privlačnost, ki morda traja le sekundo, vendar je vsekakor privlačnost, in bodisi ta ista možganska regija, ta sistem nagrajevanja ali kemikalije te nagrade. vključen sistem. In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant --you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant. На самом деле, я думаю, что влечение к животным может быть мгновенным — вы можете увидеть, как слон мгновенно бросается на другого слона. Pravzaprav mislim, da je živalska privlačnost lahko takojšnja - vidite lahko, da se slon takoj odloči za drugega slona. And I think that this is really the origin of what you and I call "love at first sight." In mislim, da je to res izvor tega, kar ti in jaz imenujemo "ljubezen na prvi pogled."

People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. La gente me ha preguntado a menudo si lo que sé sobre el amor me lo ha echado a perder. Меня часто спрашивали, не испортило ли мне то, что я знаю о любви. Ljudje so me pogosto spraševali, ali me je to, kar vem o ljubezni, pokvarilo. And I just simply say, "Hardly. In preprosto rečem: "Komaj. "You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and then when you sit down and eat that cake, you can still feel that joy. »Lahko poznaš vsako posamezno sestavino v kosu čokoladne torte in potem, ko se usedeš in poješ to torto, lahko še vedno čutiš tisto veselje. And certainly, I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too, but it's really deepened my understanding and compassion, really, for all human life. И, конечно же, я совершаю те же ошибки, что и все остальные, но это действительно углубило мое понимание и сострадание ко всей человеческой жизни. In seveda delam enake napake kot vsi drugi, toda to je resnično poglobilo moje razumevanje in sočutje, v resnici, do vsega človeškega življenja. As a matter of fact, in New York, I often catch myself looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot. На самом деле, в Нью-Йорке я часто ловлю себя на том, что смотрю на детские коляски и немного жалею малыша. Pravzaprav se v New Yorku velikokrat zalotim, da gledam v otroške vozičke in mi je malčka malo žal. And in fact, sometimes I feel a little sorry for the chicken on my dinner plate, when I think of how intense this brain system is. In pravzaprav mi je včasih malo žal za piščancem na krožniku, ko pomislim, kako intenziven je ta možganski sistem. Our newest experiment has been hatched by my colleague, Art Aron --putting people who are reporting that they are still in love, in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI. Ons nieuwste experiment is uitgebroed door mijn collega Art Aron - door mensen die melden dat ze nog steeds verliefd zijn, in een langdurige relatie, in de functionele MRI te plaatsen. Наш новейший эксперимент был инициирован моим коллегой Артом Ароном — помещать людей, которые сообщают, что они все еще влюблены, в длительных отношениях, в функциональную МРТ. Naš najnovejši eksperiment je zasnoval moj kolega Art Aron -- dajanje ljudi, ki poročajo, da so še vedno zaljubljeni, v dolgotrajni zvezi, v funkcionalno magnetno resonanco. We've put five people in so far, and indeed, we found exactly the same thing. Doslej smo vključili pet ljudi in dejansko smo ugotovili popolnoma isto stvar. They're not lying. Ne lažejo. The brain area is associated with intense romantic love still become active, 25 years later.

There are still many questions to be answered and asked about romantic love. The question that I'm working on right this minute --and I'm only going to say it for a second, and then end - is, why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another? I never would have even thought to think of this, but Match.com, the Internet-dating site, came to me three years ago and asked me that question. And I said, I don't know. O romantični ljubezni je še vedno treba odgovoriti na številna vprašanja. Vprašanje, s katerim se ukvarjam ravno to minuto -- in to bom povedal samo za sekundo, nato pa končal -- je, zakaj se zaljubiš v eno osebo, namesto v drugo? Nikoli si ne bi niti pomislil na to, toda Match.com, spletna stran za zmenke, je pred tremi leti prišla k meni in me vprašala to vprašanje. In rekel sem, da ne vem. I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love, but I don't know why you fall in love with one person rather than another. Vem, kaj se zgodi v možganih, ko se zaljubiš, vendar ne vem, zakaj se zaljubiš v eno osebo, namesto v drugo. And so, I've spent the last three years on this. In tako sem zadnja tri leta porabil za to. And there are many reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another, that psychologists can tell you. And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background, the same general level of intelligence, the same general level of good looks, the same religious values. Your childhood certainly plays a role, but nobody knows how. И мы склонны влюбляться в кого-то из того же социально-экономического положения, того же общего уровня интеллекта, того же общего уровня привлекательности, тех же религиозных ценностей. Ваше детство, безусловно, играет роль, но никто не знает, как. In ponavadi se zaljubimo v nekoga iz istega socialno-ekonomskega okolja, iste splošne ravni inteligence, iste splošne ravni lepega videza, enakih verskih vrednot. Vaše otroštvo zagotovo igra vlogo, vendar nihče ne ve, kako. And that's about it, that's all they know. No, they've never found the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship. Ne, nikoli nista našla načina, kako se dve osebnosti ujemata v dober odnos.

So, it began to occur to me that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another. Итак, мне стало приходить в голову, что, возможно, ваша биология тянет вас к некоторым людям, а не к другим. Tako se mi je začelo dozdevati, da te morda tvoja biologija bolj vleče k nekaterim ljudem kot k drugim. And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. И я придумал анкету, чтобы узнать, в какой степени у вас вырабатывается дофамин, серотонин, эстроген и тестостерон. Sestavil sem vprašalnik, da vidim, do katere stopnje izražate dopamin, serotonin, estrogen in testosteron. I think we've evolved four very broad personality types associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain. Creo que hemos desarrollado cuatro tipos de personalidad muy amplios asociados con las proporciones de estos cuatro químicos en el cerebro. Я думаю, что мы развили четыре очень широких типа личности, связанных с соотношением этих четырех химических веществ в мозгу. Mislim, da smo razvili štiri zelo široke tipe osebnosti, povezane z razmerji teh štirih kemikalij v možganih. And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry. In na tem spletnem mestu za zmenke, ki sem ga ustvaril in se imenuje Chemistry. com, I ask you first a series of questions to see to what degree you express these chemicals, and I'm watching who chooses who to love. com, najprej ti zastavim vrsto vprašanj, da vidim, v kolikšni meri izražaš te kemikalije, in opazujem, kdo izbira, koga bo ljubil. And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America. А анкету в Америке заполнили 3,7 миллиона человек. About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries. I'm putting the data together now, and at some point -- there will always be magic to love, but I think I will come closer to understanding why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background, your same general level of intelligence, your same general level of good looks, and you don't feel pulled towards all of them. Ahora estoy reuniendo los datos, y en algún momento... siempre habrá magia para el amor, pero creo que me acercaré a entender por qué puedes entrar en una habitación y todo el mundo es de tu misma procedencia, tu mismo nivel general de inteligencia, tu mismo nivel general de buena apariencia, y no te sientes atraído hacia todos ellos. Сейчас я собираю данные воедино, и в какой-то момент — любовь всегда будет волшебной, но я думаю, что я подойду ближе к пониманию того, почему вы можете войти в комнату, а все — из вашего прошлого, вашего же самого. общий уровень интеллекта, такой же общий уровень привлекательности, и вы не чувствуете притяжения ко всем из них. Zdaj združujem podatke in na neki točki -- vedno bo obstajala čarovnija, ki jo bom ljubil, vendar mislim, da se bom približal razumevanju, zakaj lahko vstopiš v sobo in so vsi iz tvojega okolja, tvojega istega splošna raven inteligence, vaša splošna raven dobrega videza in ne čutite, da bi vas vleklo vse. I think there's biology to that. I think we're going to end up, in the next few years, to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms that pull us to one person rather than another. Mislim, da bomo v naslednjih nekaj letih razumeli vse vrste možganskih mehanizmov, ki nas vlečejo k eni osebi in ne k drugi.

So, I will close with this. These are my older people. Faulkner once said, "The past is not dead, it's not even the past. "Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain. «Действительно, мы носим в человеческом мозгу много багажа прошлого. »V človeških možganih res nosimo veliko prtljage iz preteklosti. And so, there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature, and this reminds me of it. In tako obstaja ena stvar, zaradi katere si prizadevam za svoje razumevanje človeške narave, in to me spominja na to. These are two women. To sta dve ženski. Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do. Женщины, как правило, получают близость иначе, чем мужчины. Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking. We swivel towards each other, we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk. Giramos el uno hacia el otro, hacemos lo que llamamos la "mirada de anclaje" y hablamos. Мы поворачиваемся друг к другу, делаем то, что мы называем «якорным взглядом», и говорим. Zasučemo se drug proti drugemu, počnemo tako imenovani "zasidrani pogled" in se pogovarjamo. This is intimacy to women. To je za ženske intimnost. I think it comes from millions of years of holding that baby in front of your face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. Creo que viene de millones de años de tener a ese bebé delante de la cara, engatusarlo, reprenderlo, educarlo con palabras. Я думаю, это происходит от миллионов лет, когда вы держали этого ребенка перед своим лицом, уговаривали его, ругали его, обучали его словами. Mislim, da izvira iz milijonov let držanja tega otroka pred obrazom, ga prigovarjanja, grajanja, izobraževanja z besedami. Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing. Los hombres tienden a conseguir intimidad haciéndolo codo con codo. Мужчины, как правило, получают близость, занимаясь бок о бок. Moški se nagibajo k intimnosti, ko delajo drug ob drugem. (Laughter) As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away. (Smeh) Takoj, ko en tip dvigne pogled, bo drugi pogledal stran. (Laughter) I think it comes from millions of years of standing behind that -- sitting behind the bush, looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock. (Смех) Я думаю, это происходит из-за того, что мы миллионы лет стояли за этим — сидели за кустом, смотрели прямо перед собой, пытаясь ударить этого буйвола камнем по голове. (Smeh) Mislim, da prihaja iz milijonov let stanja za tem -- sedenja za grmovjem, gledanja naravnost predse, poskušanja udariti tega bivola po glavi s kamnom. (Laughter) I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies, they sat side by side with friends. (smeh) Mislim, da so se ljudje milijone let soočali s svojimi sovražniki, sedeli so drug ob drugem s prijatelji. So my final statement is: love is in us. Moja zadnja izjava je torej: ljubezen je v nas. It's deeply embedded in the brain. Он глубоко укоренился в мозгу. Our challenge is to understand each other. Thank you. (Applause) (Applause)